What is your deepest purpose? Finding it hard to understand what this could be.

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November 5, 2019

Current OYS for reference... https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/drwc5r/own_your_shit_weekly_november_05_2019/f6lhq9t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

Ive read through TWOTSM and found it hard to get my mind around everything he was saying in this book. I've started reading it again and got thinking more about what he's saying about "deepest purpose".

It seems as though my mission isn't or can't be my deepest purpose.

My mission is to be a great role model for my kids and grow them into proper masculine men that understand this world from an alpha perspective. I want to train them to become athletes, great at sports and able to lift like i do. I will become the most muscular i can, naturally (weight goal of 180lb lean). To become financially stable enough so that money isn't a "problem" or "shackle" anymore and develop my own company, either doing the type of work i do now or something related to health and fitness (developing ideas here). I want to create something in this world that has great influence over helping other people, whether that be through written communication, media production or general influence via one to one training (I get a lot of joy from passing on knowledge and seeing someone grow into something they wouldn't have been without my influence).

These are all long term goals, or "my mission" in life. But are they a deepest purpose... i don't think so.

I wanted to see what you guys thought about this and if you have a deepest purpose in life that's actually different from your mission?

Post Information
Title What is your deepest purpose? Finding it hard to understand what this could be.
Author mrbadassmotherfucker
Upvotes 15
Comments 35
Date 05 November 2019 01:25 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/294103
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/drz3jw/what_is_your_deepest_purpose_finding_it_hard_to/
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[–]pursuing_the_ideal12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Your mission is awesome. Whatever you focus on grows and you are focusing on great things.

That being said, a lot of your mission is dependent on external factors. What if your kids hate sports? What if your businesses fail due to circumstances you could not foresee? May be useful to think about how you can develop your mindset such that you are optimistic, happy, and full of love for life regardless of what does or doesn't happen.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I see what you're saying... Maybe THAT would be my deepest purpose, as I kind of feel anything I do would be to fuel that happiness.

I could definitly add "looking at everything from an optimistic standpoint, being full of love and always giving my greatest gifts, indepenant from any outcome that might occur" to my mission list.

My deepest purpose would then to be ultimately happy no matter what happens.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure always being happy is the right answer. There are some events in life where "negative" emotions, like anger (in a moment of injustice) or grief (death of a close friend) are totally appropriate responses.

Who you choose to be in those moments can ultimately be the most defining events you will experience.

Will you meet injustice with unbridled rage or a proportional response?

Will you allow your grief to consume you or will you allow yourself to feel the pain and remain open to new relationships even though they could bring more grief?

Both of those scenarios could drag you into greater pain and loss or create greater strength and resilience in you.

In that case it would seem that anything that moves you in a path of growth and strength ... And modeling that for others around you (like your boys) might give you a greater range of possibility as well as a positive purpose.

Something to consider.

[–]tap09885341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Risk of failure doesn't invalidate a mission.

[–]mrpalt1Chief of the Towel Police7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I too struggled with this but has started to become more clear. Growing up fairly strict Catholic I had to dig through a lot of beliefs that were passed on, some good others needing adjustment. For me a lot of times it means taking on what the old me, the strict Catholic, would consider a hippie mindset to remind myself of my deeper purpose.

Like u/pursuing_the_ideal stated you have to focus internally. You deeper purpose might be to have children, but if the kid as down syndrome are you going to lose your shit? OR are you going to be happy for the gift of life, that your blood is their blood and that you have been entrusted to love this person and shape their life.

Is your deeper purpose to have more money so you can have more stuff? OR do you value the time that you now possess, a healthier life from less stress of worrying, the capacity to provide unbridled charity to friends, neighbors, strangers.

I wanted to get into rental homes. So I bought one, and worked hard rehabbing, and then even harder working to get a good tenant. I thought it would make me "happier". It did for about a month and now I'm looking for the next house or opportunity.

So what is my deeper purpose here? Well when I look back 50 years from now I can say I took the chance. I am a real estate investor. I am a property rehabber. I provided a good home to good people. I did SOMETHING that was out of my comfort zone and challenging. I don't want to regret that is part of my deeper purpose.

Before with my Catholic upbringing I was very judgemental, yet some of the kindest and best people I knew were gay, not to mention the whole priest and alter boy scandal. Well how do I want to experience life? Judging people and keeping them at arms length even though they are more productive, positive, and exciting than some of my straight friends? Or realize their sexuality is only one part of their being and the adventure, wisdom, and fun they bring to life are worth experiencing. Doesn't mean I need to be a fan of gay marriage or lead the pride parade, but I'd rather look back 50 years and have spent good time with good people.

I used to watch a lot of tv especially political. Then I got back involved with sports through adult leagues. Then I started hunting and hiking more. I came to realize I like being active. My mind and body feel better when I spend time outdoors. I have clarity and sleep better. I see new things, smell new things, feel new things. I went for a trail run once and jumped into the nearby lake like a crazy person afterwards but if felt FUCKING GOOD. Looking back in 50 years am I going to remember all the mindless tv I watched or how I experienced the sweat of summer, the wet of spring, the smell of fall or the sting of winter.

Weed is bad. It makes you lazy, dumb, dirty. Maybe for some. So does alcohol. You know what, I enjoy both from time to time. I don't use either to make it through the day and I don't crave it to unwind at night. I enjoy it with good company, sharing stories, reminiscing, dreaming, and laughing our asses off. Looking back 50 years am I going to remember living on the straight and narrow or talk about how we'd have a rip after a long hunt and bullshit about the day.

Deeper purpose for me is about filling up as much of the life container as I am fucking able with the resources that I have. Being thankful for the people, opportunities, and gifts. Comparing myself to myself. And knowing I'll never reach it or have it all.

I think he mentions that in TWOTSM the whole point as a man is to keep looking, trying, experiencing, and knowing you'll never find it.

That's why I refer to it as hippie mindset for myself. To remember to be loose, to think, to cause and effect, to test and evaluate, measure against regret, instead of just doing what your told because that's how it's always been.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nice insight, thanks.

[–]SkidR0we0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I enjoyed and needed this, thanks.

[–]fannyfire6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I haven’t yet got to that book but I am trying hard to let go of what I want to do in this world and what I want to gain from this world. I read a book called The Aladdin Factor quite a few times and one of the things they ask you to do is write down wishes. I did this several times throughout the years and I was astounded how what I wanted changed. When I was in my late teens I wanted to be famous, rich, own a yacht and lots of girls etc. As I got older I started to write less material things down and less to do with people. It became more about inner peace and gratitude. It became more about me and my personal development.

Now, I’m just looking for clarity. I want to be more stoic. I want to be the master of my mind. I want my body to be my slave. I want to be accountable to myself and responsible for my own life.

I think a simpler mission like that sets you up for a higher chance of success. The bar is lower but that’s because you drop the ego. You don’t need the car, the clothes, the hoes and the house and everything marketing tells us we “need.” Instead, you have mastery over mind and body. With that comes ultimate freedom.

Maybe that’s too new age but I’m getting older and I find myself giving a lot less fucks about so many things in this world. I don’t want to be happy all the time but I do want to believe that everything is going to be okay no matter what because that’s when I can start living.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Now, I’m just looking for clarity. I want to be more stoic. I want to be the master of my mind. I want my body to be my slave. I want to be accountable to myself and responsible for my own life.

This is a good mission. I can see how these things would be your purpose, as they are unmovable and don't rely on other things to exist.

[–]fannyfire1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s kind of where I was going with that. I think everything is movable to an extent depending on how far down the rabbit hole you go. However, under general circumstances, provided I am sane and able bodied, I have control over whether I go to the gym, DEER to someone or fail on meeting an obligation that I am responsible for.

[–]IRunYourRiver6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

If you're following Deida's definition of purpose, then you're right that lifting, athleticism, etc is the wrong model. He has a 5 hr YouTube, uh, lecture where he goes into this a little more fully than he does in TWOTSM. He describes anything that moves or changes ("dances") as being feminine while the masculine is identified with things that don't change. These would be concepts like consciousness, truth, etc.

Look at it this way. Let's say that tomorrow you find out that for some reason you aren't able to lift anymore. What then? Is your purpose lost? I would say no. Lifting is one expression of your purpose but your purpose actually goes much deeper than that. He also recommends austerity as a way of discovering this purpose.

It's entirely up to you to decide how to interpret this. But just be aware that TRP is a sexual strategy while Deida is describing a spiritual strategy. There is overlap between the two, but it isn't complete.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for your insight. Might have to watch that 5hr lecture.

[–]IRunYourRiver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Save it for a long drive. Lol.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

There's nothing wrong with placing your own happiness as your deeper purpose. Deep spiritually isn't for everyone.

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not at all. That's implied with everything here - you're an adult, do what you want.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I responded to the wrong post. My bad.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I personally don't like the generic corporate type mission statements. I have gone the route of breaking it up into smaller bits.


You want to benchpress 100kg. Work out a plan on how to get there. Work out the program, nutrition and timeline to achieve it.

One small mission is a piece of the greater mission. It morphs into something bigger over time. By the time you reach it other aspects of your life have been lifted in the process as you were either aiding them or not subconsciously sabotaging it.

The book makes it sound like a holy grail that you must first figure out before you can start. I prefer interpreting it as focusing your masculine energy on an endeavour to help realise a larger (yet unknown) mission.

Back to the benching example. By reaching that target you have in the process improved your social status (visually big weights in the gym), appearance (bigger guns, better fitting clothes) health (clean eating) and so on. In the long term your kids are inspired, your wife doesn't divorce your ass because she is enjoying/feeding off your energy.

The universe responds positively to your energy. That is the essence of the book.

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can’t just decide on your deeper purpose.

Continue improving, strengthening your frame, develop your masculine identity further, pursuing your mission. This will give you the capability, experience, insight and outlook that you need. From that, perhaps purpose will one day arise. It is more an emergent property.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You might find this helpful.

[–]BarracudaRP2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

One of the things that changed how I view my mission was from TWOTSM: My mission can be just like the layers of an onion. To me, this means that my Mission does not have to start as a profound statement of my life's work. It does not need to encapsulate my highest calling and my life's most meaningful path right now, because it is ultimately disposable.

I have found that by choosing to have a mission, (even a simple one), and replacing it (because it was either accomplished, or because I discarded it) - it's that action that peels back another layer of the onion. Then I'm able to see more clearly that the next layer is even better; it's what I was trying to ultimately get at, but I may not have realized it. I may even look at the last layer and see that it was clearly inferior to my current mission, and that's great. But it doesn't mean I was an asshole for having that old mission, which is an important point; we have a tendency to feel this weird shame if we don't have a grand mission that incorporates every aspect of our lives.

I found that my actual missions have to be logically backed into. What I mean is that I had to ask myself questions about what I really value. What do I find meaningful? What is it that I'm willing to do every day, as a habit/system, that will accomplish my mission? How do I know that I'm willing to put in the work toward this mission? What things will actually drive my life forward as I want it to be? What kind of future can I envision that would be so good for me and others, that it makes my current suffering worthwhile? (some of these are basically the same questions that Jordan B Peterson outlines on 12 Rules For Life and elsewhere). For me, these questions are much easier to answer (partly based on what I can already observe that I am willing to do): every day, I lift weights and work on my side business. My mission will not be driven forward by pleasing my boss. My mission does not move forward if I placate my wife, for the sake of my own comfort. My mission is not moved forward by wasting time on the internet when I have better things to do.

But here's the best part - your mission can be completely fucking vapid, things that seem really shallow. That also means that this is a good, valid and fucking badass mission:

Besides fucking 100 women before I die?

I'm with u/RedPillGlasses on this one. I'm also willing to bet that he has a half dozen secret missions that aren't related to pussy. Hell, I'm starting to believe that once we've stopped using sex for validation, getting laid like a viking warlord is one of our oldest, most fundamental, and highest status missions a high SMV man can have. So is lifting like a monster. So is acquiring wealth and power. So is whatever meaningful things you apply to your life and the life of those around you, whether it's to directly help others or not.

Mission statements are great. Having written goals is really, really important. Aspiring to be the best man you can possibly be should be the only goal we entertain. BUT you are not required to draft a paragraph about your life's work, it's not going on your tombstone. I allowed myself to say "I have no fucking clue what my mission is, but I know that discipline and improving myself will serve me well regardless of whatever mission I choose", and then I got to work. Getting to work has been a great way to identify what I actually value, what I find meaningful, and what I'm willing to do to get there every single day.

And from that, I'm starting to eek out a part of the universe that I feel is my highest calling and my mission. It excites me when can see that every action I take throughout the day is linked to me fulfilling my mission. I can't wait.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well written.

Pussy CAN be a mission. So can eating snickers bars. We are our own mental point of origin, above and beyond all others, even random internet faggots.

[–]go-RED-go1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read The unchained man: thebalpha male 2.0 There is a good part about developing a mission. And he also claims that it is indeed possible for a man to allways be happy. He argues that women can't (and don't want to) expirience constant happines, but for a man, this is desired and achivable.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This one's on my to read list. Probably pick it up next. Sounds interesting

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Checking your post history ... maybe you should try:


[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

I asked on there and the only answer I got was "gay".

[–]JoeBuckYourslf4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seems legit.

[–]IRunYourRiver3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe the spirit was speaking in a colloquialism from a bygone era and meant "gay" in the sense of "happy". Turns out it was right. Booyah.

[–]BarracudaRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I asked the spirits to clarify. They told me that OP was bundle of wooden sticks.

[–]apietroski80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I haven't read the book, but I think most people ponder what their deepest purpose is. If they dont, they probably should. I agree that being a role model and molding your kids into extraordinary human beings is an excellent purpose, but it also should not be your sole purpose for living. I also feel that we all have one life to live and there is no reason to not make the most of it.

To me, making the most of my life encompasses a number of the goals you have in your mission. I am a father and I want my kids to have incredible memories of me that they will eventually share with their children. I aim to treat everyone with respect until they prove unworthy of it. I make it a point to even make small talk with a cashier or a stranger I have to associate with. You never know what demons someone is dealing with and just by engaging positively with them you may brighten their day. I want to be financially secure so that i can provide for my family and not have to worry about the added burden of trying to pay bills. I want to have an incredible sex life with my wife, have fun when we are together, and build a life we are proud of.

All that really matters in life is that you are happy, proud of what you have done, and do not find yourself on your deathbed with regrets. I believe that having goals and planning a direction for your life is essential. You are in charge of your own destiny and happiness.

[–]zuhal930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Here's a way to think about it.

Your deepest purpose and your mission are two different things.

Finding your deepest purpose is like hearing the right chord at the right time. One day, you'll be like: it's G-minor. And that's it. It's like being struck by lightning and you can't force it or bullshit yourself. You suddenly know yourself, and I mean like, really Know -- it's like some Philosopher's Stone shit.

No one can ever talk about G-minor and you will never be able to put it into words. G-minor is a chord; you can write it out mathematically, you can describe it, you can even kind of get people to artificially imagine it, visualize it on a spectrum, etc., but no one can ever hear it except when it is played; G-minor is a self-existent thing that cannot be intellectualized. You can't put it into a statement.

However, you can put into a statement where and how you will play G-minor, on what instrument, for what audience, you can write an album using G-minor, you can play different octaves of G-minor, you could even learn how to play G-minor on all the different instruments you want, etc., etc. That is your mission; you can put it into a language, and make goals out of it in infinite permutations according to your context. But actually playing G-minor and making a plan around how you will play it is entirely different than G-minor itself.

Practicing having a mission in spite of this awareness of deepest purpose makes you ready for when it comes (or maybe it has and you've just been ignoring it). And perhaps even that purpose is kind of there hidden waiting for you to realize it -- in how you raise your kids or how you lift -- basically the unique quality of person you bring to your life that's hiding under all that socialized bullshit.

[–]RedPillGlasses-3 points-2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Besides fucking 100 women before I die?

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I bet that wouldn't satisfy you as much as you think it would.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The first 40 did.

[–]fannyfire0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Pussy isn’t a mission. They’re just holes.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe it’s my mission. 🤔

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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