Why do women alienate fathers from seeing their kids?

katymarx · 2019-08-15T01:47:27+00:00

I know a few cases like this and it's just all around petty and shitty, I have no love for any woman who does this if there is no danger or risk to the child or her. There are just terrible broken people out there.

poppy_blu · 2019-08-14T23:23:56+00:00

What is her legal basis for keeping the kids from him? Because it’s not “just cause I don’t want them to see him” if they had a custody agreement in place. Shes either claiming he’s abusive or neglectful, doesn’t pay his child support, isn’t reliable, etc. The courts may favor women but they’re not allowing one party to blatantly ignore a custody order without some reason (which could be total bullshit on her part, I’m not denying that).

That said, if you’re asking about the reason behind why a woman wants to sever ties between her ex and their children, IMO those reasons include:

doesn’t want to be around him and resents that she must co-parent
doesn’t believe the father is valuable in their lives and may feel he’s actually harmful
doesn’t want the kids around the new gf or wife
wants to punish the father for what went on between them
wants the kids to see the new bf or husband as their father

There are other reasons but I think these are the most common. In some cases, she may be right. Let’s not act like for every man being unfairly denied access to his kids, there’s not another one who’s just a shitty dad.

That said though, what makes a good father and do we as a society reward actually being a good father or just being a good provider?

For me, the solution is to stop basing family court law on bullshit leave it to beaver classist and racists notions of what parents should be and understand that being a good dad is far more than having a good job and ability to pay child support.

ontherailstoday · 2019-08-15T03:37:55+00:00

> Aside from a dangerous environment for the kid, why do moms alienate good fathers who want to be a part of their kids lives?

By all objective easily-observed measures my father was a good father. The reality? He's a relentless narcissist and has deeply damaged each of his three kids. My sister is dead, I'm a mess in the way peculiar to people who far too early in life knew they were on their own and nobody had their back, and my brother is stuck in an horrific relationship because he lacks courage. That my mother left him but kept sending me back in to him is one of the few things I resent her for.

I quit school early and took up a job in food service in part to have an excuse not to regularly go to access visits even though a an access order gave him Friday night through to Sunday night. If my mother was not going to do the decent thing and alienate me I was going to do it myself.

This is part of the trouble with families and it shows up in all sorts of child protection work. There's obvious things... are they fed are they clothed are they clean are they being relentlessly yelled at are they being hit? But adults can be hugely abusive to kids without doing anything obviously wrong to the outside observer.

LowCreddit · 2019-08-14T23:16:50+00:00

Because they can. It's as simple as that. Reasonable people don't need a judge to tell them to act reasonably. They just do it. For everyone else, we have the legal system. Our legal system says women own the child and you can fuck off and pay for it.

So don't have kids with low class women. If you find yourself in this circumstance because you ignored that advice, start recording documentaries and put them on YouTube. Everyone loves some good rage porn, and it might push the pendulum a bit faster.

angels-fan · 2019-08-14T23:22:58+00:00

I have one friend who has spent upwards of 50k on legal battles because his ex wife keeps moving and not letting him see his daughter.

She keeps getting slaps on the wrist by the legal system (if that), is good for a month or two then alienates him again.

Has he tried asking for custody himself? I think preventing the other parent from having their time can be grounds for losing custody.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-08-15T03:16:12+00:00

I’ve seen it happen twice IRL, and both times it boiled down to (straight from the mom’s mouth) “the kid/s have a new family now”

In the instance with my friend’s brother, the mom is essentially losing the court case. He’s had her served, and there is no question that she will be forced to give him his visitations

In the second instance with a friend, the mother is outright refusing to file for child support. His lawyer is on record as demanding that she file for child support, and she just won’t do it. That somehow ties in with visitation in this state, but I’m not sure how

Mentathiel · 2019-08-15T10:43:16+00:00

Maybe he's not dangerous in the traditionally acceptable sense, like being violent, drunk, drugged, incarcerated, sexual predator etc. Maybe he's just telling the kid that they're a fat pig whenever they eat. Or even more subtly bullying them. Maybe the kid doesn't want to see him because of that. Or maybe they're not bad themselves, but they're naive and leave dangerous people around their kids.

Maybe the mother is exacting revenge.

Maybe there's a new guy in the picture and the mother wants him to be the father in the kid's mind, rather than the biological father.

Maybe it's stressful for the kid to move every other week and the mother is too busy/tired to schedule in a proper alternative.

Maybe it's a power play if they want something from the father, such as getting back together for example, or money.

Maybe they're too attached to the kid to be separate half the time.

Maybe she disagrees on parenting issues with him and doesn't want to compromise. Or they think the father is a bad example for the kid.

Idk, that's all I can think of at the moment, I'm sure there's more. As to why women do this more than men, I'm not sure they do, I haven't seen any data, just a lot of anecdotes about men. But if they do indeed do it more, I'd suspect it's because women tend to be more attached/worried to the kids, so they're more likely to become controlling/paranoid.

DareyFathom · 2019-08-14T23:25:32+00:00

Parents use the children as a mechanism to exact revenge against their exes. Men will do it too, however given the legal advantages women have, it just transpires more often in their favor.

haleykohr · 2019-08-15T01:09:56+00:00

Bc they’re not longer a team, he is of no benefit to the mother.

cracksniffer666 · 2019-08-15T01:03:00+00:00

So her kids will take care of her when she's older.

I feel like a lot of women project how they think onto men.

So if she thinks that the man is going to steal her kids away and tell them how terrible their mother is,

she figures she might as well do it first. Happened to me.

phlegmdawg · 2019-08-15T08:36:54+00:00

If he truly is a good father willing to help contribute (with his presence and funding), then it’s because she’s a shitty person. It’s no different than the converse when it’s a deadbeat dad situation, it’s because he’s a shitty person.

Shitty people do shitty things.

sadomasochrist · 2019-08-15T11:20:43+00:00

Because the nuclear family is a male centric concept. Women are nomadic and men are disposable.

Barneysparky · 2019-08-15T01:01:36+00:00

I've seen this senerio happen. It really isn't that common.

One was a psychologist who became pregnant by her handyman. He lived about 100 kms from the University she worked at. By being a brilliant speaker she was able to restrict him to once weekly, 1 hour, monitored visits in her office when the child was an infant. He lost interest.

The other was a women who married her teenage sweetheart. He grew up to be abusive like his dad, and would do things like get the toddler to call her slut, and bite her. She divorced him when the kid was 3, and moved provinces after he picked his son up from school and took him driving on a frozen river, in town, drunk. She got a restraining order and he's still calling her a bitch to anyone who listens.

Who the bad guy is in the senerio isn't defined by sex.

Yonderlander · 2019-08-15T05:29:43+00:00

In the cases I knew about with friends, the dads were really far gone abusive narcs or drunk driving child endangerers. Both mums tried and tried until it just became too dangerous and harmful for them to see their dads. Both dads no doubt cried "waah she won't let me see them for no reason!" There will undoubtedly be some selfish narc mothers too though playing power trips on their exes.

Does your friend have red pill tendencies?

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-15T12:49:28+00:00

The fathers I know who are alienated from their kids did it to themselves, including my ex-husband for a time. Drugs, or alcohol, or just not wanting the responsibility. I also know a lot of caring, involved dads who have 50/50 custody or thereabouts and even a few that have full custody. I always had an open door policy for my ex, he could see her any time he wanted. My parents were divorced but my dad always lived down the block and we were permitted to walk or bike to his house whenever we wanted. I know there are women who will hide the kids from their fathers or leave the state or country, but mostly from news stories.

BlindingTwilight · 2019-08-15T01:50:18+00:00

Because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She is happy to hurt her own children so long as she hurts her ex husband. It is incredibly common and in divorce proceedings it is the norm. Many women allege abuse and even try and some even stoop so low as to make allegations that the man sexually abused his own children. The courts see this every day. Any woman who does this is a vile piece of shit.

shonenhikada · 2019-08-15T12:23:02+00:00

Because women do not see men as equal parents of their children, just work horses to ensure her genetics get past on successfully to the next generation and survives.

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KikiYuyu · 2019-08-15T15:41:35+00:00

Women are humans, meaning some of them are cruel or horrifically petty.

nemma88 · 2019-08-15T19:51:34+00:00

Because they're bitches.

skystar86 · 2019-08-16T02:46:40+00:00

Revenge and spitefulness. They're angry at the dad and have an axe to grind so they do that to punish the dad. They're so angry at the dad they even put revenge above their own kids.

AggravatingTartlet · 2019-08-17T03:05:50+00:00

> Aside from a dangerous environment for the kid, why do moms alienate good fathers who want to be a part of their kids lives?

Wouldn't you have to ask those women?

I can only go by my experience, and I don't see this much at all. I see the opposite - men running away from their kids and then claiming alienation.

At a guess, if there is no good reason, I'd say it's due to shitty women who don't understand that a good father is invaluable in a child's life.

Also, why is the title of your post allowed? Shouldn't it be a CMV because you're making a claim that is posed as a question?

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2019-08-17T11:23:30+00:00

hm, we need the context. she gets to keep him away from seeing the daughter but we know nothing about their relationship, why it ended, whether he is abusive, an addict, etc.

not every father that wants to be in his kids' lives is a good father. sometimes the kids are better off without him.

firesideflea · 2019-08-18T03:44:22+00:00

Ever considered that your friend might have been a highly toxic or even abusive partner and she wants to protect the child?

Emervila · 2019-08-14T23:29:00+00:00

Function completed: if this man was Alpha fux he completed his mission by get her pregnant, in her mind he is not a good father or not the kind of father she wants for the kid. Some of this guys might suck as partners but the might work as father in a decent level it's just the women strategy and they won't allow it. For these women kids are their property that why the pollute kids mind against his father then they go after beta bux telling a tragic history for this beta male turn into the ideal father they have planned for their child... I know, bonkers.
Punishment: Hatred is heavy and women would hit where is more painful for men. In the case you present OP, he won't suffer that much losing some money but the actual pain is not seeing his kid. It's a mere vengeance to cause the worst possible pain/damage on these men bc the LTR/marriage didn't work and they throw all the responsibility of the failure on men even if there was no cheating involved.

The entire alienation is based on the premise "women know inherently better about kids" , based on the bio function on carrying and giving birth they assume total control on the kid and anyone who dares to contradict this dogma is a "real" thread to the child that's the reason why in most cases they will also alienate the father's entire family.

They demonize these man in a simple formula Bad Partner= bad father. He was the evil one in the relationship therefore he is a bad father, they might not have any evidence but they don't have any no doubt about it.

zerofeetpersecond · 2019-08-18T21:39:13+00:00

Men who want to be fathers don’t abandon children. The average single mother is in that boat because she was fishing for the hottest most exciting guy in room. The average guy avoids hot strippers like the plague while women seem to not be able to resist drug dealers.

Title	Why do women alienate fathers from seeing their kids?
Author	angels-fan
Upvotes	59
Comments	133
Date	August 14, 2019 11:00 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cqhert/why_do_women_alienate_fathers_from_seeing_their/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-women-alienate-fathers-from-seeing-their.254444 https://theredarchive.com/post/254444

3. Discrimination in divorce/family courts