(Update) Girlfriend who wanted a break wants to get back together

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October 17, 2019

Previous post: asktrp /comments/de3anc/ex_girlfriend_who_i_caught_oneitis_for_wants_a/

I followed the advice given here and just texted back "ok". I started the process of getting her out of my mind. After one week of no contact, I'm feeling quite fine, read and re-read the advice given here multiple times and it did wonders. Then, she texts me and wants to meet.

Apparently the whole thing was triggered by me declining to meet up with her after her dinner with friends. When we met, she said she thought I "had no empathy" and was "cold". Turns out she misunderstood my intentions and was butthurt I didn't meet her.

Basically, despite all her declarations of love, she almost ended it over a stupid small thing. Her feelings are superficial, momentary and meaningless.

The whole event really woke me up though. I let my guard down thinking she was a special snow flake. She isn't. Going forward I will always have this event in the back of my mind.

The posts here did more than you can imagine for my sanity during this time. So big thanks to the community.

As for my question, I think I do have a bit of a problem worrying too much about the alpha side and sometimes lack on the comfort. I have to calibrate that, but how to not overdo it?

Post Information
Title (Update) Girlfriend who wanted a break wants to get back together
Author mksu711
Upvotes 190
Comments 96
Date 17 October 2019 11:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/291257
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dj5277/update_girlfriend_who_wanted_a_break_wants_to_get/
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]nevernotthesame268 points269 points  (69 children) | Copy

stay. away. from. her.

she did it once and she’ll do it again.

[–]babybopp96 points97 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not only that... she went ahead and fucked another dude and now wants back in and is not guilty of cheating because “they were on a break” I have seen that shit happen where girls break up for a few days to CC

[–]SchmidFactor16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I can say one thing with absolute certainty, it's this.

[–][deleted] 79 points80 points  (0 children) | Copy

She told you she was butthurt because you rejected going out with her once when really that is just an excuse. The real reason she wants to get back is because she realized you were able to let her go and perceived higher value. She could have easily gotten over that thing and her breaking up with you was mostly a shit test

[–]mr4kino[🍰] 72 points73 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don't worry about alpha side/beta side. Be a respectful human being without allowing anyone stomping on your principles. They will try to manipulate you, your brain will warn you and this is where you have to listen to yourself. Be firm. In this case, next her.

[–]Onein1024th25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

and don't get sucked into being an emotional tampon, either. She's going to want to kabitz to you about feelings for 2 hours while you sit there and take it. Your time is too valuable for that

[–]mr4kino[🍰] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]ToraChan2356 points57 points  (2 children) | Copy

she said she thought I "had no empathy" and was "cold"

Classic manipulation. Hard ghost and never look back

[–]QueenSlapFight16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yep, she's trying to cast it as his fault she tried and failed to manipulate him.

[–]Drugs_are_awesome0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of gold right here in one of the simplest comments. I took a lot of crap for a long time from manipulative women who always said I was cold, often times wondering what’s wrong with me only to find out I handed everything fine, but surprise I’m an ice king because they’re social witchcraft didn’t work on me like it normally does.

[–]Blackhawk2479107 points108 points  (1 child) | Copy

So she got some side dick during the “break”, then either failed to secure said side dick or realised she made a mistake and now wants you back.

Happy for you bro.

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. OP, dump her and move on.

[–]RedSkeller58 points59 points  (7 children) | Copy

UPDATE: My ex got pumped and dumped.

Let me guess, you guys broke up - was her idea mostly or she started some bullshit argument with the end goal for you to break up with her. Then she disappeared from your life, or maybe hovered around a bit as best she could, dropping texts every week or so about how she misses you. Maybe you ignored it, or reached out, but about a month or so later, she fell off the planet. Started hanging with her slutty friends and went MIA.

Now she's back because well, she met another dude in meantime, probably some dirt bag she let nut in her raw after a couple cheap beers and a few cigarettes. They probably were hot and heavy for a minute, then burned out just as fast. Now she's laying around watching Netflix wondering how to occupy her time. She probably paged out her orbiters and then texted you hoping to pick right back up where you left off.

You did the right thing, you ignored her. People don't change and she'd just do it again when she got bored. This is for all the lurkers out there thinking they can win back their ex, or want to try.

[–]PhaedrusHunt11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

Started hanging with her slutty friends and went MIA.

Apologies in advance for typos etc i'm driving and using speech to text

I went back and read opie's previous threads and read through the comments and you were the first one and either of these threads to point out that she has s***** friends. Look how Google just starred out slut got to type that crap out.

he said in his original stuff that she likes to hang out and get hammered with her flatmates. What does that tell you about them? this girl is a late bloomer but that doesn't mean she won't follow the same trajectory. She was the last virgin hanging out with these girls and just watching them get all this fun riding the CC. She wanted a piece of the same action but you're always going to have a strange relationship with her you'll always be the first.

look Opie you can keep this girl as a plate but you're going to have to treat her fundamentally different emotionally. She already put the relationship on pause once. Once a girl does that she is off the list four possible LTR material. If LTR her you are firmly within her frame.


Jesus sorry for all the Caps didn't mean to yell

I've been in a similar situation in the past with a virgin. LOL it's so long ago I can barely remember details. for what it's worth I think she was a heck of a lot better chick than this one sounds like and it still didn't work out but it was for other reasons

Remember it's not your woman it's just your turn. Doesn't mean you can't have multiple turns but recognize them for what they are: turns

[–]mountainbiker17818 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

i'm driving

While you have good insight, I can't overlook that you posted while driving. Don't fucking post to Reddit while you're driving!

[–]PhaedrusHunt6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro I'm so alpha only beta cucks have to pull over to post lol

[–]RedSkeller5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Word. Also some one said all girlfriends are just long term plates, love that.

[–]PhaedrusHunt6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dang I'm glad I went back and read it because I forgot my original point

which is concept of you are the average of The five people you spend the most time with

take time vettining women. Get to know their friends get to know their family all that stuff before you consider making them an LTR or marriage

We used to have these institutions in place in our society. Families would meet and it was really important who you got Married to. people understood that.

we don't have the institutions and family doing this type of stuff these days so you have to do your leg work on your own and trust your own intelligence

[–]second-last-mohican0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]NeuroBoss310 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This guy gets it 💯

[–]1redhawkes30 points31 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen now, you're falling for her bullshit once again. Her manipulating and guilt tripping you is the proof. Have some dignity.

Once the 'break up' card is pulled out, it's done. The reason here is that Chad didn't want commitment. It's over.

Keep her as a plate at best or cut out entirely, cos you're still living in her frame.

[–]jebessa125 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ve been through this so LISTEN UP DUDE. You need to get out of your own head and realize you can only control YOUR actions not hers. Everything is CAUSE & EFFECT. When it’s snowing outside, you don’t try to to change the weather or complain about mother nature (funny how nature is a female), you take mindful actions to keep yourself warm and wear a sweater right?

You are feeling the sunken gut feeling because you can’t control the weather (mother nature), you want to wear shorts and sip a martini on the beach when clearly winter is here.

The problem is this....you committed to her way too early. Don’t believe what a woman says fully until given evidence. She says she’s a virgin, assume it’s a test to see your compliance. Why would a woman lose her virginity to a guy she just met after 2months? sounds off. But then again why would YOU commit to any woman and drop others for a woman after 2 months! It’s a test dude.


“When in doubt, Lean out”

This is going to be the hardest part...you MUST play her game and beat her at it to gain power. You clearly didn’t establish a strong FRAME.

The game is this....find a way to implant the same thoughts she’s giving you back into her. Make her think

“why do i have oneits for him”

“what did i do wrong”

“how can i fix this” “did he find new better pussy”

I’m not going to sit here and say “NEXT her bro she’s dead” because i know you won’t do that because you’re not at that level as yet.

Act like this is a level in a video game and the mission is for you to gain back your POWER. But who cares even if you lose...you’d rather be out snowboarding with the bro’s anyways instead of being home on xbox.


Heard snow is heavy so don’t forget your sweater! ;p

[–]SM_1742 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is one of the best comments on this subreddit. Relationships are a game. Once you find the woman you want to marry, the game doesn’t stop. You gotta keep playing, especially if you want the girl you described here.

[–]BeeBopJoe9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude your gullible AF, hard next her bro shes playing the fuck out of you. This isn't going to end well if it continues, bail while u still can.

[–]Greaterbird7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Oops. Failed the branch swing. Time to go go back to ol' reliable." - This bitch probably

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once either of the parties of a relationship pulled the nuclear card, the relationship is toast.

Just hard next. All you do will just prolong the suffering.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

uh.. so its not clear to me. Did you break up?

Cause if you did not, she will be laughing in herself that this pussy is now in her pocket.

[–]shelteringloon4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude she wasn't going to break up over one small thing

Her hamster had been running for weeks thinking about breaking up with you. Due to either you a, displaying beta behavior b, her meeting someone more alpha or c, both.

You then held frame and displayed some alphadom and she wanted back.

Don't musinterept. Her saying the meet up was the reason is just the justification her hamster is using to not be with a beta.

[–]TheBunk_TB4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your response should be no greater than the way that she has been acting. Her value has decreased like a company with poor management. She won't ever be a LTR or better. Feel free to put her in the bottom pool.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I watched a girl call her boyfriend, provoke him into an argument and convince him to "go on a break". Then 5 mins later she sucked my dick and "technically it wasn't cheating".

[–]clavabot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now thats an epic gamer move

[–]MindlessCalendar7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

We meet and I can tell she's quieter/more serious than usual. Just her overall behavior seems off, a feeling in the gut. A few days later, invite her to go out, says she has something else to do, very vague.

Apparently the whole thing was triggered by me declining to meet up with her after her dinner with friends. When we met, she said she thought I "had no empathy" and was "cold". Turns out she misunderstood my intentions and was butthurt I didn't meet her.

Which one is it? Was she being suspicious/cold before the dinner with her friends? Or did it start afterwards? Cause if it is like you said it was a week ago, you are being lied to.

Either way not LTR material. She doesn't value you at all to break up with you after such a small thing. I want to say keep her as a plate only and don't give her LTR commitment, but because you clearly have oneitis for this girl do yourself a favour and walk away. She isn't worth it. She either is super insecure and emotionally unstable or she likes playing mind games to keep control of the relationship.

And next time don't jump into a LTR with someone you've known for only 2 months.

[–]Onein1024th2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't value you at all to break up with you after such a small thing

doubt she actually broke up over such a small thing. its just the excuse she gave. the real reason is beyond definition for her

[–]mksu711[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

It doesn't matter. I'm awake now. She actually did me a favor and crushed the oneitis I had for her. It's just my turn and it will end eventually. I was seeing 2 girls before meeting her and it took up too much of my time. Meanwhile I will be focusing on my goals and if a hotter/better girl comes along, then her turn ends too.

[–]QueenSlapFight0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a good mentality to have. Sorry something shitty happened to you, but glad you are finding a way to turn it into a strength and fuel to propel yourself.

[–]Jesusfeminist6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s really amazing how they all behave the same way.

[–]KillaJewels2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Surprised I haven't seen any comments yet that she might be ready to branch swing. They don't suggest breaks unless there's another prospect they're working on.

[–]whammyface2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So let me get this straight. She declines your invite multiple times, Asks to hang out after a “dinner” that you’re excluded from... abd this is after acting weird for a while and... then breaks up with you.

And your gullible ass just believes her story? Bud, she cheated on you, left you for him, and he refused to commit. Simple as that.

[–]sncvc1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would consider walking away. She doesn't sound stable.

[–]thetotalpackage71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She shit tested you...I'd say you passed.

[–]TimelessNY1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Abort mission.

[–]apply_truth1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Demote to plate, if it took her a week to get back to you after wanting a "Break" she just wants to cheat legally. there is no positive future with her unless you get her into swinging which will possibly be easy.

[–]Hades101kk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've made this mistake with a girl who I thought was a perfect unicorn. If they leave once, they'll leave again.

She's not in love with you bro, she just wants to please her ego since you ignored the bitch the first time.

[–]Domebeers1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't take what she told you seriously. More likely the new guy didn't give her the tingles or something so she's back to you. Be careful my man.

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She "wanted to break" to be able to "cheat" without actually cheating. She's also manipulating and mind fucking you with excuses into taking her back and how this was "your fault." Bullshit.

She most likely fucked another guy(s). At best, it was a nuclear shit test, which is extremely disrespectful and shows she is willing to lose the relationship over a mind game. If you take a woman back after she pulls the end-relationship/break card on you, it is a MASSIVE loss of frame. Also, you should dump her just for the likelihood that she fucked another guy.

Dump her, ghost her and move on. You wont be able to plate only as you are too new to RP and you still have feelings for her.

[–]Freedom__Fighter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Wanted a break" went and fucked other cocks guilt free.... move on dude. No contact ever.

[–]Adem871 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]lush_vibes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gaslighting, simple manipulation

[–]ProFriendZoner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


Don't under any circumstances, fuck her.

She's got you pegged as Beta Billy so you'll be her provider raising other guys babies.

[–]idontevenlift371 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Been there, don’t make the same mistake I did. Handle it however you want but don’t get back with her.

[–]Emperorvoid1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is a hoe. Drop her ass completely. You should value yourself more. Tell her the break is permanent. She can ride the cock carousel without you being her backup. Go find someone worth your time.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Iirc, the collective wisdom is if they say they want a break, it means that they have a new Chad they want to fuck, but, they're afraid that he won't commit, so, they want to put you on the back burner while she rims him.

[–]An_odd_kid3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve learned nothing

[–]IXseed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Every girl is different on what they need. I'd say err on the side of "alpha" more and if you need to feed in comfort (feed her scraps because she's bitching) do that.

In this case with your ex it's a flat out shit test. I believe this happens to a lot of dudes in LTRs when they come to TRP. Their girl sees your shifting from "beta" to "alpha" and doesn't like it since it could end with her put out on her ass. Don't fall for it and watch her actions. Think like this...If that little thing is what really "broke yall up" then why the fuck is she hitting you back up in less than a week?

Also take this shit test as a form of disrespect, so if you wanna do anything else with this chick the BEST she gets is a plate. No commitment as she lost that privilege for trying to pull this. Granted I'd advise that and just next her since you caught feels and it's only a matter of time before she pulls some shit like this again.

[–]SeasonedRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

-she almost ended it over a stupid small thing.

What do you mean "almost?" You aren't taking this girl back, are you? Don't put any stock in her ridiculous explanation. She was interested in someone else, hooked up with him a time or four, and it didn't work out. This is very common female behavior. She will have zero respect if you take her back, particularly if you up the comfort side like you are planning to. In fact, that will make her view you with contempt. It sounds like you didn't learn anything useful from this experience.

[–]redarkane0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

jesus. sounds like my ex. if they're willing to break over something so small it already seems like the communication aspect of your relationship with her is not good my friend.

[–]FillySapper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What is her instagram?

[–]DarkJayBR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You made the right decision, stay away from her. Don't accept this kind of situation, be a man, point to her face and say NO. Keep working on yourself, in the future you will find a woman who respects you. There is plenty of fish in the sea. Sluts like these only serve as placeholders to satisfy you until you find someone suitable to have an LTR.

[–]FillySapper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The red pill v2:

You are impatient bastard messing with a poor girls emotions. She already had plans and you threw a fit over that? Show us your texts I bet you showed too much attitude and she wanted to back off because you were being a sissy boy.

You took her virginity and are playing off rejection as something a girl wouldn't do to an 'alpha'?

[–]BurnoTaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ugh, Rachel

[–]LLL3peat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is when you consider someone to be just a plate. If you want you can have her be your booty call for quite some time as she wants you “back.”

Invite over for dinner and tell her to bring a bottle of wine. Don’t meet her anywhere only to your place. Just keep hitting it but never commit while you game other women. Women who want a break want to test something out with someone else and then run back when they realize they were just “tall” isn’t worth your time as she’ll do it again.

She’ll realize that she’s either going to have to become your sex slave or lose you completely as she just threw you away accordingly. Only do this IF you can ensure you won’t get attached. If not, leave her alone and tell her the past is the past.

[–]yrn_donno-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

She got pumped and dumped let this one go bro

[–]AlleyFrog96-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why is this even a post?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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