Why is it that abuse victims tend to be really good at shit tests and maintaining frame?

ArnoldT1000 · 2019-10-08T08:05:41+00:00

Hard times create strong men.

A so called “sigma” is a man who does not need acceptance or temporary validation. His priorities come first.

This is who your friend is. The reason why he is this way is because he learned through hard times who he is and what his priorities are.

Basically, his foundations are rock solid. You need to experience adversity to develop this mindset.

MR_SKINNYPENIS69 · 2019-10-08T08:53:18+00:00

Conditioning. Abuse makes you tougher and more resilient to abuse. Shit tests are a form of abuse.

I was raised by an alcoholic single mother with drug problems. When I was a shy teenager playing World of Warcraft (14 - 18, right up until I went to university) she'd come home every single night from work and just load off all her problems on to me by finding a reason why I'd done something wrong (usually to do with cleaning) and scream her head off at me for it for a few hours until she'd relaxed enough by getting drunk. It was fucking hell, I can tell you. She'd follow me around the house if I tried to get away from her, and I lived in a remote area so there wasn't anywhere to go except onto the road outside. I never shouted back because I learned very quickly that the quickest way for her to calm down was to not escalate and just let her shout and drink until she stopped. Any response I gave would stoke the fire, so I just stonewalled. Weekends were my only relief because she was never stressed from work and could just drink and take drugs instead of getting worked up then coming home to scream at me.

I'm under no delusions though: my abuse was very mild compared to some horror stories out there, but I can tell you that the nightly screaming and harrassment knowing I had no escape was fucking awful. I never initiated, I never gave cause for it, and yet I had years of nightly shit from a sad and depressed woman high on booze and coke.

Now as a man I'm incredibly resilient to women giving me a hard time. I am a steel wall. I would never wish my abuse on anyone but it made me incredibly good at just stonewalling, holding frame, and doing my own thing. Some would imagine that I'd end up just putting up with shit from a woman, but instead I actually have zero tolerance for it as I never, NEVER want to go through that again. The moment a woman starts acting like my mother did she's history.

I also keep a spotless apartment because I was conditioned to feel like any dirt or untidyness would lead to abuse.

jm51 · 2019-10-08T11:00:16+00:00

ime, long term abuse victims lose any concept of 'equal'. To them, a person is either a victim or an abuser, no half measures.

Sweet girl, do anything for you blah blah. Time passes and the expected abuse doesn't come her way. That's when she flips and becomes the abuser.

Happens with men too. Long time abused husband gets dumped, cries for his abuser. Recovers, gets a gf. She is not abusive. He becomes abusive towards her and treats her with contempt.

We_Broke_Up · 2019-10-08T11:46:03+00:00

Abuse victims train themselves to not show or even feel any feelings. It's easier. He's still trapped in that loop and those women are stupid enough to think rather than trauma he's really some superhuman apex alpha and are trying to figure out his secret. He's smart enough not to reveal it (even if it's obvious) because then they'd lose interest. He never gives in to them and that keeps them chasing.

A bit like a women who never gives any man sex or does but not the intimate type, just the kinky stuff. They keep chasing to domesticate her because they think she is some sort of super strong super independent person who doesn't need anyone and they want some of that. Only she isn't.

ntkstudy44 · 2019-10-08T08:54:34+00:00

I grew up in a very violent household. I have scars on my face like the joker bc my mom’s boyfriend thought it would be “funny” to give me PK’s and cut a smile into me bc I wouldn’t stop crying when I was 8.

Let me know if you need any more info about why I don’t get worried about female opinions.

Hope this answers your question

Vicco_ · 2019-10-08T10:07:25+00:00

Your friend sounds like the saitama (one punch man) archetype.

You know the meme where boros flexes his powers expecting Saitama to break frame? Instead, Saitama replies with a nonchalant "ok".

He knows deep down the only person he can get validation from is himself.

ThatsReallyGr8 · 2019-10-08T10:32:54+00:00

Because none of it is new. Just the same old shit show on a new day.

estrogenmilk · 2019-10-08T10:49:35+00:00

Would love to hear more examples. I Grew to be one of these sigma's as that's just what the soil provided from my background. Unfortuantly I lack the aesthetics so many of my ''talents'' are put to waste

Slut_Slayer9000 · 2019-10-08T16:01:03+00:00

Think of the military, specifically elite groups within the military.

They basically have to go through months of torture to get into the group, this is done to break them down, and eventually build them back into men with rock solid frame with can handle literally any challenge thrown at them.

Same thing with anyone who has to go through extreme difficulties in life. They learn to maintain frame, it they didn't they would die.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-10-08T11:09:58+00:00

Who actually knows? Guys have literally been given one paragraph about your friend, and we're all psycho analysts with ability to diagnose.

If he's turning women into worshiping freaks off one interaction, there is something else to it.

Describe the interactions. Give us some details, or you'll get general arm chair psychiatrists giving you answers.

cracksniffer666 · 2019-10-08T12:27:44+00:00

From experience, ex and I BOTH had PTSD, but we didn't know it when we got together. We had it for different reasons, she had it from sexual abuse, I had it from bullying.

You just learn to pay attention to every little thing, to the point where it becomes extremely exhausting.

Merica911 · 2019-10-08T11:26:18+00:00

The reason why the girl was “BEGGING” to have sex with him is because the other side of the coin he showed ZERO interest in having sex. So it was literally a shit test to see if he cracks in having sex or show interest in having sex and the second it happens she no longer begs, better yet she’ll start showing no interest.

Remember, girls want what they can’t have. And to top it off, your boy was congruent. He wasn’t putting up a sleazy act only to pull a bait and switch and psych girls into the bed room. Like your boy is seriously emotionless in which down the line, I hate to say, is very bad for his well-being. And really hope he doesn’t have suicide thoughts.

This really only works up to the age 25 and after that older people and girls show less empathy for people that walk around with a chip on their shoulder because their life too is difficult and nobody has time to pick apart a dude that’s just sheltered off. Like seriously, is he going to insert himself in social events and situations only to be sheltered?

To top it off you were at a party and pretty sure this girl just wanted to get slammed regardless of the person.

We_Broke_Up · 2019-10-08T13:41:44+00:00

How do you reach this state where you dont need any external validation?

Austin2Leader · 2019-10-08T16:28:21+00:00

he has dark triad features....

AlwaysimprovingMane · 2019-10-08T19:03:01+00:00

When you've been through REAL things, you realize how unimportant some random girl is. There's literally billions of them.

66pisstrooperorder66 · 2019-10-08T09:42:10+00:00

Lol i know what your talking about I came to where I am as a refugee and boy did I experience some shit lol and I sometimes laugh at work colleagues or people stories of their “hardship” and why they are depressed sometimes I have to hold back from judging them because the life I experienced was that unique. Even in my mean bluepill days I always had a skill in this area

MattyAnon · 2019-10-08T15:31:18+00:00

abuse victims

Maintain a healthy degree of internal scepticism towards girls telling you about their abuse, because:

Much of it is made up or exaggerated
Whether true or not she's trying to make you into a white knight and garner sympathy
Did you forget that you too have suffered abuse, problems, difficulties and they are likely much worse than she'll have to face in life.

This guy sounds like he has a strong frame. Why do you believe the abuse thing so readily?

420KUSHBUSH · 2019-10-08T16:51:18+00:00

Reading this made me remember the time I had a discussion against 12 other people where I was the only one having my opinion and held my ground for the entire duration of the discussion (which was at least 20 minutes). One girl after that started wanting me something fierce. OP is onto something

zero0x · 2019-10-08T17:13:48+00:00

You are different from the rest. Your heart is pure! Rejoice! The broken are the more evolved. Rejoice. - The Beast (Split)

Casd12 · 2019-10-08T17:42:07+00:00

What does he do in these interactions? Does he call out their faults personality wise, then proceed to give them a solution?

EvelynnSpoiler · 2019-10-08T17:42:19+00:00

Sounds like depersonalization to me. When I'm depersonalized I feel like a robot and my frame is unbreakable. I'd rather be my fun self than a depersonalized robot

XXXMersenne · 2019-10-08T19:38:52+00:00

Take a look at this

Title	Why is it that abuse victims tend to be really good at shit tests and maintaining frame?
Author	We_Broke_Up
Upvotes	146
Comments	104
Date	October 8, 2019 7:12 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dewjoa/why_is_it_that_abuse_victims_tend_to_be_really/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-is-it-that-abuse-victims-tend-to-be-really.289307 https://theredarchive.com/post/289307