Abundance is the same in every area, I'm learning.

I recently had two jobs competing for me, and I leveraged the fuck out of that situation to get the largest single raise of my career. My current job is like my cute brunette wife at home, we have a long history of mostly good reviews. Employer #2 was the sexy blonde at the gym - sending me all the Indicators of Interest and asking me to meet her at the bar, just to talk. It would have been easy to say no to her invitation - I was happily employed, and I was busy, and I was tired, and I had things going on that night.

Both knew that I could walk away from them at any time. So rather than being on my best behavior to impress just one employer, I was in my own authentic frame. Meetings were on my terms, I was never desperate to set up the next date. Of course, that made them both want me even more.

I was really interested in this new employer, the blonde. She was exactly what I looked for in the past, she was a rare find, with a sweet little benefits package that I wanted badly to get my hands on. Instead of showing my desire, I acted like the kind of guy who has an interview with a new company every weekend. If this one walked away, there are ten more just like her and I’m confident I can find them - even if I don’t see them right now.

When the new company made an offer, I was excited because she was hot and it was awesome. It was better than the offer I currently had at home, but it wasn't quite what I wanted. So, I said No. I didn't ask for more, I didn't explain why she should give me more, I didn't try to prove how much more valuable I was than the other guys she was talking to. I just said No. She came back even harder, more desperate to have me, sooner and on better terms. I told her sincerely that if anything ever changes, I would be in touch, and we parted on good terms.

“That’s great, but I don’t need abundance in my choice of jobs,” you say. “I’ve been with the same company for ten years, and we have 3 beautiful little projects together.” You assume that she wants to keep you on the payroll forever. You do great work, you’re GOOD, man, and they would have a hard time replacing you, you tell yourself. You're ready to stay at this job for life - certainly they recognize your loyalty, and it will pay off in the end.

Until one day you get a reality check that changes your perspective. My reality check came one year ago. Remember my current employer, the stable brunette wife at home? She pulled me into her office and gave me the ILYBINILWY talk. The years they spent with me have meant so much, they said. It wasn’t me, they said - it was just, the whole company was changing, they really needed to do some Eat/Pray/Love and just figure out what they want next, you know? I’m a great worker, they said, and they really hope I find another job that makes me happy in the future. And just like that, I was back on the market.

I was scared and shocked. After years at the same company, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t have a little black book of employers to call, because my network was weak. I should have had an updated resume and an emergency fund with some Fuck You money in it. Instead, I had become the kind of man who didn’t care if I could still land a new employer. Being a nice, loyal company man works out for a lot of guys, but it didn't work out for me.

Exactly one year later (down to the day), I was having a serious conversation with that same employer, under far different circumstances. I worked on myself for that whole year - I had a new title, was providing more value than ever, and others were starting to notice. I was there to tell her she had been great, but I wanted more than what she was giving me, and I was willing to go elsewhere to find it. No anger, no power struggle.

I wasn’t sure what to expect - anger? Would they try to change my mind, or shame me for selfishly putting my own needs first? Yes, it seemed like that was happening - they were defensive, questioned my reasons. I was tempted to defend my actions, to explain all the reasons why I deserved more. Instead, I stayed quiet, STFU and I stayed calm.

That’s when the mood of the conversation changed completely. I could smell the power shift like static in the air when she said, “I want to keep you, here’s what I can do.” She then gave me an offer for the largest single raise of my life. Smiling and full of gratitude, I looked at my loyal employer of so many years and said the words that many of us hope to say:

“No, thank you.” I said, as I refused the largest pay raise of my life.

Her offer didn’t meet my needs. But I didn't just say "I don’t have enough money”, a phrase nearly as useless and vague as "I'm not getting enough blowjobs". I hoped we could stay together, and not just because we have these little projects together that we both love. I said: “I have goals for my life and my family and to meet those goals, I would need you to do this and this.” And then I stopped talking. My silence said: you can say yes, or you can say no, but I'm not fine with hanging out in the middle. Like I was the prize to be won. Absurd confidence, but not cocky.

Her second offer was even better, and I accepted.

“But Barracuda, why were you out entertaining other jobs if you already had a job you love? You shouldn’t even have a job, start your own business so you can be Man Going His Own Way. Besides, isn't it unfair (even immoral!) to be out flirting with other supervisors when you have a job back home?”

"Why would anyone game when they're happy?"

Because Abundance Changes Everything, that's why. I'm not angry at my boss for being a boss, any more than I'm angry at the dog for being a dog. I'm a better employee now, because I chose to be here. I’m not living every day in silent resentment because I secretly hate my circumstances. There's no power struggle, no need for me to get emotionally exhausted by my coworkers, even when they act like teenagers. I don't need to say out loud that I have other options, because it's well known and obvious. And yes, that means I'm on my own terms when it comes to what a "good man" does at his job. I used to think that I wanted to find the perfect job for me, or to fix my current employer. Then, I realized I needed to become the kind of man who is sought by ALL employers.

I love my current job, but it's only my turn. And if they fired me tomorrow?

I'd tell the blonde to put on my favorite sundress and meet me on a rooftop bar, downtown, tonight.

But of course, we're just talking about jobs.