Dealing with girls who try to push their friends on you

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September 20, 2019
57 upvotes

In my experience this is never a good sign because inviting a friend for anything other than a threesome is code speech for "I don't plan on being intimate with you today but I still want your time and attention".

This is true even for a LTR - I might care who her friends are but I don't want them around more than necessary. They're her friends, not mine after all. Unless they're interesting people who might enrich my life, I simply see no point in hanging out with my girl and them at the same time. Less sex, more wasted time.

Problem is after a while girls catch up that I'm not interested in meeting their friends and the "If you care about me you must be friends with them too" talk begins and things go downward from there. They know what's up, that I'm trying to avoid their betaization process, though of course I can never overtly bring this up.

Soft-nexting seems overkill in this instance since technically she's not disrespecting me, so what's the best way to deal with it?


Post Information
Title Dealing with girls who try to push their friends on you
Author GGrub8
Upvotes 57
Comments 43
Date 20 September 2019 04:58 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/288592
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/d6q0em/dealing_with_girls_who_try_to_push_their_friends/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betaizationlong term relationshipnexting
Comments

[–]beefthathasredmiddle89 points90 points  (11 children) | Copy

If it’s an LTR you should probably care a bit more. You should approve of her friends. If this is not the case, you are in an LTR for just sex, what’s the point of giving commitment if there isn’t anything more to get out of it.

If it’s a FWB, you don’t have to hang out with her friends, but you should enjoy her company enough where you allow her to hangout with you and your friends.

If it’s a plate, then it’s only a matter of time when it breaks, so, just don’t give a shit.

[–]W4T3V3R60 points61 points  (5 children) | Copy

I went on a date with an Indian girl in 2017, where after the date she texted me that "we dont sync", but "You should go out with my room mate". Her room mate was a chubby little Japanese girl.

I replied "Don't you ever associate me with that fatty", A week later I fucked the Indian girl.

You don't do what you don't wanna do. be direct.

[–]philltered21 points22 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nice, more details on what transpired in that week?

[–]W4T3V3R13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

She called me dickhead or something like that.. and I ghosted her for few days, kept on posting stories on Instagram with other girls and my buddies doing cool stuff. I don't remember but she may have watched some of the stories and hit me up mid week. Then the usual drinks/hookah at my place ;)

I have found Instagram stories to be a great tool to game girls, especially when she is following my profile already.

[–]prettyawsm4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

True. IG could be a real game to learn about just because those stories you post feel so real. No one is asking you spend half a day posting every single thing you do.

[–]Wobblewobblegobble10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is absolutely ruthless I love it

[–]Abnull10 points11 points  (7 children) | Copy

What wrong with meeting her friends? Don't go on a lunch date or anything. But if you meet at a club or a party, all good. Invite her and her friends to the club, bring some of your friends and have fun. Then she can no longer nag you.

Alternatively, when they nag you about it. Tell them to fuck off, and you don't have time for their shit. If they don't like it. Good riddance.

[–]Dimenzije909 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeah she isn't gonna put you in a beta role because you met her friends. Guys seem to take this shit too far. If she is your LTR you will sooner or later have to hang out with her friends.

[–]Ill_mumble_that[🍰] 12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

Just do a maneuver I call "the politician."

Meet her friends, turn your charisma up on overdrive, meet everyone, and then bail because of something more important. Shows value. Her friends will be thinking about you while playing with themselves that night.

[–]Dimenzije903 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

YES. I did this once not on purpose and you can see her interest level sky rocket our next date.

[–]plumkiwicherry 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

What do you say if you don't actually have something better to do?

Just go home and ride that effect?

[–]Ill_mumble_that[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If going home is more important to you then sure.

If you honestly don't have something more important to do that's a bad sign about you.

[–]juggernaut_child0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pluck an idea out of your brain for ideas of things to better invest your time and resources in. In our capitalist western society, this is often a business start-up. Or go spend some spirit time finding something. Not like you’re going to come up with ideas while hanging out with Karen or that hambeast Stacey. Unless you wanna film bbw porn.

[–]BajaGhia5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great opportunity to organize and lead the group. If its a social you didnt organize and dont want to go to, tell her you are working on a project or goal at that time. Oh yeah, might as well actually go work on that thing too.

[–]VisiblePlan35 points36 points  (2 children) | Copy

Kids these days. You are a grown ass man. Are you so pussy whipped you can't tell your bitch u don't wanna hang with her gay as friends. If she breaks up with you over that, breathe a sigh of relief. She's trying to bitch u up right now, don't let her.

[–]Sylvester_Sterone7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. You meet her friends because you want to not the other way around

[–]juggernaut_child0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If she’s earned the right to peacock her charming boytoy to her friends for 5 minutes, I say go for it. Do it just right and you have her friends in your back pocket too.

[–]troyohchatter10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would say if you see any time with your girl not having sex as wasted time, that's kind of warped thinking as far as I'm concerned. I am not saying what's right or wrong, not here to judge anyone, but if all she is to you is a cock socket, call it what it is.

[–]drumandtheywillcum861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

your post is actually kind of vague. Is she inviting friends over to join you for shit that you feel should just be between you and your girl? If so then I get it. I wouldn't want to plan a date or night out together with my chick only to have her invite friends along. Maybe once in a while but NOT if you were the one who planned the night out. Fuck that. But if its you going over to their house for a BBQ or something and you think that's wasted time then you are just being a bitch .

[–]TFWnoLTR1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you in an LTR with a girl if all you want her for is sex? Sounds like you're wanting a FWB but are too much of a bitch to not have her commitment so you're in an LTR you don't actually want.

Sort yourself out.

[–]thrwy754791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They're her friends, not mine after all. Unless they're interesting people who might enrich my life, I simply see no point in hanging out with my girl and them at the same time.

It's okay to want space, but this sounds asocial. Not good if you're in an LTR. It's not unreasonable for her to want you to be an active participant in her life.

Problem is after a while girls catch up that I'm not interested in meeting their friends and the "If you care about me you must be friends with them too" talk begins and things go downward from there. They know what's up, that I'm trying to avoid their betaization process, though of course I can never overtly bring this up.

You can't have a relationship with a girl, and avoid betaization. You're trying to be above the game, which is arrogance. No one is above it.

The fact that you've given a girl commitment means you've reduced your mating pool to 1, you're foregoing opportunities with other girls for time with this girl.

Further, every relationship (romantic, or otherwise) comes with expectations from both people. Sometimes there are compromises. You can't have a relationship, and absolve yourself of all responsibilities to do whatever the fuck you like. Only a child would do that.

If you don't want strings, then don't get into an LTR to begin with. Realize though, sex, for girls, always comes with strings, especially if you're continuing to see her over a period of time.

[–]Copypastable1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't reward this behavior. Imagine you having to string her along with you and your boys just to make sure she ain't fooling around. That's what she's doing to you with her girls.

If you give your attention when she leads, she'll want to demand more and will disrespect you for doing it. How much depends on the severity, but shit adds up. She'll keep wanting more, more, more until you go insane and she will enjoy making you miserable if you let it happen and then end up monkey branching. Reread your 3rd paragraph.

Stand your ground immediately without losing frame when it first happens, or else she'll accept it as a norm and then have "you done it before why not now" mentality the longer you do it.

[–]deathhandmachiavelli0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Don't overreact.

I've had girls who invite their friends and we still end up being intimate. In a quality relationship, sometimes she is going to invite her friends and vice versa.

If you are ALWAYS with her friends, then you are right. If it is only occasional, its okay.

Soft-nexting is overkill.

[–]cveetee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

what is soft nexting?

[–]vondoom9000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She wants her friend to judge you and then talk shit about you. Later it'll be ' didn't like his attitude ' ' why did he say that to me ' blah blah blah

[–]AceMav210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you’re busy af your mentality is appropriate if not then I mean idk do you

[–]BurnoTaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Disincentivization is one approach. Make it so that there are consequences for her bringing friends around. These consequences can be you paying more attention to the friend than your LTR for instance. Eventually she figures to only bring around friends she's also willing to share with you, or to just not bring anyone around at all.

Gotta watch this shit. I've known women who eventually started bringing entire parties over to their boyfriends homes. It would start with "babe lets have a party" and after she's fed the guy enough drinks that hes oblivious to whats going on, she calls all her Beckies and Taneeshas to come over, and theyre getting railed by Tyrones, doing cole in the bathroom while Beta Billy Boyfriend takes another beer bong

[–]Houston2NYC0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You gotta soft next dude

[–]Bear-With-Bit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her: "My friends are joining us tonight, hope that's okay."

Me: "k"

And then either leave early alone or end up not making it.

Communicate through actions (or inaction), not with words.

[–]The1ndex0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are a few different scenarios here. But generally if this is your exclusive LTR girlfriend/wife, go out once and a while and dominate the social experience. Also, flirt with her friends directly.

If you’re high smv her friends will all be wet for you.

This is anxiety dread, and social proof right in front of your LTR’s eyes. Expect her to bang you hard, and reduce the shit tests for a while.

For me, this is the easiest and most effective way I apply dread.

[–]JustLurkingIgnore0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

TL;DR: Be respectful to her and her friends but you’re not dating to make new friends, and if she doesn’t have room for you, dump her.

.......

I once dated a woman I met from a dating site and all of our ‘dates’ were with her friends.

Shows with people I didn’t know, movies and parties with people I didn’t know, etc... she once invited me to a couples date with two people I didn’t know and the other woman didn’t show for some reason. That was weird.

She leaves the table to go to the restroom and I’m on an intimate date with a dude I don’t know. She didn’t even pick up the check for me or him for that special torture.

None of the events were particularly bad and I’m not insecure or antisocial but I can’t remember all these people or how she knows them, what they do etc. I get left alone as she goes and talks to them etc... and I feel like a stranger in someone else’s house, because I am.

After about a month of this I was ready to call it quits. I hung in there though and invited her to my place (alone) at 7:00pm for dinner and fun times to celebrate a month of ‘dating.’

I cooked a bunch of food and she was two and a half hours late with no text or anything. I went to bed figuring I’d been ghosted, a bit angry about the cold wasted food but par for the course and not my first rodeo...

Eventually she shows up and said that she was on the phone helping one of her friends with a bicycle problem.

I played it cool and told her I figured she had something important come up and reheated some of the food. She asked if she could stay over and I figured I was finally getting laid for this bullshit but even that didn’t happen because she was cold and resistant in bed. We had a sleepover. Yay.

The following day she was hosting a holiday party at her house and I was invited and we’d talked about it the days prior. After she left I called her and told her I wasn’t up to it and would not be attending. I was not about to give this woman an ounce more attention.

I ignore her texts for the next four days as it is the holiday weekend and she is out of town and not available to meet up.

She gets back, is mad about me not texting her or attending her party. I get a lecture. A few days later we try to make plans and she says we “need to talk” and I said “about what?” ( I know what ) and she dumps me by text. Thank god!

[–]agjrpsl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dam dude wtf. Fuck her and her friends literally. One big fucking gang bang. If her friend is there fuck her in front of her friend. These chics nowadays don't give a fuck man. Just one happy family dude.



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