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Has anyone here been able to consciously change their default social interaction voice tone?

Reddit View
October 13, 2019

I've realized that in most social interactions my voice has a specific pitch, but some times, when i'm in a setting where i'm feeling quite relaxed for any reason, my voice is several pitches lower and is more resounding .

I just started paying attention to this, and it's as if my throat gets constricted when I'm in social settings without me noticing and specially in the ones where I feel out of my element. I think it's something as a subconscious fear of standing out, coming out as too dominant or something like that because I can even feel (now that I pay attention to it) how I stop speaking from my diaphragm and make my voice less resounding.

I think that it's some bad habit I grew up with for some reason and now it's ingrained in me, so it's something I'll have to pay attention to in a daily basis so I can rearrange my brain's wiring. My objective is to project more confidence in my social interactions.

I want to know if any of you has had similar problems and what has been your experience in dealing with them.

Edit 1- corrected a writing mistake in the first sentence

Post Information
Title Has anyone here been able to consciously change their default social interaction voice tone?
Author sharpwolfangs
Upvotes 104
Comments 26
Date 13 October 2019 09:15 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
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[–]5leepy__72 points73 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have the exact same issue. My regular tone is super goofy, and childish. I always put myself in a goofy frame to make others comfortable. But when I do change my voice it feels awkward, I think that awkwardness has to be embraced and made the reality. Like this is my voice now. Idgaf.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Think of your voice as a spectrum of different pitches and tones. When you speak normally you have full range of all of the tones and pitches that make up that spectrum and therefore your full voice.

When you try to change your voice you're restricting that spectrum to only certain pitches and tones making you sound more flat and awkward.

[–]deathhandmachiavelli53 points54 points  (2 children) | Copy

Interesting topic.

I read a study that men's voice tone changes depending on who they are talking to.

When you talk to another man that you perceive as more dominant, your voice tone gets HIGHER and shriller.

When you talk to someone who you believe is less dominant, your voice gets deeper.

[–]Idris00723 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve noticed this with myself at work. Explains a few things...

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Weird, I do exactly the opposite: if I meet an alpha dog I mirror their voice to assert myself. When talking to someone shorter/weaker or younger I use a softer voice so not to come off too aggressive. If it's an infant, child or dog I use motherese.

I do use low sexy voice though when talking to women though...

[–]Penislover300030 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being more aware helps with stuff like this.

Awareness is key when it comes to dealing with the mind's usual garbage, and just general unconsciousness.

Unconscious thinking is death.

[–]11-Eleven-1110 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have this exact same problem. I've noticed sometimes like my voice just feels plain weak and hollow. And sometimes my throat feels tight. And then sometimes I sound like fucking james bond or something. I've been trying really hard to channel that James bond voice 24/7 because thats definetely my real voice but I'm not having any luck.

edit: i shouldnt say im not gaving luck because I have made really good progress in the past few years

I had a eureka moment about 2 weeks ago where I realized that these 3 voices depends totally on my confidence level. So whenever my voice changes for the worse I remind myself that its in my head and its because I'm not feeling confident. Then I have to figure why I'm not feeling confident. And sometimes I even have to recognize I'm not feeling confident because of my voice so its like... fuck, how do I get more confidence in my voice.

And then I'm reminding myself its not my real voice again until it sticks. (I think I might start meditating as well. I think that could make a huge difference in relaxing and not letting my confidence become contingent on my mental state and letting that affect my voice.)

Also final note. I used to do a lot of voice, tone, and speech exercises. And I highly recommend doing that because that will give you more confidence in your voice but only to a certain point. Eventually you'll have to build more confidence overall because that will directly affect your voice. At least in my experience.

Sorry for the wall of text. I wanted to write this as a kind of journal report to help me out to. This is just my experience from the past 2 years of working on my own voics.

[–]BurnoTaurus12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your tone, like all things, is a reflection of yourself.

When I was younger and only watched cartoons and spent time around my mom and female relatives, I spoke like a bitch

[–]GAndGMethod6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy


They are called sub communication/talking with a breaking rapport tonality.

3 main ones were adding to the fun, challenging, and commanding.

Basically say the same sentence and try to change the meaning by the way you say it through the subcomms.

It was a big help.

Practice saying a sentence you should be using in every interaction “where are you from” using those sub comms that sentence can come off completely different based on the emotion you decide to say it with.

Challenging could come off as a pure break in rapport by having a disgusting face and a downward pitch, saying it with adding to the fun can come off super friendly/fun/interested with a more upward pitch towards the end, commanding is the one they get turned on by the most. “Where are you” from just like demanding the answer and more quick and coming off as a disciplinarian(alpha)and brushing off whatever else she was saying.

I could be taking about the weather while sending a sexual sub communication behind it getting her wet.

Start with those 3 and add more on.

If you want to know more search for rsd julien. I got it from his pimp product when I was first learning game. He has some free videos about it on YouTube.

[–]Shanguerrilla0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This was the 1st good advice to guys on this I'd bet.

Objectively I have a "good" full, deep, dynamic voice I and the women I've seen like... But I'm very emotive and aware of how i sound..

I started writing knowing you gave good advice, oblivious to anything other than just "this is my voice, it just is" (plenty areas i need to and do work on myself, just not this one)


Oh shit, I bet it helped me to do some unrelated voice journals (honestly....was trip journals, so it was fun too!) and a lot of recording my singing...(which I share with the girls I'm seeing and we both appreciate, or at least I have tangent personal and cooperative benefits and focus rather than voice work). Still, I really bet recording your voice like that in serious and light emotional subjects as well as learning to emulate a bevy of singing range and deep/high voices or transitions really could help guys struggling with that too.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing most people are missing out on; the voice you hear isn't the same as the voice everyone else hears.

You get to hear your own voice from inside of your head as well as outside. Sound from your voice-box travels out of your mouth and into your ear through the air outside, but vibrations also travel directly into your inner ear through your skull and head tissue. This usually enhances the lower frequencies of your voice making it sound fuller and deeper than it really is. Its also why most people are shocked when they hear their own voice recorded back at them, the recording sounds higher, weaker and one dimensional in comparison, but its actually more realistic than what you're hearing in your head.

That might be rather bittersweet for you. IMO focus on relaxing and being comfortable, then your voice should follow. Trying to force your voice to change will introduce bad habits because there is no way you can be conscious (or even aware) of all the tones and pitches that make up your voice.

[–]GucciGangBucks3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a problem where at work when I say Hi to people I always say it in a high pitch gay ass way I don’t really act like when I’m in public. I catch it every time and the beta annoys me lol.

[–]WeddingCrasher917 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think that it's some bad habit I grew up with for some reason and now it's ingrained in me, so it's something I'll have to pay attention to in a daily basis so I can rearrange my brain's wiring. My objective is to project more confidence in my social interactions.

Been working on that too, my pitch is just naturally high (relatively). I noticed anxiety, and lack of effort makes my pitch high. Would appreciate some more feedback about it as it can make or break one's assertiveness when speaking out.

[–]PhaedrusHunt3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Say it with your chest!

[–]mechcoder5983 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know what you are talking about. The classic TRP solution of lifting works. I had more of a childish tone for a guy of 26. I started lifting heavy and that more deeper and louder tone would come out occasionally and I am working on it. Its a confidence thing (maybe not) no harm in trying. At the end you will just be a shredded man with a softer voice. All the best.

[–]Flintblood2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think sometimes the higher weaker voice thing can be purely technique first and maybe social anxiety second. I noticed it’s easier to keep my voice lower and relaxed in quieter close quarters settings. It’s when I have to speak up in a room full of people after not talking for a while, like when you’re listening and not talking like in a meeting or class, that my voice starts too high and a under-supported. I bet this can be remedied by taking speech, drama or singing lessons to control the voice.

The old school Welsh actor Richard Burton actively worked out his voice and became famous for its ‘resounding’ quality. When I think of awesome masculine voices I’d like to emulate but not copy I think of James Earl Jones (Vader voice), Patrick Stewart, Jorah from GoT (Iain Glenn), and Idris Elba.

[–]DuffBude2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've noticed the same with myself. Not long ago I started trying to speak more often in my deeper, more natural voice. One hurtle I had to jump over was the fear of people thinking I seem weird for changing my voice all of the sudden. I just decided to not give a fuck what they think about it. So e.g. I would see a coworker and say "Hello" accidentally in my high voice, think "fuck" and then switch to my natural deep voice for the rest of the conversation. Eventually it started to become more of a habit to speak in my deep voice all the time.

Just doing that one thing gave me instantly a lot more confidence and made me feel more relaxed in general.

Another thing I noticed was that it seemed to make people enjoy talking to me more. They were more interested in what I had to say. And they would laugh more at my jokes.

I also had to give a presentation to my whole company, which I was really nervous for. But I made a point to use my natural low voice, and just doing that in itself relieved a lot of my nervousness once I started talking. It was great. The presentation went well.

My wife has also complimented me on my sexy voice since then. It also seems to calm her down to quit nagging me or whatever.

Amazing what just a change of tone can do.

[–]jm511 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Check out F M Alexander

He developed a speech problem that had a negative effect on his income. It took him about 7 years of serious study to correct it and then he learned that it only took him a few months to correct the same problem in others. His way of using the body became known as the Alexander Technique. It is still taught today.

The tl;dr is that most of us don't have full control over our body. We stutter or stammer under stress. We can't keep our eye on the ball. In some stressful situations we can't help but press the fuck up button. Most of us don't even know for sure where the various parts of our body are unless we are directly looking at them. Cue aching joints.

Alexander worked out how to beat this. Alone. His first book was published in 1910. He desired to be clearly understood rather than entertain and the early 20th Century was not noted for it's brevity or concision in writing. iow, his writings are drier than sand in the Sahara.

If you can stay with it, you get an insight into a supreme struggle. An internal struggle painstakingly and methodically mapped out.

Another tl;dr might be: Guy sorts out his speech problem and writes some very dull books about it.

[–]castleglastonbury1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would second this:

A basic set of acting/performance exercises would be good.

Relax the body, learn to consciously let go of tension.

Lots of deep breathing and sighing and yawning to open up and unlock voice tension.

Then either the do re mi or vowel tree to warm up chords and deepen tone.

Of course this opens your range but if you still subconsciously narrow your affect you will need to go inside and ask why and do some inner work.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I just started paying attention to this, and it's as if my throat gets constricted when I'm in social settings without me noticing and specially in the ones where I feel out of my element.

Stress response.

I want to know if any of you has had similar problems and what has been your experience in dealing with them.

I've improved a lot in my speaking, you can too.

You need to learn to relax as well as learning all the "what to do" things.

Mostly it's practice

[–]toxicmaleitis1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Happens to me especially when talking to women/social setting and notice it's because of these things happening subconsciously : - I become conscious ( esp with women) - fearful when approaching women - fear that everyone is looking at me - giving a fuck about everything and everyone am interacting with and what they would think of me - low confidence - am I good looking - am I good enough for her - trying to be me.nice guy - thinking about the outcome - how to impress her..the social gathering etc

How to not do it: - you are the prize - 99% IDGAF attitude - confidence ( fake it till u make it)

[–]ChadTheWaiter1000 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have this issue to. My throat constriction. How do you solve this problem?

[–]sharpwolfangs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Elluot hulse (youtuber) has some good stretching/breathing exercises. Also I think it's good to understand the difference between using your diaphragm or your throat when speaking. You can look at singing or voice tutorials on youtube for that.

There's good advice on this thread too.

[–]howevertheory989680 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, same here, at networking events I'm basically talking as loud as I can and no one can hear me.

[–]wtfoshizzle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yes. yes. yes. I am a fairly ugly dude but girls and guys always comment about how deep my voice is. Secret. it's not naturally this deep. two things you can do: make your normal tongue posture at the roof and back of your mouth. That way when you speak it will always come off as deep. Next, speak less and take deep breaths when speaking. This will make you sound more masculine, concise and overly speaking makes you sound beta. Third, take a break from jerking off for a few days. Within 3-4 days your natural voice will just be slightly deeper. I think all this is minor and I would gladly trade my voice for a handsome face, but this is a very learnable thing and you should get the hang of it within a week.

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