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SSRI's and the wife.

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IncitingDramah
October 13, 2019
11 upvotes
askMRP

First off let me say TRP/MRP is amazing, and worked so damn well it's sad. I've followed the play book and literally gotten everything I want. Quality sex, I look great naked, I'm captain of my ship again, all is well aside from little thing.

I'm not sure how exactly I feel about my wife being on SSRI'S. We had a child a while back, he has medical problems, this in turn took a serious toll on us both, but her more specifically.

Long story short shes on antidepressants. Sex drive/submissive behavior is still there but she wont/cant cum anymore. Perhaps it's my ego? But regardless it bothers me she cant, not to mention I seriously dont think antidepressants are a long term fix. I'm concerned about the long term effects of use.

Thoughts? Concerns? Perhaps insight I'm missing?


Post Information
Title SSRI's and the wife.
Author IncitingDramah
Upvotes 11
Comments 43
Date 13 October 2019 02:57 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/290194
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dhbm0b/ssris_and_the_wife/
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Comments

[–]0io-Tsundere13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's an old antihistamine called ciplactin (cyproheptadine) that's dirt cheap and can undo the sexual dysfunction caused by SSRI's. It's also a big appetite stimulant, so great if wife is a little anorexic or too thin. It might fix the anorgasmia.

https://www.drugs.com/comments/cyproheptadine/for-sexual-dysfunction-ssri-induced.html

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/430614_5

[–]Iammrp28 points9 points  (9 children) | Copy

Everyone is right that SSRIs can decrease sex drive but keep in mind that you cannot control your wife's behavior. You can only control you.

MRP is about fixing the man. It's not about fixing the man and then fixing the wife. You fix you and then you do what you want. If you want to tell your wife to get off antidepressants then tell her. What happens after the words leave your mouth is not under your control.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Basically where I'm am, I know I cant logic this situation for her, but I need to figure out how to swing it in the best "feelz" so she wants to get on board not poisoning herself with this crap.

[–]Iammrp22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're setting yourself up to be a manipulator faggot. Focus on yourself.

[–]umizumiz3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Lol

Your wife's health should come above your satisfaction with her orgasms making you feel alpha.

Manipulation is the wrong answer

Chances are you do this shit about everything and she's been pushed and pulled into antidepressants.

I wonder if you were unhappy with her depression leading up to the prescription?

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

Honestly, I dont give two fucks about convincing internet folks that I'm alpha, beta, or some other filler word. The fact is for 95% of my shit I'm relatively happy.

As for my wife's use of antidepressants, I'd bet my last dollar your wife would breakdown watching your newborn son be resuscitated from death multiple times in the span of 5 months. She'd probably not be able to emotionally handle the fact her son is severely disabled, or that your dreams and aspirations of motherhood will be nothing of what she dreamed, yet hinge on 24 hour care being nurse and not mommy. I honestly doubt most men here who claim to be so damn alpha could handle it, but throw your rocks my dude.

She hopped on these nasty pills knowing god damn well she needed help. Shit, I beleive they can help get you through the worst parts of your life for some people. Whatever you have to do to survive your personal hell, you do.

My concern now, is that it's become permanent. 14 months and counting. I'm not looking to manipulate her, I'm looking to swing a solid argument without ripping out the foundation she finally manage to build and stand on knowing damn well our sons future is limited to a few years.

And finally yes, I was unhappy with her depression, because it was a pain shes never been close to having to face.

[–]sivarias1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Then you buried the lead. You have a disabled infant son that needs around the clock care, and a wife that has been through one of the more traumatic things that can happen to a woman.

She's going through hell right now, and your concern is that she isn't having orgasms? You need to leave the ego at the door and do what you can to help care for your family.

Hell I'm surprised she's going through the motions for you at all, because I'm not seeing a captain, I'm seeing a petulant child complaining that his favorite toy is broken when it got ran over by the car.

Seriously, good on you for the progress that you've made, but check the ego at the door.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Slow your roll Captain Assumption.

She's going through hell right now, and your concern is that she isn't having orgasms? You need to leave the ego at the door and do what you can to help care for your family.

Yes. I did check the ego, I also have my concerns for her health and long term effects. Mighty bold of you to assume I'm not handling my business.

Hell I'm surprised she's going through the motions for you at all, because I'm not seeing a captain, I'm seeing a petulant child complaining that his favorite toy is broken when it got ran over by the car.

I'm sure you are surprised. Being the Oak, taking the lead, and handling my business gets me much more than just going through the motions. What you see doesn't matter to me, I didnt ask for your opinion on me or where I stand. I asked specifically about SSRIs.

Check your emotional outbursts and assumptions on your way out friend.

[–]sivarias3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Perhaps it's my ego?

No. I'm answering your question directly. SSRI's are shitty, but they beat the alternative.

And there's a big difference between making haywild assumptions, and noticing what you don't say.

When you buried the lead with the fact that your child needed to be resuscitated FIVE times is telling. That little question is telling. The fact that you just bitch back at anyone who doesn't stroke your ego and tell you it's not you, it's your wife's ssris is telling.

You asked. I answered hoping to help. If you don't want the help, don't take it. Makes me wonder why you asked though.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gonna have to let go of that ego. You came here asking how to fix your wife. You need to focus on you and that ego. Faggot.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, I dont give two fucks about convincing internet folks that I'm alpha, beta, or some other filler word. The fact is for 95% of my shit I'm relatively happy.

Calm that ego down. Attacking random internet people isn't going to help get you advice, now is it?

I'd bet my last dollar your wife would breakdown watching your newborn son be resuscitated from death multiple times in the span of 5 months. She'd probably not be able to emotionally handle the fact her son is severely disabled, or that your dreams and aspirations of motherhood will be nothing of what she dreamed, yet hinge on 24 hour care being nurse and not mommy. I honestly doubt most men here who claim to be so damn alpha could handle it, but throw your rocks my dude.

Don't think your story is special or more difficult than what others have been through here - it's not. It is a shitty hand to be dealt for sure, but it doesn't change the fundamentals.

14 months and counting. I'm not looking to manipulate her, I'm looking to swing a solid argument without ripping out the foundation she finally manage to build and stand on knowing damn well our sons future is limited to a few years.

Ultimately, you can't fix her, but you can sure as hell guide her and provide the tools to do so. And 14 months? Dude - that's a fresh wound right there.

And finally yes, I was unhappy with her depression, because it was a pain shes never been close to having to face.

How have you led and comforted here? How have you worked through accepting this? How are you OYS and ensuring she has time away from playing nurse? How are you being the Captain and ensuring your first officer has what she needs?

There is massive grief for both of you on this - for the life you THOUGHT you'd be having with your kid. You have to get a place to ACCEPT this reality for what it is.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

OK I'm going to come in and say something completely different to most. My wife is on SSRI's for anxiety.

She still comes most times. Its harder for her, she has to focus when she feels it coming. I have to work harder to be in tune with her. The sensation can be lost very easily.

But she comes, it happens most times. At first we had to relearn some stuff though, she could only come when masturbating. We worked out what she needs now.

And the woman she was without the tablets was a nightmare of snotbubbles day in day out so she is not coming off them!

[–]griz3lda2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I wouldn't try to fuck with the meds before the external situation is completely stabilized. It is going to be too hard to determine which variables are affecting what. Case 1: she doesn't feel better, the meds didn't help, bye bye meds. Case 2: she does feel better, you can try meds then no meds then meds and see if that was really necessary.

She's trying to handle her shit so it doesn't explode all over you, I strongly suggest you let her.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] -3 points-2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'm not fucking dumb, I'm well aware shes trying to handle her shit. However, the situation wont go away, likely ever. I'm more concerned about her using it as a crutch, but not sure theres much I can do from any position. Its likely going to have to be her call, whenever that is.

[–]griz3lda4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

The point of that sentence wasn't that she's trying to fix something, it's that she's likely trying to do so on her side to place LESS burden on you, which is ultimately desirable (many times I've been like oh yeah tell me everything babe!-- bad idea, it's boring and miserable, encourage them to deal with things alone when reasonable). No one's saying you're dumb so chill the fuck out.

How long has she been on them?

[–]IncitingDramah[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

14 months at this point. And I dont think it's to be less burdensome, maybe more to have the ability to function and handle life. The situation has taken a toll on her.

[–]sivarias0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Which would make it less burdensome. Otherwise you'd be dealing with an infant son and a vegetable.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not fucking dumb

Could've fooled me

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Perhaps it's my ego?

It is your ego. This is her issue to resolve - has she talked to her Doctor? Is she going to therapy?

SSRI's are a tool to buy time to fix a problem. They're not the end-state solution.

I'm concerned about the long term effects of use.

How have you expressed this to her? You care for her well-being as the Captain, right?

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have expressed it to her. Twice in the span of around 4-5 months.

[–]Iammrp20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And what did she say?

[–]samwiser921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was on them for years and got off them last March after swallowing the red pill and getting my shit together. If she’s ready to truly eat better and exercise, it makes better sense to get off of them. They keep you from feeling really down, but they also keep you from feeling real happy. Stephen Molyneux has a great video about the fallacy of antidepressants, check it out.

[–]OCR827 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

There is almost no reason to ever take SSRIs. They have clear negative side effects and there is pretty strong evidence that they provide almost no benefit with regard to long-term decrease in depression.

For obvious reasons, the drug companies did not release the trials showing no benefit from SSRIs.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4172306/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2412901/

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I agree. Just have to figure out how to broach this and get her to understand.

Logicing a woman... lol

[–]OCR826 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she enjoys reading, you could have her read Lost Connections (a little overly liberal but helpful on explaining SSRIs) or The Happiness Trap.

[–]scramj3t2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Mood Cure by Julia Ross - has a questionnaire to pinpoint what the issues may be.

[–]keisagu1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ssri’s just have the effect that climaxing is more difficult, for men and women. This is only one of the reasons they should be subscribed only temporarily.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The “bugs can also be a feature - Dapoxetine can help with PE.

[–]Twolate4dinner1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she needs meds for depression suggest you get her switched to Wellbutrin as a short term fix. Best to take nothing. Less known but real side effect is to increase libido. In fact some MD's will Rx 180mg immediate release Wellbutrin to be taken 60 or so minutes prior to sex to counter the anorgasm effects of SSRI's. Funny story: doc thought I was depressed so put me on it.... after 2 weeks of the most intense sex dreams I've ever had and the constant thoughts of sex cursing through my mind and the fact that I was looking to stick my dick in anything that stood still....I took my self off of that shit. Huge surge of energy though like I was shot out of a cannon. Good luck

[–]griz3lda1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wellbutrin is an interesting one, it's somewhat of a stimulant. I actually take it myself not for depression but for fatigue-- I have a medical condition that makes me tired as a side effect. I was misdiagnosed with depression before my real condition was found, which is how I got on this (I was curious to try it even though I knew I didn't have depression, because of what I'd heard about it), but it helped so I kept it. I've tried several other antidepressants as well as a minor when I was "forced to" (obviously I cooperated to some degree since I did take them) by my parents (again not depressed... I swear to god they call any problem depression. There are actual distinguishing features of depression, it's not just any time someone's unhappy or ill, Christ! In my case I was just perpetually annoyed about my dad being a cunt and my mom doing nothing about it, and being too young to move out legally). Wellbutrin is not like any other class of meds in my experience.

However, big warning: it can make people manic or hypomanic. Do NOT take this if you have a bipolar history.

[–]themerovingian010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Try a plug-in wand massager. That'll make any woman cum.

[–]Thorondor_Rising0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Im with ya on encouraging her to get off of the SSRIs. Pretty much every mass shooter is on those things. Really bad stuff.

[–]Carrera32861 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

SSRIs are fucking terrible, you are right to be concerned. I got my wife off of them promptly. Massive surprise to no one- me getting my shit together and improving our life negated any semblance of a need for them. Healthy diet, exercise, a healthy sleep cycle, and a healthy and active social life should all be prescribed way before anything that fucks with your brain chemistry.

[–]KoolAidMan79808 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

In OPs case all the lifting and stfuing arent gonna make his kid any less disabled. The weight of this has the ability to crush any family as their dreams for their kids are gone before they even had a chance to begin. The mother likely carries a significant amount of guilt for how the child came out. Healthy dieting and exercise are a must but some issues with the mind cant be fixed.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is spot on with the wife.

It takes it's toll for sure, but after a long year of busting my ass and working on things I've finally gotten myself to a solid place and towed her to "slightly better" ground.

Things are good, great even... but going down the abyss of a rabbit hole is rough. When we have a doctor's appointment, those are the days I second guess if she should actually stay on them, other times i feel its obvious she needs to get off that posion.

[–]Carrera32860 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That’s fair, I didn’t read any back story aside from the brief sentence here, none the less I think SSRIs should be a last resort given the potential for permanent side effects, it’s scary shit.

[–]KoolAidMan79800 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No doubt. I agree with you.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The hard part is getting her to commit to getting off them.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm well aware of that. I used to deal with heavy depression before I found out I wasnt depressed, I just had a depressing life.

Often the two are considered one in the same sadly.

Side note, that garbage made me suicidal. Promptly flushed that shit and refuse to ever take it again.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I used to deal with heavy depression before I found out I wasnt depressed, I just had a depressing life.

That would make an interesting and insightful post. If well-written, it would be worthy of MRP rather than this hell-hole.

A lot of dudes would benefit from understanding what you mean by that.

Edit: be cautious about listening to medical/psychiatric advice from anonymous retards. While I agree that 'merica tends to over-prescribe, there are plenty of people who benefit-from and/or need medication. Lay-people are not the right people to be making decisions about psychiatric care.

[–]IncitingDramah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I might give that a shot if a get a few hours of down time. Thanks for the words of wisdom my guy.



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