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LTR and girls holiday to party island

Reddit View
October 1, 2019
102 upvotes

My LTR mentioned that her friends might be going to Zante next summer and that if they are all going then she will go too.

I said to her that I don’t want a long term girlfriend who goes on these kinds of holidays, and that’s she is free to go but should expect unwanted consequences if she does.

She says this is unfair as she doesn’t really want to go but since all her friends are going she ‘can’t not go’. Some of her friends think I’ll back down if it came to it (I won’t) and that it’s a silly thing to leave someone for.

Was just wondering what your guys thoughts on it are?

My Ltr is adamant that she doesn’t really want to go but that she will go if all of her friends are going and she’d be left out, saying that if I were in her position I’d go with my friends.


Post Information
Title LTR and girls holiday to party island
Author emilcioran123
Upvotes 102
Comments 188
Date 01 October 2019 08:10 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/288054
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dbz1aj/ltr_and_girls_holiday_to_party_island/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship
Comments

[–]Modbsutansalt[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (8 children) | Copy

You stated your standards and expectations and what will happen if she fails to follow through. Good job. Now stick to your guns. If she doesn't understand why her desire to go on this vacation is wholly incompatible with being relationship material, then nothing is going to help you. At some point you'll find she crosses the line and needs to be NEXT'd. When is up to you.


Something else just occurred to me... why didn't she invite you? That speaks volumes right there. A big group vacation isn't unusual and she can hang out with them at the beach during the day or whatever and you all go out together at night. Done this myself many times.

[–]Bornagainslayer181 points182 points  (11 children) | Copy

It’s almost as if you’ve discovered why we say LTR’s are red pill on hard mode.

You can’t back down now, she will never respect anything you say again and the cheating will surely follow. The fact she’s being defiant on this means you probably haven’t exercised your authority on smaller things in the past so she has no reason to believe you’ll follow through with it.

Good luck buddy but I think your LTR is toast.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 48 points49 points  (3 children) | Copy

Indeed they are on hard mode. Yes there’s no way I’m backing down. Your point about boundaries is potentially true-she kept saying that the reason I didn’t want her to go was because I don’t trust her, whereas I gave her a list of reasons which basically concluded that nothing good could come from that holiday. Atm the ltr is good but you may be right- it will turn sour very quickly if she is adamant about going.

[–]Bornagainslayer70 points71 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also this shouldn’t be a discussion, you don’t debate your decisions with girls. Best of luck

[–]Psycholephant20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

LTR's are hard yes. I believe as a man any LTR you have in your 20s is a learning experience. You're still getting a feel for properly vetting a partner, and exercising displays of higher value. Sure, let yourself catch some of those feels for the girl. The pain you feel from the LTR's when they inevitably become difficult is like grinding away at a steel sword.

[–]eddielovett16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you shouldn’t have to offer a list of reasons that’s weak af

[–]Sendmeloveletters9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy. If she goes she’s gone. Up to you. If she’s a good chick she will stay for you and if you don’t crack she will tell her friends to suck it. If she goes she’s gone. This is a boss battle. Win it.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

Wait till you’re married.

[–]EqualFaithlessness16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

Red pill on virtuoso level I’m sure

[–]Garathon7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Or better, just don't. Nothing good comes out of it.

[–]SoulRedemption2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A whole nother level and mode

[–]mustache_ride_2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Funny how this still works if you replace LTR with pet.

[–]jackandjill22-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oof.

[–]plumo123106 points107 points  (31 children) | Copy

She brought it up with you (good thing). She wants to go because other girls do (bad thing). She'll suck dick on that holiday if they tell her to. Not a LTR material!

I'd soft next right now and see what happens. If she'll catch the message that this is crossing your boundaries and decide not to go regardless of what her girlfriends say, that's good. If she goes, its a done deal. By going she spits in your face saying: "I don't respect you, your boundaries mean nothing to me, I want to ride some Zante cock and our relationship is worth less than that"

[–]emilcioran123[S] 34 points35 points  (26 children) | Copy

Appreciate the advice, yeah I guess I just have to see what happens but if she does go I’m out of there as quick as i can. Will basically show me what our relationship means to her so that’s handy cos then I have an easy excuse to leave if she goes.

[–]HurricaneHugues98 points99 points  (21 children) | Copy

You're not gonna change who she is as a person inside. The only reason she may not go is because her "controlling and jealous insecure boyfriend wouldn't let her". You're the bad guy in this story. All you're doing is helping her and her friends build up "shitty boyfriend" credits against you.

You clowns need to understand that you have to let hoes be hoes. That's just who they are. Trying to change these thots into respectable women is a lost cause. Allow your gf to make her own decisions without inserting your morals into them, and you will get to see the true nature of who you're dating.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 12 points13 points  (18 children) | Copy

True, but I don’t see it as inserting my morals onto her as much as firstly having a discussion so that she knows my view on it and is aware of what I think. If she goes knowing that I am against then this is the go sign for me to leave.

[–]HurricaneHugues42 points43 points  (17 children) | Copy

Why must she know how her boyfriend views her whore tendencies? Shes a whore. It's that simple. Stop inserting your point of view. It's not normal for a girl to be going out to party islands while in a relationship. That's hoe shit. You don't need to tell her shit. A respectable girl isn't gonna do shit like this. It's really that simple.

Let them be who they are, and not who you want them to be.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 18 points19 points  (16 children) | Copy

Okay I see what you mean. Thing is, most of her friends who want to go are in relationships as well which is very strange. Makes me think they’re all just slags together.

[–]HurricaneHugues53 points54 points  (14 children) | Copy

That's literally what it is. Birds of a feather fuck together. They're all planning to go hoe around right under their "boyfriends' " noses. Don't fall for that shit. Let her be who she is. Don't have her pretend to be someone you want. That's how you get played. You should've dumped her already. You don't even have to do it verbally either. Just let her think you're still her boyfriend and that she is playing you for a sucker, but the truth is that you already checked out of the relationship and you're seeing other girls

[–]emilcioran123[S] 11 points12 points  (12 children) | Copy

So I should check out of the relationship emotionally but keep her for sex etc.?

[–]HurricaneHugues44 points45 points  (11 children) | Copy

Use her for sex. Don't even kiss her anymore. Tell her you cut the inside of your mouth eating some bones or some shit and that you can feel the cut in the back of your mouth, so you don't want to kiss or go down on her. In the meantime you need to put yourself out there and start seeing other girls.

[–]Condescending-Guy15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

lmao I am finding you really funny haha. You are not saying easily digestible shit that's for sure. I'm pretty hardcore like you in the opinion that you shouldn't try to change her and that she should be fighting for you, not the other way around.

I'm not the most experienced guy by any means, but I do understand that if it starts feeling like you're negotiating with her on her slutty behaviour, maybe it's a good idea to GTFO hahaha

[–]LucyDD6912 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold

[–]BeeBopJoe8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lmaooo

[–]xnesteax7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

What the fuck man you're a sick bastard I like you hahah

[–]sebastianconcept7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

ROFL that was hilarious

[–]Aestheticcunt19960 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Hahahahahaha made my day... but still theres some truth to it

[–]jackandjill223 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yea. great point.

[–]ogkushinjapan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That makes it a bigger red flag bro. You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

[–]jackandjill221 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

absolutely good point.

[–]Scheme000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Best post I’ve read all week

[–]fastestsynapses12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ask her now and get back to us. Just escalate it now. Any hint of modesty you've been portraying for her should go out the window. Tell her if she's gonna go on that trip then you want to have a threesome, etc. Just escalate the whole thing to where she suddenly sees how bad this can all get if she goes through with it

[–]emilcioran123[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see her tomorrow. I’ll let you know how things go. We’re supposed to be celebrating being together for 1 year haha what a way to celebrate it.

[–]Sendmeloveletters2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she goes it’s gone if she likes you she wants to see you be successfully able to defend your territory and protect her.

[–]furcryingoutloud2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

cos then I have an easy excuse to leave if she goes

You have your excuse already. The fact that she is even entertaining the idea of going is enough to understand that she wants to have "single" moments where she can find out if she's still attractive to that carousel.

Sure, tell her to go, as a matter of fact, encourage her to go, tell her you'll take the time to do some boy's stuff. Then GTFO when she does go. No explanation, no talking, no giving her energy to spin the hamster wheel. Simply vanish.

In the end, no matter how you slice this, you're going to be the asshole in her circle of friends. Just walk away man. Not another thought. Organize your ducks and GTFO.

[–]plumo1238 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Also, you might wanna discretely suggest an open relationship to her. Just say that it has been on your mind and that you want to explore some things.

[–]Qba19941 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Will it spin her hamster?

[–]aWorldBornDead0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No she will agree because she's a hoe and always has a ton of options.

[–]zboo1h0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is it. Soft next FIRST.

[–]fastestsynapses38 points39 points  (5 children) | Copy

Terrible excuse on her part. At no point in life do you ever have to jump off a cliff just because everyone else is doing it. Sheesh. She sounds extremely immature

[–]MR_SKINNYPENIS6914 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not to mention wasting all that money on a holiday she supposedly doesn't even want to go on.

In the real world, where I make money, I'd never spend money on a holiday unless I really wanted to go on it. I have limited money that I work hard for and I value it highly.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

I admit it is a terrible excuse. I told her if I was in her position I wouldn’t go even if all my group were, particularly if I was in an ltr (I wouldn’t go anyway face facts). What would you do if all your friends were going?

[–]fastestsynapses18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

If I wanted to preserve the relationship, not go. If I didn't care, I would go.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good answer

[–]Madhatter74734 points35 points  (0 children) | Copy

"A girl is her friends" coach red pill. If they are sluts which they probably are, she will suck dick at the vacation

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

She says this is unfair as she doesn’t really want to go but since all her friends are going she ‘can’t not go’.

She is free to go or not. You are free to make decisions based on whether she goes or not.

Some of her friends think I’ll back down if it came to it (I won’t) and that it’s a silly thing to leave someone for.

How are her friends involved in this? Perhaps they want a break-up?

[–]emilcioran123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly we are both free to do what we like but there are consequences. She mentioned that I said I would walk to one of her friends as holiday plans came up in their conversation and then one of her friends said that o wouldn’t actually do it.

[–]whoareyou3188 points89 points  (37 children) | Copy

You guys really believe that it’s not possible for women to go on girl only events and stay loyal?

This girl Im fucking recently went to a bachelorette party in my home city and I just happened to be home that weekend. She invited me out with them and I went. The bride to be was pretty well behaved the whole time. She didnt hoe around or anything. It was a 20 girl bachelorette party.

Im definitely on the redpill side, but I feel like you guys are too cynical towards women sometimes.

[–]blackdowney31 points32 points  (0 children) | Copy

Finally found a response I can relate with. Maybe I just don't care enough. A LTR says 'I cheated on you' is doing me a favor and I leave. If she goes and does it, but doesn't tell me and we are still fucking, then she's wasting her time regardless. I'm confident I can pull on my own another, and even then I prefer being alone to a certain degree.

Then again my philosophy is more purple pill, than red pill.

[–]askmrcia51 points52 points  (12 children) | Copy

You guys really believe that it’s not possible for women to go on girl only events and stay loyal?

Jesus I was going to comment the same thing. Context matters in this situation. Op knows his girlfriend better than any of us.

This summer I went to a party island trip with two girls and 6 guys. Yes you read that right. Five guys including me and two girls went to a party island. Now 6 of us went to compete in a volleyball tournament, but we damn sure planned to drink and party later in the evening.

The girls did not fuck around at all. They went to pool parties with us, concerts, clubs, got hammered but they stayed with us the entire time. They were free to leave and do whatever they want, but they spent majority of the trip playing volleyball, sleeping in their rooms and being in bed by midnight. One of the girls were in a relationship.

Also there were tons of Bachelorette parties there as well as we stayed on a street with a number of them. Most of them kept to themselves. They were our neighbors and you could literally walk down the street and see them outside drinking and running around with the stupid penis balloon, but there were no guys with them.

I get it that women can be whores, but I seriously doubt some of yall went to party destinations. Not every chick there is sleeping around. If that were the case then my n count would be in hundreds by now. A lot of girls go there to drink and take stupid pictures for instagram.

I been on study abroad trips with women who had boyfriends and they were in their rooms by 10pm as they didn't want to drink and party.

I'm not saying all girls are snowflakes, but yall need to stop acting like every woman who stepped foot in Vegas or wherever is a whore.

With all that said op, none of us know your girl or her friends. Are her friends whores? Is your girl giving you red flags? Is she a huge party and drinking person?

If yes to any of those questions then you know what's up. Best course of action is to not give a fuck and look for signs

[–]emilcioran123[S] 21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

A very reasonable well thought out answer. Appreciate it. Yes I must judge this inside the context of my ltr and how she acts generally.

[–]writewhereileftoff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't need to go abroad to cheat. You have no control whatsoever on what she does.
So it's pretty pointless to try. Let her go. If she cheats it's done... It's not a matter of trust...it's a matter of consequences. Better to just trust in yourself in that you could replace her if needed.

I mean if your girl is hot, she's gonna get attention all the time & could cheat at the snap of a finger if she really wanted. It can't be prevented.

[–]HurricaneHugues11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's because all 6 of u dudes are scrubs

[–]askmrcia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea ok. Not even remotely true, but even if you want to believe it they could have banged any other guy on that island.

[–]_sinnere4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This gives me some hope.

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This wasn't an all girl out of town affair. Totally irrelevant. May as well tell stories of women who bring their kids and parents along.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Were these girls attractive? You and your frienda didnt make moves on any other girls? Didnt invite other women to hang?

[–]askmrcia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair questions. Both were on our volleyball team so both had the athletic body and were attractive.
They didn't get hit on because we knew the one girl's BF and the other one was just meh. She was single, but there were far better options on the island and again she isn't the type that's going to hook up with people in this social circle.
It was just if anything went down between the guys and girls who came together on the trip then the whole social circle would have been messed up. We knew each other for years. I know guys are thinking that none of us were alpha enough, but that's far from the truth. One guy on the trip is banging a married woman, you have me the athletic former college football player, you have the other guy that throws some of the best parties in the city, ect... At the end of the day we were there to have good time with each other not be thirsty for the girls that came with us.

Now as far as other women there? Those were the ones we were chasing. The ones at the pool parties, concerts and things like that. Only one out of our group got lucky that weekend, but it wasn't with any of the girls that came with us.

> Didnt invite other women to hang?

More girls were supposed to come. It was supposed to be 5 girls and 8 guys. The extra people were supposed to come and party. Like help out with the cooking and grilling while the tournament was going on. People backed out at the last minute, which is how we got the weird two girls and six guys group. Even if everyone came that was supposed too, I doubt any of the chicks would have went full slut mode since this wasn't the first time we hung out. Now if they bought friends, that's a different story.

Again I'm not saying they are innocent snowflakes. I hope I'm not coming across as a white knight because I'm far from it. I'm just trying to put some perspective that not every girl going to party places are looking to whore around. This is why I said OP knows his girl better then any of us. When I did study abroads and other travel trips you had your girls that didn't get involved with anything and you had ones that were looking to fuck around. The latter you knew which ones they were before you even left for the trip.

I get it that the girls shouldn't be putting themselves in certain positions to cheat, but at the same time we can't expect them to stay in their houses every time like a prisoner.

[–]philltered-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

You should post this as a top reply! It all depends on OP's girl, OP's frame, and a clear stating of boundaries hinting that she is free to live her life the way she chooses BUT there will be consequences in case she oversteps.

Women are gatekeepers of sex. A good woman is that gatekeeper on steroids. Alcohol, bad peer pressure, and a lack of boundaries can loosen that gatekeeping. Train your woman to be a red pill woman and you'll be fine.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The post sucked. Right after bringing up all girl's party, he used example of mixed party!

[–]askmrcia-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Point still stands. How many of you guys will be comfortable letting your LTR go on a trip with 6 guys without you?

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Point still irrelevant. The comfort level of people who answer you cannot accurately gauge what happens in scenarios different than your example.

[–]Modbsutansalt[M] 23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's all about avoiding the appearance of impropriety. Not that they WILL fuck around, but that they are putting themselves in situations where relationship ending consequences can occur. Add alcohol into the mix and it's just bad news waiting to happen. Women who have their heads screwed on straight and were raised right know you do not do that.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 39 points40 points  (11 children) | Copy

I sympathise with this response. Some of the reposes are a bit OTT.

[–]whoareyou3123 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with others that you shouldn't try to convince her or talk her out of going. I agree that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife (however we don't know if your LTR is for sure a hoe or not). You should just not give a shit. I think that's the best course of action for you. Not giving a shit is what a high value man would do.

[–]ForYourSorrows10 points11 points  (9 children) | Copy

Dude half the responses sound like insecure dudes that have never had a girlfriend. Would you go on a guys trip? And wouldn’t you be upset if she said you can’t go, telling you what to do because of something you haven’t even done yet? If you’re with a quality woman, she won’t do something dumb on the trip.

Edit: and if she does something and you find out then you break up with her but that’s her mistake to make. You can’t lock someone up in a box because you’re constantly insecure about the relationship and afraid she’ll make a mistake or conscious choice to cheat. Voice your concerns and hopefully your frame has been made clear that you’d gone in a heartbeat if something like that happens, on trip or off a trip.

[–]Drainstink3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

While i agree, most guys here are ott... zante is not exactly somewhere to go to have an innocent party. Its like a guy going out with the lads to a brothel and wondering why his gf is being weird about it.

I’ve trusted my gf to go out with her friends plenty. She texts me and goes home early and doesnt join them for the whole night when they hit the club etc. Cant expect and normal and socially functioning women who isnt a stay at home to not have a social life.

But if you have extreme jealousy or autism you may struggle to see the line. The important part is why she does it and how she self regulates with you prompting at all. And really, she should know you’d end it and get more pussy ina heart beat without you telling her. She should know you are capable of easily replacing her(constant dread) and through indirect examples over time, know your stance on certain behaviour.

Being direct doesn't work with this shit. Not long term anyway.

[–]Specialcz37 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a really important question. How the fuck do you determine if your woman is quality enough to not do something like this? I am biased because I'm insecure due to my BP ex doing hoe shit while she was away from me.

Are there really women with such impenetrable morals that given they are far away from their man with nobody to question their actions, and a high enough SMV man comes along, they will not do as much as bat an eye at him? My gut says absolutely not, since AWALT.

I know that if I LTR some chick this situation will inevitably come up and I will have to put my foot down, which is why I'm asking.

[–]HurricaneHugues8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Men and women are not the same. You can have a guy's trip and spend the whole time dicking around with your bros. Women need attention to prolong their lifespan. They're not dudes.

[–]ForYourSorrows0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ dude. I understand that. But there’s no pattern of behavior that OP has told us about to draw any conclusions from. Is this a one time thing or does she go on trips like this 3-4 times a year? Is his gf a club rat or is she generally a “good girl” and this is just a trip with friends? There is a lot of context missing for us to judge here. Relationships do require trust at some point. You’re not always going to be in 100% control and the correct response to not being in full control is not to dump her ass. TRP has some quality info and gets a lot right as far as general principles but this autistic “she does what I say or I go” shit gets really tired.

[–]HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There's a first time for everything

[–]ForYourSorrows0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Ok? And the way the world works is you have to trust that people won’t do that first time. This isn’t a hard concept to grasp unless you’re a toxic broken person. You can’t control every single person in your life 100% of the time. You’re going to be disappointed every now and then. It’s called the human experience.

[–]HurricaneHugues0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

People can only disappoint you if your initial expectations of them are superior to who they eventually reveal themselves to truly be. I don't have anything but below average expectations of all the people I meet. When they do something shitty, I expect it. When they do something positive, I'm surprised.

[–]Truedemocracy51 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One of my problems here for sure. She wants a girls trip? Tell her no, if she doesn’t respect you she isn’t LTR material. You want a guys trip? If she says no she isn’t LTR material. It’s silly

[–]emilcioran123[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t go on that kind of holiday whilst in an ltr and probs not even if I wasn’t. Nothing good comes from those holidays.

[–]Oblilisk20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

The one good response in this thread. All of these guys in this thread saying she will cheat and don't let her go are just showing their insecurities. If you tell your girl she can't go on the trip, you are essentially telling her "I'm scared you will meet another guy on this trip and think he's better than me." That's pretty fucking beta.

What you really should do is let her go on the trip. Tease her that she is going (example: "go on that trip so you can leave me alone"). While she is on the trip do something for yourself: have fun, get work done, etc. When she gets back and sees all the shit you have done without her she will respect you even more

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He doesnt have to be better, just good enough with little consequence.

[–]smhfamswag2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get this bluepill shit outta here. You sound like a female calling this “insecure”

His girl aint going to lil ol’ town. She’s going to a party island. This is the American equivalent of your girl deciding to go to Vegas with all her girlfriends. You really think she’s just gone watch her friends hoe out and not join in? Women dont wanna be social outcasts, so they’ll do whatever everybody else doing.

[–]cracksniffer6665 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

They also use the "if no ones looking, no one sees" as far as men being there.

Why do you think "girl's night out" is such a huge ordeal if a dudes there?

If we had a guy's night out, and my friend brought his cool gf/wife, no one would really care, as long as she could drink and keep up with banter. "Girl's night out" is an appointment for strategy on current boyfriends/guys in their lives, mixed with promiscuity if they can't find the answers they want.

[–]GGrub85 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it's not possible. The issue isn't even about her actually going, it's about even considering the option.

A girl who is really into you doesn't do this kind of holidays without you, period.

Yet another case of bluepill mentality invading this board. A comment like this wouldn't have existed a couple of years ago.

[–]wkndatbernardus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

"cynical" or "realists"?

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would you accept playing 5 rounds of Russian Roulette for $500K?

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're off by a New York mile.

Your situation is completely different from OPs. You were INVITED to an IN TOWN couples' party. The OP is writing of an EXTENDED GNO, OUT OF TOWN, to which he was NOT invited.

You haven't read any RP literature, or even the sidebar, have you? If you had, you'd see the folly of your post.

[–]friendandadvisor-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You'll note the critical difference in your situation and that of the OP. You were invited to the party, which makes it totally irrelevant to what OP is interested in.

[–]FinancialThanks138 points39 points  (21 children) | Copy

She wants to go. If you were much higher smv than her she wouldn’t want to go. Don’t bother trying to stop her. It will only make you seem insecure and if you succeed she’ll resent you.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

Not gonna bother to stop her trying. I suspect part of her really does want to go but another doesn’t. Guess it is up to her which she goes with and I shall act accordingly. She knows where I stand on this.

[–]HurricaneHugues38 points39 points  (7 children) | Copy

For future reference: Don't bother talk about shit like this. When stuff like this comes up, just tell them that they are adults and can make the decisions for themselves. All you have to do is proceed according to their choices. Let them show you who they are. Don't set verbal boundaries, because all you're doing is telling them how they can pretend to be who you want them to be.

[–]xnesteax2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Real talk man, wish I knew this earlier.

I've met so many girls with LTR potential but always just before shit got serious I realized they just pretended to be who I wanted them to be, like a chameleon.

[–]HurricaneHugues3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's why it's best to let them be. Let them show you who they really are.

[–]sebastianconcept1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very good point (to have clarified for oneself)

[–]emilcioran123[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Interesting approach. Is there perhaps a lack of communication in it though? You do need to let women know what you do and do not want from a relationship and their actions may question what you do or do not want so you may need to communicate this to them.

[–]HurricaneHugues19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

You do need to communicate, but not for obvious shit like this. What would you do if your girl said "baby I need sone extra cash this week, so me and the girls are gonna work the corners for a few hours. What do you think?". Are u gonna sit there like some cuck talking it out with her? Get the fuck outta here with that weak shit. You shouldn't have to tell your girl not to hoe around for her to not be hoeing around. It's just a prerequisite for a stable and functional relationship.

Communication is for preferential shit like "Don't wear my shirts" or "Don't put onions in my sandwiches" or "Don't change the radio without asking" etc etc. Having to tell your girl that you don't want her to go whore out on an island is some weak shit. She should already know this, considering she agreed to be in a monogamous relationship with you.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes I think you are right-an action such as this shouldn’t have to be tales about as the assumption is that if you’re in an Ltr to don’t go to these kinds of things.

[–]afterthe_fapocalypse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thanks

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you suspect that even a small part of her doesn't wsnt to? She told you, not asked you, that she was going.

[–]fastestsynapses-5 points-4 points  (10 children) | Copy

Lol I'm sorry but this is dumb. This is pure blue pill shit. He's in a LTR, not a FWB. You are basically saying let her walk all over you. If he does that and she comes back having taken some fresh cock, what do you do, pretend it never happened?

[–]FinancialThanks115 points16 points  (9 children) | Copy

You leave her. If you have to try and force her to respect you it’s already too late

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

You are too young to be in ltr with any woman. All women at this age play the field. All of them. Even if they have boyfriends. She's a plate and consider her only as a plate. Game other women.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Part of me really believes this.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let her go. Because if not now then later she will. You better off finding out if she's a whore sooner rather than later. Keep an eye on her but also be prepared that she's not the one. Loyal women aka women who are in love with you don't do this shit.

[–]jackandjill221 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's true. The only time there's an exception to this rule is if the really believes him to be a catch or he's high value like famous. She's not going to squander her youth.

[–]GonadGravy2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Even celebrities, millionaires and athletes get cheated on. No man is out of hypergamy’s reach.

[–]jackandjill22 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

You're totally missing what I'm saying, that pointless truism isn't of any relevance ATM bro.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read what he wrote...it seems to me as if he was agreeing with you.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you were in her position, would you go with your friends?

[–]emilcioran123[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

No. Not when in an ltr, and by the fact that nothing good comes from these places.

[–]whoareyou311 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you wouldnt go then you should date someone that wouldnt go either. This is a hypocrisy issue. Alot of guys wouldnt let their LTRs do x y z but do it themselves. I have yet to find a reasonable redpill concept that can justify hypocrisy.

[–]Drive_Thru_Sushi5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

We’re slaves to the things we’re not ready to walk away from

[–]jamblu35 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

My LTR went to maga 2 weeks ago and she wouldn’t dare even think of doing anything. If you tell her not to go or you don’t like the idea, it shows weakness. So when my girl asked me for permission to go I said Idgaf you do what you want and I also went on a lads holiday which filled her with even more dread.

[–]PickUpScientist15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

arrange a trip to tijuana with the boys so that you don't get bored that weekend.

[–]RedHoodhandles-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What a terribly obvious butthurt reaction. Have my downvote.

[–]Tjommas7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’m sorry what? You mean he should sit at home and be bored while his girlfriend is getting rawdogged on vacation?

And you know she will, I’ve been there, lots of alcohol and attractive strangers with 0 chance of him ever knowing. Do the math.

[–]RedHoodhandles-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

No I mean he should end the relationship if she crosses the line. Forget your LTR if you feel the need to play games like these. 'Oh I will party even harder. I'll show her..' Cringey as fuck.

Some of you need some basic 'girls night out' reading from Rollo.

[–]mabden7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Greeka.com to check out what the island offers in vacation adventure.

Your chick says she doesn't want to go, but will if the opportunity is there. Double Speak.

No mention of you going with. Any chick with a high interest level in you would not be planning vacations without inviting, including or going with you.

Regardless of the proper redpill response to your chicks behavior on this, you stated your position, you have to follow through.

In the mean time, stfu , you said your peace, its on her to decide what her priorities are and if they include you. If she continues to press the issue, "nothing has changed" is all you require repeating.

Fuck her as you please, game other chicks. She will either blow you or blow herself out, either way, your set to move on.

If she goes, your turn with her is over.

[–]papunigga0313 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t LTR.

[–]dynospectrum73 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Advice is all over the place. I'm in a similar situation where my girl was invited by her friend on a New year's cruise for a couple of days. When she told me about it and all I said was "have fun". Did I want my LTR to go on a cruise full of randoms? No, but I didn't even have to say that. The response I gave was enough for her to switch up a week or so later and try to make plans with me instead.

It's all about the frame you set in the beginning. Have boundaries, mean what you say, don't waver. So long as she knows she can be replaced, you'll be good.

[–]second-last-mohican0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly, if you have to tell your girl what she can and cant do you've already lost. And if you cant trust that a trip without you will end with her riding a cock you've bagged yourself a ho so it was only a matter of time anyway. I feel like a lot of guys on this specific post are under 22 reciting b.s

[–]MR_SKINNYPENIS696 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, and girls who fuck guys on holiday always say "I wasn't planning to do it. I didn't even really want to!"

[–]bestsparkyalive10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Some of the responses here are straight cringe material. I feel like there is a lot of angry keyboard warriors responding based on the content. Yikes.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For sure.

[–]TheTastelessBatman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has two options

A. She is free to go. But you calling it quits then.

B. She doesn't go.

Not LTR material if she is adamant on doing whatever her friends are doing.

[–]Drainstink2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How old are you both? To be honest if you are 19-26, and especially 19-22, there really is little point to being in a relationship with her. Most women that age especially these days cant do them. They naturally want to have fun, experience these things and their friends influence them a lot at that age. Its pretty much everything to them. And at that age women especially dont know what they want. They will test and do things and only figure out when its too late. Like cheating but not liking it and wanting their bf back etc.

Not saying ALL WOMEN do it, but i think nowdays most at this age are very capable and act on it especially party rave culture is trendier than ever and women are free to so this shit now.

What does it mean for you? It means dont fight her nature like a jealous worried scarce mindset. Be impartial. If she goes, end it. Its no big deal and should be expected to happen at that age imo. Relationships at 19-22 are dumb af imo. A woman worth staying with wont really put you in this situation. She will self regulate and value you more than her friends and a party. And its not to say you have-no value. Women at that age are just complete slaves to tingles, and their friends influences and what is trendy.

Im assuming u are british. Young people here are obsessed with these types of holiday like a rite of passage. But most people here are bluepilled as fuck. My sisters bf literally went with her to one of these instead. Lol. Its so trendy here to so it and while not all women will get up to no good its still not a model environment to put herself in while in a relationship. But she is very much telling the truth that her friends are the main influences of wanting to go. Does it make a difference? Nope. Its your boundary. But like i said, at ur age good luck finding a woman who wont want to do all this stuff. They exist tho, but you wont find them in your typical british student.

You handled it not too bad, but you gave an an ultimatum it sounds like. Next time use an example when relevant. She should know you would end it without having to tell her. “Wow did his gf go to zante? I'm surprised he didnt break up with her”. She would remember that.

My advice: close down conversation about it now. She’ll make her choice. Dont expect relationships like this to last at ur age. Likely she will grow to resent you outright disalowing her like this though. Its ALWAYS BETTER TO DO IT SUBTLE IN THIS INSTANCE, like the example above.

[–]Metrack2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I made comment on this but decide to take different perspective.

TRP state that you have to assume it's always your turn. In LTR this statement should give you peace of mind, ability to walk away if girl miss behave and be cool about breaking up while she cheat on you at the same time. Women act not fully conscious especially in time of no real social norm which results in testing you.

In this situation like many other there is no good answer to this. If it bother you that she go party alone leave her. If it bother you that she may cheat on you, leave her. Your peace of mind should be always a priority and you should only ask you how you feel about it not us.

The curse of redpill is that you are aware of crazy shit whether by participating in it or by reading ppl stories. If you have a problem to trust a woman at some degree things will only decline in your relationships.

[–]Jabbermouth3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don’t try to stop her from going.

If she goes, demote her to plate. You are now single.

If she stays, realize this is a bad sign for your LTR and start planning an exit strategy.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep.

[–]R1786 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

So no wining here?

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He dodged a bullet; to me, that's a WIN!

[–]HurricaneHugues9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

"I said to her that I don’t want a long term girlfriend who goes on these kinds of holidays, and that’s she is free to go but should expect unwanted consequences if she does."

Too much fucking talking and explaining. If any of that nonsense was true you wouldn't say shit about it and you would just dump her when she left for the island. Talk less act more

[–]flying-backflip20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's dumb. Boundary establishment is all non-verbal then? If that was true, no relationship would ever work. You state boundaries once. Break them and they have consequences. Respect them and you build trust and loyalty. You're advice here is pure insane. You're basically telling him to react neutrally to her idea, and then if she ends up going to just break up with her a few days before she flies out. This is an LTR, not some casual plate.

[–]emilcioran123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Note taken.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, hold on. A lot of RPers on this sub tell of having said this, and are always met with almost universal praise, so, it's not right to give him grief over this. Being too wordy may be a bit off, but, it isn't as if he was paying for her bull to go along with her.

[–]2ComplexProjection1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have now stated a clear boundary on which you will have to act. Keep your frame up, and act accordingly.

[–]macheagle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t be fooled. She may even already have hook ups setup by herself or her group. To maintain her image she’ll continue to play the “I don’t wanna to go but if they go I’ll go” card in order to appear plausibly uninterested in going. AWALT. Don’t be naive man!

[–]Crixusgannicus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let me fix this and save time for all.

Memorize and say this the next time this come up.

"If you go. Pack first"

Doesn't matter if she lives with you or not, if it's an LTR she has shit at your place if only to mark her territory.

Pro-tip. We do the same but NEVER leave shit at a chicks place that isn't 100% EXPENDABLE.

Now. after saying

"If you go. Pack first"

BROOK NO FURTHER DISCUSSION OF THE MATTER! Beyond repeating some variation of

"If you go. Pack first, Choose"

"If you go. Pack first, that's all I have to say" <===<< My preferance

And so on and so forth.

This is your do or die moment Son!

One of you is going to "die" on this hill.

Hope it ain't you Bro.

That is all.

[–]Cyprian_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you really want her still considering she already made the choice to go.

Is it the same when you have to tell/threaten her to be a certain way, and not do things because of your precious feelings?

Set your boundaries in your own head, and do not tell anyone what they are. Let them hang themselves, and move on.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

and that’s she is free to go but should expect unwanted consequences if she does.

Good.

She says this is unfair as she doesn’t really want to go

This is fucking retarded. Of course she can "not go".

Was just wondering what your guys thoughts on it are?

You set a good boundary.

she doesn’t really want to go

This is still retarded. "I didn't want to go on this holiday" / "I didn't want to get drunk" / "I didn't want Chad's dick in me". This attitude speaks to lack of personal responsibility.

If she goes she'll cheat, that's just how it is.

[–]afterthe_fapocalypse4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

hurricanehughes gave some real advice; I've been in this situation before and it's just a consequence of not being respected. my relationships all went downhill, and I saw this with my father, too. he'd put down a boundary, and my mother would bully him and push it forward. the more he insisted, the more it looked like he was whining, and the more he backed down, the more power she got. he should've kicked her out of the house. bitch.

do you want her to respect you? or do you want to get sex from her? and if the latter, why would you want it from her? She's a weak gf.

the best thing Rollo says to do in situations where you aren't respected by a woman in a relationship is leave her. That is the number one thing that will EARN respect for you in her eyes.

[–]Crixusgannicus1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have stated a RULE.

Once you allow that RULE to be violated, in any way, YOU ARE FUCKED and not in the good way!

It's bad enough you have allowed continued discussion of the matter, but that is recoverable.

It doesn't matter what you would do in your position because YOUR position is YOU ARE THE MAN!

Unless you cave, in which case you won't be the man.

[–]Snowboard181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a perfect test for how solid your frame is, don’t budge

[–]PM702 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope she goes and has a blast.

[–]lampshade28182 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Going on a trip with friends is a normal adult thing. I go on a fishing trip to the Florida Key with a bunch of friends every year. We also rent an RV and go to a big college football game/tailgate every year. You really can't trust your girl to just go have fun with her friends for a few days?

[–]le_king_falcon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Zante isn't any of those things though.

Its probably much closer to Spring Break Cancun environment.

The only reason to go is to get fucking rat arsed in the sun and make stupid decisions with other people doing the same thing. Outside of literal sex parties there's few places on earth more likely to lead young girls to gettting repeatedly dicked down by randos. All standard rules of engagement go out of the window as does any sense of social shame due to the girls having each others backs.

[–]RedDeAngelo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Unless there are orgies with the fish where you go, its not even in the same ballpark of equivalence.

[–]BeeBopJoe3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

She has a group of slutty friends, shes probably one herself

[–]CasaDeFranco2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It depends on her friends really. If she is the type to cheat, she will do it at home also though.

[–]Lateralanouncer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you have played it perfectly. If she goes great, you have a free ticket out of an exclusive relationship and can now do what you want.

[–]violetmonstermunch0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dont listen to her words but look at her actions. If she goes then she wanted to. And you know damn well what will happen there.

[–]flatox0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stop caring about wtf they say.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If my girl wants to go to a “what happens here stays here” kinda place without me... she might as well stay there too. You said what you had to say. Stick to it. No need to even bring it up again.

[–]ass-my-eat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s itching to go full hoe. Think you gotta cut this one loose sooner or later.

[–]shelteringloon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You set the boundary so you have to hold it at this point.

[–]zboo1h0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Literally the only reason they do this is to catch strange, secret cock.

Your LTR wants to be a slut. Why would you want to pursue a slut for anything besides a blow & go?

[–]frognads0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I fucked a girl on a party island and she has a boyfriend back home. You did the right thing.

[–]KoolAidMan79800 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

“I said to her...”

Right there youve already fucked up. STFU. Theres no need for “communication” or whatever other pussy shit youve dont to get yourself in this spot. Just shut the fuck up. If she cant come up with the fact that this is a no go then she wasnt worth being an LTR anyway. At your age what the hell are you doing anyway with only one girl? Do you have abundance? Have you even read the sidebar or are you too busy communicating about how big a dick shes gonna suck at Zante?

[–]emilcioran123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The last one.

[–]whoareyou31-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

TRP seems to be so against communication but how are women ever gon understand what your boundaries are if you dont tell them?

[–]second-last-mohican0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You bring up things with ltr's in normal conversation, you dont 'put your foot down' and say you cant go on a holiday or else. That's weak.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He didn't say she can't go; he simply explained her options for a relationship with him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

soft next

[–]eddielovett0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Girls bring up shit like this to test men it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to go and fuck dudes. By engaging in a discussion about it though you fail the test, dry up her pussy and makes her actually want to go. Up your game, especially in the dominance department.

[–]Kkiy0M0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So you tell her no once when she tries to bring it up and tell her never to bring it up again? Wouldn’t that technically be engaging in the discussion?

[–]eddielovett0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t tell her anything just give her a look that conveys how you feel. Women are great at non verbal communication she can sense your boundaries.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She didn't ask for comment/conversation-she told him what she would was going to do.

[–]cracksniffer6660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a "teehee" moment.

She wants to go.

She'll "accidentally" sleep with someone.

Hold frame, if you break, and let her do it, it'll only escalate.

[–]RedHoodhandles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is lemming reasoning on her part. But whatever. You drew the boundary which you shouldn't have to. She shouldn't even consider something like that. If she crosses it is over.

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell your girl to suggest that the group go somewhere else other than hookup island. There’s a fuckton of other places they could go- but if her friends are just hoes that want to vacation on other dude’s dicks, that’s not a sitch worth your time

[–]anonghost12345678900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe chill out and let the girl go on holiday with her friends. she may end up dumping you if you carry on like this

[–]H_Crush0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

op, you seem insecure and overinvested, why did you ltr her? now you obviously cannot let her go, but you should have let her go and demote. THE FACT THAT SHE WANTS TO GO SHOWS SHE'S NOT THE KIND OF LTR YOU WANT!

[–]kankouillotte0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lol it's obvious that if she goes, sh'es going to fuck. Your decision is the right one, and you expressed it in the best way possible, now it's all on her.

[–]liquidnitrogentakes0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You sounds like an insecure baby who wouldn’t even leave the house the week she was gone but def break up with her she deserves better.

[–]second-last-mohican1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Right, let's get her number.

[–]abomba24-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Most have already hit this, but it's pretty simple at this point. She goes and you're done or she doesn't and you've held your ground, good luck moving forward.

Though I would sit down and put this to and end. Tell her again your boundaries clearly, including bringing this up again. You've stated your case and there should be no further discussion.



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