I'm staying with my son and his mother short-term, out-of-state until a condo I'm going to be staying at opens up on Nov 1. I've spent most of the last 5 years in prison so this is the first time I've been able to spend a lot of time with him since he was 9 y/o. As is pretty standard in cases like this, access to my son pretty much by her good graces. Legally speaking, she has all the power, I have none. There's more to it, but I'm not going to go into that because it's not the point. Let's move forward under the assumption that the only options I have to influence the situation are by how I behave and what I say, along with some small financial (>$300/month) incentive for her not to completely alienate me.

Her parenting methods, being generous by referring to them as a cohesive method, are all fucked up. He's transitioning to manhood and struggling with it, mostly about responsibility. His grades are shit and he's a slob who doesn't pull his weight around the house. Lots of video games, ect, ect. They've gone up since I've been here, walking him to school every day, making sure he eats breakfast and staying on his ass about homework. Don't get me wrong, he's a really good, sweet kid. Not mean, doesn't smoke or vape, and wouldn't touch drugs with a 10ft pole. Just that gives me a lot to be thankful for. By the time I was his age, I already had 2 felony gun cases and was in placement for 2 years. But he's struggling with responsibility. I've been trying to affirm the importance of responsibility and trying to get him to understand that he's transitioning to manhood and that we're going to expect more out of him. He listens and hears me, but has some ingrained bad habits that aren't going to change overnight just because I said something about them. Given time, I can help him make the transition and embrace responsibility. I do have a plan, of sorts.

His mother, on the other hand, is a THOT. Her approach to dealing with men in her life has always been and continues to be emotional warfare. Also, she is accustomed to the abuser/victim relationship dynamic. To her there is no in-between, you are one or the other. Approaching the Wall and completely unsuited for marriage from anyone. She couldn't make a relationship work if she was paid. Literally. She's approaching the wall but is, unfortunately, really attractive so no one calls her on her shit. Typical working-class THOT raising a teenage son. The problem is she is retarded and dense. A pathological liar and pathologically unable to see her faults honestly. She's starting to dump her men issues on to our son. She actually told him he's got a small penis. SHe said that to him. When he told me about it I told him not to worry, it'll double in size over the next year or two and that it'll be all good. But it's indicative of her approach, she attacks his budding manhood whenever they get into an argument. This is the approach she uses when fighting with relationship interest. All the approaches she uses with boyfriends she uses on her son. SHe's a fucked up human being and unapproachable in any real, honest sense. Universally not respected by anyone, even her kids.

I do as much as I can with him, though I end spending a lot of time at the computer working. We spend a lot of time together. Funds are limited but workable within a budget. Is there a way to engage this fucking bitch so I can illustrate to her that she's attacking this kid's manhood? I feel like she doesn't even know she's doing it, she's just using the tools that are in her toolbox, on autopilot. I want my son to be alright and well-adjusted. Open to advice and will clarify things on request, within reason. I'm willing to go deep into discussion on this one, even though my time is at a premium with work. FYI, I work from home.

Edit - I have no problem with criticism or plain speak. Unconstructive insults will just get downvoted and blocked so don't waste your time with clever digs. I could use something constructive here.

Edit 2 - Clarified something in the post.