Why dont the good men and the nice guys ever going after women who aren't chasing bad boys?

[deleted] · 2019-09-28T13:27:21+00:00

High altruism/high loyalty types who end up together aren't playing the game. They solved it.

wtknight · 2019-09-28T13:38:57+00:00

Most men haven't improved themselves to the level that they need to in order to attract the type of women who they want to attract. Women aren't into "good men" and "nice guys." They are interested in men who are attractive, exciting and fun.

washington_breadstix · 2019-09-28T13:14:15+00:00

Because those women are either

(1) super unattractive, or

(2) in the same relationships they've been in since high school or college.

If a guy wasn't fortunate enough to snag one of those women at that age, then there doesn't seem to be much hope for him to ever end up with one. The type of women you're talking about are, somewhat by definition, the same ones who don't jump from one relationship to another.

crackrocksteady7 · 2019-09-28T14:18:40+00:00

Easier to become a bad boy than find a unicorn

I dont understand why it would be hard for a guy to find a woman who's sane and wants a normal guy.

Of course you wouldn't

gunbusterxl · 2019-09-28T19:12:29+00:00

Try this for an experiment: make a fake male dating profile, target "normal" women, and act like you think a guy should act. Report back your findings.

I think you are just unable to see the other side of things. You continually make the same posts, and refuse to listen to any valid argument that that goes against your preconceived narrative.

peterlongc · 2019-09-28T14:47:11+00:00

"nice guys" aren't good. they just know they want to be seen as good in the most basic possible ways.. like never being offensive, saying inane positive platitudes, etc. they're mostly harmless and can be pleasant to be around. at their worst though they can seem to be feckless cowards/posers. when they they start getting fussy about how the world's not fair to them because they think they're actually good it looks pathetic i'm sorry to say

masculine men face life and see problems and seek to resolve them. they take action in the world in service of some either themselves or others. "genuinely good" men do this in a way that is seen as ethical, not selfish. in the process of taking action in the world sometimes these men do bad, but the more ethical ones tried ... brave and bold.. sexy, potentially dangerous, powerful. women want them, men respect them or want to be them

good men do go after these women; "nice men" don't deserve or appeal to them generally

SpinachIsYummy · 2019-09-28T16:21:44+00:00

A lot of the time these men want girls that are out of their leagues, and because of that nice isn't enough to get the attention of the girl they want. Around half of the time I've seen guys complain about girls only wanting bad boys, it's over a way out of his league girl and most of the time her bf isn't an asshole, he's just a popular, hot guy.

Another quarter of the time, the guy is either very shy , very socially awkward or he is just kinda boring and it impedes his ability to date. A lot of them also chase after girls high in sensation seeking. Occasionally nice guys just seem to be unlucky and nothing else (like around 5-10% of them are this).

But good girls and good guys absolutely do pair up with each other, they pair up early, go to college/grad school, get their lives set up, marry, and have kids. People just don't notice these types because they are generally drama free and stable.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-09-28T13:23:12+00:00

This isn’t totally true. I look at the wives around me and they don’t have this kind of bad boy history. But their “nice guy” successful husbands married and stayed married to them early.

------__------------ · 2019-09-28T13:08:59+00:00

Nobody wants fat women

ohheyhi99 · 2019-09-28T14:52:40+00:00

Many of the women who “chase bad boys” aren’t crazies who chase thugged-out druglords. They’re often flawed, but decently-adjusted people who ignore red flags when they get turned on by a physically attractive, charismatic man.

angels-fan · 2019-09-28T15:29:03+00:00

You have to understand how women talk to their orbiters for this to make sense.

A guy that is an orbiter is used as an emotional tampon for the girl to vent about her ass hole boyfriends that she keeps going back to.

The guy has shown interest in the girl only to be shut down with platitudes like "you're like the perfect guy, you're like a brother to me and someday you're going to make some girl so happy!!...... Just not me."

So now the guy is scratching his head wondering why he's "perfect", but not relationship material? The only thing he can figure out is that he's not the ass hole like she is constantly berating her bf to be. He's a nice guy.

So in the mind of a guy, there aren't any girls that don't go for the bad boy, even if it's not true.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-09-28T13:13:01+00:00

AWALT

Manny1400 · 2019-09-28T15:17:40+00:00

The "nice guys finish last" thing is a stupid generalization.

There is a difference between being a passive doormat and a "nice guy". I was a nice guy since the start, and I didn't have any problem getting dates. Once I did settle on a girl, I had relationships that lasted 3-4 months to a few years.

A certain type of women goes after bad boys, and that is typically when she is young. It is female rebellion, just as when young guys go after the "dangerous" girl. It's all about excitement, and we like chaos when we are kids.

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-09-28T16:06:52+00:00

Because women aren't sexually attracted to nice guys. IDK why people are saying only fat/ugly girls are into nice guys, because that's not true. No women are truly attracted to nice guys.

Sometimes girls will date/marry those kinds of nice guys, but it's not because they're sexually attracted to those guys. It's more practical: they want to have a serious relationship or get married and start a family and they know that fun, exciting bad boys aren't very reliable for that kind of thing. So they pair up with a nice betaish guy who they aren't really attracted to but seems like good husband/marriage material.

diffdedbed · 2019-09-28T13:57:52+00:00

Because they have been in a LTR for a long time and don't bitch about bad boys and thots online?

bonusfruit · 2019-09-28T20:26:23+00:00

100% of women are chasing bad boys. Next

LillthOfBabylon · 2019-09-28T22:50:14+00:00

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MercyYouMercyMe · 2019-09-29T01:55:10+00:00

Women find 80% of men below average. Men rate women on a normal distribution. Do the math, stop making these stupidass posts.

red_matrix · 2019-09-29T02:25:56+00:00

There's a reason Nice guys finish last is a common euphemism.

tritter211 · 2019-09-28T14:40:22+00:00

Good men want average looking women. But unfortunately, in today's world just the virtue of what is considered "normal" means your SMV is added +2 or even +3 to 5. Which is 7 or 8 right off the bat for these women in the SMP. AKA average girls getting the business class and first class treatment.

Keep in mind we are talking about women who are as normal as the good guy. We aren't talking about beautiful women here. Just the woman who is healthy and has a normal BMI with a plain face. Hell, I can still include slightly overweight women here and its still a problem for good guys.

And these "normal" women are still chasing 7's and 8's and 9's SMV men. They are hoping that because they consistently keep getting all these business class and first class seats all their lives, they would snatch that plane all for themselves in future. Which is far from the truth.

As you can see, this is a bit of a problem here. Good guy can't get a normal girl at all. Or the slightly overweight women. He is neither being unreasonable nor being demanding. He just wants a girl who is attractive to him but still within his looks level if possible. He is even willing to give up some of his standards for the girl. But he is getting shafted in this brutal meat market that is modern day dating world.

mylifesux62 · 2019-09-28T14:15:50+00:00

Women in general do like bad boys. Nice guys doesn't give them the dynamics they like in a relationship. Is not that they like being punch in the face but they like the interactions, the feeling that he might do or is able to do crazy "fun" stuff.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-09-28T14:41:02+00:00

Those women are high RMV and will have high competition

Believe it or not “being nice” as a guy means jack shit to a woman. Be fun.

[deleted] · 2019-09-28T18:36:56+00:00

Because they are masochists.

(your theory is correct. If they get rejected they can just tell themselves "Well she is just a hoe anyway")

soggycephalopod · 2019-09-28T18:51:41+00:00

~~Personally, I feel like they actively avoid sane normal women, but that's just my theory.~~

Theres's some truth to this. Certain disorders are kind of the extreme of "bad guys or girls," and they're statistically a lot more likely to attract certain other disordered people. It's almost always a recipe for disaster, but it happens more than not.

The only problem I really see with your perspective is that a lot of people classify themselves as "nice" or "good" not realizing that they're also boring. Some of the "bad" girls/guys are more impulsive, have greater disregard, etc, which makes them probably a really bad relationship choice, but more entertaining. These things don't have to be coupled like that--you can be a person that other people want to be around and not be volatile.

That said, there are plenty of people who would commonly be considered boring or awkward who find happiness with other similar people too. If you're sane and want a normal guy, there's a guy out there who's sane and wants a normal girl too.

throwawayaccount9282 · 2019-09-28T21:34:49+00:00

Really it's as simple as those women being extremely rare. The few of them that exist get locked down by their late teens or early 20s.

shonenhikada · 2019-09-28T23:08:29+00:00

Women only care about morals and being nice when she needs to be sure her husband/BF will commit to her and/or not abandon her children. Outside of this, moral and being a good person, do not matter to women.

Women only care about 3 things from men ultimately:

Looks (Height and/or face)
Money
Social status

These secondary traits of being good and nice only factor in when she is in LTR with you and/or has kids.

azevedro · 2019-09-29T02:50:31+00:00

Attractive guys who are nice get girls. Attractive guys who are assholes get girls. Unatttactive guys who are nice don’t get girls. Unattractive assholes who are mean are labelled misogynists, creeps and incels.

[deleted] · 2019-09-28T15:30:57+00:00

I think women who don't want assholes are in the minority. I write in the romance genre. I write sweet, compassionate male love interests. I'm always gonna get beat out by books with emotionally-abusive assholes who cross boundaries. 50 Shades and After are the giants of the genre right now, but the vast majority of romance novels have asshole men. Those sales don't lie. Most women think about dickheads when they fantasize.

I don't think it's biological (at least not completely). It's think it's social conditioning and I have faith in women. We can do better if we decide to do better.

slaveofsociety · 2019-09-28T14:13:40+00:00

Because relationships between two nice people tend to be stable and long-lasting. The remaining “nice” women in the dating pool are there because they are not attractive enough to secure someone of the caliber that they desire.

Either their own standards are too high, or they ain’t cute, both of which will make it hard for good men to date them.

BlankPages · 2019-09-28T17:56:58+00:00

What women say they want and what they do are completely the opposite. Nice guys who try to treat people with respect and kindness don't get respect from women. Nice guys have seen this their whole lives. They have seen the bullies elected to student council, all get girlfriends, and the like. It's not in their heads. And it has nothing to do with "wanting" to be treated like shit. Women want alpha masculine men to be happy, they want to please them. If he wants to be an asshole to her, whatever-- as long as he's happy, she's happy.

TheMarbleSlab · 2019-09-28T14:12:42+00:00

These women are usually ugly or fat or both. Even nice guys want beautiful woman. At least 1 point bellow their own SMV. However, the reality is that even fatties look for sexy asshole. He doesn't have to be a felon etc, that's strawman. They want assertive confident dude who has options.

thxsucks · 2019-09-28T14:26:32+00:00

Nice guys finish last? Look at the /r/niceguys those guys aren't nice, they're assholes.

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smuthound1 · 2019-09-28T15:17:16+00:00

Because I like bad girls. I just do.

jayval90 · 2019-09-28T16:07:39+00:00

Thanks to makeup, the only girls who don't look pretty enough that they feel they deserve these bad boys are girls who are so ugly that even makeup can't fix it. The problem isn't the missing low end, it's the missing middle.

Bntt89 · 2019-09-28T17:51:47+00:00

Probably because no women want nice guys, I think thaT nice guys are different from good men.

Thegn_Ansgar · 2019-09-28T18:53:40+00:00

Tried, they rejected me. At least sometimes the women chasing bad boys are willing to go out on a date or hook up with me. Women who aren't chasing bad boys tend to be extremely picky to the point they won't find anyone, in my experience.

Christian_Kong · 2019-09-28T19:06:18+00:00

You got the relationship types and the dating around types. The relationship types are either in a relationship and if that doesn't work out often find themselves in another one shortly thereafter. In a lot of these cases they will have someone essentially lined up by the time of breakup. So you have to be into playing that game. The dating around type will typically have a lineup of select guys she will jump from one to another so you have to make the cut in that game.

I don't find what women are doing as sane/insane, just women being women.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2019-09-28T21:12:28+00:00

They do. They lose.

Women don’t select for “good” or “niceness”.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-09-29T04:46:57+00:00

It's a mix of the male ego thing/the attraction thing/the need to make up for something IE they didn't get all those chicks in high school/college, or "Hey! Bobby and Johnny get all the hot chicks!!!! Why shouldn't I!??!?!?"

I don't even disagree with you. This subject which keeps being brought up makes one thing VERY clear to me: We were not ready or programmed or taught I should say, to handle this much rapid sociological/psychological change at once. This is also all in part the end result of the constant interconnection or social media, and everyone knowing everyone else's business.

This is also the result of the breakdown of traditional values. Not to get all fire and brimstone on anyone, this isn't a religious thing, but you have created a system where you get rid of entirely or encourage a sort of soft polyamory of getting as much as you can, get all the money, be as selfish as you can, fuck everyone, fuck all the hot chicks etc.

As much as we try to be more mature and reasoned, which is a great idea and I agree with it, but when you realize everyone else has said fuck all that, there are times when you might as well yourself, dude a hears dudes b,c,d,e and f are fucking there main chick or possible even gf or baby mama, like this one guy I know, but he has his array of side chicks, you think he's being honest with them?, so as much as good,normal,faithful guy is or may seem, he has that little part of him inside, in some it's bigger in some it's smaller, where he is going "Hey! I want to be doing that as well!!!!!"

Plus it's also when people take never settle literally.

RandomAttackHelpMe · 2019-09-29T04:47:28+00:00

Well, when you see so many chicks with guys who treat them like shit and stay with them........

HWGA_Gallifrey · 2019-09-29T05:01:21+00:00

Perceived sexual attraction, confusing signals, and an inability to lower standards without drugs/alcohol acting as a social lubricant. Also, society has left people more connected than ever...but ever so desperately alone.

wtffellification · 2019-09-29T12:07:00+00:00

because women who aren't chasing bad boys have an equal boredom-threshold and fickleness-level as women who are chasing bad boys, at least in my experience, which is all that matters to me

sadomasochrist · 2019-09-29T17:32:23+00:00

Because you have no guarantee you're not BB in the AF\BB dichotomy.

honest2godfemcel · 2019-09-30T07:08:46+00:00

Because socially awkward women reject you too. That's why I don't ask them out or cold approach. I have done it. It's worse than approaching a Stacy. A Stacy will at least act a somewhat flattered for a second. Socially awkward girls just immediately reject you because they have no idea how to react

czerdec · 2019-09-30T19:01:45+00:00

For the love of Mike, somebody chase after OP! She's asking very nicely.

katiesaysthings · 2019-09-30T23:44:48+00:00

Always.

Grek27 · 2019-10-01T07:03:05+00:00

All women want men of higher status than them and want to be entertained, it's almost comical how childlike so many women are.

legionmaniac · 2019-10-02T07:50:11+00:00

It's like claiming to be a chef but your food is just edible. Not good not bad but closer to the bad than good

Polojames123 · 2019-09-28T17:11:38+00:00

Well, the 'hot girls' are the ones chasing the bad boys and "Thad the quarterback" and even though they denounce patriarchy, refuse to play sports, or shower, or learn to speak, or earn anything.. They still think they deserve the 'prize girl', since their moms gave them 'prizes for existing' spoiling them, and why should a woman be different?

They want the BMW car, but don't want to earn it. Just how they are, hence why I feel no sympathy for them. You want that girl, it's simple. Go f*cking play football in high school, do really well at a job, or profession. That's it.

But since they're lazy, fat, pathetic and 'stupid' they make it everything it isn't, they make it everything and everyone's fault, besides themselves, since they don't' want to do one thing...

Work hard or earn it. Since they don't, I could give a f*ck if they wallow in inceldom forever, who gives a shit? more pussy for me.

NaturalQueer · 2019-09-28T16:31:42+00:00

Yeah I figure some of it has to be who they are chasing. I've known a couple girls that ended up with bad boys but I won't say they were smoking hot they usually just had the same life style. And most girls I personally know weren't really like that, and would be way more turned off by assholes. Maybe this type of behaviour is more in some areas that others.

I usually ended up with guys that were nerdy, chubby or just "different". The only "bad boy" I dated was a metal head that was actually a pretty sweet guy. Actually I had a few guys I dated people would comment were under my "league" but I found them attractive inside and out so. I am bisexual, and also mixed race that may have nothing to do with it but maybe I just have a wider few of what's physically attractive.

My husband I think is pretty attractive but also a super nice guy so I don't know.

Also the idea that it women would stop doing that if they were in their mid 20s makes sense I mean your brain isn't finished growing at 18, both men and women need to mature. As you grow and get experience you learn a lot about life, about what you want and what kind of people you really want in your life

Title	Why dont the good men and the nice guys ever going after women who aren't chasing bad boys?
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	52
Comments	375
Date	September 28, 2019 1:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dafqfw/why_dont_the_good_men_and_the_nice_guys_ever/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-dont-the-good-men-and-the-nice-guys-ever-going.286870 https://theredarchive.com/post/286870