What are some things you wish men understood about women/the female experience?

flamingoinghome · 2019-02-06T23:33:34+00:00

-"Those hot sexy babes I follow on Instagram who WON'T ANSWER MY DMs THOSE WHORES" =/ "women"

-Cat-calling and the like aren't actual, literal offers of sex. Christ, even Sex and the City had a bit about this, where a character gonig through a dry spell actually takes a construction worker up on his "do you want this D" hollering. He freaks and tells her he's married. These guys are just reminding you that they see you as a Sex Thing, not literally hiting on you. It's humiliating because the *point* is humiliation.

-Getting dolled up is work, and we're not instinctively born knowing how to do it

-Being perceived as universally harmless hurts, and can be dangerous for everyone

-We have been told, not just indirectly but DIRECtLY, from birth, that being scared all the time is normal and appropriate. It's nothing personal.

-We really DO care about our jobs and being taken seriously is REALLY important to us

-It sucks that loving your football team=normal, loving your reality show or romance novel=frivolous

Willow-girl · 2019-02-06T18:24:26+00:00

RP is lying when it tells you that if a woman is into you, she'll perform sex acts she would ordinarily consider off-limits. People have their preferences, their likes and dislikes, and this isn't really dependent on the hotness of the partner. A woman who dislikes anal isn't going to suddenly go for it just because you're Chad. Look at it this way, guys -- if a menstruating woman demanded that you perform cunnilingus, would the idea be any more appealing if she's hawt? Or would it be "God, no -- gross!" regardless? Yeah, that's how we feel, too.

poppy_blu · 2019-02-06T17:29:53+00:00

Men of PPD:

-women are not men with vaginas. Stop projecting.

-women are not programmable robots designed to give you y in exchange for x. There is no secret formula.

-healthy emotionally mature women do not want sociopaths. And porn is made with you in mind, not us.

-“women” are more than the UMC white 23 year old blond sorority girls you pine over. Stop saying womne have it easy and discounting the experiences of 99% of us.

-women don’t just want sex, we want good sex. many man are not equipped to provide this and/or do not care to. Until you grow a vagina, stop fucking telling us what gets us off.

-And if your woman suddenly seems uninterested in sex, do a little less finger pointing and evopsych analysis and little more self reflection. Maybe youre the problem.

-all women are not involed a revolving harem of man sharing the top 5/10/20/whatever men. Studies consistently show that men on average have far more partners than women.

-Claiming the manosphere is evidence of AWALT is like going to an AA meeting and claiming it’s proof that alcohol is evil.

-women do not categorize and systemize men the way you do. We do not care if you want to call him an alpha, beta, omega, what the fuck ever. We think it’s juvenile.

-women are not shaming you by not responding to your approaches, not dating you, and not fucking you. We’re just not into you. And we don’t have to be.

That’s enough for now.

throwaway-637 · 2019-02-06T20:23:18+00:00

That ("desperate, low value") men will settle for "anything". No they don't. Why do men always assume this? Why does every single man say "I wouldn't date her, BUUUUT SOME desperate guy will"? It becomes a bit of a problem when every man says this. You're a man and you admit you only desire attractive women, low value men are ALSO men so they still also only desire attractive women. That "desperate, low value" guy is fapping to porn and donating money to twitch stacies. Not dating an ugly woman. That dating is in women's favor and that dating is easy for women. It's only in the favor of attractive women, and guess why, BECAUSE every single man goes after attractive women. Therefore dating is impossible for ugly women.

And what's with "vagina is more valuable than penis", "men are disposable". What's that even supposed to mean?

planejane · 2019-02-06T13:02:38+00:00

Most of them don't understand female biology in the slightest. How BC works, that a tubal ligation is a complicated full surgery like getting part of your colon removed, the medical complications and risks of all the different kinds and how simple and SAFE condoms are compared, how periods work, how debilitating PCOS or Endo can be. I literally cannot listen to another guy complain about having to wear condoms and then go on a rant about how much better women's bc is. It's only better cause we have choice, sure--but all the options suck worse than condoms, tbh.

What you see in porn is not what sex is like. I will not indulge your weird fetish and most of them are really uncomfortable. Porn made you think it was all normal, but it's not, don't ask me, and no you can't stick it in my bum. Stop escalating, cause eventually a woman will hit her limit and stop having sex with you altogether. If desensitizing is an issue, fucking take a break from furry-necroslime-scat-anal for a few months and go back to square 1. Most women are happy to keep their husbands sexed and satisfied but when it becomes a never ending escalation of weirder and weirder shit, or more and more painful, something will probably turn her off of the whole thing after a while. It's not her job to fix your addiction or satisfy an abnormal drive you created mostly on your own.

There is no basically difference in outcome on dating a Chad vs a Beta, it's just one operates on a faster timeline in how long it takes for him to get distracted by other women or a videogame and completely ignores any responsibilities to you. Betas are not Better, they just think they are.

If I did as good or better work than a guy, it's very possible it still won't get recognized as such because I'm a woman.

Dating as a relationship-minded woman sucks, cause half the guys are looking for sex only, a quarter live with their parents or high school rugby team at 32, and another quarter haven't done a load of laundry since Trump won the white House.

Dating also sucks when you realize the end game for most men is getting the mommywifebangmaid. They don't want to get married, they don't want kids or a family, they want a perma-gf who cleans and gives sex daily until he dies and asks nothing of him while he's working on the hobby-truck in the garage or playing videogames. That's their ideal "adulthood," and one thing a woman doesn't realize until later is that very rarely does it include any responsibilities towards other people, including her, and when she does realize it, it's pretty heartbreaking.

Being grabbed in public by a stranger at a bar or club is not funny, it's not sexy, it's mostly usually frightening.

Women (especially MC+) will be ok without you. We're not looking for a man to take care of us these days cause we have our own jobs and lives, we're really only willing to date if a guy provides a net improvement on what we've already got going. Otherwise single is mostly working for us. A lot of men, even well-meaning ones, cheat, don't clean, are bad at sex, make outrageous demands, are irresponsible. We get to be single now instead of dealing with that, and maybe it sucks for you guys, but we have the choice now and most of us are really grateful for it.

It's a really bad call as a woman to rely or invest too much on a man. They're an unpredictable high-risk investment, even the well-meaning ones. At work, in a relationship, as friends. On a long enough timeline, she will take second place at some point and it will be primarily because she's a woman.

Guys will mentor, coach, and train other men long before they'll do so with a woman. In male environments, a lot of what we do in terms of performance, we had to teach ourselves with much less encouragement or help. Most of us don't sleep our way up, in fact we have to earn it with less help, unless it's super Affirmative Action-enthusiastic.

*Edit: Most women are not offered cash prizes or freebies just for existing. The top 5% of Instagram girls might get that treatment, but most women don't.

Christian_Kong · 2019-02-06T12:06:12+00:00

In a perfect world, men would understand that women do not find it at all validating to know that they are viewed as a series of ambulatory sex holes by most men, but participating here for a few years has led me to believe that a lot of me would love to be viewed as an ambulatory sex thing and cannot or will not understand a different point of view. So oh well.

CatchPhraze · 2019-02-06T18:04:09+00:00

I'm not a bit nervous around men bigger then me because I think they are a bad man. I'm timid by nature in that way.

Men in this sub get really upset when we say we dislike being approached in public in a nontraditional setting, or we call dudes creepy to much but also tell woman not to put themselves in dangerous situations. They say we'd judge a man with an expensive car leaving it unlocked or walking down a rough street with a nice watch as being careless, why not judge women the same?

I can't take my watch off to go about my day to day, so I am a bit nervous of men approaching me. It's really not a personal judgement or ment to be insulting.

KaraokeKween · 2019-02-07T09:24:45+00:00

That so called Beta traits are actually highly desirable in a partner and make you relationship material.

goatismycopilot · 2019-02-06T12:29:26+00:00

That laydee life is not what they see on whatever overly expensive progressive campus highlight reel they are seeing or a bad rap you tube about hoes in da club, it is actually pretty varied based on income level, age, percieved level of attractiveness, and location. And no everybody does not have a degree in laydee studies.

OfSpock · 2019-02-06T11:44:58+00:00

Anything really. When men on this sub type out what they think the average woman's life is, you can tell they don't interact with actual women.

IllAardvark · 2019-02-06T12:09:36+00:00

A lot of what men seem to be female privilege only apply to young and attractive women

goatismycopilot · 2019-02-06T12:38:34+00:00

Ten bucks says this thread turns into the men saying no you are absolutely having the experiences I insist you are.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-02-06T14:02:18+00:00

That having emotions doesn't make us inferior beings.

historyhill · 2019-02-06T12:29:02+00:00

That male sexuality is pretty terrifying to women.

As an attractive young women, I step out of my house and am desired by all men between the ages of 16 to 70. Women have to deal with the fact that many men just see them as a pretty object. It’s not nice to feel like prey every time you step outside.

And when you have a man, you know that he desires other women. He can’t help it. So you have to deal with the fact that, as kind and compassionate as your man may seem, he is still tempted to cheat. How do you know that your man will still love you when you’re no longer young and beautiful? How do you know he’ll still look at you the same? What if, when you’re a 40-year-old mum, some beautiful, young woman throws herself at your man? It’s likely to happen if your man is high value.

DebatePony · 2019-02-06T11:45:58+00:00

That the vast majority of women do not get offered sex just by walking to their car, getting the mail, just existing, or other mundane activities.

Littleknownfacts · 2019-02-06T12:21:13+00:00

It's not all rainbows and sunshine over here. Like sure, Im a pretty girl and get to have my pick of meaningless sex with all the Chads. But there is more to life than that. I still hurt when I stub my toe. I still have to bust my ass at work for boss's approval. I still sometimes fail to get that approval, lose my job, disappoint my family, and have to start some shit job at Walgreen's to make ends meet. Like, I still experience normal human disappointments and rejection. Maybe not sexually, but as I already said, there is more to life than this one singular facet.

itiswr1tten · 2019-02-06T16:50:05+00:00

That being stupidly aggressive or starting a fight with drunken ass grabbers you'll never see again is not a panty wetter. People get hurt, drama is started, and ass grabber will probably not even remember what he did to get fucked up so it's pointless. However, when you make us to go to (whatever thing) and one of your friends starts snide "you had to bring your gf/wife didn't you" jokes that aren't jokes and you shut them down: panty wetter. One is a dumb over reaction performance bit of masculinity, the other is actually establishing to people you value or see regularly our place in your life and telling them to deal. It's a deliberate declaration you're standing by, hot. Bonus points if you can make it into performance art of the non violent variety. Style points everywhere!

We hate it when you have to step in on a task we've taken ownership of. Hate it. We know the value in the ownership is weight off your shoulders. We also know (rl example inc) that when the NiceGuy HOA president blasts us with emails from 11pm to 1am about construction approval and takes the liberty of using our first name and a million emojis you notice. We can literally feel the physical sensation of massive let down because we know what's coming and that we can't stop it. As predicted, we get the email saying something like "this ingredient in your fence stain is flammable" respond with "it's on a wooden fence, the whole thing is flammable" and finally: "come to the HOA office at this time to discuss it." We know we're not the ones going to that meeting. It does not make us happy things worked out that way. Even if you truly don't mind. Even if you're looking forward to that meeting because you've been itching to get at this guy but wanted to let us try and see it through. Because your meeting magically causes the project to sail through an approval process thats taken us days or weeks in a matter of hours; and it's a shitty reminder that sometimes having the best intentions and work ethic counts for nothing if the wrong person notices you have a vagina.

Boobs. When we're lactating they can shoot as far and hard as any Nerf gun if they're engorged. When we figure this out it's over for you if you run your mouth 🤣 You have the power to stop it though. I once missed my husband and it splashed in his coffee. He gave me the worst shit eating grin and probably burned his mouth but he downed that coffee while I stood there horrified. Nerf boobs weren't as fun after that.

Post pregnancy body! Our weirdness about it doesn't entirely revolve around our general attractiveness level. Or your attraction to us. By all means state it over and over, but that's not going to "fix" it. We require time to do more than simply lose weight or tone up. Our hips and boobs have changed permanently, our center of gravity is altered, our abdominal muscles are stretched and often structurally weaker. We're literally learning all the ways our new body is out to betray us and require as much time as we need to adjust. Let us whine, don't make it about you and how many times you've said it's all good. This goes double for if your gf/wife is heavily into a physical hobby. There's a lot going on there and it takes as long as it takes.

volmaaktgebalanceerd · 2019-02-08T04:37:21+00:00

That there is no "the female experience".

And I wished females understood that too because at times it feels like they understand it even less. You know the whole "whatever I experience is 'the female experience' because I happen to be female."

You can—of course—freely swap the sexes and my point remains.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-02-06T14:44:13+00:00

That we don’t plan our existence around male approval. Sorry, guys

My choices in makeup, clothes (yes, even yoga pants), hair styles/color - they’re primarily made for my own pleasure, but there is an element of wanting to impress the FSM. I’ve never cared what random guys thought about that stuff

TheReformist94 · 2019-02-06T11:45:51+00:00

There's nothing to understand. It's easy for women. Before, risk of death in childbirth and literally starving without needing a man counteracted the ridiculous ease for a woman to get laid.

For man the struggle to laid counteracts getting laid.

Women just need to walk into the candy shop and take unlimited sweets for no consequence.

Any other problem like "getting pumped and dumped" are just first world problems.

I know I'll get downvoted and the as hominem of being bitter/jealous

slavicgypsygirl · 2019-02-08T19:17:43+00:00

How much I alter my life everyday just to minimalize being hit on

Title	What are some things you wish men understood about women/the female experience?
Author	CamoWoobie10
Upvotes	59
Comments	471
Date	February 6, 2019 11:07 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/anpnsg/what_are_some_things_you_wish_men_understood/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-are-some-things-you-wish-men-understood-about.257411 https://theredarchive.com/post/257411