Maybe you're a bit like me?

When you're at a social event (a party, gathering, a wedding etc) and you see a girl who catches your eye, chances are the laws of attraction end up playing into your favour. Before too long you're chatting to her, get her interest and manage to get a number, set up a date or hook in. Maybe all three?

Feels good, doesn't it?

But then you're out- could be anywhere- when suddenly a random girl leaps to the eyes. Woah- yes please! You feel that jolt. You know what I'm talking about... Yet almost straight away follows that nagging, intense frustration. Because you don't know her- or she's with a group of friends- or you're in the middle of a crowded street or a packed venue and if you make your move it's like taking a shot in the dark and everybody is going to see you try hitting it off with her.

Fuck.

Despite the fact you're a solid player when it comes to closing the deal with that equally attractive girl at your friends' gathering or that wedding- when it comes to cold approaching?

You're a nobody. Your chance disappears, and you kick yourself for the rest of the day. Deep inside, that regret seeps in. You know you should've made an approach- but in the heat of the moment, every rapid fire excuse felt perfectly reasonable. And now you're left with nothing, right where you were before that mysterious girl caught your eye...

How the hell do the naturals do it?

If approach anxiety is something you fight to overcome, if hesitation is the chink in your armour- these are the 7 steps I recommend in order to kick that cockblock in the balls once and for all- develop a Just Do It attitude and (in the words of Jesse Ventura) become "a god-damned sexual tyrannosaurus":

#1. Lift

“Just lift bro”- you’ve probably heard this one a few times if you’ve been subbed here more than a week. But how does heavy lifting at the gym help with approach anxiety?

It gives you two notable advantages:

a) You become more muscular and develop better posture= more physically attractive to women. You don’t have to look like a male bodybuilder, but even a skinny guy with definition is more attractive to girls who prefer skinny guys.

b) Lifting instils a “just do it” attitude which is key to overcoming procrastination when you want to approach a girl.

When you’re just starting out lifting, or when you’ve added new weights to the bar, you find yourself standing there and you can feel hesitation creep in about doing the set:

What if you pull a muscle?

What if you can’t lift the bar?

In this moment, it’s easy to just stand there, waiting to “feel” ready. You don’t feel like you want to go and lift that bar. Yet you know it’s the only way you’re going to improve. So what do you do?

You count down from 3.

3-

2-

1-

Then you automatically dip, press your palms down onto the bar. Grip tight. And lift.

Every time on the count of 3. No matter what’s going through your head, no matter if you feel “ready”- you lift. And most times, you do ok. Sometimes? You nail it and the bar is easier to hoist than you expected. It’s a great feeling when that happens.

If you hadn’t already worked it out, this translates well to approaching because you see a girl you like and regardless of how you’re feeling or whether you know what you’re going to say to her, you count down from 3- then you approach her.

Your increased definition and improved posture are going to work in your favour, too…

#2. No Fap Lite

There’s a lot of content out there covering this subject, so I’m going to keep this one as short as I can.

Ideally, you want to be as sharp as you can when you approach. If you’re jerking off everyday to a naked stranger on screen, you’re killing your desire to meet actual girls who could be taking matters out of your own hands and into theirs (if you get my drift). Listening to other guys talk about going no fap, notice how many of them mention developing a ‘presence’ of sorts. When you build up your sexual energy, you’re going to find that girls begin to notice you more as they pick up on your increased presence and energy.

However, I don’t recommend you go full cold turkey, for three reasons:

a) Going cold turkey increases the chances of you lowering your standards and going for an easy lay from a girl you normally wouldn’t look at twice or bother with. Don’t lose your self-respect.

b) If you’ve gone weeks or months without jerking off and then you lapse, the temptation is too easy to think “Well I made it this far- another won’t hurt. So you do it again. Then again. Then again and again and before you know it, you’re right back where you were before you started.

c) You need to clear out the pipes and refresh your seed every now and then.

So how do you enjoy the benefits of storing up that sex energy, without going into full on monk mode?

Ultimately, aim to fap just once a month.

This might sound crazy, and if you’re currently fapping several times a day or even once a day, I don’t recommend you aim for this straight away. Take small steps:

If you’re jerking off to porn several times a day, cut back to just once a day and use the most prolific sex organ you have- your brain. Think about the girls you’d like to have sex with, or hop into the mental DeLorean and pick out a “blast from the past”. Let your imagination run wild, but take it slow. Don’t just aim for a quick release- draw the experience out and make the whole ride enjoyable.

If you’re jerking off once a day, aim to cut back to just once a week.

Once you can manage once a week without feeling like you’re going to go crazy by day 6, then try cutting back to once a fortnight.

Only when you can comfortably manage once a fortnight should you then take the big step of going once a month. It’s not always easily done- even now I don’t have consecutive months of perfectly managing just the one- but if this is what you aim for, you’ll notice the difference.

When you know you’ve still got more than a week before you can fap again, you get rid of that comfortable excuse for not taking action and approaching. Because you know that unless you pass a month, the only way you’re getting off is with a girl. There’s no easy retreat. Going once a month makes you hungrier, it makes you more bold- and makes you feel better about yourself. Talking about the benefits of no fap lite, the best way I can put it is that everything just feels better.

So stop sabotaging your willingness to act and your chances of success with approaches- and cut back on the beating off!

#3. Affirmations

If you’re here and you’re reading this, I don’t need to tell you that we live in an arse-backwards society where masses of people think approaching a girl cold in the street is “wrong” or “creepy” or “sad” while sitting behind your phone screen swiping on complete strangers is the normal, socially acceptable thing to do.

On top of that, if you’re naturally shy or new to approaching, I understand it can feel quite confronting trying to make the change, even if you know you must. Back in my late teens/ early 20’s I never cold approached a girl, even at a club or bar. If I did get lucky, it was simply because I’d get talking to a girl and we’d end up making out or leaving together. It wasn’t something I consciously thought of, even if that’s how it looked to outsiders.

See, I had this ridiculous notion that if I approached a random girl and got rejected, she and everybody who saw it would think I was a loser. And if I made more approaches and got rejected again, the whole venue would quickly deride me as a sex-crazed sleaze and I’d have to leave in shame.

Neurotic much? As if a club full of people could give a shit about me striking out!

If you meditate (and I highly recommend it, although that discussion is for another time), you’ll be familiar with affirmations- messages that you repeat over and over until they sink in on a subconscious level. If you wonder how frustrated blue pill guys can actually believe such nonsense that doesn’t serve them, it’s because of the repeat affirmations they hear every day from their chosen media outlets, their circle of friends and other dysfunctional influences.

You repeat something over to yourself with full conviction, and on a long enough time frame you come to believe it- so be careful what you tell yourself!

So with this in mind, here’s some affirmations for you to repeat, depending upon your areas of weakness:

One-Itis

There are opportunities EVERYWHERE

Make sure you emphasise the “everywhere” part. This saves you getting too hung up on one girl, because it reminds you that there are girls just as attractive everywhere- and opportunities for you to approach/ get digits/ a lay/ plate/ LTR them.

Approach Anxiety

Go down in a blaze of glory.

Let’s say you see a girl and you love her look. You want to go and talk to her, but at the same time you feel that anxiety grip- because you realise this could end badly. What’s the worst that could happen, realistically?

a) You approach her. She brushes you off. Her friends laugh and call you a creep. The guys in the group (her current s/o or orbiters) threaten you and tell you to get fucked (I’ll get to the subject of guys blocking you soon). Everybody else around sees you crash and burn. You feel like you’ve been punched in the gut as you slink away. So? Brush your shoulders off. On to the next one…

b) You don’t approach her. She leaves. You never find out if she would be interested in talking to you, interested in giving you her number, interested in seeing you later on, interested in making out with you, interested in sleeping with you, interested in being exclusive with you. And there’s every chance she might have been all of these things- but you never dared to find out once and for all. Now she’s gone, and you burn up thinking about what could’ve been, and you hate yourself for bitching out.

If you approach a girl and a) happens, let’s get one thing straight. Even if that’s the outcome, you’re still more respectable than every other guy who found her attractive but didn’t make a move. So if you’re going to go down? Go down in a blaze of glory. Rejection stings like a punch in the gut, but regret aches like a broken bone and takes much longer to heal.

I remember listening to this motivational playlist and there was a quote that always stuck with me: “The man who says ‘I failed’ is 10 times more of a man than the one who says ‘What if?’ Because ‘What if?’ never went to the arena.”

Thing is, even if you get rejected you still feel good about the fact you approached her anyway- and if she acts like a bitch, that says more about her. You dodged a bullet- move on to the next one.

Lack Of Self-Esteem

More and more women find me attractive every day

This one is especially important if you used to be overweight or had acne or dressed badly or were a dork with poor social skills- and despite the changes you’re making, you still see that same unattractive guy in the mirror. If you take action by the steps I’m sharing with you here and keep at it, I guarantee you’re becoming more attractive to women. As it says in the Bible: You can’t fill a new wineskin with old wine.

Just because hot girls knocked you back 12 months ago doesn’t mean equally hot girls will do the same now. You’ve changed- in a good way. Keep improving and memorise the fact that you’re becoming more and more like the guy you always wanted to be and the guy women typically want to be with.

Fear Of Rejection/ Humiliation

#1 Chatting to someone I find attractive is the most normal thing in the world. Why wouldn’t I do it?

Let me tell you about the worst rejection I ever experienced…

It was about 10 years ago and I was at a bar with friends, admittedly fairly drunk at the time. I see this girl go past and as she does, I go “Hey, you’re really pretty”. She glances at me sideways, says “That’s nice” dismissively and keeps on walking…

People saw the whole thing and laughed. I laughed too. Then I went and grabbed another beer- that was it.

Some girls will shame you for approaching them or their friends. They do this for two reasons:

a) They don’t find you attractive. It isn’t the fact you cold approached them (or their friend) that they think is bad- it’s simply because you’re not the kind of guy they want to hit on them. You bet if the Hollywood actor, star athlete, gym junkie or music artist they had a thing for approached them, they’d be all over him.

b) If her friends shame you, it might be because they’re secretly jealous you aren’t trying to hit on them. They wish guys like you would find them so attractive that you’d boldly approach them, and they secretly try to sabotage their attractive friends’ chances. A girls’ friends can be the worst cockblockers, and do so without their friends best intentions at heart. Jealousy can be one of the ugliest and most destructive traits people exhibit. So keep that in mind…

Now, if a guy in her group tries to shame you, take it with the biggest grain of salt you can. Whether he is dating the girl you like, friends with the girl you like or thinks that there’s something “rapey” or “creepy” about chatting to a girl in public, he’s an insecure loser and not worth paying attention to.

#2 I’m going to get rejected a lot- who cares?

This one comes courtesy of the Mark Manson book ‘Models’. Essentially: It doesn’t matter who you are, nobody gets who they want every time. Show me a guy who seems to get all the girls, and I’ll show you a guy who plenty of girls think is “creepy”, “full of himself” or wonder what’s the big deal? He’s been rejected by plenty of girls, but people remember him for his successes.

Environmental Anxiety

There are opportunities EVERYWHERE

Quick story: Years ago I worked in retail and just across from my store was a supermarket. I had my eye on this blonde cutie who worked the checkout. She had dimples and a great arse. But a security guard who worked in my store swore by a co-worker of hers: this bookish-looking girl with glasses, who always wore her dark hair in a ponytail. From where I stood, I thought she was ok- but not a patch on blondie…

Skip forward a month or so later and I’m out on the town with a co-worker. We’re outside a popular night spot when he sees this girl he knows- and it’s the same brunette who works at the checkout. Except she's got her hair out, she’s wearing a skirt and heels, she's all dolled up and holy fuck the security guard was right- I had no idea she looked this good!

My point being, that chick turning heads at the bar- she works the checkout in a supermarket. That hottie who catches your eye at the party- she works an office job and eats her lunch in the food court. You may not recognise them at first in casual or everyday clothes, but she’s the same girl- and if she finds you attractive, she won’t mind you approaching her at all. The more you improve yourself= the more likely she is to be attracted to you= the less likely it’s going to matter where you approach her.

If you’ve conditioned yourself to the idea that only bars, clubs or social gatherings are conducive to making an approach, remember that the girls you want to approach DO exist outside of these venues- and so do opportunities.

#4. Boldness

I highly recommend you read Law 28 in ‘The 48 Laws Of Power’, dedicated to acting with boldness, so you get a full understanding of why being bold is to your advantage. But think about it- if you go into every approach assuming that the girl should find you attractive and should enjoy engaging with you, it makes a big difference compared to being awkward. Don’t be arrogant or overbearing. Just assume that she’s going to like you.

You might have heard the saying “Fake it till you make it”. Stuff that:

Be it until you become it.

#5. Sales

You might not be in the position to go and take up a job in some telemarketing company or spuiking for paintball/ some sort of NPO in the middle of a shopping centre, I get it. But if you can- I strongly recommend you do-

Yes the job sucks

Yes the pay sucks as well

I’m not suggesting you go and do this on a long-term basis. However-

What working sales does is it sharpens your skills at engaging random people, pitching to them- and dealing with rejection.

I went through a period doing phone sales for my business. I had people outright tell me they weren’t interested. I had people hang up on me before I’d even got through the first sentence. So what? I’d look up the next lead and dial again.

In the same way Mr Miyagi wasn’t really teaching Daniel about how to sand the floor or wax the cars but training him in the key karate defences, working sales isn’t about the product, experience or organisation you’re spruiking but about making you comfortable talking to/ approaching randoms with an agenda in mind- and being perfectly comfortable with hard rejection.

Having a girl tell you “Sorry I have a boyfriend” or laugh and walk away while you’re talking to her is nothing when you’ve had people tell you to fuck off and die several times.

#6. Martial Arts

Firstly, learning a martial art (or boxing, Muay Thai etc) is not just learning a great skill, meeting new people and keeping fit- it also boosts your self-confidence in a subtle way. The better you get, the more comfortable you feel dealing with a potentially hostile situation.

Remember earlier where I talked about boyfriends and orbiters?

For the most part, if anything the worst they’ll do is make some sarcastic comment. But there are those rare specimens who become outwardly hostile and want to try and fight. Knowing that (in the highly unlikely) chance this eventuates you can deal with it is a big confidence boost. You might even have a successful approach, get a number and then get a text later from somebody claiming to be the girls’ boyfriend and threatening you if you don’t stay away from her.

If she keeps on communicating with you? Bring it on. If the “boyfriend” making threats is actually a good fighter or has trained, he’d know how foolish it is to threaten somebody you know nothing about. It should then be evident the guy is either paranoid and insecure, or not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Either way- if the worst happens and he tracks you down/ tries to fight you- so what? You can manage it.

Plus, nothing makes a girl feel sexy like being with a guy who can protect her…

#7. Remember it’s all a game- enjoy it

Don’t make this your life. As a wise person said: Don’t chase women. Chase excellence, and the women will show up anyway.

Enjoy approaching- even those ones where you crash and burn- because one day you’re going to look back and laugh. You only get this one life, and you’ll be proud of the fact that you went all in and dared to fail.

Saying that, don’t beat yourself up needlessly over the approaches you could’ve made, but didn’t. In the same way every guy gets rejected, every guy has had opportunities and not taken them. Every guy has those girls they legitimately could’ve had- but failed with. Making an excuse or pussying out of a potential approach doesn’t mean you’re a loser with no balls. Just taking action on these 7 steps puts you in front of the vast majority of the male population, by default.

Women LOVE being wanted, and they LOVE being hit on- by the right guy. That guy might as well be you.

So have fun- and good luck!