Why do I have to lie to women

Rabidstuffy · 2019-09-03T04:27:38+00:00

"Why are you on here?"

To see if I can pick you up, and then toss you over my shoulder, and carry you to the cave I live in with Bigfoot in the woods.

To smash. Gash. Then smoke some hash. Can you scratch my rash?

Just looking for a cool girl who has her own car and can drive to the grocery store to buy snacks without using Google maps. You can use Google maps to find my house though, right?

I mean choose any of the above I just made up right now. Why in the world would you tell her you're a virgin?!!! You don't have to lie! Nobody said you have to lie. Just have some social skills frick

87AudreyHorne · 2019-09-03T07:04:44+00:00

You're not asking why you have to lie to women, you're asking why humans make judgments based on the facts they're presented with. You dont lie because women need lies but because you need to manipulate the reality to get favorable judgment. Lessons people learn in early childhood.

Ofourkind · 2019-09-03T05:41:48+00:00

That is a very weird way to answer her very simple ice breaker question.

If I were her, it wouldnt be the honesty that turned me off, it would be the weird overshare.

Imagine if a guy offered to buy me a drink and I said "I don't drink because both my parents are severe alcoholics and would beat me during their blackouts. The smell of whiskey brings me back to a nightmarish time in my youth"

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-09-03T03:57:40+00:00

I think people should only be as honest as they have to be & nothing more

Reisiluu · 2019-09-03T05:15:36+00:00

You didn't even answer her question. That's not honesty.

wtknight · 2019-09-03T13:34:43+00:00

It’s not lying if you just withhold information. Don’t just volunteer every embarrassing detail about yourself.

Lonny_zone · 2019-09-03T05:50:27+00:00

Your sperglord inability to withhold information she doesn’t need to hear will keep your penis dry for years to come

diffdedbed · 2019-09-03T04:49:02+00:00

Then she asked "be honest why are you on here" I told her the truth. "I've never dated anyone"

Or...

"I'm looking for (whatever that is)"

Such as ...

"Smart women that also know how to have fun." or whatever your personality likes, hell "Someone to get fat together with and play video games" if thats you. It doesn't matter.

Saying you never dated makes you sound damaged, people look online for reasons to say no, unlike in person, so that red flag is enough.

ontherailstoday · 2019-09-03T08:29:15+00:00

You were there because you wanted a date. Why didn't you say that? What would have been dishonest or a lie about saying that? Why would you lead with something that isn't even the most relevant way to answer and that opens up a whole can of worms?

SunflowerBurst · 2019-09-03T03:56:42+00:00

It’s not a lie to not fully disclose every fact about yourself to veritable strangers.

shoup88 · 2019-09-03T04:29:24+00:00

Yeah don’t tell women that. Inexperience is unattractive to most women. They don’t want to teach you the ropes of dating. They want to hold hands, not hold your hand if you see what I’m saying.

Honesty is not the best policy. Especially when you’re trying to make a first impression. You can reveal that stuff down the road once she’s already invested a little. If ever.

madcockatiel · 2019-09-03T10:47:41+00:00

You don’t have to lie, just don’t over share. She asked you “why are you on here?” not “Have you ever dated anyone before?” yet you answered the latter question unprompted. An equally honest but less weird answer would be something like “Because I want to meet someone” or “Because I want to go on some dates.”

learn2earn89 · 2019-09-03T04:59:43+00:00

This is really interesting. I’ve never been on Tinder and i really don’t plan to because it seems like a cesspool.

I feel about makeup the way you feel about this. I know many women like it for artistic reasons and that’s totally fair.

Makeup has always felt like I’m lying to men.

Funnily enough, the only time a guy has ever hit on me is when I wore makeup. I guess guys don’t like the average to below average woman unless she “lies” about her appearance?

To be fair, people on tinder seem to be very superficial so I’d try something else like Coffee Meets Bagel.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-09-03T18:20:52+00:00

You don't have to lie to women. However she wants you to want to date her because you like her, not just date her because she is the first woman to agree to go out with you.

MinuteBenefit · 2019-09-03T03:52:32+00:00

You won't find women who are ok with inexperienced guys on Tinder.

reluctantly_red · 2019-09-03T04:25:18+00:00

Don't lie. But present properly. The answer to why are you on Tinder is to get laid.

matrell · 2019-09-03T04:30:42+00:00

People on tinder don’t want a relationship, they want sex so the more experienced the better.

shonenhikada · 2019-09-03T13:58:14+00:00

Rookie mistake. Women want men that have bed plenty of other women. By you saying that you have never dated before made her think incel ---> sucks in bed. Besides tinder is not really for dating but ons.

Ascimator · 2019-09-03T15:59:01+00:00

When you apply to a mcjob the correct answer to "why do you want to work with us" is "I want money" not "I can't get hired anywhere else", even if both are true.

LifterofThings · 2019-09-03T16:24:01+00:00

Women find competent and masterful attractive.

"why are you on here" isn't a deep, probing question looking for truth. It's a casual ice-breaker intended to assess whether or not you're a fucking weirdo. You failed the test.

You've misinterpreted the question, responded ham-fistedly, and now you're moralizing about THE TRUTH to make yourself feel better about shitting the bed. Stahp. Nobody wants to hear gross "nobody else wanted to bone me but maybe you will, new Tinder friend?" truth, no matter how unvarnished and virtuous you're intending it to be.

It's nbd. If women match with you at all, you're halfway there. Now you just have to resist the urge to be neurotic in the first 15 seconds of the interaction and you should be golden. Practice makes perfect.

CheekyEmu · 2019-09-03T17:58:29+00:00

I think you've reached the wrong conclusion based on your Tinder experience. Women don't like men who lie any more than employers like employees who lie. But if you walk into a job interview, and the first thing you say is how inexperienced and unqualified you are, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Don't be an idiot. When a girl asks you why you're on Tinder, don't say "because I'm a loser and hoping you'll have pity on me". Say something positive. Tell her you're looking for a good time, or a new best friend, or a good date that could possibly lead to more. It doesn't matter exactly what you tell her, but it needs to be about something she wants too. No girl in her right mind is going to want to go on a pity date. Girls like guys who don't ask for pity. But that doesn't mean they like guys who lie.

LeJacquelope · 2019-09-03T21:30:48+00:00

Women on Tinder are trash.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-09-03T03:43:48+00:00

because thats reality, get over it

Z285 · 2019-09-03T06:22:31+00:00

I always wanted to be honest but now I guess I have no choice

Ew

Littleknownfacts · 2019-09-03T14:15:14+00:00

I think others have nailed that your not being honest, your over sharing. Which is awkward and uncomfortable.

What I wanted to add is that this reminded me of a thread last week (maybe two weeks ago?) about the differences between dating exciting guys and dating boring guys. In case you missed it, my point is that exciting relationships vs. boring ones have little do with the guys themselves, and moreso to do with what stage of the relationship your in. New relationships are exciting because getting to know a new person is exciting, like a rollercoaster. Older and more stable relationships are less exciting, not necessarily less enjoyable, but the joy isn't coming from uncovering new things about each other or reaching new relationship milestones. It's like a commute to work.

Stay with me now, I promise this ramble is leading somewhere. One commenter mentioned that he (as a representative of men in general) seemed to dislike the rollercoaster stage more than women. I wholeheartedly agreed, many men want to rush to the stable commitment, they forget or dont know, or don't understand, that women are aroused by the tension and excitement of the rollercoaster stage.

So when you ask for complete and open honesty, your not just speeding through the rollercoaster stage, your trying to bypass it completely. And why on Earth would any woman want to skip the exciting and fun parts of dating? Especially for a guy with nothing of value to offer her. You want her to just accept the worst parts of you without giving her a reason to make it worth it. Oh sure you can say you'll accept the worst parts of her too, but a) it's not like she has any sort of guarantee for that and b) plenty of other guys will accept the worst parts of her too because they also see her good parts all from the courting process.

Lastly, your ask for complete and totally abnormal honesty isn't some virtue, it's entirely selfish. I see you. Men want to have as much sex as possible with a little effort as possible. When you say you don't want to lie to women, and given the example you've shared, what I see is that you don't want to put any effort into having her like you. Just just want her to like you for "who you are" and put out at every request even though your not willing to even feign being normal, let alone give her the excitement and tension she needs to feel attracted to you.

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-09-03T06:11:33+00:00

Women never want full disclosure.

axolotlass · 2019-09-03T11:41:42+00:00

imo being a mans first is a good thing for me, i’d like that, also i know many girls that would like that as well. Maybe its cultural differences but yeah i think just say its a really personal question, and later when you two are closer just say that you never had a gf before and how much you appreciate her.

brokegradstudent_93 · 2019-09-03T14:30:05+00:00

You can easily say “to meet new people/women” this isn’t a lie. You don’t need to dump baggage on anyone before dumping all your baggage on someone new. People get freaked out when you divulge too much too fast. That doesn’t mean you should lie though

PumpkinSub · 2019-09-03T15:34:54+00:00

LOL alright relax over there. You didn't answer her question is your first issue. When she asked why you are on Tinder you overshared as others have said without giving her any real reason as to why you are on Tinder. You've never dated anyone and..."you are looking for a serious relationship." ..."you are looking for a hookup." ..."you are looking for a FWB." ..."you are interested in a combination of the formers"... do you see what I am getting at? Be clear about what you want. Don't just look for a reason to come to PPD and post some lame ass paragraph about how "you have to lie to women" woe is me bullshit when you are the one oversharing and scaring people off with your awkwardness. If you have to lie to land a woman then what does that say about you? So you lie and say you work in a professional setting but you are not a professional...WTF, that's on you. It ain't the ladies fault your falling short of being a worthy partner. Or, you could level your expectations and pair with a woman on your playing field. Sounds like your batting above your average. Instead of lying just be better. Fuck man, I'm getting angrier and angrier the more I think about how LAAAMMMEE this is. If you have to lie to make yourself seem better thats all sorts of pathetic. Just be better... there is no shortcut to being a respectable date-able man. Be clear, say what you want, don't lie.

dayoftheoctopus · 2019-09-03T17:11:02+00:00

The dating app world isn't the entirety of the dating scene ... you may want to try real-world channels. You get very very little real information in very limited time frames on apps - not a great way to show off a person's character. It's criterion hunting and intuition. Join some groups in the physical world and develop friendships. See what happens.

disposablepurplepill · 2019-09-03T17:59:07+00:00

I think you need to read between the lines. You read her question then asked it again to yourself the way you would ask the question. You aren't empathizing with the other person.

The purpose of her question was "Are you looking for something long term or short term" -is my guess, but I didn't see the rest of the conversation.

Empathizing with who I suspect you are the right answer would be

"I'm trying (tinder?) out to see if I can find something short term that might turn into something long term."

She wants to know you aren't just looking to pump and dump is all. If she wanted a pump and dump she wouldn't have asked.

Better phrasing would be

"find something short term to have fun but am not opposed to it growing" -or something like that. The phrasing depends on the audience and the kind of language and casualness they exhibited in the lead up.

Also humor, more humor. If you can make a girl laugh (and not at you) then you are most of the way there.

[deleted] · 2019-09-03T19:32:45+00:00

Not that you did anything wrong, but think of the implications of saying "I've never dated" as a response to her question. It implies you turned to Tinder because you didnt have any options in real life. A better answer would have been "I'm looking for someone to date in my free time." Both are true, right? But the latter implies that you are occupied with something important, are not needy/overbearing, and it does not communicate that other women have not selected you. There are enough fake-ass people in the world - you don't have to be one of them, just think about what you're communicating when you speak.

wtffellification · 2019-09-03T19:40:22+00:00

> Then she asked "be honest why are you on here" I told her the truth. "I've never dated anyone"

You didn't tell her the truth. or at least not the whole truth. if you did it would be more like this: .... "I've never dated anyone. that's why I'm here, talking to you, random girl, whom I'm hoping would be my first date and possibly something more. would you be up for that, now that you've asked...?"

MisterJose · 2019-09-04T05:59:12+00:00

Is that really the reason why you were on there? If you HAD dated one person, would you stop going on Tinder? The real reason you were on there is because you're a heterosexual male looking to attract and enjoy the company of attractive women.

A better 'honest' answer would have been something along those lines.

An even better answer IMO comes from recognizing what she's doing. I don't love all RP advice, but this is what they call a "shit test". She's screening to see if you're a shithead who fucks and forgets every women he meets. They like to suggest playing it off with a joke, which can be good.

[deleted] · 2019-09-03T19:04:55+00:00

I'm really sorry that happened to you :( Some women find men without experience attractive. I know they're in the minority, but they're out there. It might just take a bit longer to find them.

You don't have to lie if you don't want to. That person who unmatched you for being inexperienced, you don't want her! She sucks. All the women who do that suck. Hold out for one who will appreciate you.

Again, I'm sorry this happened! People can be so shitty :(

AutoModerator · 2019-09-03T03:40:42+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-09-03T03:55:49+00:00

Because most of us don’t want to waste our time.

MCMTI · 2019-09-03T07:15:22+00:00

I say keep it real. Let them weed themselves out.

DXBrigade · 2019-09-03T14:07:44+00:00

Inexperience is also a turnoff to men.

That said, I think it's okay to lie. Especially, if it's casual sex.

passwordgoeshere · 2019-09-03T14:39:08+00:00

You chatted for 30 min? Big mistake! Get her number and meet up, texting is the worst

Regal_Newt · 2019-09-03T15:26:51+00:00

If your answer to why you want to sleep with her or date her, "because I haven't before" is a kind of shitty answer.

That's why you want to date someone. She doesn't want to be some sort of faceless someone that's just a vag to fuck so you can get it over with and say you lost your virginity.

Now, that might not be what you mean, but that's definitely what I hear.

Additionally, how old are you? After your mid to late twenties, I might assume there's a reason that other women have avoided you.

Whyalwaysrish · 2019-09-03T15:53:23+00:00

If a expensive product was sat on the shelf for 5 years and you were told no one else had bought it...you wouldn't buy it would you

Become a salesman and sell yourself

onii-chan_so_rough · 2019-09-03T16:19:13+00:00

Because lying is in general a very good way to get what you want as long as you don't get caught for it?

Lying on your CV will also get you a better job more quickly, as long as you don't get caught; is this some kind of special realization?

Next_Flow1 · 2019-09-03T16:22:19+00:00

You don't have to lie, but knock it off with telling the truth there chad. She telling you all her dark secrets in the first thirty minutes? Why you telling her then? The way society treats male virgins or romantically unsuccessful people is fucking shit, I won't deny that. Next time a girl asks "Why are you on here?" always say "relationship" doesn't matter if true.

f0e_paw · 2019-09-03T16:29:03+00:00

What is you goal? Is it just a date, a fuck, a relationship?

pickles-n-noodles · 2019-09-03T16:46:49+00:00

Well I can see how she took that as a major red flag. An adult who hasn’t been in a relationship until their 20’s are more likely to be emotionally stunted, low self esteem or poor social skills than someone who has been in one in their teens. I hope that answers your question. It’s because it was a clear red flag from her perspective.

Female_urinary_maze · 2019-09-04T00:08:14+00:00

Firstly there were other answers to her question, you could just say that you were there to have romantic dates or to have hookups or whatever it is that you want out of Tinder. She wanted to know what you wanted from her. It's entirely possible that she rejected you for giving an unhelpful answer rather than for being a virgin.

More importantly why would you want to date anyone who would judge you harshly for the truth of your experiences? If you're asking what's wrong with the women judging you for your lack of previous experiences I frankly have no idea. A lot of people are just judgmental like that. Don't pander to them.

If you have to lie in order to date her she's not somebody you should be dating. Don't treat every woman like she's the only one on earth, there are always plenty more. I won't pretend that you aren't at a statistical disadvantage when it comes to quickly finding someone, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on dating as your real self. You do not "have to lie." Nobody is forcing you. You get to choose weather you have the respect for others and for yourself to wait for somebody you can connect with genuinely rather than stooping to dishonesty.

WereNotGonnaFakeIt · 2019-09-04T15:36:36+00:00

90% of women only want to date the top 1% of men. That means 99% of men have to lie / pretend / fake being one of the top 1%. TLDR women are unnaturally picky.

AngryNurse2019 · 2019-09-05T16:02:00+00:00

You don’t “have” to lie. What you’re really asking is “why does lying make my life easier?” The answer is: because life isn’t fair.

Wokmichelin · 2019-09-06T20:16:24+00:00

"I'm here because I have never dated anyone before"

= "I'm talking to you so I can use you to fix my situation"

That's just manipulation, man. Be honest.

ariesv123 · 2019-09-07T05:06:14+00:00

Yea buddy you really don’t have to lie, you just present too much info. Obviously you’re either looking for a relationship or a hookup, which isn’t a lie. Say that. Obviously you tell them the more important stuff when presented with the situation, such as talking about beginning sexual intimacy or sexual activity is implied

kandyapplez · 2019-09-03T05:00:32+00:00

men who arent virgins dont have to lie so try not being a virgin first lol

[deleted] · 2019-09-03T17:04:33+00:00

That is the tip of the iceberg, the problem is once you are in a relationship you have to still be in frame and to not show any weaknesses for a prolonged time.

Break from that and you will either be cucked or dumped.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-09-04T08:32:05+00:00

From the woman's point of view..it's a lot of preasure to be your 'first'.

Also relationship experience brings a lot to the table when it comes to dating.

Title	Why do I have to lie to women
Author	yunghulkbro
Upvotes	56
Comments	226
Date	September 3, 2019 3:40 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cyzkr3/why_do_i_have_to_lie_to_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-i-have-to-lie-to-women.254159 https://theredarchive.com/post/254159