What does healthy self esteem look like in women?

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September 21, 2019

Post Information
Title What does healthy self esteem look like in women?
Author Earth-Angel11
Upvotes 116
Comments 80
Date 21 September 2019 10:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/288111
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/d7ha4u/what_does_healthy_self_esteem_look_like_in_women/
Similar Posts

[–]ComfyBiscotti198 points199 points  (18 children) | Copy

doesn't use too much social media,

doesnt post slut shot photos plastered all over social media

doesnt require constant validation

doesnt need beta orbiters around her 24/7

doesnt have gay best friends

doesnt self harm

is in good shape

cares about her health

things like that shows she is half decent

[–]prettyprincess9161 points62 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a good list. I would add has people she cares about (friends/family) and goes out of her way to improve their lives.

[–]Truedemocracy519 points20 points  (14 children) | Copy

What’s wrong with gay best friends? Genuinely curious, girl I’m seeing has some so red flag me!

[–]ComfyBiscotti68 points69 points  (5 children) | Copy

most of the time it basically falls into the realm of a beta orbiter kind of friend. its very superficial, almost as if he is a fashion accessory add-on that gives her more brownie points socially

[–]AppleCirocMajorKey 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

They also act like sluts around gay dudes

[–]Truedemocracy557 points58 points  (2 children) | Copy

Gay people are often in general going to promote promiscuous and risk taking behavior in that social circle

[–]askmrcia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the real answer.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]MisterMarbles198845 points46 points  (0 children) | Copy

gay dudes often act like sluts themselves, bringing out even more slutty behavior in their female friend circle.

[–]Poena199221 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd add that if she has gay best friends, she might value a kind of masculinity that isn't true masculinity and may quietly start to resent and bother you for showing masculine traits. She may even be susceptible to the describing of classic masculine traits as 'toxic' masculinity.

[–]GGrub86 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing wrong if she has a masculine gay friend, who basically treats her like a sister with the added bonus he won't fuck her.

The problem is masculine gay dudes usually don't want/need female friends, so it's almost guaranteed they're the effemminate kind, which come with a list of cons you don't want your girl exposed to, such as a warped opinion of masculinity and excessive free validation.

[–]Simpsrgay0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"Masculine gay dudes"

[–]GGrub84 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

They exist and are basically the alphas of the gay world, the most prized ones that feminine gays want commitment from (and never get). They're usually jacked, bearded, with tattoos and have lots of money. Since they fuck other dudes they typically have zero need for female friends. They're at best acquaintances for social purposes.

You'd be surprised at how similar the gay dating scenario is to the heterosexual one, including the concept of "gay wall": can you imagine how awful a feminine gay man who doesn't lift will look past his 30's?

[–]lololasaurus6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well first, I've seen where she says they are gay, but guess what I have noticed about gay guys? I'm sure some are strictly gay, but many that I've worked with or known are really not that discriminating and will be happy to get off with a woman too.

Beyond that, what the other fellows said.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As its already been said gays on the whole are more promiscuous and risk taking, and encourage their female friends to act the same.

As well as this it presents a false image of how a male should act, and the girl may begin to dislike seeing traditional masculine traits

[–]DirtyBastard13-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

TLDR: They are a bad influence on a woman due to their support of leftist positions and mental illness, a woman who associates unnecessarily with Gay people is suspect.

They usually have some dysfunction due to genetics or upbringing that made them Gay, probably someone molested them or a parent epically failed. Gay people often have mental issues beyond the sexuality part, and are subversive and support untraditional positions to push society to tolerate and their unnatural condition. They also hate straight society and the patriarchy because they are losers and can't succeed in it and will work to undermine natural sex relations to push their agenda. They want to tear down western civilization because they hate it and themselves.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have to add... isn’t a “sex and the city”type

[–]Dimenzije900 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck my ex had all these traits, youre not helping with curing my oneitis bro.

[–]KingMike199781 points82 points  (5 children) | Copy

Just be aware that all woman need validation. All human beings do. So you won’t find a female that “doesn’t want validation”. A healthy one (like the one I’m with, I like to think she’s healthy) will only look for validation from her man. Not because she doesn’t want it elsewhere, but the thought of attention from someone who isn’t her chad is non existent. It’s subconsciously yours or nobodies

[–]superbad4life1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

will only look for validation from her man

So then how do you give enough validation without over doing it? My LTR is a Words of Affirmation (5 Love Languages) type of person, and I know that a TRP preaches to give it sparingly.

[–]KingMike19970 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It’s not a set number, it’s a case by case basis. My LTR requires a ton of validation and attention. Purpose for this is that I’m supplying all that she has. When she does something good, she gets heaps of attention. When she doesn’t, she starves

[–]superbad4life0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

requires a ton of validation and attention

I guess that's kind of my point. At what point does this go from red to blue? As in from a mental or situational basis, not necessarily a number. Because, same as you, my LTR asks for me to reaffirm words coming out of her mouth (which I have seen as needy, but from your example, she's starving). So I guess I'm trying to strike a balance for when and how often to give those words as 1) I am not a words person, and usually find them to be shallow and 2) since this isn't my primary way of showing affection, it takes energy and conscious effort.

[–]Greaterbird0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As long as you still see her as replacable, you don't need to worry about coming off blue.

[–]drunkPKMNtrainer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Truedemocracy536 points37 points  (4 children) | Copy

Small social media presence. That means rarely or not even using Facebook, instagram, Snapchat

Involved growing up and currently. Likely played a sport, did band, did something growing up. Still works out with a purpose other than to look hot. Examples can be women training for marathons, lifting, rock climbing, mud runs, etc

Good family unit. If she was raised from a bad family it likely effects her some way. If she still talks to her parents regularly it’s a good sign

Doesn’t go out often. A lot of people go to bars to fill holes in their lives, they sleep in the next morning hungover, and lounge around before doing it again. These women are content reading a book on a weekend, going to a farmers market in the morning, etc. not to say no social life just not regularly getting drunk every weekend

Also little drug use or “look at me” behavior. If she smokes cigarettes regularly, weed regularly, does any hard drugs, get drunk regularly, has exotic piercings or tattoos she likely loves attention

Actual interests. Yes women with interests exist. No, “travel” does not count.

Fortunately for guys looking for relationships the above behaviors are usually correlated. Unfortunately, those women are so rare these days that it’s almost not worth trying

[–]get_to_the_choppahh 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

I'd even say travel is a bad sign. Wanderlust = riding the global CC.

[–]Pimpcool4204 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

LMAO yeah I didn't get this before I lived in a touristy city but now I do (catch a tourist on Bumble about once a month). The photos of exotic food she posts are with me sitting across the table; she posts her sightseeing photos at midnight when she's lying in the hotel bed.

[–]prrraveen7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

haha. it is. A few of female I know, solo travel just ride some cocks.

[–]CombatEngineerADF0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dated a woman with all these (she wasn't perfect obviously). She still cheated in the first month and confessed far later in the relationship. AWALT

[–]MR_SKINNYPENIS6943 points44 points  (8 children) | Copy

Good relationship with her father is a bedrock from which everything else grows.

Likewise with a bad relationship.

You want a woman who has a good relationship with her father, where her dad is good to her and she loves him and he was always around when she was growing up. You can often find this out on the very first date if you ask right.

I cannot stress this one enough: if she posts lots of selfies on social media then she's going to cheat on you. All girls post selfies, I'm talking about the ones who post stories every day that are just photos of themselves. She has low self esteem about her looks and she NEEDS validation from men - sooner or later she will fuck some other guy for this validation because just being with 1 guy all the time isn't enough validation. If she posts a lot on social media like this, sure, plate her, but know that you're an idiot if you try to LTR her. Nothing will change the fact that she WILL cheat on you.

Girls with "motivational" quotes are also showing signs of low self esteem and dissatisfaction in life. That means they're much more likely to branch swing.

Also, while it is the easiest way to get laid, if you want a high quality woman don't uee dating apps. High quality women with high self esteem do not use those apps.

[–]FightGuard2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

If her father was a bed rock, he wouldn't be letting the girl fuck men without commitment.

[–]MR_SKINNYPENIS699 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

I don't believe that's true.

A good woman who has or had a great relationship with her father can still be DTF. Her father has no say in the matter unless you're taking her to your prom.

[–]FightGuard2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's a good woman?

[–]trp282870 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A woman who won't have sex outside of a LTR? Is that what you mean?

[–]FightGuard0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women don't have rules for alphas. A good woman is one on a tight leash. A good woman is that way because a man puts in work make it so.

[–]trp282870 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Plenty of feminist/liberal fathers who have great frame (yes, I mean this seriously). Those would let their daughter fuck almost anyone she wants.

[–]FightGuard0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If her father was looking out for her long term interests, he wouldn't let it happen.

[–]trp282870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, keep telling yourself this. Its absolutely not in the interest of a woman in today's western society to avoid all men who are significantly above in SMV, and only fuck those that she can get commitment from

[–]THEMIDLANDMAN9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

A 48 year old woman I know.....

Smiles a lot and is pleasant to be around.

Has active social life with similar friends

Keeps herself physically active (can run 3:20 marathon)

Split up with her boyfriend last year, never posted any attention seeking stuff on Facebook.

No changing her profile picture every week, no relationship quotes, no feminist crap,

She is a very rare 48 year old woman

[–]EvelynnSpoiler14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women who have alpha fathers seem to be pretty cool

[–]Alt_Mayday1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This comment deservers 10x the amount of upvotes

[–]urbancore11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Gets along great with other women. Has a great group of friends who are like minded.

When a woman only has guy friends, says other women are all drama, etc, she’s the problem.

When a woman, or a man for that matter, has a group of friends for a long time, with little to no drama, they feel supported and grow in confidence.

The key is that their friends are like minded. They will all keep each other in line.

[–]XT3M38 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

When a woman only has guy friends, says other women are all drama, etc, she’s the problem.

its funny how i only noticed this after coming to the red pill. alot of girls i knew always said they cant be friends with girls for various reasons, but when i watch how they moved afyer swallowing the pill, im like no you.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit yes. I remember by bro back in high school got with this druggie woman who said the same thing. The drama from this botch was unreal. Eventually everyone split apart because she told him to

[–]Sylvester_Sterone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit yes. I remember my bro back in high school got with this druggie woman who said the same thing. The drama from this botch was unreal. Eventually everyone split apart because she told him to

[–]Sylvester_Sterone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit yes. I remember by bro back in high school got with this druggie woman who said the same thing. The drama from this botch was unreal. Eventually everyone split apart because she told him to

[–]Sylvester_Sterone23 points24 points  (11 children) | Copy

Has a hobby they are good at like quilt making Involved in committees Has a life besides you Healthy relationships with parents Has 1 or 2 drinks max Doesn’t need social media

[–]Hailie_Mathers 1 points [recovered]  (7 children) | Copy

Quilt making? Involved in committees?

Are you dating women from the 1950s?

[–]Look_Ma_Im_On_Reddit16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

Let's be real, we all wish we could

[–]Sylvester_Sterone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends on the location. Girls from Jersey we’re more fun olive skin Italian party girls.

The college town I live in mostly has small town girls moving into a bigger small town. Some adopt the partying lifestyle and others retain their family values. Gotta vet the shit out of them.

A lot of these girls are attracted to older men. I’m 32 now but have been with girls in their early and mid 20s. Been lifting for 12 years and supervise preschool teachers while occasionally visiting college classes to talk about the program

[–]MeansToABenz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So so true, screw (most) modern hoes

[–]superbad4life0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And most n-counts would be automatically halved...

But hey, men might actually be happy.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depends. Small towns? Rumors fly like autumn leaves in the winds.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She’s also on a committee and judges for a state beauty competition and I had her invite me to judge a couple of times too. Mostly high school senior girls 17 or 18 years of age. I was never alone with these people but I got the pleasure of asking shit test judge questions.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see girls in the Midwest. Right now I live I. A town with a population of 14000. The girl I’m seeing in this town is from a place with a pop of 650.

She grew up doing 4H which is an agricultural club where where have competitions at local and state fairs. Competitions involve best pie making and quilts plus other shit.

I am originally from New Jersey

[–]Hemingwinehouse 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

So you're the guy my grandma is hanging out with! Good to see RPers in my family.

Don't plate her please

[–]Sylvester_Sterone2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Grannie Hemingwinehouse makes a mighty fine Crown Royal quilt.

[–]equilibrium5711 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Fromstatepharm9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

No need for external validation.

[–]hedden9325 points26 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd say no dependence on external validation.

[–]FinancialThanks16 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

That’s a sociopath

[–]Fromstatepharm8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Less need? Lol

[–]cluelessguitarist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Shit i guess im a sociopath

[–]ActiveGangMember1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

depending on retards for self worth makes us sociopaths i guess. I can deal with this.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Has a career and some actual life goals of her own. More than just getting married/having a baby i.e. her goal in life is more than just meeting a man.

Has significant gaps between relationships (is comfortable being single without constantly needing to be in a relationship).

Able to have her own opinions even if that opinion isn't shared by her friends/family.

[–]Uniqueusername3601 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Enough confidence to trust your SO

[–]daudirfan581 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Has good relations and respects her father

[–]ChiBron861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Aren't desperate for attention (not constantly flirting with guys, not super active on social media)

Willing to stand up for themselves without being a bitch

Don't feel the need to tear other people down in order to feel good about themselves (this is huge).

[–]zboo1h1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's something in the eyes, something in the smile. I've only ever seen it a few times in my life.

[–]its4thecatlol5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

A mark of a confident woman is that she does not respond to negs or half-assed compliments. Give a mild backhanded compliment. A self-assured woman will either call you out on your shit or, at best, respond only lukewarmly.

[–]rawrlolrofl9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, low self-esteem women actually enjoy being degraded. high self-esteem women will feel an insult to their ego (healthy boundaries) and call you out on it.

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Only swipes right for males they rate as “10s” on tinder/bumble

[–]Hemingwinehouse 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy

Swipes on Tinder in front of you

[–]wogzt905 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

This has happened at least 3 times to me in the past 2-3 years, and every time the girl has been a 4-5/10.

Make of that what you will.

[–]PolesWithGoals3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

At a nightclub in my college town one weekend, I was approached by a girl who proceeded to tell me to not talk to her. When I asked her why and she said “because you’re ugly”. I shit you not she was a solid 6

[–]wogzt905 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wait she approached you and said that? What the fuck

I swear these average looking girls have more ego than 9/10's, especially in clubs or places where alcohol or drugs are involved

[–]PolesWithGoals2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean I made brief eye contact with her because she was the first person to walk into the building after like half an hour, but yes. I have one more year left, maybe bars at the next city I’m in will have women who aren’t egotistical bitches. But I just want to fully enjoy myself for at least a year

[–]Pasta1776-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Very low ncount 0-2

Isn’t dressed like a whore

Rather traditional or at least understands roles

Good values

Isn’t afraid to be feminine in all ways

Never questions your authority once established

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who cares?

[–]Copypastable-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She shoots her shot before you even think about it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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