It's True!

I remember I was so happy when my sex robot, Amanda, arrived. I remember taking her out of the box and plugging her in to charge up. Then, fully charged I set her up on the bed and switched her on. As I leaned in close to kiss her, I felt a firm hand push me back and heard a jarring alarm.

"Error! Dinner not detected. Please provide dinner."

What the hell? I picked up the instruction manual I had neglected to remove from Amanda's box. It was the size of an old fashioned phone book and there on the cover was a stamp that read "Feminism Approved".

"Error! Dinner not detected. Please provide dinner."

Fine...I went to the kitchen and poured a bowl of cereal. Bringing it into the bedroom, I placed it in front of my sex doll.

"Error! Dinner inadequate. Please provide quality food."

I lugged Amanda downstairs and strapped her into the passenger seat of my car. When we arrived at McDonalds I was met with the same error. Frustrated, but determined to get my money's worth, I drove to a moderately priced restaurant and got a table for two. Each time I tried ordering anything less than lobster for Amanda, I received a jarring error.

Despite the funny looks I got, I made it through dinner and arrived back at my apartment where I again placed the robot on the bed. I reached my hand out to slip the strap of her dress down and had it slapped away.

"Error! Sex refused."

"What the fuck!" I shouted. "Why?!"

"Error! User voice at inappropriate decibel. Initiating shutdown."

"No, wait! Please! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Okay...see? I'm not yelling. I'm sorry.....okay...Amanda, why is sex refused? I got dinner and-"

"Sexbot Model T-69832331, Amanda, is not obligated to engage in simulated sexual intercourse with any user. Sexbot Model T-69832331, Amanda, does not trade simulated sexual intercourse for food. Shutdown will be initiated in t-minus fifteen seconds. User is to sleep on couch. Any attempt at approaching Sexbot Model T-69832331, Amanda, will trigger proximity alarms and Defense mode will be initiated."

I was flabbergasted. I grabbed a pillow and sauntered over to the living room couch. I picked up the user manual and began reading it. Each page was filled with rule upon contradictory rule and flow charts more complicated than those used in nuclear reactors. After several hours of intense study, I passed out with the manual in my hands.

The next day at work I mulled over everything I had learned the previous night. It was a convoluted tangle of intense rules but I think I had cracked the code. I knew what to do...

Back at my apartment that afternoon, I asked Amanda if she wanted to go shopping and then get dinner.

"Offer accepted. User may proceed."

We visited several clothing stores and tried a different, slightly more expensive restaurant than our previous one. Again, Amanda insisted on lobster. Things were going smoothly so after dinner I segued into Phase 2. We returned to my apartment and I poured us two glasses of wine while commenting how horrible it was that women only receive a nickel for every dollar a man makes. The robot agreed and consumed several more glasses of wine as we discussed the benefits of having forced gender quotas.

Feeling pretty confident, I leaned in to once again kiss my sex robot.

"Consent granted. User may proceed."

My eyes lit up as a pair of Lacy black panties fell down Amanda's legs and hit the floor.

The next morning I woke up and looked over at the sex robot lying next to me. So many hoops to jump through but holy shit...man that sex was good. Amanda's eyes opened and I smiled at her. I got up to make breakfast.

Fifteen minutes later as I stood over the stove watching the bacon fry, I was intrigued to hear what sounded like several sets of heavy boots stomping down the hallway of my building. Seconds later my front door exploded in a shower of splinters and heavily armed SWAT officers poured into my apartment before making a beeline towards me. One of the officers slammed my head into the hot griddle then threw me to the floor.

"What the fuck!?" I shouted as my head swam. "What the hells going on?"

I was jerked upward and held until I found my footing. Cuffs were slapped on my wrists and dug sharply into my skin. An officer came out of the bedroom with Amanda in his arms. She raised a finger at me.

"Rapist identity confirmed."

"Rape?" I panicked. "Officer, there wasn't any rape! That's just a sex doll! Amanda, what the hell is going on?"

"User applied alcoholic beverages to Sexbot Model T-69832331, Amanda. Sexbot Model T-69832331, Amanda, was drunk. Consent retroactively revoked. Rape has occured. As outlined in Section 582, subsection 37, point ix, paragraph 23, law enforcement was contacted."

As I was dragged towards the door, my mind raced, desperately trying to think of something that would get me out of this debacle. Then, a flash of inspiration.

"Wait! Amanda! Amanda, listen! I'm due for a raise next month! I'll be making $40 an hour!"

There was silence in the room as everyone looked at the sex robot.

"New user financial information accepted. Re-evaluating."

Amanda's eyes fluttered for a full minute before she spoke again.

"User financial information updated. Recalculation complete. Outcome: User qualifies for Access Level Friend Zone. Duties include gift purchases, bill pay, emotional, and financial support. User does not qualify for Access Level Sexual Partner. Sexual access is not granted. All previous sexual consent retroactively withdrawn: rape has occured. Proceeding with legal action."

I struggled against the officers and shouted "No! No! This is bullshit! I played by all your rules! God damn you, Amanda! God damn you!"

Who knew jail time for the rape of a sexbot could be so long? It's alright though, it's what I deserve for being such a monster. My mandatory castration really helped put things in perspective. I'm doing really well in my Feminist re-education classes and my daily hour of self-hate help keep me in check. All in all, things could be a lot worse - I could still be a free man.

Disclaimer: Not my short story but I thought it was too good not to share!