At what point is this chore play?

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October 12, 2019

I’ll come back and add my stats shortly - just hoping to get some thoughts while I’m doing a couple of chores real quick.

This is faggotry, and I know it, but I can’t get out of my own head and I can’t figure out if I’m entering Rambo territory. I’m thinking too much into this, but it’s where I’m at nonetheless.

Ive had a week of doing pretty damn good resetting, being fun, planning awesome family outings, flirting, hitting new personal bests in the gym... today, I’ve had some fun things planned and some chores planned, one of which is to clean out our cars. Now, her car smells like a milk exorcism has taken place in it due to the kid’s spilled cup last week- really fucking awful smell.

Just before I go out to get started cleaning, we’re in the kitchen flirting a bit, and I pick her up, and carry her to the bed. The denials are already starting, along with the groans, but not in a really playful tone, more annoyed. I start kissing, trying to get her sweater off, and I get the “I really don’t feel like this, I just want to watch tv and take a nap, please don’t and just lay down with me...” after a couple of times of her saying this, I say “na, I’m good, I’ve got too much to do. You do you though, I’ll catch up later.” Could have been better, but I at least didn’t seem super bothered.

Now, I’m cleaning out my car, obviously butt hurt in my head, wondering if doing stuff like cleaning out her horrendous car is an example of me doing shit to make mommy happy- I’m trying to stamp out these covert contracts, but it’s as if I’m deeper than I thought and can’t see a covert contract vs what I would be doing normally.

If I don’t, it’s very blatant butt hurt response, which will lead to that kind of conversation as to why I chose not to clean out her car after I said I would- we can have that convo, but I’m trying to figure out how to not come off butt hurt about the sex.

If I do clean it, I don’t know how else to start down the path of “I’m making great progress with myself, and I need to quit dancing to make her happy”...

Thoughts like this make me realize that I’m not progressing as fast as I thought- if I don’t ask on here, I’ll start obsessing and over thinking, and in the end I’m right back where I started in over-analyzing.

Post Information
Title At what point is this chore play?
Author Carpenter4875
Upvotes 18
Comments 32
Date 12 October 2019 07:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
covert contract

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is simple

1) Clean the car if you want. If you don’t, don’t

2) quit being autistic with initiating. Use kino to test the waters. ABK- Always be Kinoing - but, start with light kino and escalate slowly throughout the day. As soon as she shows resistance, pull back slightly and go back a couple kino levels

Oh and...

3). Don’t think for a second she doesn’t see your butthurt

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine31 points32 points  (4 children) | Copy

If you want to clean the fucking car then clean the fucking car. Would Chad over think it?

Are you using kino regularly?

Right now, every time you touch her she knows that you are initiating sex and she dreads it. Coming from a mile away. Not creating the tingles tm first.

You need to be Amping up the kino: picking her up & putting her on counter, carrying her to the room, up against the wall, on top of the washing machine, in the hallway, in the bathroom, groping and flirting with her on a regular basis WITHOUT trying to fuck her every time. Play with her, tease her, slap that ass, kiss her neck, and walk away. Old school drive bys.

She needs to know there is a man in the house who wants to fuck her at all times.

[–]JustAboutDone30703 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

How does all this kino not come off as being needy? Yeah... I know “do what I want”... but if I’m putting the moves on my wife in this room and that hallway... and in the kitchen... how does it not come off as trying to hard? How am I not being too “dedicated” to her... I know when I’m a touch withdrawn but fun and not being a fucking autistic retard... my wife closes the gap and comes to me. I’m not trying to over think this... just curious.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. You’re doing it because it’s fun to do not because you’re looking for a reaction from her ...which would be needy.

She needs to have this in the back of her mind that you might be acting like this with the younger hot tight secretary at work.

I always treat her like a girlfriend I want to fuck.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Classic MCT right there ladies and gentlemen.

I bet he has a t shirt that's says "Man in the house who wants to fuck. "

[–]Carpenter48752 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The kino is a part that I’m ramping up, but I need to do more of what you’re saying specifically. It would have made me carrying her to the bed a lot less of a big deal when I walk away, seeing as I would do that all the time anyways.

[–]rocknrollchuck7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Realize that up until recently you were not doing your part. For anybody who is new here, you should be so busy getting stuff done that you don't even have time for these kinds of discussions or arguments. You should be knocking out so many chores and projects that your wife should be trying to step in and do some of them before you do everything. She should be wondering what she can do to contribute and help because you're doing so much. Now this is obviously not what you want do do forever, but at the beginning you need to set up a new dynamic and get some wins under your belt. So what would you do if you were single? You would be doing ALL of it anyway. So do that for now. When your wife sees that the changes are for real, she will probably step in and help without you saying anything. ​

As you step up and knock out what needs to be done, your withdrawal will provide the space naturally for her to seek out your affection. Make her wait until you're finished with what you're working on at that moment (unless she's clearly offering sex at that moment - don't be autistic). Your affection is not unconditional and she can't bitch that you're not doing your part and then try and stop you when you are (but she WILL try).

[–]77mrpB2A11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not cleaning the car because you didn’t get your pecker played with = Butthurt.

Cleaning the car and running back inside for Mommy’s approval = Dancing Monkey.

Clean the damn car because it needs to be done and you’re a man who handles his business.

[–]becoming_alpha0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you do clean the car (because it's what you want to do) don't make a big deal out of it. In fact, don't even mention it to your wife. Imagine these 2 scenarios:

1 - You get rejected then you go clean out the car and go running back to mommy to tell her what a good job you did and hope that'll get her wet. When she gets in the car tomorrow, the clean car smell reminds her how needy and validation seeking her pathetic husband is.

2 - You clean the car out and never mention it. When she gets in the the car tomorrow she'll notice it doesn't smell like death, and she'll appreciate it regardless of whether she says anything about it. More importantly, her responsible husband who owns his shit took care of it. Even better if you didn't discuss it beforehand and didn't tell her you were going to do it. You just saw what was needed and handled it.

In the first scenario, your "reward" for cleaning the car is her forced "thanks" that is more than offset by your covert contract. In the second scenario, there's a possibility she'll think you're a man and she doesn't need to manage your ego for you.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"15 points16 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’ll come back and add my stats shortly - just hoping to get some thoughts while I’m doing a couple of chores real quick.

There's your answer asshole.

It translates to:

  • I'm fucking lazy.
  • I don't want to do the work.
  • I want someone else to do it for me.

Quite certainly you behave like this with your wife, your family, your colleagues, and everyone else. But hey, why not? Mcdonalds, remote controls, drive-throughs, those fat people buggies at Disney, that's the new way: lazy, lazy, lazy.

Regarding your wife. Even once you've evolved into the second-coming of the dude who plays thor in avengers, your wife's not necessarily going to want to drop everything, at anytime, including her panties, so she can be molested by you. Fucking lay-off and don't be so pushy and stop thinking about it so goddamn much and go to the beach for a swim.

Quit crying and post your stats you lazy fucker.

Edit: Or conversely, try this enhanced strategy, to be written in a letter... "Dear wife, I love you. Will you be my valentine? Forever, and ever, and ever? I cleaned spoiled milk from your car, my love. Do you see how much I love you? So, so much. Would you like a massage? I'm going to get you some flowers. Please have sex with me. The end."

[–]wkndatbernardus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude is one of the fatties in Wall-e that floats around in his personal hovercraft and drinks Big Gulps.

[–]Carpenter48753 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s fair, I pushed the rules aside for my own agenda, which is definitely laziness.

And I definitely needed to hear the part about it not mattering how big I get- that’s been an covert contract in itself, and I’ve had that thought as well.

Thanks for taking more time to post the response than I put into posting my stats... I need to fix that.

[–]gameoflibidos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One of the main things I've realized after almost 3 years at this is laziness must die. You can almost never be lazy again.

And to your main question.. she'll know you are butt hurt no matter how hard you try to cover it up as long as you are actually butt hurt. One day you genuinely won't care and you will be getting stuff done just to get it done and not give one fuck whether she fucks you, says thanks or brings you a beer while you're at it. At that point, she'll realize you are different, not until then.

[–]SepeanRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look, chore play is when you're cleaning the car because you think it'll get you laid. And it doesn't work. I assume you know that, so there's no way you could be chore playing.

I assume you have a reasonable division of labor at home (whatever the fuck that means), just stick to that and stop thinking sex into it. If the division of labor is unbalanced because she's been bargaining with her pussy (and of course being dishonest about it, because chore play doesn't work), then you deal with that at some time that isn't right after a rejection.

[–]Neoduder2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would you have cleaned the car if it was your daughter's?

[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to learn about dread.

You think you're making gains, but she won't see them unless she thinks other women wee them. So when you initiate and she rejects you, go to the gym. Go anywhere. Leave. Don't pay attention to her. Don't do some favor for her. Withdraw your attention.

[–]SkimTheDross6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Whether or not you clean the car is irrelevant. What matters is your mindset - the why.

Are you cleaning the car because you’re the captain and it needs done? You have a high standard and want your family to be in a clean car. Maybe it sends a message to your FO and she follows the lead to take better care of her car, maybe it doesn’t. You don’t care either way - it needs done and you owned it.

Or, are you cleaning the car because you’re hoping to take some work off her plate so she’s not so stressed and tired. Maybe she will be more receptive of your advances tonight. You look forward to her getting in her clean car and giving you some of that sweet affirmation and praise for doing a good job.

[–]Carpenter48750 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I realized this as soon as I started reading your response. It turned into me doing it for her as soon as I got butt hurt, and I should have realized that I’m the only one making the big deal about it, which turned it into a covert contract when it wasn’t. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you started doing it while butt hurt. You had a covert contract. You need to figure out what that was.

Maybe she’ll have sex later? Maybe she’ll be happier? Maybe she’ll see I’m worth something since I did this task for her?

Don’t bullshit yourself or us. It wasn’t because you wanted to do it. It’s because you were butt hurt.

See the cognitive dissonance here and the incongruity? I don’t think you’d even be asking this question if you didn’t have your thoughts fighting with themselves on what you wanted to do vs actually did.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

The time to ask these questions is before you commit to doing something, not after ... and the fact that you're asking them now means that these tasks are part of a covert contract.

Follow through on your current commitments, and then reread NMMNG.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

We're picking up a family of orphans this weekend but I said(when we were dating) I didn't want kids. I've been RP for 3 months(but was alpha before being BP) and I've tried kino, lifting, reading x3, and my income has tripled. Should I tell my wife I don't want these 4 orphans or should I STFU? I don't wanna go Rambo like I did when I first found RP, she yelled alot and got wasted and flirted with my half-brother.

Spez: also, is to possible to become AMOG if I cried at a family reunion? I couldn't find anything on this topic on the sidebar

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We can't answer that for you.


Yes. Current realities eventually override past memories, and the stronger they are, the quicker they do.

[–]Glennus6261 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think youre overthinking the cleaning bit. Id clean it so my kid doesnt have to sit in that stink, and because i know my wife would do a half assed job.

If you ever want to sell the car, you should get the stink out asap as well. A drunk captain would let it resolve itself by waiting for the first mate to do a half assed job [note that your wife hasnt attempted to clean the car that she drives after something messed it up on her watch].

[–]Flynnjacklepappy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of good advice here already but I’ll add this. If you are having imaginary conversations in your head about how this will play out later with her, stop that shit immediately. Do the things that need to be done and forget what she will think or say about any of your work. You’re over-thinking things. I do this too so I know where you’re at in your head. It only becomes as complicated as you make it and the more time you dedicate thinking it over the more confused you’ll be. Focus on the task at hand instead of debating why you are doing it.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would hate to see how much you will whine if there is something really gross to cleanup.

Man up, clean the cars and reset your butthurt feelz. Right now you are operating on feelings.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Analysis is fine as long as (1) you catch yourself doing it (self-awareness) and (2) you then transform it into productive use and actions. Don’t ruminate and let it drive you down the drain of self doubt or into anger, and doing something stupid (i.e. unattractive).

Keep on improving, escalate levels of dread etc and eventually you should be able to say with a clear head and conscience either: nice, this is working, I am getting laid like tile; or fuck this, I’m going to go get laid elsewhere.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Clean her car out.

Wait until she notices it.

Clean whatever she says you missed.

Don't get pussy.

Never clean her car again.

Spez: This is the result of a covert contract btw. Now, you will resent cleaning her car. So you will never do it, even when you want to. "On principle, because she doesn't give a shit".

Imagine the mental barriers men end up with when they try and negotiate attention from their wives through covert contracts.

Do what benefits you or at least do what you want to do. I enjoy doing nice shit that gets the feels going. I think the biggest difference is that I do things for all of my friends and family equally. I'm just as likely to get my bros truck detailed as I am my ol lady's. Just depends on the circumstances. And I feel genuinely good about my use of that time, regardless of whether or not my bro blows me afterwards.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First of all - whose life is this anyway ? Frame, frame, frame. You have to remember frame.

Ya got to get it into your head that you don’t suddenly read all this shit and start fucking because you made changes and you drop a few moves on her. However; you do start with kino all, motherfucking, day and night, long.

The cars have to get cleaned. The shit around the house had to get done whether you are doing it, or not

It’s part of the attraction package that you handle all shit in your life, whether your single or hitched. She does her fair share, (as you are not going to get taken advantage of) and you do yours.

If she isn’t keeping up ? WTF ? Did you drop your self respect boundary ?

Shit has to get done. Period. It’s not for sex. It’s just having to get done

Frame. You want sex ? You have been gaming her ? Escalate. She doesn’t want it, move on. Frame. Frame. Doesn’t mean no forever. Means no right now.

There is a lot to the improvements so get started. No, it’s not going to happen overnight Yes. It will happen. But you have to do the work

Lift. Read. Stfu. Frame

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's choreplay because you're doing it with the that it will somehow lead to sex.

If there's something you should be butthurt about here, it's that she's taking naps while there's a lot of work that needs to be done. This is also your fault, as you're not leading properly

Read, lift (doesn't have to be in that order) and get shit done because you want it done... Not because you think washing the dishes gets you sexual credit.

[–]JustAboutDone30700 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Got it... it’s an overall attitude, thinking about it shouldn’t be happening.

Edit: and I still suck at Reddit(replying).

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you aren’t posting your stats it’s because you are a fat faggot. That is at the heart of your issues. Stop being a faggot and stop being fat.

Picture the youngest (legal age), hottest woman you interact with why would she want to have sex with you? If you don’t have a solid answer, this is the reason your wife doesn’t want to have sex w/ you. NOTHING you do matters until you are a man women want. However, in the interim, you can start trying r e a l l y hard to remember what it was like to do fun things a that interested you and to NOT to things that didn’t interest you.

For reference, my(48) GF(32) is in sales and had a national vendor come to town for a ride along. Her new car was, of course, filthy. I decided to wash her car because I knew she was stressed about it. So I just did it. Didn’t ask. Didn’t tell her. But she came outside when I was almost done and immediately started helping with vacuuming and then putting my stuff away. She was appreciative of my value and did her social media thing “my awesome BF washed my car in the rain..” that I don’t care about.

But here’s the deal. I washed her car because I wanted to do it. There are plenty of other times she drops hints and I’m like “well, the car wash is still open; you can make it if you hurry”. I didn’t do it because I need her to fuck me. But we probably did because we only sleep naked together and she likes to fuck me. But not because of washing cars. Does this make sense yet?

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should clean your car if that's your plan. You cleaning her car is BS, especially after she rejected you. Reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. She should be cleaning her own car.

Who cares how she views you. If you want to live in your frame, stop caring so how much how she will view you as if you are looking for mommy's approval.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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