My first and only girlfriend really messed my head up - does the pain ever really go?

phellySL · 2020-09-21T00:31:11+00:00

Pretty similar situation except you did the no contact and I didn’t. Everybody’s recovery timing is different. Mine took over 2 years! It goes away, believe me. But not without you putting in work to meet other women and putting in work to be strong for yourself, by yourself. Do make friends and meet women, but make sure you’re self-autonomous. THIS is how the feeling goes away. And like this community will tell you, if you struggle meeting women, get yourself healthy, good looking, learn to spit some game & try to be successful in life! Simple dude.

AmputateYourHead · 2020-09-21T02:56:05+00:00

Block her on everything, stop stalking your ex. You will never get any of the answers you're looking for from her, so don't waste your time asking them.

Of course it hurts, but if you keep pouring salt in the wound it's never going to heal.

Good luck.

VSelf47 · 2020-09-21T02:29:31+00:00

Didn’t read.

To answer your question, yes. How? You overwrite the pain with new feelings with every girl, soon enough you’ll stop being too attached.

Block her on everything.

321gumby · 2020-09-21T03:21:57+00:00

I didn't read all you wrote but I just give you the answer.

100% yes.

Married 11 years 2 kids... Hurt a bit... Now happier then ever.

Girls came and went... Still ok..

Good ltr... Hurt about 2 weeks. Then ok...

You'll be fine. Time to grow more and upgrade.

LongLiveDetroit · 2020-09-21T01:26:54+00:00

Go talk to other girls and stop getting attached bc AWALT

bob--man · 2020-09-21T04:39:50+00:00

I dated a girl for approximately 6-7 months.

What does this mean? Seriously, do you know the difference between plating/dating and being in a relationship with a woman? I bet that you were HER plate - nothing more.

Time to get to work and stop the sob story. Seriously, hit the sidebar, lift heavy, develop a mission & a MAP, and start getting your shit in order. As we would say on the mrp subs, this is your victim puke... Now? It's time to STFU and get to work.

Omardumet · 2020-09-21T04:43:19+00:00

I’m in my late 20s and have gone through this shit in hs and college..and the pain does go away bro trust me...it goes away with time and by realizing and being with better girls. As of right now I feel nothing for gfs I used to have some sort of resentment towards in the past and almost feel grateful for them cuz they made me a better man unintentionally..

lavalord238 · 2020-09-21T02:29:15+00:00

The answer is no. The pain never goes away. You will always remember this. But you gotta understand to accept it. Life goes on. And you need to move on as well.

lemonsiete7 · 2020-09-21T04:06:58+00:00

Bro you just described my exact relationship, cute girl, ended at 7 months, we break up and I go no contact and she texts me getting mad at me, leads me on. It’s been 6 months since we’ve broken up and all I can say is, the way you deal with the break up will determine whether you get over it or not. When me and this girl broke up I started working out for the first time in years, I improved my style, bought a car, have a nice paying job, and I’m so much more confident then what I was back then. Watch youtubers like Ams and stephiscold. Trust me g, work on yourself and watch all the progress your gonna make in just a couple months

SECTION31BLACK · 2020-09-21T08:42:03+00:00

so, the reason she wanted you back was because when you went no contact, you messed with her own self esteem. when you took her back you inflated her own self image (her own perception of her SMV) and she felt better because more guys (including you) wanted to fuck her. you should always cold turkey with no contact to avoid this shit, you basically taught her that she can act up and fuck multiple guys and they will all want her back. it's very likely that she broke up with you because she realized that she had a lot of guys throwing dick at her so she decided she wanted to go ride the cock carousel.

avoid her at all cost. read the essential reading and understand it. learn to maintain your frame. lift. If a girl wants to break up with you, tell her "the door's right there, dont let it hit you in the ass on the way out, and dont come crawling back either". remember there are always more fish in the sea - (Half of all people in the world are women, that includes the ones in your age range) dont ask a fish how to catch it. NEVER get oneitis (apparently you did) and it hit you in the ass.

idontevenlift37 · 2020-09-21T02:40:35+00:00

The pain won’t go away unless you allow yourself to learn and grow from this situation. One day you will look back at the pain you felt from this situation, and instead of feeling sorry for yourself you’ll be laughing at how much of a beta you were.

2020-09-21T04:52:43+00:00

Its natural and healthy to feel sad about losing and getting betrayed by someone who you really care about. Dont feel bad about feeling miserable, just have to accept it, learn from it and move forward. There are a lot of really great women out there so dont spend your best years worrying about this one.

As for learning from it, you will have to understand where you went wrong. By the sounds of it you were too available and too easy for her. You have to reject girls and push them away to build any sexual tension with them (This took me a really long time to understand and still if I meet a girl that ticks all my boxes I usually fall into the trap of doing a lot of pulling and no pushing) Also if you felt this strongly about a girl after 6-7 months of dating I feel like you would of come across as extremely needy, which just destroys attraction with women especially if she is not that in to you.

This is just a learning experience, women rarely act this way with strong men who take the lead. All of your behaviours can be fixed and while her behaviour is inexcusable you can not control that. Your behaviour can be controlled though so just work on improving yourself (its taken me many years and I am still making mistakes)

Men and women make the mistake that they think opposite gender think the same way they do about the relationship or each other. So dont be afraid of getting into a relationship. Just learn to understand women and their motivations and you can avoid a lot of this drama in the future.

2020-09-21T05:34:42+00:00

Simple answer - Yes, it goes. Mostly it goes simply with time, but that time is then sped up or slowed down by your actions.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2020-09-21T11:42:11+00:00

Yeah you'll forget about that bitch mayne.

You'll experience bouts of rage from time to time,

...BUT... FOR THE MOST PART, you should use that hurt...that rage...that pain to focus you.

It's a very powerful stimulant that'll propel you to grind,to work,get/stack bread,eat macros,lift the gawd damn weights,read the vlog(listen to audiobooks),shotgun those nasty ass supplements,groom your hair,trim/shape up that beard/goatee,and do EVERYTHING THAT IS WITHIN YOUR POWER TO BECOME JUST ALITTLE BIT BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF...

...EVERY DAY...OF EVERY WEEK...

UNTIL YOU DIE.

good luck, stay safe

MagnumBurrito · 2020-09-21T14:22:32+00:00

she completely lead me on and kept me around whilst she slept with randoms and then monkey branched to another guy (all in the space of a month after breaking up)

This is all normal for evolutionary biology. Read the book Sperm Wars. It should be the first book every man reads after finding the RP.

bottled_butts · 2020-09-21T04:21:55+00:00

Take this as a learning experience and a time to "cauterize" yourself with this lesson.

This wont be the last time this happens either so prepare yourself. I know the majority of users here are against the "blackpill" mindset but its the only way to stop this. You either get to this point by choice or until you have enough scars you stop feeling. Good luck.

Kushy_Popcorn · 2020-09-21T04:51:44+00:00

Not really, but you learn not to make the same mistake twice.

WhatRemainsAfter · 2020-09-21T05:53:18+00:00

No.

Atleast not until you become buddha.

MichaelCeraGoneWild · 2020-09-21T06:15:10+00:00

If you do nothing, the pain remains.

If you take aggressive action on your life (in all areas) the pain will starve and you'll find joy.

Lostfate09 · 2020-09-21T10:04:41+00:00

Welcome to the red pill

MGTOW_BEASTMODE · 2020-09-21T17:05:45+00:00

I do no contact after breakup for a while. Then we can be polite around each other.. or at least others can attest .. I can be.

Sintar07 · 2020-09-21T17:29:39+00:00

No, the first one never, ever goes away no matter what you do. I firmly believe we are wired for "pair bonding," as some like to call it, and long term emotion and physical attractions are strongest with the first few they're established with, especially the first. Pretty sure this phenomenon is exactly why traditional morality held that you get emotionally involved only with your parents backing and physically only after marriage.

But I digress. The first one won't go away. Decades down the road you'll still sometimes see something that reminds you of her and feel mopey all day. Maybe spend some time wondering "what if?"

Doesn't matter. You couldn't follow up on those emotions even if you wanted to and probably neither she nor nobody you know will give a fuck about them because you're a guy, so it really only matters what you DO.

Don't keep reminders around. Don't obsessively dwell on it. Make a point to move on. Just because she never vanishes entirely doesn't mean you are remotely beholden to her, so don't be.

UpperRedSide · 2020-09-21T03:19:43+00:00

You poor thing. You’re gonna be okay.

Determining if the pain will go away depends on the person and how they process emotional trauma. The first time I was dumped by someone I’d become attached to, I was fucking devastated. She was my second LTR, but the first girl that I thought I loved.

I was aware of the red pill, and I used many of its tactics to land girls I wanted, but I still played the blue pilled relationship game. After a handful more “heartbreaks” that chest crushing feeling you experienced had turned into a very faint sense of sadness. Now at this point, I literally think to myself, “oh well, too bad,” and carry on with my life.

Give it time. It’ll get easier. And as it does you’ll get better at playing the game, better at sorting your priorities, and better at being the prize who will spot the red flags and be the one to walk away first. Trust me.

Zero-Milk · 2020-09-21T02:45:07+00:00

I read your bullet points. The rest of the post was too long.

The shortest and most important takeaway for you is: the pain will go away, but you will never forget this, and it will leave a scar. Your future relationships are often colored by your past relationships; I care not what anyone says to the contrary.

The good news is: you've learned a lesson, or ar least you will once you're past the anger and sadness. What's important is that you give yourself time to process this and heal before you jump into a rebound relationship. Swinging from one branch to another is often the tendency after a painful end to a relationship, but you'll have to simply trust me when I say you will be doing both yourself and the next person a favor if you just wait until you've healed up from this circumstance before you stick your neck out again.

In the meantime, grieve. The world sucks. People are total shit. You've witnessed this firsthand. Now take this knowledge and this experience and harden your armor. How you go about that is up to you. You're gonna make it, bro.

guynpdx · 2020-09-21T03:36:29+00:00

Many good lessons are accompanied by significant pain.

She is a typical woman and behaved as such. Work on yourself and you'll learn how to deal with these types.

theclutchpwner · 2020-09-21T03:40:16+00:00

Yes it goes away. Move on to the next. Getting upset about the past won’t get you anywhere. Better yourself and move on and enjoy life. One girl won’t ruin it for you

sportsdude523 · 2020-09-21T03:59:06+00:00

ur fine. it will go away dude.

try to avoid sitting there wonering why wy why. what did she do or mean by this etc.

as you go through life, you'll realize that the evils you believe others have done to you, are things that you end up doing.

maybe she wanted to have sex and really liked sex with you, and she kinda strung you along to kee pthat. think of it on the other coin. tons of guys do that. and there's a chance you will probably end up in a situation where you end up doing that in one way or another the same way she did to you, and then the person you do it too, will end up being you.

point #2 - her shittiness is not about you or you not being good enough. it's about her not being cool.

when you realize certain AWALT and learn to navigate the behavior, you will be golden.

hang in ther. the light at the end of the tunnel will come and you will be strong and steady in your emotinos.

suitcasecity · 2020-09-21T06:25:40+00:00

These experiences build like callouses. Just keep moving forward on your path and you’ll be ok. Also fuck other women

TrpKid2 · 2020-09-21T07:23:04+00:00

Welcome to the thunderdome. The type of girl you dated would be what we call a hoe. up your smv, never forget about this darker side of the female nature, but don't let it waste your time thinking about it, game girls. We're all going to make it.

tudor07 · 2020-09-21T08:00:17+00:00

Others have given you better advice than I could possibly do, but I'ma tell you this. This ex you are talking about seems like a piece of shit human being. Please don't let her bring so much harm to you.

WinterFallPT · 2020-09-21T08:30:27+00:00

Go read the side bar and The Rational Male. Once you understand why you are suffering, you can work on yourself and make sure it doesn't happen again.

mysteryspoN · 2020-09-21T08:48:49+00:00

Yes but takes time. Go try fuck other women and learn some hobbies. Keep busy so you don’t overthink

klashnikov55 · 2020-09-21T11:40:48+00:00

I don't understand, why do women who break up go nuts when the man goes no contact? Didn't she wanted to break up!?

blasted_biscuits · 2020-09-21T15:08:22+00:00

This will heal and become the scar tissue that reminds you that AWALT and you can never be truly vulnerable or let down your guard no matter how many boxes she checks and how often she says you are the best thing that has ever happened to her. All it takes is one moment of weakness for you to go from a knight to a boy to her.

Alirei · 2020-09-21T16:18:16+00:00

To answer your question yes. If you steer your life towards a good thing and keep your head up and find and invest your time into good people around yourself, you will forget about her. That isn't to say that you should forget about the type of person this girl was. These people are a drain on your soul and you will get exactly what you deserve for not vetting the people you let into your life from this point forward. Treat this experience as a lesson, but do not let it become an all encompassing example of what literally everyone you let into your life will become.

It takes time to build confidence and courage, and more importantly it takes time to build yourself into the kind of person that can wield the confidence and courage to adequately face life. It takes time to learn to talk about these things and talking about these things is how you learn about yourself and how you begin to heal.

On another note, do not be so hard on yourself, you made the same mistake millions of men made before you. You completely misinterpreted the nature of the situation in front of you. Blaming that woman is pointless too. People like her are unlikely to even be able to feel guilt. My dog was more sorry for accidentally pissing on the floor of my apartment than this woman would ever be capable of feeling for what she did to you.

Just take it one day at a time.

Fusionnn · 2020-09-21T16:37:18+00:00

I have been in your shoes and everyone has buddy, let me tell you that the first time is the hardest; you are now more aware of true female nature and there’s no happy endings. You are aware of what to expect. This is the worst you will feel it’s only better from here.

whistleclick · 2020-09-21T23:26:08+00:00

Yes it hurts. No it doesn’t go away entirely. As time goes on you will forget the details: the color of her eyes, then her voice, then her smell, probably even her name. It changes you, but if you don’t move on you will die inside. Let this change you for the better. Learn to feel good about enforcing your boundaries.

babybopp · 2020-09-21T15:58:14+00:00

Dude did u even bother to read the sidebar or are u still crying with the sticky cum from jerking off to her videos ...

I hate this laziness ..

There is no magic pill. Get off yo ass and read side bar then come cry

michael1962-01 · 2020-09-21T06:35:17+00:00

(Oneitis)....unread wall of text ....(ONEITIS...woe is me)......wall of text....(help...how?)

One or more posts like this every day.

Ever read the sidebar?

Title	My first and only girlfriend really messed my head up - does the pain ever really go?
Author	BufordTeeja
Upvotes	143
Comments	60
Date	September 20, 2020 11:56 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/iwpcf6/my_first_and_only_girlfriend_really_messed_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-first-and-only-girlfriend-really-messed-my-head.259671 https://theredarchive.com/post/259671