How Often Do Men Avoid Talking to Women From Fear of Rejection Versus Lack of Interest?

DespisedByWomen · 2018-10-21T18:52:31+00:00

I'd say a large chunk of men dont approach women they find pretty because they think those women are out of their league.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-10-21T18:38:26+00:00

There’s a third possibility; that they don’t want to bother or inconvenience a woman.

I think men today are hyper aware of this and only approach women in “socially acceptable” contexts where it is reasonably assumed the woman wants it.

tiposk · 2018-10-21T18:56:26+00:00

Most relarionships don't start with the man approaching a woman out of nowhere and asking her on a date. Most couples were frequenting the same or overlapping social circles before starting a relationship. People just meet organically, have casual chats with no immediate intention of dating, realize that they enjoy each other's company and then go on a date. If individuals in the same social circle rarely talk to each other despite plenty of opportunities, chances qre that they're not interested in each other.

cxj · 2018-10-21T19:05:30+00:00

I avoid talking to women, for romantic/sexual purposes, that havent shown me any clear signs of interest yet for a few reasons, but yeah most of it has to do with rejection, not actually the act of being rejected, but the consequences associated with it which is being labeled thirsty/desperate or a "creep" which is going to overall effect my success with other women in that circle. Women dont want to feel like you only want them because they're a potential hole to fuck and that you dont see anything special in them. This is why it's good to approach women you dont know that have no connection to you, although "cold approach" is the least likely to work. It's better to go for women in your social circles that give signs on interest, but you're drawing from a really small pool, so it's best to do both approaches.

blackedoutfast · 2018-10-21T20:16:50+00:00

women have a skewed perspective because it's not consistent across all men.

there are some dudes who are constantly approaching almost every woman they see, and it doesn't matter if the woman is "out of their league" or ugly or hot or they suck at picking up girls or whatever. they're just taking a shotgun approach and all that matters is if there's a pussy within 100 feet of them they're going to shoot their shot.

there are also guys at the other extreme who almost never approach, even when they're interested and even when they have a very good chance of success. for these guys, even if a girl is throwing obvious IOIs at him, he will assume that he is misreading them or it's a trick or something.

now combine female solipsism with the fact that both of these types of guys exist in abundance - women cross paths with the creepy, socially inept, low SMV thirsty guys and those guys hit on women. and this leads women to assume that since that guy approached even when it was obvious that he had 0 chance of success, then if some guy who has an objectively better chance of success doesn't approach her, it must be because he isn't interested or attracted to her. but that's not true. often it's because he is one of those guys who isn't going to approach because he thinks he may be rejected and is erring on the side of caution.

if you're a woman you're never "too intimidating" or "too hot" or anything like that. women love to say shit like that, but that's not how it works in real life.

DriedUpPlum · 2018-10-21T18:44:58+00:00

A lot of men have confidence issues which prevent them approaching or talking to women. In the good ol’ days of PUA getting men to realize every interaction with a female didn’t need to turn into sex or loneliness was 80% of the battle. Having a strong network of strong female friends needed to be dressed up for a lot of these embryonic red pills as “social proof.” Sometimes you need to appeal to a person’s ego to help them become a better person overall, be more satisfied in their relationship and friendships and see the bright side.

sublimemongrel · 2018-10-21T19:02:58+00:00

I don't know, as a woman. I have heard it said here that so-called "lower value" guys will simply not approach girls for fear of rejection. All I can say is as a formerly sought-after young women, all manner of men "approached" or tried to make a move in some way. Old men, young men, ugly guys, not-so ugly guys, etc.

So it probably depends on the man and whether he's confident or not, among other things.

[deleted] · 2018-10-21T19:14:43+00:00

A woman telling herself she's 'too intimidating' is telling herself a story to make the schrodinger's rejection less painful, which is, I think, a good thing. I'd hope that men have a way of doing the same thing for themselves - I figure the best analogue is the story that women never approach.

As a woman, I completely avoided talking to my now-boyfriend for three months because I was petrified I'd make him uncomfortable and, in the process, be 'rejected'. I was intimidated, based on our several month relationship thus far, for no real reason - and I'm certainly kicking myself, in hindsight, because those three months could have been a lot more fun and less agonizing for both of us.

When I'm single, I've actively avoided talking to men out of fear of being rejected/seen as being in poor social taste. Just one example that stands out is a Halloween party last year where I had a pleasant and complimentary conversation with a man dressed as spongebob (his costume was homemade and very cleverly executed), went to get a drink, and saw him a minute or two later talking to two different girls, then completely avoided him for the rest of the night, my confidence quite shot.

I have since stopped drinking and stopped being twenty years old, but at the time I absolutely forewent the chance to talk to someone I found interesting - and also ruled out every guy there and spent the rest of the night just with the people I'd showed up with - because I was too anxious and intimidated.

It seems quite possible that other people, including men, psych themselves out in the same way out of rejection anxiety or due to a very recent rejection/perceived rejection hanging heavy in their minds.

trueorfalsedmitry · 2018-10-21T18:33:35+00:00

For all intents and purposes, every time.

Million-Suns · 2018-10-21T20:53:56+00:00

I used to approach when interested. Now I no longer do that, because

Not many women spark my interest now
last year there was one in the gym, but judging by how she behaved, I analyzed that she would cost me too much money, as in would expect to spend money in bars, clubs,restaurants like every week end. And I could not be bothered to deal with all her orbiters that were 24/24 guarding her. That did not use to stop me, but now I find the juice not worth the squeeze.

So yeah , I avoid because 99% of the time I'm not interested, and when I am, I can no longer be arsed to do it.

Also, I have been training for 7 years now to not be controlled by my penis. Women no longer have power on me. Feels liberating.

SilverGryphon · 2018-10-21T19:00:42+00:00

In my case this is true. I avoid women whom I find intimidating because they are way out of my league.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2018-10-21T19:44:29+00:00

For me it's mostly lack of interest. Most women I see in day to day life, I have 0 interest in approaching. The women I'm attracted to, I don't approach because of rejection. Not that I'm scared, I usually figure they are out of my league, so fuck it. The rest I approach.

shusakusai · 2018-10-21T21:34:02+00:00

Most of the time it's really just a time management issue. I'm attracted to most women I see everyday, and if I approached all of them I would have no time to do anything else.

So gotta be selective and guess which one I might actually have a chance with. So far it seems my guesses have been wrong though lol this shit is hard

bonusfruit · 2018-10-21T19:08:28+00:00

Men were never intimidated by women, until metoo. That changed everything. Now, approaching a woman without physic knowledge of her receptivity is not just annoying. It's a crime

[deleted] · 2018-10-21T18:55:19+00:00

In general, hard to say. You can't really get a definitive answer by looking at media coverage, because - well - it's media coverage, what else do I need to say about that? Also, I'm not sure if there's studies dedicated to this kind of thing either, because it's got to cover a broad expanse of time in order for it really say anything about the current state of things.

For me personally - I don't avoid talking to women if I find something that's worth talking about. Usually, it's a shared interest, which equally applies to how I talk to other men. Look, if someone's wearing a Joy Division T-shirt, I'm gonna say "You - you're fucking awesome," and quite possibly leave it at that.

But if all I have to work with is the idea that I find them attractive - yeeeeeeeah, I can tell before I even say the first word that it's not gonna work out well for me. I think women are becoming more and more resistant to the idea of that kind of one-track-minded introduction, because there's no real substance behind it.

Maybe that's me projecting a little bit, because I have that same resistance. But I don't think it's absurd to think that women believe that there's nothing more annoying than someone trying to talk to them because of that one thing. Because JESUS that sounds boring.

VoidInvincible · 2018-10-21T22:45:29+00:00

I would reckon it's an 80/20 split: 80 percent fear of rejection, and 20 percent lack of interest.

dicklord_airplane · 2018-10-22T00:41:24+00:00

No, of course i don't flirt and ask out every girl im attracted to because I'd feel like a buffoon getting rejected left and right. I don't have the emotional resillience to get publicly rejected by lots of women who i admire, so i have to carefully choose who i open up to. It's often humiliating to get rejected and i have to minimize the risk of that hurt so that it doesn't fuck with my self esteem. A blow to my self esteem is a huge risk to my career among other important things.

Do women understand that men feel these emotions? Am i crazy, though? am i the only grown man who has these feelings?

"Intimidating" isn't the word I'd use to describe women i never pursued even though i was attracted to them. Most of them weren't intimidating in any way. Rather, i saw them as emotional wildcards because i had no idea how they would react if i hit on them, and i decided that the risk of a bad reaction was not worth it in those situations. I'm much more likely to get closer to girls who do something (anything!) that shows they're interested.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-10-21T20:11:53+00:00

Teens and early 20's: fear of rejection. Later: IDGAF

wtknight · 2018-10-21T20:35:13+00:00

It depends upon the man. I used to avoid talking to all kinds of women who I was interested in, but I have some social anxiety issues. On the other hand, men who have no trouble talking to women won't talk to a woman because she's either not worth the effort to sleep with, there are better prospects out there for him and he doesn't want to waste his time, or she is so repulsive that he can't ever imagine sleeping with her.

iceicle999 · 2018-10-21T23:21:44+00:00

It depends. The internet complains too much about guys not hitting on women. I was told a long time ago that if a woman likes you, she'll give signs, and it's true. I really don't feel like going out in public and approaching women just because society expects that out of me. There have been a few times I did do it, but because it was natural and I wanted to do it. Other than that I don't do it. There are also times where women are sending signs my way and I ignore them because I'm not interested. I'm not going to lie, I get satisfaction out of that. If you take away the fact that men are expected to do certain things, this topic becomes much more clear. Then it boils down to being nervous or just not being interested. Women are not victims because guys don't approach them enough in public.

JSC077 · 2018-10-22T01:56:02+00:00

"Too intimidating" is definitely a thing but it has nothing to do with the guy being scared. Women I've seen who have that label are generally smart, ambitious, and in a lot of ways 'masculine'. They can be beautiful, but if a guy doubts that she will ever comfort him or admire him then why make the effort?

MGTOWtoday · 2018-10-22T09:28:58+00:00

Once you internalize RP truths, women are not remotely intimidating. I see them mostly as boring children with tits. My main interest is dependent upon the likelihood of her doing something to sexually gratify me. Since I've made that likelihood zero by my own choice, my interest in women is zero. Quite frankly, most of the time, when I think of them at all, I just wish I could put duct tape over their mouths to keep them from yammering about stupid shit.

abaxeron · 2018-10-22T15:09:04+00:00

fear of rejection

This up until the age of 25 or so

they aren't interested

This for older guys.

Speaking from personal experience ofc.

Mr_White119811 · 2018-10-23T19:18:57+00:00

Which women?

Some I have fear of rejection, some Im intimidated by looks and others I have no interest what so ever.

JSC077 · 2018-10-21T18:31:25+00:00

Well, let's put it this way:

talking just to talk = reddit "discussion" = creepy and weird, regardless of the gender of the person in question.

Kwangira · 2018-10-21T18:46:01+00:00

Most likely it is lack of interest.

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ByronicAsian · 2018-10-21T19:11:47+00:00

Por que no los dos

aidatenshida · 2018-10-21T20:54:18+00:00

What is this, High School? Just approach them the way you approach a dude, that's what I do. You recognize a girl from your class? Act stupid and pretend like you think you remember her even though you know damn well she's in your class. "Hey, you're in my Calculus class, right?" And start from there. Why do you act like girls are some magical creatures that need to be tread around with delicacy. If she thinks you're a creep then fuck off. If she tries to keep the conversation going then great. I've done this a few times though I'm not interested in girls from my city so I never bother talking to them past the first one or two times.

I think the problem here is that people aren't used to approaching anyone period. I practiced approaching a few guys in my other classes before I started doing the same with women. If you can't even approach guys without looking awkward, how do you expect to approach women??

80_20 · 2018-10-21T22:03:20+00:00

several times per hour when out.

I want to know everyone. But am far too shy to ask. That's why I like the internet so much I can read and remember others experiences in life. I find it interesting.

mistercheeez-o____O- · 2018-10-22T21:20:09+00:00

Nowadays it feels like a mix of fear of rejection x fear of upsetting her > Lack of interest.

Title	How Often Do Men Avoid Talking to Women From Fear of Rejection Versus Lack of Interest?
Author	JSC077
Upvotes	40
Comments	225
Date	October 21, 2018 6:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/9q5uqe/how_often_do_men_avoid_talking_to_women_from_fear/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-often-do-men-avoid-talking-to-women-from-fear.259343 https://theredarchive.com/post/259343