Still failing, but not as much

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September 21, 2019

Rereading sidebar. Making sure I have not missed anything. Read: MMSL MAP NMMNG again Sex God Method RM 1, 2 ,and 3

Finally realized I created all of this. I failed to lead. I let my ego take control. I allowed my little feelings get in the way. Absent Captain. Absent father.

I see progress. I STFU alot. Becoming more aware of catching myself in her frame...but struggling to regain revert to STFU when I cannot. Lifting, and have been for years. Have Tuesday and Thursday evening with just myself and by two young sons for Jijitsu and Saturday mornings for baseball alone. Just started Jujitsu myself....and my size and strength have no advantage to this type of martial art...absolutely phenomenal sport. I am spending more time speaking and being with my male friends.....why the fuck I was not previously is just plain stupid.

Nowhere near where I should be, but I am chatting up more random women. Even have a sexy young waitress at my regular lunch spot flirting with me and vice versa. Getting a lot more smiles....she baked for me last week. my confidence is getting a lot better when I am slowly learning not to give a fuck.

Overall, wife is responding with small positive baby steps, and I am passing more shit tests than failing.....I need to work on frame and self control more.

I know I have a long way to go and all of this is a life long process.

Sex with the wife....I talk more now during sex and she responds with more moans and grabs me more. She resists a bit less when I approach now. Still a bit whining here and there....fucking annoying and I get all of these stupid thoughts which are probably true of her not really desiring me....all due to me being a pussy for so long.

She always cums either with me inside or me eating her out. She does give more BJ's but I have to tell her to and it still seems like a chore for her.

Most of the time, after she finishes....she tells me to hurry up. I FUCKING HATE THAT.
Still feels she only fucks just to fuck and cum, and not due to the littlest desire for me. Trying to incorporate ideas from Sex God Method.

Just this morning I fucked her while she was asleep. Incorporated a bit from SGM....she came hard and I continued to slowly fuck her. She tells me to hurry up. I stopped and told her that was a turn off. No butt hurt and just went on with my morning with a smile. Other times she gets whiny after sex and starts complaining about random shit.

I know Rome was not built in a day, but would like some insight if there is anything I may be missing.

Post Information
Title Still failing, but not as much
Author 1kdawg1
Upvotes 15
Comments 24
Date 21 September 2019 12:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
MAPframeshit testliftMMSLNMMNG

[–]Iammrp219 points20 points  (8 children) | Copy

What you have to learn at this stage is that you are ultimately in control of your emotions and responses.

Whenever you STFU use that time to analyze what you are feeling. In the moment ask yourself if you want to feel like that. If not then let it go. Be in charge of yourself. If you can't control your own emotions and responses how will you lead a family or a team at work or a business?

Controlling your emotions sometimes means just shaking/laughing it off. Other times it means removing yourself from the situation. If she follows you then deal with that. "I need some space". Set boundaries. Enforce them. Learn to be king of yourself. Being a ruler starts with the throne of your own mind. Rule it.

[–]z2a1-95 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being a ruler starts with the throne of your own mind. Rule it.


[–]amalgamator4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes - the ability to self-soothe and keep a clear mind and calm heart during a “crunch” or invalidation is the essence of holding frame and shows your value. It is very attractive.

[–]Flynnjacklepappy1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

In the moment ask yourself if you want to feel like that. If not then let it go. Be in charge of yourself.

This is key for me and has helped a lot recently. Meditation has helped with this in particular.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is easy with the wife. Either I let her dump her emotions on me while I remain an oak (usually she's needing comfort), or worst case I just walk away. With the kids it's infinitely more difficult. I can't walk away from the kids. Their non-stop energy really challenges my frame. Then if someone gets hurt the wife gives me shit so which is icing on the cake. The habit of holding frame with the wife reminds me I should have been holding frame with the kids as well. Even when they're wild I should still be in control of myself.

[–]dilberryhoundog5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Watch Dr Barker’s presentation again. (The one you linked me on my first oys).

“You are not your kid’s Engineer, you are their Shepard”

Fundamentally changed how my frame holds with the kids. Before I watched that I was trying to engineer their behaviour and emotional response. My frame was regularly challenged as their natural behaviours clashed with the behaviours I wanted them to display.

Now I understand that their behaviour is their own, my role is to guide them as a Shepard to “greener pastures” (a great environment for kids to thrive and grow). My frame has been holding much tighter.

Attention is key too. I, like many others, thought I was giving my kids enough attention. But they always acted like I wasn’t. One day recently I said...

“Can I have your attention please” calling them over for a calm, non angry, great dad, rant on their behaviour.

Then it struck me, that phrase implies that the listener is GIVING attention and the speaker is GETTING it. Then I thought of all the rants, guidance, help, discipline, days out and time spent whereby I thought I was giving my kids attention as the “leader” of the family. The truth is, I was an attention whore getting attention from my kids and wife on the daily. I’d never truly listened to my kids (and probably my wife)

Lots of attention to give yet to fill up their tanks, but I can see their “wildness” dissipating and a true oak leadership frame starting to take shape in me.

[–]Iammrp21 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good thoughts on attention giving. This should be in the back of my mind in every relationship. Ensure I am giving more attention than receiving.

[–]Bcomingr80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I really like this one for meditation. It's helped me alot too.

[–]lololasaurus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This post is excellent.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nice ramble. I get it, I remember it. Stay in your own head, you're doing this for yourself remember....Stop measuring your success on sex.

Be your own judge.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop measuring your success on sex.

When I saw OP’s sidebar readings, I knew it was going that way. He read 3 SGM before reading the other material. Fuck, I didn’t even know there were 3.

/u/1kdawg1 - you are making progress, but reading the rest of the sidebar is what you’re “missing”.

Nobody GAF about your sexcapades... that’s the first, easiest thing IMO

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I needed to be reminded that all of this is for me....

[–]RedPillGlasses11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I stopped and told her that was a turn off

There was a lot of fluff in your article, but that was the diamond in the rough.

She gets off from you fucking you, so she obviously likes your dick. Women communicate covertly, but occasionally you have to hit them right between the eyes.

A calm, matter of fact “I don’t like when you do that, it makes me not want you.” goes a long ways.

Good job.

[–]0io-Tsundere11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Hurry up" means harder, faster, switch positions, come on my face. When she says that just tell her to do exactly whatever it is you want her to do that would get you off. No joke. You need to treat it as an invitation, not a rejection.

Edit: There must be something she doesn't currently do that you would like her to do, tell her to do that. You can mix it up with long and slow once in a while, but it sounds like you need to mix it up.

Edit2: Doesn't sound to me like you're failing, maybe not succeeding as often as you like, but not failing. It's a long journey, seems like you're on your way.

[–]NMMNG_10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All of this ^

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like we're at the same stage in our journeys man. What you wrote is so similar to what's happening with me right now. Just keep your head up and carry on bro. Like you say, this is a long journey, not a sprint.

Work on that frame and maintaining yourself within it. Don't let anyone else affect it with emotions or frustrations... Just know you have your own strength and don't need anyone else to make yourself strong.

Sounds like your heading in the right direction bud. Carry on.

[–]1kdawg1[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks brother. For me, I keep second guessing myself. I know what I want, and I know the direction I must lead us in....but the hamster keeps turning that damn wheel.
Frame is key with OI. Let's keep in touch and keep each other on our toes.


[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Threading the needle of dread sex verses desire sex. I'm in a similar boat but further ahead. Stay the course it gets better.

In my case, it's lack of comfort that is preventing me from experiencing the sex I want. I wasn't tracking her period becauase I am selfish and her periods are short due to a procedure she got. I realized I was not giving her enough comfort around her period time. I always treat her like my slut and not enough like my wife and slut. There is a mix and a delicate balance I am trying to find. Now we are tracking periods so I know why she is crying in the kitchen for no reason.

More comfort tests passed means more passion and better sex. Are you getting comfort tests? Are you passing them?

[–]Iammrp21 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

There is a mix and a delicate balance I am trying to find

This is exactly where I'm at. I've had the DNGAF my whole life because I really don't give a fuck about most things. And that selfishness can back fire. Have to sprinkle some beta on it.

I think the balance for me is to just give as much comfort as she needs and don't withhold any. My DNGAF attitude shines through regardless. The austitic formula is unlimited but reasonable comfort + oak/DNGAF/0 neediness = what she needs. A big part of that is 0 neediness, especially with regards to sex. She has babies/kids that need her. She doesn't want a grown man to need her. She needs someone to rely on. I've withheld comfort for so long that I gave her psychological issues. Not a good captain.

[–]primordialawe3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If the comfort is given as authentic, non-needy, no-covert-contract, outcome independent emotion, then holding it back will only hurt you. You’re lying to yourself and to her and perpetuating the game when you hold that back. Being able to tell the difference between the needy little boy kind and the grown ass man that likes his wife kind is the tricky part.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]1kdawg1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Brilliant.....thank you for sharing...

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why the fuck are you worried about her orgasm?

Jesus christ she's probably thinking what I'm thinking "when will he just fucking get it over with?"

[–]gameoflibidos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'll bite on this one.

Everyone is different, but in MY experience.. the STFU stage lasts a looonggg time. Here's why.. At first you just got to get a handle on STFU and actually do it. That is, it takes awhile to bite your tongue when she's being extra snarky. It takes a lot of practice in your own head to learn to ignore. Once you finally have that down, you no longer concentrate on biting your tongue, you just slowly start to not actually care when she's snarky. You eventually just don't give a shit, you might roll your eyes if you're doing something and not looking at her, but that's about as far as you care. Then you eventually truly don't care at all. It's almost funny to you, she becomes a snarky 4th grader in your mind.

At that point, your head is free and clear when she's barking BS. Then slowly, you start developing asshole counter attacks in your head. At first, you'll think about it 5 mins later, ... laugh and be like DAMN I should have said that. Then they start coming on cue slowly but surely. Then it starts to happen... a recent example;

I was in STFU mode for, i don't know.. damn... 8 months? maybe longer. Just the other day... my wife does what she does.. I was ordering delivery for the family, she was of course sitting at the kitchen table listening. I order my Italian sub last and hang up.... cue super snark cunty voice.. "Why'd you get THAT?" shit test alert.. alarm is wailing ... so 2 years ago my response would have been immediate DEER.. "Umm.. I don't know.. it sounded good.. why whats wrong?" ... 10 months ago... I say nothing but am fuming in my head wanting to start a fight over the cuntyness. 4 months ago,.. I say nothing and ignore.. i really don't care, she's just an annoying child. .. this time.. no hesitation or pre-preparing response.. I said in a calm but snarky voice "Why do you care what i get, .. mind your own biznass, ..but if you must know, I got it so your pussy smells like a hot Italian later" ... AND... she laughed. and fucked me later.

"Umm.. I don't know.. it sounded good.. why whats wrong?" .. no sex

"Why do you care what i get, .. mind your own biznass, ..but if you must know, I got it so your pussy smells like a hot Italian later" ... get sex

It's a long process in your head to get there. It's easy for people in a lot of these posts to formulate the perfect responses to some snarky shit some OP's wife said. It's very different to go through all the stages I mentioned to finally get to the point where you can counter her in real time. Maybe some others get there faster than me, if you are naturally witty to begin with for sure, but for myself, it took awhile.

Just keep grinding forward, read, read again, daily reminders from reading. If you slack on daily reminders you'll start to revert some, you must keep up the reminders until it's ingrained in your head. I've come a long way in 4 years. My wife used to use a wall of pillows, like Trumps border wall, in the middle of the bed so we wouldn't touch. If you put in the work, you'll get there.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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