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Wife critical of parenting style -- update on post from a few days ago

by dll142 | September 16, 2019 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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I posted in here a few days back about my wife shit testing the hell out of me regarding parenting styles and philosophy. I'm not going to go into details, but I encourage any guys that aren't familiar to read the post and comments. Btw, thanks to all for the feedback and thoughts. Appreciate the advise and the constructive criticism.

Here's an update and a new question. The day following the pissiness from my wife, she continued to shit storm and be a bitch. I used AA and AM. Joked with her, teased her, and occasionally touched her and smacked her ass. She raged more, then started to calm down. After a few hours, the kids went to bed and she approached me and says the famous, "we need to talk..." So, I said, "ok, what's on your mind baby?" She proceeds to vent and tell me how much of an inconsiderate asshole I am, citing an example Saturday morning about how I got up early, kissed her good bye and told her I had to meet a guy that was buying a forklift from me I had advertised online. I told her where I was going and when I'd be back and left. She blew up my phone and I ignored her until I was ready to answer. I completed the transaction and came home right when I said I would. She bitched at me and vented her feelings. I actually sat and listened and fogged the hell out of her. She then went upstairs to read and to "process" the conversation. I admit, sometimes I tend to be be too much on the prick side and I do often struggle with providing adequate blue pill comfort. But this time, I think I got it right.

The next day she was pleasant as pie, in my frame, and was super sexual and we went several times last night and again this morning. I love when she behaves this way and I admit, I show weakness to you guys when I point out this validational behavior I see from her (but I make a point in my following question).

Here's my dilemma. I see alot of guys in here that struggle with adding alpha, BUT I think I'm lacking a little blue pill comfort at times. She's right, I can be a "selfish prick" (her words). How do you guys find that ideal balance? I want to find the balance between being a strong and comforting oak, without being a cold heartless asshole. Advice / comments?


Post Information
Title Wife critical of parenting style -- update on post from a few days ago
Author dll142
Upvotes 15
Comments 17
Date 16 September 2019 03:39 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/253513
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/d52ebm/wife_critical_of_parenting_style_update_on_post/
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Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

How do you find the balance between driving a nail into a board with a hammer, without leaving a dent in the wood? How do you learn how to tie your shoes just right so that they stay firmly on your feet, but remain comfortable and don't cut off the circulation?

You experiment, intelligently assess the results, and adapt your technique until you get the result you want, with your wife.

Or, you ask silly questions on the Internet because you lack confidence in your own frame or judgment.

[–]jjj25766 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dope ass analogy.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

MITW is known for his dope-ass analogies, and for being dope-ass in general.

[–]RedPillGlasses8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you track her period?

My live in gf gets bad PMS, most days she can hold it together, but sometimes the cunt rage gets a hold of her.

[–]Redpillbrigade175 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like you need to work on your Jesus Christ lord is my shepherd cult builder game. That is not blue pill.

I think you still struggle to distinguish between shit test and comfort test. But let’s just say you properly identified a situation where she genuinely is going through crappy emotions, and needs a steady body to prop her self up. She needs the oak. What you need at that point is to watch, gently raise your gaze and look at her forehead, smile just very very little, imperceptibly, confidently and almost condescendingly. You are channeling the wise, fatherly figure. She is a sweet little girl, lost, and needs reassuring. She is but a little lamb in the woods. She thinks she’s seen wolves nearby. She’s understandably frightened. Understand what she’s going through. She does not and will never have your strength. How can she possibly deal with a mighty wolf.

As you get ready to speak you can even adjust your voice lower a little bit, slow things down.

You can figure out on your own exactly what to say. What you need to do is be, and sound genuine. You can think of things like wedding vows. Almost spiritual. The kind of connection that brings the two of you together for the long run. Channel that as a sacred bond. I would say “babe I love you very much, and it hurts me to see you go through this. I care about you and I care about us. Etc . “ Elaborate on whatever specifics, but do not be defensive in anyway. Just make her realize you see exactly what she’s feeling. Then slowly work your way to provide reassurance with your body. Ideally the scene should end with her on your lap, you caressing her hair, kissing her forehead holding her tight. Of course if you ace it you can escalate from there if you for those wet orgasms she enjoys. ;-)

That is not blue pill. That is a man, fully in his frame. Providing verbal encouragement, and communicating effectively as a leader, to his pack. And keep in mind that any negativity she expresses when she’s emotional like that should not be directed at you. Do not allow that to happen. If it does, walk away. Generally anytime “you “ statements are made, we’re talking shit tests (react accordingly), and anytime “I feel xyz” statements are made , we’re in comfort test territory.

Good luck.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a really good one OP. He says what I tried to say but better and more eloquently.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a hard balance to strike. I lean towards mostly alpha traits and struggle with being beta / comfort. I don't love the terms but understand what you mean. Comfort and Confidence are the two sides of the masculinity coin. Becoming truly masculine means you are in touch with your feelings and can be emotional but you are not an emotional faggot. Being alpha or confident is important for attraction but in an LTR with a hormonal woman you are going to need to provide security and comfort.

The balance is hard to strike but the further you go down this road and the stronger your frame gets the easier it becomes to find true masculinity and balance.

Near her period, it's best to back off on the confidence and provide some comfort. If she is nearing ovulation I am a total alpha and provide very little comfort at all. I just fuck her brains out and tell her to stop talking if she gets too mouthy.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

MRP is like a jigsaw puzzle. You can read all the posts, articles and books.. all the pieces are there for you to play with.

But at some stage, you really have to start figuring how the pieces go together for yourself.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I figured it out for you:

26(A + B) - 37.5(X - Y) / pie R squared

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahahaha this . Maybe an IF THEN statement too.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just from your example, it sounds like you’re reporting to her. That’s more likely the issue.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

here's my dilemma. I see alot of guys in here that struggle with adding alpha, BUT I think I'm lacking a little blue pill comfort at times. She's right, I can be a "selfish prick" (her words). How do you guys find that ideal balance? I want to find the balance between being a strong and comforting oak, without being a cold heartless asshole. Advice / comments

I actually see it the opposite. You're still not Alpha enough. You're too connected to the emotional hose that is your wife and you let her emotions drive you.

Your wife is pushing the boundaries and the new relationship frame you are providing her. Every chance she gets, she challenges it; to the point, you are asking if you should back off.

"We need to talk" is a classic version of, I want you back in my frame. Women use it to push emotion. They use it to rope-a-dope you. Instead of fogging and the like you should have owned your shit.

"I sold the fork-lift"

"Help me understand, I went to finish some business. Do I need your permission to go? Is that what we are saying?"

"I'm not going to apologize for running an errand, so what is the deal here?"

Continue to WISNIFG but focused instead on what she is really feeling. Then acknowledge, but don't defend. "I understand you feel that way."

When my wife gets this way I take a general tact of getting her to voice her feelings and then making her own those feelings.

"You ruined the whole weekend by the way you acted", true story and I've said it before, but these were her exact words.

"How did I ruin the weekend."

"You were an asshole and it ruined everything."

"I had a great time."

"Well the way you acted I didn't"

"Well, you're an adult aren't you? You chose to have a bad time. It's your choice. And you chose to say nothing about it. How am I supposed to deal with that?"

Ding! The light went on.

As you get better at being the Alpha, the leader, the Captain of your ship, you will come to realize that it's your job to set the tone. These include the rules of engagement. It'll take a little bit of time to retrain your wife's response after years of those skills being unexercised. There is always the Alpha.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

“We need to talk” is always met with:

“No, you need to talk”

And walking away.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree that you can't reach a better place. After all, comfort isn't necessarily "blue pill" and "alpha" isn't necessarily being a "selfish prick".

You can comfort her without entering her frame, DEERing, being weak, and remaining the alpha by praising her, complimenting her performance or looks, giving her your time and attention, and validate her behavior when it's on point. You can also dismiss her hamstering when it doesn't fit the narrative as long as you aren't doing it with becoming defensive and being butt hurt.

If you're exit strategy and has her feeling like you are being a prick, then you are probably giving her the impression that your absence is a punishment instead of a preference. You are just trying to condition her bad behavior with you leaving and returning once she's reset, not sending her to the Gulag until she accepts communism.

She bitched at me and vented her feelings. I actually sat and listened and fogged the hell out of her.

If you just fogged, she wouldn't really thing you were a prick. I'm thinking you did some eyerolling, pursed your lips, nodded in a way to try to make her hurry up. All those things travel into a different category. I probably wouldn't have sat through it, I would have walked out maybe and returned later if she was being rude or Agree/Amplify by smiling and saying "you poor thing, you must have been terrified being weft aw awone (in baby talk).... come give me a hug" then approach her smiling, possibly lean in to kiss her and say "Daddy's home now sugar (overly comforting), and he's hungry too! What you cooking?".

Be more fun when you DARE and make sure you still aren't being defensive or punitive, those are blue pilled tactics for sure.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Be the asshole...but be the considerate asshole. Works every time.Just don't over do any of it,no one wants to be around a jackass all the time,it gets tiring.

[–]dilberryhoundog0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Living with a BP husband, is life on easy mode (alltho not that fulfilling) for a woman. Start to make improvements in SMV and all of a sudden she’s got work to do.

The shit testing from her then increases to see if she REALLY has to put in the work to keep up or if you are just monkey dancing and she can resume the normal BP relationship dynamics.

She is just shit testing you. Don’t take it personal.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

BUT I think I'm lacking a little blue pill comfort at times.

What does this even fucking mean?

FFS, Comfort isn't necessarily blue pill and certainly doesn't have to be beta.

You give her emotional comfort because it's emotion that fuels her and she needs it for connection.

You give her emotional comfort because she adds value to your life and, as a man in your Frame, it pleases you to do so.

It's really not that hard.



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