I'm staying with my son and his mother short-term, out-of-state until a condo I'm going to be staying at opens up on Nov 1. I've spent most of the last 5 years in prison so this is the first time I've been able to spend a lot of time with him since he was 9 y/o. As is pretty standard in cases like this, access to my son pretty much by her good graces. Legally speaking, she has all the power, I have none. There's more to it, but I'm not going to go into that because it's not the point. Let's move forward under the assumption that the only options I have to influence the situation are by how I behave and what I say, along with some small financial (>$300/month) incentive for her not to completely alienate me.
Her parenting methods, being generous by referring to them as a cohesive method, are all fucked up. He's transitioning to manhood and struggling with it, mostly about responsibility. His grades are shit and he's a slob who doesn't pull his weight around the house. Lots of video games, ect, ect. They've gone up since I've been here, walking him to school every day, making sure he eats breakfast and staying on his ass about homework. Don't get me wrong, he's a really good, sweet kid. Not mean, doesn't smoke or vape, and wouldn't touch drugs with a 10ft pole. Just that gives me a lot to be thankful for. By the time I was his age, I already had 2 felony gun cases and was in placement for 2 years. But he's struggling with responsibility. I've been trying to affirm the importance of responsibility and trying to get him to understand that he's transitioning to manhood and that we're going to expect more out of him. He listens and hears me, but has some ingrained bad habits that aren't going to change overnight just because I said something about them. Given time, I can help him make the transition and embrace responsibility. I do have a plan, of sorts.
His mother, on the other hand, is a THOT. Her approach to dealing with men in her life has always been and continues to be emotional warfare. Also, she is accustomed to the abuser/victim relationship dynamic. To her there is no in-between, you are one or the other. Approaching the Wall and completely unsuited for marriage from anyone. She couldn't make a relationship work if she was paid. Literally. She's approaching the wall but is, unfortunately, really attractive so no one calls her on her shit. Typical working-class THOT raising a teenage son. The problem is she is retarded and dense. A pathological liar and pathologically unable to see her faults honestly. She's starting to dump her men issues on to our son. She actually told him he's got a small penis. SHe said that to him. When he told me about it I told him not to worry, it'll double in size over the next year or two and that it'll be all good. But it's indicative of her approach, she attacks his budding manhood whenever they get into an argument. This is the approach she uses when fighting with relationship interest. All the approaches she uses with boyfriends she uses on her son. SHe's a fucked up human being and unapproachable in any real, honest sense. Universally not respected by anyone, even her kids.
I do as much as I can with him, though I end spending a lot of time at the computer working. We spend a lot of time together. Funds are limited but workable within a budget. Is there a way to engage this fucking bitch so I can illustrate to her that she's attacking this kid's manhood? I feel like she doesn't even know she's doing it, she's just using the tools that are in her toolbox, on autopilot. I want my son to be alright and well-adjusted. Open to advice and will clarify things on request, within reason. I'm willing to go deep into discussion on this one, even though my time is at a premium with work. FYI, I work from home.
Edit - I have no problem with criticism or plain speak. Unconstructive insults will just get downvoted and blocked so don't waste your time with clever digs. I could use something constructive here.
Edit 2 - Clarified something in the post.
[–]AnneStaz86 points87 points88 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 41 points42 points43 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnneStaz12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]a7000-a7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]porkmissiles1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frognads1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BajaGhia13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SlappaDaBayssMon5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MisterMarbles198814 points15 points16 points (9 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 20 points21 points22 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]MisterMarbles198819 points20 points21 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 8 points9 points10 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]MisterMarbles19886 points7 points8 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MisterMarbles19880 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Retuov-4 points-3 points-2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SteveStJohn4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ht2k92 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]J-Shykes2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]W_O_M_B_A_T2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]W_O_M_B_A_T1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]afterthe_fapocalypse2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlleyFrog962 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MR_SKINNYPENIS692 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GGrub82 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]XIIlX1IIll6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThatIrishGuuuy1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]whammyface2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]frugaholic12014 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]skuttt1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]boywonder2001 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]liquorbaron0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FearGarbhArMait0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Schhwing0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]screechhater0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Substantial_Wasabi-2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]MeganOlivi69-18 points-17 points-16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] -15 points-14 points-13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]PandaLitter-16 points-15 points-14 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyNicholad[S] 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ht2k93 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]zboo1h-10 points-9 points-8 points (0 children) | Copy Link