My dad recently passed away. I've been stuck dealing with things as my mom doesn't have the slightest clue as what to do with the estate, vehicles, and upward 200k debt.

No will. No plans. Nothing that I have found yet. Still hunting through.

I blame myself for not looking into it sooner but I didn't realize he had gotten this sick and just avoided going to the hospital until it was basically too late.

My wife has been supportive but I've only ever read on here how women use this time to test their men.

I've been grieving his death mostly in private because I can't bring myself to fall apart in front of others. I have a shifty poker face because my wife has told me "are you ok? What are you thinking? You look like you're gonna cry. It's ok to be sad. " I've just said I'm still processing and organizing my thoughts. (I probably look like I am when I'm thinking about everything right now)

I was able to lift the other day and upped the weight because I needed it. Was able to cry, be angry, and gather myself while everyone was asleep and I focused on lifting and my dad.

Any advice?

Answered - Worry less about what others think. Stay in my frame. Grieve my lose how I need to. Take care of what I need to take care of.