Once a cheater, always a cheater?

kathydurst · 2016-02-22T21:32:23+00:00

The best predictor of future behavior, is prior behavior. 'Once a cheater, always a cheater' isn't a law of nature but it does accurately reflect a certain likelihood.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T22:03:30+00:00

Yes in exactly the same way as:

Once an addict, always an addict.

Once a gambler, always a gambler.

Once an alcoholic...

Can someone that cheated in the past be faithful in the future? Yes. Would I marry them? No.

dakru · 2016-02-22T21:33:29+00:00

There's no guarantee that someone who's cheated in the past will cheat in the future, but they're certainly more likely to cheat in the future than someone who's never cheated before. I think it's entirely reasonable to not want to be in a relationship with someone who's cheated before.

betterdeadthanbeta · 2016-02-22T21:35:41+00:00

Yes. Much like being cucked, fucked in the ass, murdering someone, raping someone, being a woman with high N count, etc... the stain never really goes away. The best you can do is move someplace far away, change your identity and hope no one discovers your past deeds.

The only way it could even be remotely moral is if you were being deadbedroomed. Even then, don't expect sympathy.

buartha · 2016-02-22T23:16:19+00:00

I wouldn't say that it's absolutely true, since I know of situations where the relationship was so bad that it was bound to implode eventually and I don't think it's fair to judge people solely on their actions in an extreme situation.

If it's a pattern though, particularly a recent one, I'd urge caution when thinking about LTRing that person.

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prodigy2throw · 2016-02-22T22:02:55+00:00

I agree. It's definitely possible to change ones self but it's probably one of the most difficult things to commit too and not that many people have the will power to change so drastically.

Basically, whenever someone tells me they've changed I assume they haven't changed at all. Maybe it's he cynic in me.

bluepy67 · 2016-02-22T22:57:27+00:00

It's not always true. I've seen men in unhappy marriages rationalize cheating, but then leave and be faithful. I wouldn't have much faith in a cheater, though. While not all are "forever cheaters" it's enough of a character flaw to make me pass.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T23:03:06+00:00

Partially. It is a no-brainer that the more you do something the more easily it will be for you to do it in the future. This also applies to any "moral limits" humans have. Theft, assault, murder, cheating, etc.

With that in mind, it's a scale... though the first time is probably the hardest and biggest hurdle. So if I had to only pick between yes and no, yes.

Transmigratory · 2016-02-22T23:43:29+00:00

Yep, I suspect a good deal with agree with that statement or disagree depending on the gender they have in mind when they read it.

wtknight · 2016-02-22T23:45:28+00:00

No, because somebody might have cheated once, realized that it was a mistake and then regretted it. If a person has cheated more than once, though, then I think that he or she will always have that tendency.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T23:49:35+00:00

Sure. And any woman that shows the least bit of hypergamous behaviour is always hypergamous.

Equal judgement for all, I say.

despisedlove2 · 2016-02-22T23:54:53+00:00

When a woman cheats, it places a lower bound on the number of sexual partners (N=2, assuming that she was a virgin when she met the person she cheated on). Observations indicate that women's capacity to pair bond suffers major drops at N=1, 2, 4. After 4, it becomes moot (she is too damaged, except in about 20% of the cases, to form a lasting bond).

All this is without the aggravating effect of cheating. Is there a study that quantifies the effect of cheating? I am not yet aware, but I am willing to bet that a woman's capacity to pair bond would decline even more sharply as a function of N if cheating were present as an aggravating factor.

So, yes, I would say - once a cheater, always a cheater. Or as they say more colorfully - when you marry a cheating woman, you fill up one vacancy (the husband) and create another (the lover). Or another way - if she cheats with you, she will cheat on you.

speed3_freak · 2016-02-23T01:01:42+00:00

No. Once a cheater then there is the possibility that you made a mistake and it was such a bad one that you would never think of doing it again. Twice a cheater, always a cheater.

That said, if she cheats on you, she shouldn't get a second chance.

DaphneDK · 2016-02-23T02:18:19+00:00

No, but there's a higher probability. People do change but why take the chance. The world is full of girls.

[deleted] · 2016-02-23T02:31:07+00:00

No.

People can change..

But only if they really want to, and the change is never overnight

LancerKagato · 2016-02-23T02:53:34+00:00

I've always lived by the thought "if she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you" but as a general rule, never fucking marry

red-triad · 2016-02-23T04:11:59+00:00

I agree for the most part (however there will always be exceptions). The reason I believe that is because I can only assume that most of us are raised on the idea that cheating is wrong and bad, and the first time it happens there is a general of guilt in the person that did it. However you become desensitized to the feelings of shame and guilt, so the second time becomes easier.

[deleted] · 2016-02-23T09:04:14+00:00

No. I cheated in the past, but then I fixed things so I won't again.

midnightvulpine · 2016-02-23T11:50:43+00:00

No. Because people change. The worst people can become the best people. Not every bad person does, but to dismiss that someone can is an insult to those who do. Does that mean you should trust everyone? No. But being instantly dismissive of all is counterproductive.

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-02-22T21:36:01+00:00

There are people that cheat in every relationship and there are those that cheat if the relationship is basically already over.

The first ones will always cheat. Either they get turned on by it, have low morals or just don't give a shit about their partner.

The others cheat, because in their mind the relationship is already over and they see no problem with ruining it a bit more. If they are in a happy and fulfilling relationship they won't cheat. They have enough morals or empathy to know that it's wrong.

GoldPilot · 2016-02-22T21:55:07+00:00

No.

While a cheater has shown a clear predilection for disloyal behavior, or at least poor decision making in that instance, I don't think that a cheater is impossible to reform.

Given the complexity of the human mind, or the infinite possibilities in the world, it's entirely possible for a person to cheat once, then never again. It all depends on the person and the circumstance.

That isn't to say you should trust them implicitly after they cheated on you, just because they apologize and promise they won't again. Some people will cheat their whole lives. I say cut 'em loose, and let them learn the lesson the hard way.

jkonrad · 2016-02-22T22:10:07+00:00

No, because people grow and change. Are you trying to ask some other question?

[deleted] · 2016-02-23T01:55:44+00:00

There are so many ways things can happen, it's actually just really hard to say.

Title	Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Author	GaiusScaevolus
Upvotes	5
Comments	61
Date	February 22, 2016 9:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/473324/once_a_cheater_always_a_cheater/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater.276077 https://theredarchive.com/post/276077