Long and short of it is this:
My wife is hard on our 3 year old daughter. No “old school” hard....but over the top. Yells at her for spilling milk/juice/etc., screams at her if she tells her to do something more than a few times (when my wife is already upset).
I’m calm. Our daughter is 3. When she makes a mistake, I don’t make her feel bad about herself. If she spills, she spills. Who cares? It’s not like it happens everyday. We then clean it up together (daughter isn’t going to climb into the cabinet and get floor cleaner and rags). My wife? “Oh my God you spilled again? Jesus. Be more careful. How many times can you spill in a week?”
When my daughter accidentally drips into her underwear after potty, i ask her what happened. Then I remind her that she needs to pull her underwear all the way down. Then we get a new pair. My wife? “I thought we were potty trained! What is the problem? If you keep doing this they are going to kick you out of your class since you need to be potty trained.
These are not exaggerations and only a few examples.
So last night my daughter climbed up on the table and started drinking a soda. My wife flipped out at her and goes “for once, can you just discipline this girl instead of telling her everything is okay and that she’s a princess and can’t do no wrong” (I don’t call her a princess. This is my wife being obnoxious). I calmly bent down at my daughter’s level. I said here’s what’s going to happen. That was naughty. Now we are going up to bed early. You don’t get a snack tonight. Say sorry to mommy and we are going to bed.” She says sorry and then I bring her upstairs. My wife’s response when I get back down?
“Well the hero strikes again. Mommy is the asshole who always yells. Daddy is the good guy, how does it feel to always be the good guy?”
I go “well I’ll tel you what, it feels good at 35 to be able to keep my emotions in check and not damage the psyche of a 3 year old who made some mistakes. As opposed to you, who can’t keep her composure.” She didn’t say a thing. She went in the other room, closed the door, and didn’t come to bed last night. She didn’t say a word to me this morning. I said good morning. Nothing. I said a few more things relating to our kids and their days today and she ignored me. Okay.
What is my move here? I feel like if I address this, she wins. She knows she was in the wrong here:
At the same time, she needs to stop yelling at our daughter UNLESS it’s something that is dangerous (I 100 percent back her up when she yells at her for dangerous things).
What should I do?