Recently I seemed to have attracted a billy beta orbiter. Here's the back story:
Late last year in December, a short (5'5"?), overweight, gender ambiguous Asian person started saying hello to me at the train station. Being a polite person I'd say hello back and assumed they were just being a polite citizen.
A few weeks pass and this person handed me a hand written note as I exited the train and then kind of ran off. The note more or less said "can we be friends? you make me happy when I see you" in passable engrish. My gut said this was hella weird, but my naive optimism thought hmm, maybe this person is lonely and doesn't understand American customs that well (bear in mind I still didn't know what gender this person was). So I decided I'd introduce myself to them later that day.
On the train ride home I didn't have to seek them out, they found me so introductions were made. As the train pulled up to our stop they handed me a bag, said "merry Christmas" and scurried away. Inside the bag was a pricey Michael Kors infinity scarf.
Oh hell no, this shit is getting weird.
Now its time to start ghosting and avoiding this person, as my creep radar is pinging hard. Why? Who the fuck is this person and why are they buying me $70 scarves? I've said maybe 5 words to them. Despite my attempts to avoid this person they again find me on the train and hand me a Christmas card, scurrying away before I could say something. Inside is a $100 Starbucks gift card.
ಠ_ಠ We're at $170 spent on a complete stranger.
Now I'm in complete ghost mode and weeks pass where I purposefully avoid any chance of running into this person. Unfortunately shortly after Valentine's day they catch me getting on the train to go home. Out of breath, they hand me a box of Lindt chocolates, turn, and practically run away.
I'm so fucking wigged out, I throw out the chocolates.
The next day I see this person looking for me in the train car, I crouch down in my seat but not before catching their eye. They come up and hand me a bag, asking if I'm a small or extra small.
Despite the creepiness of that question I figure now is the time to set them straight. I ask why are they giving me these gifts, as we hardly know each other. They respond by saying, "I like you, is this weird?"
I say, "yes, this is weird and my husband thinks this is very weird."
"Ohh", they start to back away, "you're married?"
"yes, happily, for 12 years"-I look in the bag and its a $50 cardigan from Ann Taylor Loft. I ask them if they'd like to return the cardigan since I'm not comfortable accepting these gifts, but they told me to keep it. They then asked me if we could remain friends; I don't want to be friends with this person, frankly at this point I still didn't know if they were a butch lesbian or effeminate man (turns out they are a man).
So I say "well, we can be polite acquaintances, but I'm not looking for new friends." Despite hoping this would put him off, it seemed to embolden or at least assure him of some manner of future contact with me.
Since then I haven't received any more gifts, but I do catch him looking around for me at the train station. I'm back into ghost mode, hoping ignoring, indifference, and avoidance will turn him off.
I've had a legit restraining order stalker before, and I learned back then that disengagement is the best course of action. If worse comes to worse I'll bring in the Intimidated Male Escort option, failing that, police presence. I don't fuck with creepy ass shit anymore.
So with that said, what would PPD/BP/TRP advise for our billy beta orbiter? What did he do wrong? what should he do in the future?
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