666,886 posts

Wife Threatened Divorce Last Night

by OptimusRP | November 08, 2019 | askMRP

35 upvotes

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STATS

  • Age 41, Height 6'3", Weight 220 lbs, BF 24% (Navy)
  • Wife 41, Married 18 years, Together 22, Kids 12 and 9.
  • LP 295x5, BP 195x5, BOR 135x5, OHP 105x5
  • Reading NMMNG
  • 3 weeks in RP Journey (Dread Level 1)

BACKGROUND

Let me begin by saying that THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. I have been a shitty Captain and I make no excuses. I own that.

My wife and I dated all throughout college, got engaged our senior year, and married a year after graduation. We are both Type A, intelligent, outgoing, driven, successful, and very strong willed-individuals. We are also both incredibly stubborn. She was never submissive, even at the beginning of our relationship. When she was growing up she wanted to be President of the United States. In high school she was the Student Body President. I was Captain of the football team in high school and in college. We were the quintessential "power couple".

The first 5 years of our marriage were good, but not great. We lived in a shitty apartment for three years to save money for a down payment on a house. The guy next to us was a drug dealer and there was a murder at a bar about a block away from our building. We both worked very long hours and had little time for fun.

I eventually got a job with one of the "three letter agencies" and was away at training for several months. After training we relocated and bought our first home. Everything was picture perfect. I was in my mid-twenties and in the best shape of my life. That's when the depression hit. Mental illness runs in my family and the stress of my new high-pressure position eventually broke me. I became suicidal and was in and out of the hospital. I was on every kind of antidepressant imaginable. I was a shell of my former self.

My wife stood by me through all of this. I eventually recovered and took a less stressful position within the agency. I excelled and was promoted several times. About 5 years ago, I was ordered to do something I believed was unethical. When I refused, I was demoted, harassed, and eventually shown the door. This triggered a relapse of my depression. For the second time in 10 years, my wife had to step up as Captain. She took care of me, our two young kids, and what was left of our dwindling finances.

We eventually sold our home and moved in with my parents for several months. We cashed out our retirement to pay for my medical bills. I eventually recovered and found a job across the country.

Within a year we were back on our feet, but that's when our marriage problems began. I was back to my old self, full of confidence and optimism about the future. My wife, on the other hand, seemed distant and disconnected. She became extremely critical and judgemental, constantly bitching and nagging me about anything and everything.

Like a good little Blue Pill, I thought I could make her happy by doing what she wanted me to do, like helping her with the chores and spending more time with her and the kids. I did all of these things and more, but she always seem to find something else about me that she didn't like.

We went through 4 marriage counselors in 3 years with little progress to show for it. I believe seeing me in my depressed state not once but twice, has caused her to lose all confidence and respect for me. I was living in a dead bedroom. Instead of owning my shit, I lashed out and started messing around behind her back. I foolishly thought I could survive my shitty marriage by seeking validation from other women.

I soon realized this only made things worse and stopped screwing around. I decided I was going to either fix my marriage or get a divorce. That's when I found MRP and learned that if I wanted to fix my marriage, I had to fix myself.

PRESENT DAY

My wife is overweight and very insecure about her body. Before finding MRP, I went Rambo and said I wasn't attracted to her and that she needed to lose about 30 lbs. Naturally, this did not go over well. In the last 3 weeks since finding MRP, I haven't said anything about her weight, diet, or lack of exercise. I've been entirely focused on myself.

I purchased all the books listed in the sidebar. I joined a gym and started doing Strong Lifts. I found a barber and got a nice haircut. I've been reading about Frame, Dread, DEER, the 1,000 tow rope, etc. I've written in the MRP OYS Thread every week (although I just got two weeks for a "Rule 9 violation"). I even took my wife on a date last weekend and planned another one for tomorrow night.

She has responded to all of this with a barrage of shit/comfort tests. She has called me "selfish" and keeps asking if I think she's attractive. She has been going through my phone and asking bout text messages with female friends. Last night we were laying in bed and she said, "You know what? You aren't going to break me."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I feel like you are trying to get me to submit to you."

"I haven't asked you to do a single thing for me in the last three weeks."

"That's true," she said. "Maybe you are doing it subconsciously. Maybe you don't even know you are doing it."

Of course I knew that what she was feeling was dread, but I didn't say anything about it.

She continued, "Anyway, I just want you to know that's never going to happen. And I'll tell you something else. I'm an attractive woman and I get a lot of attention."

"Are you trying to make me jealous?" I asked.

"No," she said, "I just want you to know that other men find me attractive and give me attention. I'm not saying I am going to cheat on you, but I could if I wanted to."

To me, this crossed a huge fucking line. But I kept my cool.

"Hey, do whatever you want," I said.

This apparently was her breaking point. She jumped out of bed, turned on the light and screamed, "That's it, I am done with you! I am done! You are the most emotionally unavailable man I have ever known! I don't want to be with you anymore! I believe I would be happier without you!"

"OK," I said.

"I'm getting an attorney! I want this house and primary custody of the kids!"

"We can discuss that," I said calmly.

She grabbed her pillows and stormed out of the room. I layed there for a good 30 minutes to see if she was coming back but she didn't, so I fell asleep. At some point in the middle of the night she came back.

I got up for work and left without saying good bye. Once I got to work I texted her that I was cancelling our date for obvious reasons and would be spending time with my son. She wrote back, "Good for you." A couple hours later she wrote, "So is that it? You're totally fine with everything I said last night?"

I said, "I'm not, but you should do what you want to do."

So that's where I'm at. I really don't think she wants a divorce. This is probably just the mother of all shit tests, but any insight or direction you guys have at this stage would be appreciated.

UPDATE: The date is back on and my MRP ban was reduced to 5 days. (Thanks u/weakandsensitive) I appreciate all of your comments and will see you next week in OYS.


Post Information
Title Wife Threatened Divorce Last Night
Author OptimusRP
Upvotes 35
Comments 210
Date 08 November 2019 03:27 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/294467
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dtgxzs/wife_threatened_divorce_last_night/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret 27 points28 points  (5 children) | Copy

I think it was J10 who said that a lot of guys, when they first come to MRP, would greatly benefit with 6 months of raw SMV increase and shutting their mouth. STFU, play nice card, go to gym, reset every day.

Look, you're fighting with her. That's fine. I'd advise you to go on the date, reinvite her, and then reset the next day, be positive, and get stuff done.

Look, I see all of her comments... Put the words "I feelz" before them. I see this as a feelz temper tantrum. And you're clearly not giving her good feelz. It's all negative bad feelz. "You suck, go lose 30 lbs." And you then wonder why she's pissed at you.

A lot of guys basically become assholes when they arrive in MRP. I'm not saying that's wrong (my wife called me a asshole several times for the record), but the foot in mouth disease is real.

"I'm an attractive woman and I get a lot of attention." "I would hope so, honey. Good thing I didn't marry a ugly chick." said with a smirk.

"I'm not saying I am going to cheat on you, but I could if I wanted to." - here, you should have STFUed and walked away, because lets face it, this is a boundary violation to most. At this point, you don't engage.

Anyway. Reset, be pleasant to be around, get stuff done. Judge her on her actions. Did she get a divorce attorney or does she feelz she needs a divorce attorney. Did she storm out of the room or did she come back to sleep with you.

The real question is, what do you want, but before you can answer that you have to unfuck yourself first.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks Triple S.

[–]z2a1-9 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome

[–]asiam_man 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing that's not talked about: when men say shit, they mean it, when women say shit, like "I could cheat" or "I'm going to divorce you" they often don't mean it. It could be a shit test, or it could be venting. Don't take what they say at face value. Look at what they do, not what they say, applies even when they say shit like that.

Don't get offended. Take it in stride. IF it's just words from a woman, they're just words.

[–]EmbracedBiology 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I have a question about the "walking away" after the cheat threat as a noob:

What if she just follows you around? Which is what I would guess would be happening with a furious woman shouting shit like that?

I feel like just ghosting her is weak as shit? Or do I literally need to leave the house?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don't engage. Do not engage.

[–]helaughsinhidden 20 points21 points  (7 children) | Copy

Relax and pay attention to her actions and not her words. She said "i want this house and the kids" but CAME BACK TO BED. She's just noticed the boat is moving. Keep going, feed a bit of comfort here and there.

she said, "You know what? You aren't going to break me."

"What do you mean by that?"

Great response. Keeps frame, flips the pressure back onto her as long as you aren't showing any defensiveness.

I got up for work and left without saying good bye. Once I got to work I texted her that I was cancelling our date for obvious reasons and would be spending time with my son.

I would have acted as if the previous night meant nothing or assumed it was hormones or PMS talking. Best to act like her little outburst didn't cause any dents what so ever, even kept the date plans. She's the oldest child in the house and it becomes more apparent as you lead and NGAF about her criticisms, judgement, shaming tactics, and other shit tests. There is no better way to teach a woman that her tantrums mean nothing than to let her have then and act like it never occurred.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

as if the previous night meant nothing

This.

Reset each day.

It's important for both of you to be able to let the past go. Her tests. Your depression.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're right. Thanks for the comment.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Good advice. I just sent her a message and said I was willing to forget about last night and still go on our date.

[–]helaughsinhidden 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not bad, but next time do it without saying anything about her tantrum at all the same way Germany treats the 1930s and 1940s. Mentioning the "willing to forget" shows your still in her frame.

Just say " I changed my mind after all, I do want to go on the date. Wear the black dress with the lacy thong underwear and matching bra". This only talks about what you want. Date, sexy dress, and underwear you plan on seeing and then removing. I'm not saying her feelings don't mean anything, but to lead, they can't be a motivator for either doing or not doing what you want or think is right.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just say " I changed my mind after all, I do want to go on the date. Wear the black dress with the lacy thong underwear and matching bra". This only talks about what you want.

This is good stuff.

[–]waitshhhhhh 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah she sounds like she’ll really go for that. Good fucking luck.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

[–]part_wolf 17 points18 points  (14 children) | Copy

In addition to the advice you’ve already got here, I suggest you prepare for the inevitable follow-up conversation because she hasn’t received any closure and you haven’t established a boundary with the divorce threat.

When I was in your same situation with my wife, I said “bringing up the idea of divorce so casually is a threat to our marriage, and I want you to never bring it up again unless you’re 100% serious.” There’s really not much else you have to say, but if you think she’s serious I would speak to a lawyer and have the paperwork ready. The next time she threatens divorce, ask “are you certain?” and then lay paperwork on the dining room table.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 5 points6 points  (13 children) | Copy

I set this boundary previously but it's time to re-establish. I like the way you said it.

[–]SepeanRed Beret 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t do that. You don’t have the leverage to enforce the boundary. It is much better to just use A&A or amused mastery. Make fun of it.

When your SMV is higher, so you can withdraw affection and that bothers her, that’s when you can begin setting boundaries.

[–]bowhunter6 11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

I think the jury is out on boundary setting, anyway. Women aren’t fucking stupid; they know the goddamn boundaries. Overt boundary setting is dangerously close to issuing an ultimatum, which comes from a position of weakness and isn’t enforceable anyway, except for you to peace out of the relationship.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Hmmm...good point. It's not real until there are papers in front of me, so there's no point in getting all worked up about.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remember who's in control.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Got it.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.0 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It may not be real...yet, but you should always be prepared. Expect the best but prepare for the worst.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Words to live by

[–]part_wolf 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

I missed that part. If you already set that boundary, it has to be enforceable. She clearly doesn't give a fuck about the boundaries you've set, probably because she's still playing the power game.

/u/sepean is right, you have no leverage to enforce it. It's better to say, "I'm disappointed that you'd bring up divorce so casually. Do you realize that's a threat to our marriage?" and use it as a pressure flip as you've been doing.

[–]OptimusRP[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Got it. I'll use that tonight.

[–]part_wolf 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

On your date? Very romantic.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

LOL...right. maybe I'll just stfu instead

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

While she's choking on his cock. We could see our first amputation!

[–]rocknrollchuck 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not a boundary, it's a consequence. And unless you have the papers drawn up and ready to hand her right then, it's a bluff.

[–]RStonePT 35 points36 points  (19 children) | Copy

Get the paperwork started

All threats are honoured

[–]bowhunter6 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s exactly what I’m saying! We don’t negotiate with terrorists.

[–]BobbyPeru 3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy

It’s a bit Rambo, but I like it

[–]RStonePT 6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

It's only rambo if he doesn't know why he's doing it.

[–]BobbyPeru 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Agreed.

[–]RStonePT 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

I wonder if Alpha as worlf is in prison yet?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wait, what?

[–]RStonePT 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh, he's the reason Rambo exists as a concept 🤣🤣🤣

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I forgot about that post - https://theredarchive.xyz/archive/200487 . I remember reading it way back when I first started.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Was he the one that was connected to the crazy Vampire-issa something or other?

[–]RStonePT 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Vampire squidina was way before him. He was the one that jack made the weird analogy about driving a car but rolling up the windows post on.

Squidina was your average middle aged purplepilldebate chick arguing hypergamy.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

They comes and they goes, but they were good times.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just county man. Only 30 days.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Touche. We can make this a thing for the faggots

A fun challenge for the wordsmiths.

[–]RStonePT 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

The reason he won't do it is the exact point he should take away from this

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

He doesn't have the frame or even knows what he wants yet. But that is the answer.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

What are you guys talking about? I'm here to learn. Please share.

[–]part_wolf 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a lose-lose. If you forgive your wife for holding your house and kids hostage just to gain the upper hand or get what she wants, you'll be tacitly endorsing that behavior and you lose. If you escalate the situation and start the divorce process just to gain the upper hand or nuke her behavior, you're playing into your wife's power game and you lose. Specifically, you lose respect for yourself.

In my opinion, the only way to win is not to play. You don't have to forgive her; the divorce threat is fucked up. You have every right to tell her that you're disappointed and ashamed that she would do something like that, but you have to move past it and focus on your mission. Regardless of how she responds, the high road is you taking a step toward where you want to be. That's outcome independence.

The comments above are referring to your lack of priorities. One of your other comments, "I want to do right by my wife and kids" is reflective of your lack of a true mission for yourself. If you don't have a mission and priorities, you're unattractive and you'll continue to be manipulated and do things at the cost of your self-respect.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Makes a lot of sense. Nicely explained, thanks

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. It's not even his decision.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy

The first time my wife threatened divorce, I told her to pack her bags and leave.

She didn't mention again.

For a few months.

Next time she did, I packed her bags, put them in her car and told her where the door was.

She hasn't mentioned it since.

It's only a threat if it can hurt you. It can only hurt you if you give a fuck.

Give less fucks.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

10-4

[–]Perfectinmyeyes 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Btw some women don't function like sb3s... I said that statement to my wife recently after she threatened and she escalated. My wife rarely deescalates, my wife sounds a bit like yous.

Boundaries are important thou.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I said that statement to my wife recently after she threatened and she escalated.

She pulled the divorce card, you made an attempt to nuke it and it blew up in your face. That's because she didn't believe you. Mine did. The difference between these two scenarios is not the diffrence between my wife and yours - the difference is that I was fully prepared to follow through. You clearly weren't. Otherwise, you would have followed through, which you didn't.

Boundaries are important but only to you. In order to make them clear to others, you have to be willing and able to defend them without conceeding as much as an inch. Otherwise, they are just lines in the sand.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think it would work on mine either, but the giving less fucks part is great advice.

[–]JudgeDoom69 28 points29 points  (32 children) | Copy

The "stay plan" is the same as the "go plan". Keep lifting, holding frame, studying the material and passing her shit tests.

You need to indifferent to the outcome, because you are an alpha male who can find a new and better mate in a heartbeat.

Treat her little hissy-fit as a shit test or comfort test.

I wouldn't cancel the date, it's a sign of weakness that her emotions are controlling your actions. I'd carry on like nothing happened.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 6 points7 points  (22 children) | Copy

Thanks Judge.

[–]naroadi 16 points17 points  (21 children) | Copy

Also, not saying goodbye is a bit passive-agressive and no one likes that. You can even throw a: Have a good day or something. Show that you truly aren't interested in shitty behavior.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 10 points11 points  (20 children) | Copy

You're right. By doing this I lost frame and allowed her tantrum to get to me. I should have acted like it never happened.

[–]JudgeDoom69 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remember to reset each day. Start each day by playing the "nice card".

Here's a good post from BPP:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3qplxm/the_husbands_dilemma_when_to_withhold_affection/

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read and saved. Thanks!

[–]BostonBrakeJob 10 points11 points  (17 children) | Copy

Her tantrum?? Dude, she told you she wanted a divorce, to take your home, and the kids. You call that a tantrum?

Clearly she's going through some shit. Spouting "girl power" one second then threating to take your house and kids the next. That's her problem.

I'm usually one to preach mindset mindset mindset, but regardless of what your mindset was, in this case, leaving for work without saying a word to her seems pretty fuckin reasonable to me.

You don't have to agree with every internet stranger, including me. But don't be going out of your way to talk to her about anything past logistics for kids and daily household shit in some deluded effort to "take the high road." You owe her nothing.

Now....if she comes to you and apologizes, and you want to give this thing a fair shot, then yeah, don't be passive agressive and stay congruent. It'd be a good time to lay out a vision of what your marriage and homelife is going to look like and give her the chance to get on board, if she chooses to. After she's done vomiting her feelz and you fog the shit out of it, of course. My gut says she will eventually come to you, but who knows. That's why we say, the stay plan is the same as the go plan.

[–]OptimusRP[S] -1 points0 points  (16 children) | Copy

Now....if she comes to you and apologizes, and you want to give this thing a fair shot, then yeah, don't be passive agressive and stay congruent. It'd be a good time to lay out a vision of what your marriage and homelife is going to look like and give her the chance to get on board, if she chooses to. After she's done vomiting her feelz and you fog the shit out of it, of course. My gut says she will eventually come to you, but who knows. That's why we say, the stay plan is the same as the go plan.

This would have been my preference, but she rarely apologizes for anything. I like the idea of the "reset" because it shows her that I'm still in control of my emotions and her bullshit didn't phase me. I'm going to play my "nice card" and re-establish the boundary that divorce should never be used as a threat.

[–]BostonBrakeJob 3 points4 points  (15 children) | Copy

I'm going to play my "nice card" and re-establish the boundary that divorce should never be used as a threat.

I hope you realize, sooner than later, how retarded that sentence is.

I'm feeling generous today. So if ya need it spelled out, you let me know.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

I hope you realize, sooner than later, how retarded that sentence is.

I'm feeling generous today. So if ya need it spelled out, you let me know.

I'm glad I caught you on a good day. To be clear, I was talking about her. If she doesn't follow my lead I'll be doing this at DL10.

[–]BostonBrakeJob 3 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy

You don't pet the dog by its steaming pile of shit on your floor and expect it to quit shitting on the floor.

So first, you need to get rid of the mentality of "...I like the reset because it shows her..." Anytime you do or say something to "show her", you're fucked. It reeks of weakness and will not work the way you think it will. Feel free to try it anyway and see for yourself.

Second, you need to decide if what she did is acceptable to you. In other words, are you ok with her threating you with all that and then going on (with her) as if nothing happend. If you are, then there is no boundry here at all. You play your nice card, and you forget about it. Enjoy your date night.

You also have to be ok with it happening over and over again, because that's what you will be opening the door for. That's not to say it's guaranteed to keep happening as you continue to improve. But it doean't give her any reason to act any different toward you either. You don't respect yourself, why should she respect you. So come what may.

If it's not acceptable, then like I said...logistics only. She's not your wife anymore, she is a coparent and a roommate until she comes to you. That is when you can reset, play your nice card (be civil and mature), and have the conversation with her.

I can't even imagine asking my wife to go out with me the day after she told me she wants a divorce, the house, and our kids. So now you know where my advice is coming from. You aren't me though, so you gotta make your own calls here.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

I hear you bro. I'm in a tough spot because it's only been a few weeks and I don't want to come down on her too hard. She is most likely just freaking out because I am acting differently than I did before. If she tries this again in a few months I'll point to the door.

[–]friendandadvisor 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

You seem to be disregarding that she is just a fucking kid/idiot.

We can be generous to a petulant child-we don't have to demand perfection. A threat of divorce could just be her panicking...blind fire, since she hasn't covered this ground before.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks. I just texted her and said I was willing to forget about last night and go on our date.

[–]JudgeDoom69 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

If she declines, you should go out anyway. Leave your phone off and let her wonder where you went and what you did.

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Iirc, proper protocol is to not mention their dumb behavior.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm still learning!

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

He should cancel the date because bad behavior= withdrawal of attention.

[–]JudgeDoom69 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

He should cancel the date

If you want to stop your dog from pissing on the carpet, you punish the bitch when she's pissing on the carpet, not the next day.

Yes, he should withdraw attention at the moment of the bad behavior. Not send a butthurt text message the next day. By acting hurt he's failing the shit test and letting her control his frame.

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with that she should be punished on the spot. Since this case isn't that way- I would still advice OP to cancel because its more about not wanting to be around someone of low value and drama when he could spend better time elsewhere- fuck what she thinks about it being butthurt- going out because YOU dont want HER to THINK you are butthurt is actually being in her frame I would say.

[–]tap0988534 7 points8 points  (13 children) | Copy

This is a process. Good for you for having a spine and standing up the powerful apparatus that crushed your career.

It's OK to be vulnerable. It's a show of strength, and a lack of neediness or desire for validation. You fucked up by putting her on defense about her appearance. At 40 she is past the wall and her sex value is in rapid decline. She probably feels desperate to prove her attractiveness. Her comments about male attention were validation seeking. She needs praise to feel feminine.

It's OK to to own up to how bad you've fucked up as a leader and fucked her over as a husband. It's OK to tell her that you still want to be married to her.

In the future, give her a reset every day. A woman only means what she says right now. It is subject to change the moment she feels different which is usually sooner than later. Don't cancel dates, even if she doesn't come.

The divorce threat sounded like a shit test. She was getting a reaction and trying guess what you were thinking. She is confused about recent changes in your behavior and insecure because you said she was repulsive.

All of your failures and hurt have made you overly serious. You need to reclaim what makes you fun, charming, and interesting. You need to claw back to where you can respond to something serious with something sexy, cocky, and amusing.

Ditch the leg press and do barbell squats and Deadlifts. Make sure all your lifts are with barbells and not machines. Do a male hormone blood panel and make sure your not fucked up.

Bodyfat gives you low T and high estrogen. This can destroy your mood, well-being, confidence, energy, discipline, and motivation. Heavy lifting and weight loss reverse this. If your e2 is high get an estrogen blocker supplement like arimastane. Make sure you have plenty of T precursors in your diet: vit d, magnesium, zinc, selenium, boron, etc.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 3 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy

I fucked up A LOT. The date is back on. I just got my T level checked. It was in the high 400's. Doc said it was good. I will load up on those precursors. Thanks for commenting.

[–]tap0988534 4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy

High 400s is good if you are transitioning into a woman or 75 years old. At that level my dick barely works and I can hardly stay motivated enough to spend the whole day crying and watching soap operas. If your e2 is also high then it is killing you at the same time it is making you feel like a sad, broken shit-stain. You can't be authentically cocky or masculine with those levels, you can only fake it, and women can tell that you're faking. Get your T up to 800 and see how you feel. Get your e2 down to 20 or 30. You will literally become a different person. Become a T scientist. Don't trust your doctor. Experiment and test your bloodwork. Part of the reason low T is so crippling is because you don't feel authentically horny. This tends to make desire for sex validation seeking, which in turn ruins it for your wife.

[–]waitshhhhhh 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Basic af but How do you learn about T and all these numbers and such?

[–]tap0988534 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

There are dozens of online forums, subreddits, and blogs dedicated to T. Some are geared towards performance enhancement. Just understanding how aromatization works will answer a lot of questions. Many will include links to research articles. Also just ordering regular full hormone panels will help you understand your own levels.

What e2 level do men feel comfortable at? What is dangerous? What are symptoms of too high or too low?

Another thing to realize is that the main anabolic steroid in use is just T. People jack their T up really high, how does it affect them? What are the side effects and how are they controlled? People on TRT often have the same issues.

There are only a handful of hormones that control drive, energy, well-being, sexual function, libido, and confidence.

These are dopamine, serotonin, t, estrogen, and prolactin. It is good to know all these work and how they affect you when too low or too high.

[–]waitshhhhhh 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you. Can you direct me to a reputable starting point to start reading?

[–]tap0988534 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are no trusted sources of info on the internet. I go with weight of evidence approach. Validate everything. Sources with more users tend to get called out more when wrong. But r/steroids sidebar has a ton of good info on t, e2, and aromatization. I usually search for something like "how to lower my shgb" and then read everything relevant on the net.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks for this. I will look into it. I definitely don't feel horny but figured it was just becaus I'm not really into my wife.

[–]tap0988534 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

An aspect of manliness is generally being dtf. Even the best looking guys will go home with 3's when the pickings are slim. If you don't believe me go to Alaska.

When T is really low, men will turn to porn for sexual validation. The constant visual stimulation is capable of arousing you, even when you don't feel horny, like a vague reminder of what being a man feels like. This can trick us to thinking we aren't attracted to our wife, since we never have those feelings spontaneously. We believe our wife fails to give us those feelings when 30 different 22 yr old models getting proneboned for 45 minutes can give us a semi.

Morning wood isn't a perfect test, but it is a noticeable metric of sexual health. If you are typically waking up with wood, that is a good sign. The erection quality of that wood is another major factor. My T had been low so long that I'd forgotten what a real erection was. After fixing some of my hormone and prostate problems I usually wake up with a swollen tire iron that hurts all the way down to my asshole, and have to do a handstand to piss.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

My asshole doctor won't prescribe me any testosterone. I'm looking into some natural suppliments.

[–]Suck-Less 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fist off, track this shit with how you feel physically. Here’s what’s on my food plan.

Vegetables: Brussels sprout (close to every day) Beets or beet supplements Pumpkin seeds (wash the salt off) Watermelon/Strawberries

Lean meats rotated throughout the week: bison, elk, grass fed beef, boar, pheasant, salmon, shrimp Bone Broth: beef and chicken

Carbs: Brown Rice (rice cooker, not mass packaged packs), Quinoa Supplements: Suma, Magnesium, D3, Zinc, Iron, B12

Avoid sugar at all costs. Get and keep your BF around 10-12%. When I slack to 15% I feel a serious difference.

51, 5’8”, 164, 31” waist BP(dbells) 210, DL 250 T: 914

[–]tap0988534 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

From following forums, I gather most doctors don't know what they're doing when it comes to TRT. I'm sure another would prescribe to you if you complained the right way about your symptoms. But beware, docs don't order enough detailed bloodwork. They often screw you up by letting you aromatize until you need a mastectomy, or giving you a gel that does nothing. If you're going through a doc, you need to know exactly what is important to complain about at the right time.

T-booster supplements tend not to work, they are a blend of stuff that can hurt with stuff that will only help in specific conditions.

You may also be able to fix it with diet and supplements. For example, my dhea was 12, and with a 10 cent daily supplement from amazon, it is now 245, in combo with diet changes and an OTC aromatase inhibitor , my T went up 400.

Also, everything you might want is available cheaper online. Indian pharmacies pump out the same US patented meds for pennies on the dollar, and will facilitate the rx.

A great t Booster people love is injectable hcg. It is non suppressive, and stimulates your own body to produce more T, causing testes to grow instead of shrink. I'm not sure how long can use without cycling it.

[–]Suck-Less 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Truth. I’m 51 and mine is 914. Get that BF% around 10-12%, eat for your hormones, lift fuckingn heavy.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like this guys post

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Saying she gets attention from men and could cheat sounds like dread to me, though at 24% body fat it's hard to see why.

Keep doing what you're doing. Your likely not far from a main event... Be prepared for that! Make it clear that you will not be moved from your course by her words. If you want to be with her, you should also make that clear that you want her to come along, but you will follow your mission where she does or not. At the same time, I'd go ahead and see a lawyer and have papers drawn up...if she threatens divorce one more time, hand her the papers and move on, you don't have time for that shit.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Saying she gets attention from men and could cheat sounds like dread to me, though at 24% body fat it's hard to see why.

I carry it well.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

No you don't! I literally said this in one of my threads when I was still a fat fuck. 6'3" 220 is nearly skinny fat territory. You probably aren't fat, but you sure as fuck aren't in good shape. You probably wear a shirt in the pool and when you fuck your wife.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

LOL

[–]wkndatbernardus 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm 6'3", 195 and I still consider myself overweight. Sure, much of that weight is muscle but, I'm def not shredded. Probably have another 10 lbs to lose. Get that fasting regimen going and you'll be there in no time. Snake diet all the way, brochacho.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks I will read up on it.

[–]0io-Tsundere 10 points11 points  (12 children) | Copy

A spook with depression, eh?

Well, first of all, try to avoid getting drawn in to any pointless arguments or discussions with your wife. In general, women don't leave men while they're improving (it could happen, don't stress out over it.) You need to go on a health kick and get in really good shape (fast!).

You're too fat. Don't talk any more about your wife's weight. Try to drop to 175 and get your body fat below 14%. Or if you can get your body fat down and be at a higher weight, that's OK too. A huge component of sex and attraction is physical, and high body fat is an attraction killer.

I think it's probably basically a shit test. She's pissed off at you. I'd still keep trying to initiate sex often. You've already told her you think she's unattractive, don't bring that up again. Use viagra or something if you need it. Try to at least get off using her for sex, she'll be happier, you'll be happier.

Keep doing StrongLifts. Keep losing weight.

My guess is that she'll complain about it and be frustrated and bitchy for a while and maybe even make fun of your weight lifting, and then she'll probably go on her own health kick and be trying to lose weight too.

If you can resist the temptation to take her "bait" and get in a big argument, I suspect this whole storm will blow over and in 8 months or a year you'll be in a much better place in your marriage.

Three weeks in is very early. You need your mutual friends and her friends to be saying "OMG, you look great, wow, what is Spooky up to? Has he been working out? Your husband looks fantastic...Is he having an affair or something?"

--

Edit: Right now she's fat, you're fat. She's right, she can walk into any bar and get laid with somebody immediately. You have to put in more effort to get in good enough shape that you can pick up college girls at the local bar. Everybody needs to see that you are objectively a lot hotter than your wife for the actual "dread" or desire to kick in. Right now she thinks she's at least "pretty good" and you're "just not all that great".

Edit2: You're supposed to be doing squats, not leg press. Start with the empty bar and learn how to do full squats properly. Balancing the bar with the weights is a big deal. Squats and deadlifts. Focus on form. Get a knowledgeable friend or coach to correct your form. You have to do Stronglifts 5x5 as written.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have Degenerative Disc Disease between L4 and L5 so I need to substitute LP for squats. I worked with a personal trainer last week on my deadlift form and am going to start that on Monday.

[–]gameoflibidos 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I also substitute LP for squats but because of an old PCL injury in my right knee. LP does fine, except even though I hate it.. i supplement it with the dumb ass donkey kick machine chicks use. LP doesn't hit the ass like Squats do. If you don't supplement the LP you'll have nicely defined legs and flab ass. lol

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Noted! My trainer also put me on the birthing machine for my ass lol

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

It's true I am soft around the middle. Working on that. I really struggle to initiate sex with her. I just don't want to. I've seen other guys say you should put yourself first and only do what you want. So I'm a little conflicted.

[–]BobbyPeru 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's true I am soft around the middle.

I looked at your lift numbers, height, and weight, and I think you are closer to 30% BF. Be honest with yourself. Your numbers are weak.

I see you are getting conflicting opinions, especially on the divorce thing. My gut feeling is you’re not strong enough for it, but quit fucking deering. If she says she wants a divorce your only reply should be, “the door is right there.” Then stfu. This is very weak and deering:

"What do you mean by that?" "I feel like you are trying to get me to submit to you." "I haven't asked you to do a single thing for me in the last three weeks."

The fact that you opened up the door by asking “what do you mean” says you are deep in her frame.

Also, quit fucking playing with words:

I purchased all the books listed in the sidebar.

Nobody gives a flying fuck what you purchased. What did you read?

Do you see what I’m saying- you are validation seeking from internet strangers and telling half truths all over the place. Get to fucking work and STFU. Lift, sidebar, stfu, and give that 1 response if she brings up divorce again.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I haven't asked you to do a single thing for me in the last three weeks."

Yes, I can see how this comes across as "defending". Nice catch.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Do you even want to be married to her? If not, GTFO, start living your life on your terms, see a lawyer and be the one handing her the papers.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Right now, no. But it's my own fault. I don't want my kids to come from a broken home. I don't want to give up until I've tried everything. My choice.

[–]part_wolf 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I don't want to give up until I've tried everything. My choice.

I hope you realize how important this statement is. I really relate to this decision; I made the choice to fix all of the things about myself that I needed to fix before I made a decision on divorce. Only your true, authentic self can know what's best for you moving forward and if you were like me, you haven't been that person in a long time.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What did you decide Wolf?

[–]part_wolf 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm still in the process of fixing my shit, but I have my mission and I'm pursuing it. Ask me again in a year.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let's ask each other. Good luck man. Keep grinding.

[–]Redpillbrigade17 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s working! Keep up the good work. Don’t forget to add hugs and mild manner when she’s going through these tough times accommodating to the more masculine, oak-like you. Something like “oooh come here babe” and a kiss on the forehead at the right time, will show her you are not ignoring her emotions. That’s v important- lest this could spill into a Rambo phase where she genuinely perceives that you don’t care. You must avoid that. Of course you care- so you must be vv diplomatic, casual, funny, charming etc, all while you’re taking care of more important stuff. Like your life’s mission, career, the overall well being of the family, bigger picture etc.

Her venting and verbalizing emotions to you is a good sign, as long as (1) you don’t overdo it with the listening: don’t allow more than 20-30 min. She should call her friends/ mom / sister etc. for woman BS talk. and (2) she is not throwing drama and negativity towards you. That shit is not acceptable, and should be nipped in bud with proper humor and if needed (for some crazy bitch wives some dudes have on this sub) with outright vacating the premises. !, with a “babe, pls lower your voice/ stop screaming - when you’re ready to be calm/ talk nice to me, I’ll be over here.”

And of course when you guys have some private time, fuck her silly like she’s the hottest woman within 50 mile radius. Hold her close after for 5-15 min, then back to work! Lift those mother f ing weights. etc.

Good luck.!

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you! I think I've been too hard on her. I will try to lighten things up.

[–]apietroski8 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Reset every day. You acted butthurt by leaving the next morning without saying good bye. She was testing your frame. This is probably just the beginning of her trying to break to you. Be prepared for if she does really follow through with asking for a divorce, but it seems like it was just a bluff. You need to determine if she adds value to your life and if you are willing to put up with her antics until you are strong enough to lead her.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of guys are saying the same thing. I was totally butthurt! Right now she does not add value but I want to do right by her and my kids. I need to become a better man and give the tow rope a try.

[–]VengefullyY0urs 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Have a plan of attack for your share of the custody with the kids.

Other than that, it sounds like you are going through positive changes and she is getting very insecure, to the point where she is using active dread.

At your age, your looks, body, mind and money, should be on point, or at least well on their way to being on point. You have the advantage. You can get a high value woman., but she can’t do the same if she is overweight. Either she is lying, or these men who give her attention are not high value men.

Stay on your mission and I would even go as far as meeting other women, just so you can get the reference that there are better women out there who will treat you better.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. I'm not worried about custody. In my state it's 50/50 with some exceptions obviously but I am clean as a whistle.

A lot of people seem to think I'm a big fat slob! LOL

[–]VengefullyY0urs 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Usually when wives disrespect you, stop sleeping with you, etc. it’s either because you are a slob or your perceived SMV is low in her eyes for one reason or another.

It often helps to use that as motivation to improve, but not for her.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

“I’m an attractive woman and I get a lot of attention.”

Attractive women don’t normally say that, do they?

[–]wkndatbernardus 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lie: "I’m an attractive woman and I get a lot of attention."

Truth: "I'm a Fatty Mcbutterpants but thirsty betas want me anyway 🤷"

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Who knows. Women are insane.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True but I would’ve fucking laughed uncontrollably and left.

[–]JameisBong 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think you'll be fine if she leaves, she's a middle aged fat single mom with self esteem issues. My only concern is if she stays will she cheat on you just to reassure herself that she can fuck Kevin from sales?

I also think you should have some quiet time with her an explain your disappointment with her outburst,let her know that was a boundary violation and "divorce isn't something a wife should threaten her husband with". Don't threaten her,explain your boundaries then reset. If she pulls this shit again you better be ready. Consult with a divorce lawyer ASAP and plan for a quick exit just incase. Good luck.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks my man. We had this very talk last night. Things are back to baseline.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce threats aren’t to be taken lightly even if they are a shit test. This won’t be the last time to hear it but until you truly can say you DNGAF until burning it all down... you’re not ready to divorce. If you’re angry or upset or making it under an emotional decision then you’re not ready.

Once you are apathetic and don’t care one way or another what happens - then you get the papers after the divorce threat or blatant disrespect. Or the combination of both.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

When the day comes, that she threatens divorce, and you find yourself saying that it's probably a good idea, without hesitation, without any upset or emotion....

...and you feel a great relief and sleep well and wake up the next day looking forward to moving forward...

...suddenly, she acts different. She's downright pleasant and up for anything you want...

Then she says to you, out of the blue a day or two later: you know I've been thinking about this and I really don't want to split up...

Then you have changed, and she made her own decision.

Now u/OtimusRP your job is ahead of you to first quit fighting. It only slows down your progress on your journey of working on your needs, not hers. It takes time and effort, I think you are up to it.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you sir

[–]RedPillGlasses 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

We are both Type A.

You’re fat.

She’s fat.

True Alpha’s are bad ass men and women.

You’re a fat tool. So is she.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's true.

[–]SepeanRed Beret 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is probably just the mother of all shit tests, but any insight or direction you guys have at this stage would be appreciated.

Yep, all standard stuff, so just pass it with standard techniques and continue to read the sidebar. Also the illimitable men shit test encyclopedia is good if you need a primer.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I've read it before but will give it another look!

[–]screechhaterRed Beret 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s all about frame, and comfort tests.

So I ask, with being such a fuck up for so long, who are you to snap your fingers and improve enough that attractive, other women might seriously hit on you ? I thought you might give the beached whale a free pass and remain a loser forever, right ? Just give her a hug and go back to your loser blue pill self, right ?

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ll learn the concept of doing what you want to do in time. You’re too deeply invested in her to see it today. But let your guide be your natural instincts.

The Stay plan is the same as the Go plan. Find the strength and meaning. But visit a divorce attorney today. Pay the $200 fee for the two hour meeting so you can learn from an expert on what moves you should be making (or not making) today that might pay massive dividends in 12-18mos when you pull the cord.

At some point you should decide if you actually want to be with this person, but first you need to practice how to weather this storm and be a Man if Value. Otherwise, how will you know your value in the future to avoid shitty women like this? I’d highly recommend avoiding sex or pregnancy risks with her. If YOU aren’t actively avoiding pregnancy, assume that no one is.

Lastly, stop talking with her and playing in her frame. She says something stupid? Ok Margaret. Says something insulting? Ignore.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

Shitty comfort test I say.

Plain as day.

Spot them from a mile away.

Watch what she does, not what she say.

Pass, and she will want to play.

Get ready for sex, m'kay?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

da fuq

[–]BostonBrakeJob 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You haven't heard? Shitty comfort tests excuse all threats and outbursts now. Chase her down and shower her with your love!!

/s

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Obviously trolling bro.

[–]bowhunter6 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Apparently, that went right over my thick skull.

[–]friendandadvisor 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Opiods. Example of the crisis.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LOL. Nice HoA...

[–]Techn1ckS 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold!

[–]bowhunter6 -3 points-2 points  (5 children) | Copy

This is fucking retarded. There is no saving this garbage marriage. You can’t polish a fucking turd.

No man need endure this disrespect. Ever. There are literally 3.5 billion women that will suck your dick and not give this level of bullshit.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're not wrong. Abundance applies. But to be fair to her, it's only been 3 weeks. I want to make sure I've done everything I can before I next her.

[–]bowhunter6 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Keep working the plan, brother. Only you will know when the time is right to shit or get off the pot. My point is that if she never submitted to you in the beginning, she never will. And she overtly communicated that to you as well. Yeah, we all say “pay attention to what she does, not what she says” but sometimes bitches do say what they mean.

There are a lot of guys on here that are gluttons for punishment. You can choose to be or not. Maybe I’m an asshole, but I sure as fuck have peace in my home, a bitch that eats my ass or sucks my dick on demand for the last 3 years straight, and no disrespect. But, I had to burn my shit down to the ground to get here. Your mileage may vary.

I can’t tell you what the right decision is; you’ll have to decide that for yourself in time.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Point taken. I will not live like this forever. I think there's a less than 50% that she will submit to me even if I become a fucking MRP superstar. But I need to try. Not for her, not for my kids, but for myself. For my conscience.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

For my conscience

Oh come now. What about this little gem:

I foolishly thought I could survive my shitty marriage by seeking validation from other women.

I'm betting she doesn't know that or she'd be gone. You're already living a lie, so let's not get moralistic now, shall we? If your conscience were truly bothering you, you'd already be divorced.

Again I'll opine that parents who are divorced and don't fight are better for kids than parents who are married and fight. Divorce isn't the end of the world, for anyone.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Key word "foolishly". I made a mistake. I stopped messing around because of my conscience. I agree that it's better for parents to divorce if they fight, I'm just not there yet.

[–]FuzzyKittenIsFuzzy 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

You are waving about a dozen red flags for hypomania. You need to talk to whoever manages your depression meds about hypomania ASAP. As in, today. Otherwise this repeating pattern is just going to keep repeating.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Nah, I'm good. Having been through it twice I know myself and I know the signs. Thank you though.

[–]FuzzyKittenIsFuzzy 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You've been through hypomania twice? Your Bipolar diagnosis belongs in the main post.

Or maybe you mean you've been depressed twice so you are able to accurately identify a different mental health issue which is notoriously difficult to see in oneself? That's just silly.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Depressed twice. What red flags do you see for Bipolar?

[–]FuzzyKittenIsFuzzy 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A number of them, starting with alternating between high confidence/optimism and depression, but also including biting off a lot at once, making big shifts in short periods, cheating (not always a sign of hypomania but often enough that it's worth noting when other flags are present), irritability, buying the entire sidebar at once, your depression history being severe enough to require hospitalization (again not always a sign of bipolar but worth noting when other red flags are present), the list goes on and that is just what I remember. I'm not going to review your whole post and comments.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

LOL. I appreciate your concern however all the things you pointed out have happened over the course of 20 years. I'm very much ok. I'm a very stable genius...lol

[–]weakandsensitive 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Okay. Here are papers. Good luck and have fun!


I wrote this without reading any of the other useless crap you wasted time on.

Although I guarantee you that she doesn't actually want a divorce, you're just fucking things up.

The reason you got banned is because you don't think in terms of you. If you thought in terms of you, you'd respond with "I want ..." Or "I will...", And your wife would have to make a decision on what she'd actually do. Because you're such a wishy washy faggot, your wife can't actually make meaningful choices.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red -3 points-2 points  (55 children) | Copy

Once the words "Divorce" and/or "Break up" are used, it is over.

You are just burning time.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 3 points4 points  (38 children) | Copy

Surely that's not true. Women use this kind of thing as a threat right? I've had it thrown at me a few times and I don't feel it's inevitable unless I want it to be.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 6 points7 points  (27 children) | Copy

Women use this kind of thing as a threat right?

I would never allow a woman to say these things to me again, and me not walk away.

I learned my lesson.

[–]bowhunter6 7 points8 points  (14 children) | Copy

Dude, these stupid motherfuckers think you can negotiate with terrorists. God damn, this post got me fired up today. I left my wife for far less than this bullshit. Far less. And she still is all over my nuts.

Men, grab your fucking balls and have some self respect.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

So you're saying that you're NOT supposed to give your wife time to adjust. I thought it was 1 month of time to adjust per year of marriage. Am I taking that too literally or should one just nuke everything as soon as one is shown disrespect, or should you try to lead her onto a path of respect by setting boundaries.

Either I'm fucking retarded (likely) or there's a lot of contradictory advice on here...

[–]BostonBrakeJob 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't be fucking retarded. It's your choice how much time you give her to adjust.

And honestly, I think that's more of a mindfuck because "they" know dudes come in here with tunnel vision to fix their marriage, instead of themselves. Putting her on lag setting from the get go buys the man more time to realize what the fuck is really going on here.

9/10, the marriage improves as the man does. But there's still that 1/10. That's why...stay plan = go plan. Work on yourself/marriage improves+awesome life = Work on yourself/fuck women that aren't your wife+awesome life. See?

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Thanks.

[–]bowhunter6 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

He stated that there has been a power struggle since day one. She was never submissive to him. He was never her Alpha. There is no way in hell he will ever be that to her at this point in life. Better to expend his energy on a new woman that is clearly submissive to him from the start.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

It would be a fuck ton easier, that's for sure. But if he's never been alpha, of course she hasn't been submissive to him. I would have said to give it a fucking shot. Poor woman hasnt ever had a real alpha to be lead by, she needs time to get used to it... No?

[–]SepeanRed Beret 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

The guys who divorce often say you can never make her see you as alpha so you might as well give up.

The vets who stayed married got their wives to submit.

Whose experience will you listen to?

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I'll always listen to adcive from any vet on here. However, plan A is to try and get her to submit. I owe her a chance. I'll be strongly listening to vets on here who have succeeded in this path.

But of course, you know this bro.

[–]RedPillGlasses 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What’s the formula?

One week of rope per one year of bad captain. Follow that guideline, couple guys on here have seen it work great.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ll know when it’s time. It’s when you realize you’re the prize and your self respect is worth far more than any woman.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How many of these “vets” were Alpha to start?

A man once Alpha who is not for a period of time will never been seen as Alpha again.

Those are the vets everyone should listen to.

Not the beta who clawed his way to partial Alpha after 20 fucking years of no fucking.

Alphas are born.

[–]RStonePT 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The vets who stayed would never call themselves alpha to begin with.

The vets who stayed expected their wives to be a value add or hit the bricks, and the women who stayed ... did.

Spergs were the ones who give a shit about whether they fit some mythical alpha archetype, the vets simply ensure they get 'theirs'

[–]bowhunter6 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

He’s already said that he plans to proceed through the steps, let’s see how it turns out. I just don’t want the poor guy thinking that if he does X then Y will be the result, because he is swimming against the tide here with both hands tied behind his back. But, there is always hope.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, fair play. He should be prepared for either outcome anyway. Plan A is the same as Plan B

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Story of my life...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a good mantra going forward.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker -1 points0 points  (10 children) | Copy

I guess from your experience, you're right. I imagine everyone has different circumstances though. My bird didn't so much use it as a threat, more of a question "should be divorce"... However, I'm fully expecting a fucking full on emotional hissy fit as I approach the main event.

The main event either goes one of two ways and usually involves the divorce word right? So what you're saying is as soon as anyone hits the main event they should straight up sack that shit off?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy

This was not a main event. you motherfucking faggot.

This was a fat ass woman who wanted a fat ass man to lift up her pooch, find her pussy and fuck her for the 10 seconds you he can last with that micro penis you have he has.

Fuck off faggot.

OP fuck off faggot.

Edit: I couldn't stand that train wreck of a reply. Thought I was replying to OP, was not. Tried to fix it best I can without destroying the message.

Its Friday. Everyone is getting fucked today.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Fair play. I wasn't saying THIS was a main event though...

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Its Friday. You wanna get fucked or not?

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Fuck yes. Will you be my wingman?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bro, we can Eiffel tower some bitches for all I care.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck it. Sounds like a laugh. Just don't talk to me about it the next day alright.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I never said it was a main event either.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Who fucking read what you said anyway?

I didnt make it past your title.

I only realized she was fucking the drug dealer all those years when I read the post just now.

She got fat cause she stopped trading pussy for blow.

Idiot.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

[–]ibelieveican1982 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

From Steel's guide to MRP:

The flair of MRP APPROVED means that the person provides reliable "Red Pill" advice and he understands the principles and applications that we use. Most likely this person has read the Sidebar books and has studied Red Pill for several months. Anything said by a person with this flair should be considered very carefully before you reject it.

The flair "HARD CORE RED" usually identifies a man from the main r/TheRedPill Reddit full of piss and vinegar and a take no prisoner's attitude towards masculinity. A few of these guys are married and 'spinning plates' (i.e. married with one or more "girlfriends") so bear that in mind when considering their comments.”

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

I am to fucking hard for the main sub.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Too* but fuck grammar, it's Friday MUTHER FUCKAZZZ!!!

[–]RedPillGlasses 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Maybe once you start fucking more than one bitch.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Go fuck yourself. At least I am fucking.

[–]RedPillGlasses 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you. You’re officially a basic bitch.

[–]RedPillGlasses 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

married and spinning plates

Don’t worry. That’s so fucking rare on here that it’s almost non-existent.

[–]part_wolf 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think there's a difference. Everyone's wife has probably said some crazy shit out of anger at one point or another, but overtly weaponizing the idea of a divorce rape - getting an attorney and taking the house and the kids - is incendiary and destructive to the point that making the statement in and of itself hurts the marriage.

Suggestive statements such as "I can't take this anymore! why don't we just get a divorce?" or questions like, "why are you still with me? do you want a divorce?" are not constructive, and yet they are far less damaging than what this guy's wife said to him. I think such statements/questions are easier to recover from if they're just the result of a conversation gone bad and the person who said it recognizes where they went wrong.

I understand where u/RStonePT and u/red-sfpplus/ are coming from with the zero tolerance policy on overtly threatening divorce rape. That dynamic is incredibly difficult to recover from, and one can only attempt to overcome that dynamic at the price of their own self-respect. Essentially, his wife just went Rambo on him and she can't get a free pass for that.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fair point. I think in the case of OP it could be as you say. It at least is something that needs squashing if he's gonna continue down this route, otherwise pack up your shit and get the lawyers in.

[–]part_wolf 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't disagree with you. OP is in a tough spot. He seems to recognizes that this is his fault, but his frame isn't strong enough to recognize the amount of manipulation she's employing here. He's past the point of being able to enforce his boundaries. Even if he does recognize that this is bold-faced manipulation, he's willing to sacrifice his self-respect in the short-term in the hopes that their marriage can improve out of a sense of "doing right by his wife and kids."

I hope he realizes it's necessary to make these improvements for himself before too long, otherwise it will end up as a covert contract and this will all be for nothing.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

You may be right. I just don't want to nuke things prematurely. I haven't really given her much of a reason to change yet.

[–]bowhunter6 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

You sound like a good guy, just have more work to do on yourself, as we all do. However, you are going to expend major effort to improve yourself and, indirectly, your marriage, for what will be very little reward: a fat bitch who might suck your dick a few times a month and still bitch about how you fold the towels.

I wish you well, but you only have x number of months left on this earth. Do you want to spend them with someone who just isn’t into you? Better to be alone, brother.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks Bow. I have had the same thought. But if I'm being totally honest, I haven't given her much reason to improve herself. I'm going to progress through DL 10 before I throw in the towel.

[–]SepeanRed Beret 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yep, do that. The guys who divorced usually have a very negative view of the chances of turning things around, while the guys who got their wives to submit are very positive.

I’m in the latter camp. My marriage was god damn awful, and now I can’t imagine unzipping and her not sucking dick enthusiastically.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's awesome dude. I'll get there with her or someone else eventually.

[–]RStonePT 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I must be a rarity. I did flip it, and still have a flippant view of it being possible lol

[–]bowhunter6 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough. Work the plan. And good luck. May you have more success than I did.

[–]amalgamator 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep it up - either way you end up with a better you.

[–]Hugenstein41 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And just 3 weeks. I'm a novice myself but I was definitely in the anger phase during that time.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't nuke shit mate! Carry on exactly as you are. I'd say you're on track.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Then be a good little fat boy, until you have the power to not be.

[–]RedPillGlasses 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Dude’s carrying around 53 pounds of pure fat ass and he’s wondering what the issue is.

[–]Techn1ckS 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I highly disagree from personal experience.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Oh yeah, tell us how awesome your relationship is?

[–]Techn1ckS 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't have to explain myself to you lol, I don't give a fuck if you believe me.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whether or not I believe you is irrelevant.

I simply do not fucking care.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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