Contrary to conventional relationship advice about openness and honesty being the best policies for sustaining a romantic LTR, I submit that a measure of deception is vital to maintaining sexual chemistry, particularly for women. Simply put, she will prefer a modicum of mystery to the unvarnished truth. And once the veil is lifted, she cannot unsee what is revealed. This is a difficult pill to swallow for many, as not only does it run counter to most mainstream advice about healthy relationships being built on open communication, but, for most men, the effort of maintaining the illusion is wearisome and they naturally tend to relax into comfortable behaviors, which are libido killers in women.

This is addressed obliquely in TRP and MRP, mostly in making the distinction between comfort behaviors and dread behaviors. But not enough emphasis is placed on the actual hard work involved in creating and sustaining a convincing, sexually conducive illusion of yourself for both yours and your partner's benefit. It's easier to be honest, which is why men prefer it. She doesn't need to know everything about you, your mundane habits and your unfiltered thoughts, and indeed doesn't want to, no matter how much she may claim to. We as men may idealize a relationship wherin we can ease up, tell whatever off-color unfunny jokes pop in our heads, shit with the door open, and belch with abandon--but also, more seriously, feel able to be vulnerable around our women and unguardedly 'let them in'. But as any man who has taken this risk knows, once the illusion is dropped, there is almost no getting it back. Only women have the luxury of being loved post-honesty.

Men can never escape the burden of performance. We are as we do. The crank will not turn itself, and, paradoxically, we must make it look easier than it really is, or else it shall grow ever more difficult the more she sees you sweat.

CMV