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How to toughen up?

Reddit View
October 8, 2019
65 upvotes

I’m a very soft guy. I grew up as the fat bullied kid lol how could I be tougher? I usually always take things personally and have a hard time being mean/teasing


Post Information
Title How to toughen up?
Author mrpumper935
Upvotes 65
Comments 47
Date 08 October 2019 02:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/289280
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/detq9c/how_to_toughen_up/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]TRPCops[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (4 children) | Copy

Your claim to be a high school senior, just started high school, addicted to tranny porn.

Are you 14 or 18? Reply to this in 24hrs or get perma banned.

[–][deleted] 177 points178 points  (6 children) | Copy

Accept you don't exist, all that matters is your purpose.

Let's say you want to pass an exam and lose weight.

That's all that matters. You go to the gym stoically every day and you give it 100%, not because you want to attract that girl you like or that you want to be healthy. You do it because that's who you are. You're a machine who follows your purpose. Someone in the gym calls you a pussy for following correct form or not lifting enough. Does it affect you? No, you evaluate what they say, it is good or bad advice? If it's crap, you ignore them and move on.

You want to pass an exam? But you also want to goof off and watch YouTube videos. Your friends start making fun of you for working all the time. Just ask yourself if they're helping you pass that exam? Until you pass that exam you're a studying machine. That's all you do.

After sometime it'll become automatic. Ironically, by giving up your idenity/ego, you'll have a stronger sense of self and people's opinions will mean less to you. You'll feel weird if you don't work out and study.

You don't apologise for your purpose. When you write you grew up fat and bullied lol, why the lol? You think it's funny to be fat and bullied? You know you aren't where you should be and you're asking for help. At the moment you know you need to become a man. That's a really strong position to come from.

[–]bloody_condoms27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the tough love from the old trp I’ve missed so much. u/gaylubeoil would be proud

[–]1MrTheFalcon18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is beautiful.

[–]Strisse12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is probably the best advice that I've seen on Reddit in all my time being here. It's exactly what I myself did and it change my not only physical apperance but also my whole personality. Do this op and nothing else

[–]johncillo24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

So this is how your dad was supposed to talk to you. Now go back there and start making and being awesome!

[–]Unlikely_Composer6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I genuinely believe this should be sidebar material.

[–]i-am-the-prize6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ego is the Enemy. Amen.

[–]Ranocore36 points37 points  (9 children) | Copy

  1. Engage in competitive sports. Be it MMA, boxing, basketball, or football where you’ll be forced to tough it out with other players/athletes.

  2. Address your insecurities. If you are bullied because of being fat, you better start purposefully lifting weights in the gym and consistently sticking to a diet plan, e.g. intermittent fasting or keto diet. Always track your bodyweight and lift heavy, or else you’ll suffer from Fuckarounditis.

  3. Let your results do the talking. Some guys overcompensate their lack of self-confidence by talking trash and asserting their ego to prove that they’re tough. Don’t become one of those guys.

[–]Swimming_Pool2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

"Address your insecurities. If you are bullied because of being fat, you better start purposefully lifting weights in the gym and consistenly sticking to a diet plan, e.g. intermittent fasting or keto diet. Always track your bodyweight and lift heavy, or else you’ll suffer from Fuckarounditis."

Wouldn't go that far. Eating right and going to the gym is enough. No need for these shit trendy diets. Eat what you like, but stick to a round diet.

[–]Ranocore9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

your choice, man. do as you see fit.

[–]BloodSurgery4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

No need for these shit trendy diets.

You say it as if they didnt work.

[–]Swimming_Pool4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

They work for the short term. But not the long term. Look it up. Being in ketosis for years is not healthy. People need to generally learn to eat right. This obesity epidemic is not going to be solved by diet trends.

[–]cuztrp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

the breaking point in my SMV was keto actually, i was 92kg and after 10 months of keto on and off, i dropped 17 kgs, now I'm 75kgs (give or take) and i'm not on keto anymore, i eat whatever i want and hit the gym regularly, and still remain in the same weight

my diet is still keto, i add rice, pasta, lasagna, potatoees when i feel like it, otherwise it's meat and nuts (no pun intended).

[–]StoneKingH0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Source?

[–]adam_varg0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Peter Attia or any other actual scientist/MD having long clinical practice with that.

Keto fucks up health of about 20-30% population right of the bath. Genetics..

For the rest it's beneficial usually. But it's only few individuals who can keep it up without issues years and years without break.

[–]StoneKingH0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's not really a source... If you're making claims like "keto fucks up health for 20-30% population right off the bat" surely you should be linking a paper or study, or even explaining how it fucks up the health rather than coming at me with bro science.

The other guy said you can't be in keto long term? Why? Where are the studies? Sounds like opinions stated as facts especially without any sources.

[–]adam_varg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am not making those claims.

Stop manipulating what I write.

One of top scientists in the field, who praise Keto, say these are their experience from their clinical practice.

And get real, few months long free living study is study. Real life, real practice is what matters in the end.

Mechanism.. Some people have Gene which makes them metabolize saturated fat unfortunately.

[–]woyspawn12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy

Combat sports with sparring: box, kick-boxing, or muay Thai.

BJJ is awesome, but is an strategy sport, and requires flexibility. I haven't tried it so can't say how well it works for your issue.

MMA gyms are BJJ + Muay Thai usually. Don't go for that.

////////////

But your issue seems of other kind, being mean won't make you tougher. Setting boundaries will.

And teasing is a verbal skill about fraternization. Unless you have a bulling issue (which isn't normal in most adult healthy environments), if you can't tease / reply to teasing , you may have some type of socializing issues.

If that's the case, being tougher might not help. You may have a better chance compensating your issues (if they exist) by trying theater improvisation lessons and studying psychology, ( shit like transactional analysis and stuff on human personalities).

//////////

Disclaimer, this is just an opinion. I might just be talking out of my ass.

[–]ZeppKfw0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What's wrong with MMA gyms?

[–]woyspawn5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

For amateur fighters, nothing.

But in my estimation, rules are what give you the confidence for sparring.

The first time I stood on a ring I fought against an amateur boxer, he was restricted to launch only jabs. I wasn't able to land a single punch. I only could take two round of constant beating. This was after a year of training.

For beginners that never stood on a ring, MMA is overwhelming, you don't have the movements internalized by repetition. So it'll take a lot until you're ready for real sparring.

If sparring is your objective, it seems to me that it'll be faster to join a more restricted sport to learn the basics.

But I'm relatively new to the world of combat sports... Maybe somebody with more experience can share his opinion.

[–]ZeppKfw0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Makes sense and I've heard similar opinions like yours so it must be true.

How long have you been training combat sports?

[–]woyspawn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm short two months for 3 years.

[–]YungRichKid7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can relate as well man grew up fat but the main piece of advice I can give you is continuously start caring less about outcomes and what people say and give it your best in anything you do that’s good for yourself

[–]ArnoldT10008 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Increase your testosterone levels

[–]HATEFULasshole6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Get an oil field job, get on with a fracking rig

Not only will your job make you strong you'll have real calluses unlike majority of people on Reddit

You'll be working with guys closer then brothers. It's not really that hard. Find a job that is difficult and tough and pays well

basically find a job that your first two weeks of doing i where you think "what did I get myself into" embrace the suck, and put your head down and work. You'll get tough

[–]HATEFULasshole2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

After doing it for two years you look down at your hands and be proud.

[–]afterthe_fapocalypse8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

stop masturbating

[–]Rimefang3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't give a shit, don't react, work out a lot, pick a goal and make it happen day by day.

[–]Deplorable0901 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen to David Goggins

[–]MisterRoid1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start fighting. No, not on the street. Pick up something like MMA, wrestling or BJJ. I train wrestling and it's great fun. You get used to take a beating as well as being rough with others after a while. The camaraderie is great and there are no hard feelings even though it can be painful at times.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If only there was a subreddit dedicated to self-improvement. And if only this subreddit had a sidebar. Wouldn't that be great?

[–]Whycantwealltwerk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Find a MMA gym and devote yourself to it!

[–]ThatsReallyGr80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

IMO. Develop a mindset of not taking shit and standing up for your self and others while still having empathy and kindness. Learn to fight in real life and also verbally. All can be learned. Take martial arts lessons that include contact sparring and ground work, work out, study critical thinking and logic. Learn to listen and study debate. Practice practice practice. Think think think. Mindset mindset mindset. Learn your limits and push thru them. Keep good company and ditch the assholes, this includes women who are assholes. Grow a thick skin mentally and emotionally, you going to need it. Hard work, self discipline, self honesty, self introspection, and consistent daily action towards your goals pay off big in the long game.

[–]A_Group_of_Crows0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read "No More Mr Nice Guy" . It's on Audible if you're into audiobooks.

[–]DAOcomment20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What is tough? If someone withers easily under adversity or suffering, they are not tough. To be tough is to be capable of handling adversity and suffering. So practice enduring suffering and adversity. Then you'll toughen up.

Lifting is a gateway to toughness up because lifting presents a set of simple challenges anyone can quickly understand, repeated daily and weekly for years, yielding steady, perceptible rewards for the work--controlled suffering and adversity--you put in.

Martial arts is another gateway to toughness.

Beyond these, there are myriad ways to train yourself to handle more discomfort and thus get tougher.

But if you are starting from scratch, doing everything at once will be too much. This is a lifelong journey and a marathon. You start where you are, not where you wish you were. Then you keep going forever and never stop. Start with one character building practice like lifting. Do just that for a year, that's plenty to transform your life inside and out. When that becomes easy and you need even more challenge, expand from there.

Also, get around people who regularly challenge themselves. You become the people around you, absorbing their values, mindsets, and attitudes by example. Many people in lifting and martial arts do them primarily to toughen their minds and spirits first and foremost, just like what you're asking here. So get around people who share your interest in toughening up who are ahead of you, because you'll feel first hand how they're different from you, and over time, internalize their culture as your own.

Do you think a Navy SEAL is tough? They are tough because they do hard shit all the time precisely to train themselves to get tough. They live in a brotherhood of people who value toughness and train to get tougher all the time. So this is how the toughest people get tough. Train hard things to toughen yourself. Get in the company of other tough men who are working on making themselves strong and tougher on every level. For you, that might just mean hitting the gym and making a few friends that lift, or joining a martial arts club and befriending your training partners.

[–]Herdsengineers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see the mod's are questioning this OP's authenticity, but for anyone else as well, there is a simple answer to the question posed: LIFT. Lift heavy and consistently. Do it when you feel good, do it when you feel bad, do it when you're tired, do it when you're still sore from last time. Squat, deadlift, and bench press - every time.

Fight through the pain, discomfort, low motivation, etc. and just go do it. No excuses.

[–]juccal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

why do you have to change ? why do you have to toughen up?.I don't think you should change.

[–]AlwaysimprovingMane0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Join a boxing gym

[–]mrpumper935[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’d do boxing but there’s not a good gym in my city. There mostly look like hiit work outs. Like I could do a hard workout at home plus there expensive as hell

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

stop taking things personally and stop being such a bitch when people tease you, step 1

[–]frognads-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Join a hunting club.

[–]SeriousAccount0-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

READ THE FUCKING SIDEBAR

[–]evenfurtherbeyond511 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Consider the agree and amplify method to dealing with insults. Eg:

Somebody: you’re stupid

You: I’m a retard, I wish I were fortunate enough to be stupid.

This way you have the last word and you control the conversation while pretending to be humble. They feel powerless and angry.

[–]WeddingCrasher910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

nope

[–]ToiletPaperPringles0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They really won’t feel like that



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