Putting myself first, fogging and STFU

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November 12, 2019

Still a newbie (4 weeks RP) but wanted to share some progress applying these principles for my fellow faggots out there.

Took my wife out on a date last Friday night. It went well considering she had threatened divorce a few nights prior. See here.

On Saturday morning I got up early and hit the gym. Brought home donuts for the kids. Back and shoulders were sore from lifting so I scheduled a massage for myself that afternoon.

Went out with a friend on Saturday night that I hadn't seen in awhile. Got home around midnight and noticed the wife was asleep in bed and topless. She normally sleeps in one of my t-shirts. Got in bed planning to spoon her for a few minutes before going to sleep. She immediately woke up and turned towards me. She initiated, gave me a BJ and got on top.

Next morning I went for a run and then on a hike with the wife. While we were walking she says, "So...you didn't really say anything after sex last night. You just went to sleep."

"That's true, I was really tired."

"So...what did you think about it?"

I stopped walking, gave her a hug and said, "It felt good. We should do it again tonight." Then I smiled, gave her a kiss, and started walking again.

She was having a hard time getting to the top of the trail and needed to stop and catch her breath several times. I was very patient and made sure she was was drinking enough water before we continued on.

At the top she actually broke down and started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I don't know! I just feel like you are judging me. I feel like you think I'm a loser!" I could have sworn I heard a hamster wheel.

None of this was true of course, but I wanted to recognize her feelz so I said, "I'm not judging you and I don't think you're a loser. I just think you need to do more cardio." I said that last part playfully and smiled so she knew I wasn't being a total dick.

"I hate cardio!" she said, and continued to sob. I just sat down next to her and STFU, thinking of all the times I had told her she needed to see a therapist about her insecurities. After a few minutes of silence, I shit you not, the most amazing thing happened.

"I think I should probably make an appointment to see a therapist," she said. I could not fucking believe my ears.

"That's great babe. I totally support you in doing that," I said. We got up and headed back down the trail.

Post Information
Title Putting myself first, fogging and STFU
Author OptimusRP
Upvotes 56
Comments 49
Date 12 November 2019 08:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/294983
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dvfobo/putting_myself_first_fogging_and_stfu/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"28 points29 points  (9 children) | Copy

While you're going through the many motions of becoming the Brad Pitt your wife never knew she was missing, keep in mind that you have subjected her to many years' worth of particular bullshittery. The natural tendency for dudes around here is to diametrically oppose their prior faggotry by way of extra emphasis on toughness, stoicism, and most of all, STFU run amok.

I read your prior post and it's clear that you've tended toward that direction.

As someone else who's been unceremoniously thrust into the role of "caregivee," I want to offer this advice: do not shut down, do not clamp up, do not totally stop talking. This is not the right move in your position, especially with a strong-willed woman.

At the same time, don't go fucking rambo.

The latter is just plain gay, while the former will damage your relationship further.

Don't bother asking how I know, I've already written about it ad nauseum.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret24 points25 points  (7 children) | Copy

Listen to this, OP.

You're seeing small progress and the tendency is to shun your entire former self in shame in favor of adopting a new persona - Rambo McFucktard.

[–]RedPillGlasses2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rambo McFucktard

All the upvotes, dying laughing right now.

Also I’ll currently going Rambo, but I don’t care if she leaves so it’s going quite well.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I'm listening and already passed the anger phase. I don't want to be a nice guy, just a good man.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy

4 weeks in and you think you've passed the anger phase?

Remember this when you're passing through a new town. Ramboville. Population: you.

It'll come. Happens to all of us. Just don't stay too long.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

And here I am, still pissed at the world after reading the side bar 2 years later.

This dude must be some sort of wizard.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

No you're not. You may be past the FIRST anger phase... did you think there was only one?

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh shit...

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. And each time you'll get more and more angry.

How many years have you been BP? There's always been a ticking timebomb inside of you. Take that many years of anger and compress that into a tiny little timeframe in which you don't yet have the frame to handle such raw emotions and let me know how short that fuse is.

You don't know shit, bro.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks dude. I am planning to write about this very thing in my OYS. I don't want to be an asshole. I'm working to find the kind of balance you talked about while staying true to myself.

[–]tightsleeves8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

She slept topless, then rolled over to blow you and ride you... and you didnt say anything?

Theres a post somewhere about aftercare, you should read it.

The next morning (or right after sex) you could have dropped a "damn that was sexy and i enjoyed that" - Praise the things you like... dont go STFU and not try to cultivate what you want by giving positive feelings about it

[–]OptimusRP[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Aftercare. Got it. I need to be better at this.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pavlov’s Dogs. Google it.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]wkndatbernardus8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

"She was having a hard time getting to the top of the trail and needed to stop and catch her breath several times."

BMI; land whale level

Blood type; Ragu

[–]screechhaterRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amazing what happens when you put the work and actually apply the principles, isn’t it ?

Don’t be a faggot and tell her you support her decisions, and that you are there for her.

Give some comfort and actually listen and be physically and emotionally present.

Don’t forget the Swedish massage

[–]simbarlionRed Beret9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

no offence Mr Optimus Prime, but tell me which part of the following is not true:

Insecure overweight feminist wife threatens fat husband (BF%=24, RP=4W) with divorce. Four (4) days later insecure wife buckles under hamster bred insecurities and throws a pity BJ to validate ones self as 'not ugly'. Hiking ensues. Insecurities raise their heads based on wife's self perceived failings due to poor cardio. Wife agrees to go to therapy to address insecurities.

Is the therapy bit 'the win' about which you boast? Is that really "the most amazing thing that happened"?

Crushing your insecure wifes self confidence is not a win sorry. One instance of frame holding 'man' not you make.

You are the most emotionally unavailable man I have ever known!

I'm guessing Ms Prime is right.

Try leading.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

No offense taken

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nice phog, but you didn't address the question.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy


[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well that confirms the emotional 'wall' you have.

Us internet rando's can't help you with your wall up homie. A wall is not a frame.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nothing you said was untrue. I needed some time to digest your comment and kill my ego. No, it's not a win that my wife would benefit from individual therapy because I am the very reason she needs it in the first place.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a decent FR, but don’t start thinking you got this after a month. Not to discourage you, but rather to prepare you... the shit tests graduate to new levels. You will be thrown for some serious loops, I promise. Just be aware and ready.

Your fogging was entry’s level... but that’s good- keep it basic, STFU, and lift.

Your first FR was pretty weak, but that’s how you learn. You really should be doing Weekly OYS

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy

Why are you running faggot?

Steady state cardio is proven to make you skinny fat - lift and eat clean don’t over complicate shit.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

I'm running to burn more calories.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are also losing hard to gain muscle - fat is super easy to lose. Muscle is fucking hard to gain. It’s a losing equation if you run unless it’s HIIT.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

You can also eat less and then you don't have to burn those calories. It takes less time too!

Win-Win. You take less time to eat and you don't have to run.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I started intermittent fasting this week. It sucks.

[–]arm_candy2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Nothing wrong with running. It’s a healthy activity so long as it isn’t replacing or interfering with the weights. Don’t run and think you can eat more as a result though. It doesn’t work that way unless you’re covering a lot of distance. Running can actually cause weight gain because it increases appetite and typically burns fewer calories than people assume.

Give the intermittent fasting some time to settle in. It takes a week or two to get used to not eating in the morning. The morning hunger will subside once you’ve acclimated. I’m pretty sure most of the early difficulty is mental anyway. You’re thinking about it so it becomes a thing. Once it becomes usual, you stop thinking about it and it’s fine.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I was actually just reading an article about how non HIIT cardio is shit for body composition.

Running is crap - now if he’s blasting intervals on the trails then that’s a different story just my guess is he isn’t.

I was skinny fat when I was a runner and when I ran more I just looked like a cancer patient. The only thing that worked so far is IF, lifting and eating clean - go figure.....

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I’d love to see an actual science-based article that says this. I’ve never seen anything except broscience backing this. It’s always “running made me skinny, now I lift and have muscle”. Yeah, now you fucking lift. Running wasn’t stealing your gains because there were no gains to steal. I’ve never seen anything that showed that people who run and lift and are eating in a surplus and gaining weight didn’t gain muscle. I’ve never even seen this claim made anecdotally. It’s always “I couldn’t gain mass while running” which just means you’re not in a caloric surplus.

If you are running and not gaining weight, eat more. Problem solved. If you’re running and it’s affecting your lifts, eat more and possibly adjust your programming. e.g. Don’t run 15 miles on your “rest” day.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Steady state cardio is shit unless you are on gear - it’s fucking proven medically.

Cardio increases cortisol which makes you catabolic and affects your insulin resistance - sure you will lose fat but you also lose muscle.

It’s funny that you dismiss broscience yet you are here at MRP which is based on the same anecdotal results you see with broscience.

I can tell you if I could do it again I wouldn’t run to lose weight and it wouldn’t have taken me so long to change my body composition. I was 8% BF with fat on my lower abs after a cut - that same cut doing no cardio just lifting and I’m fucking lean and shredded.

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Cool. I asked for something science-based and you just repeated the claim. So broscience.

Cortisol increases in response to any exercise, because exercise is literally stress on the body. HIIT in particular releases lots of cortisol because of the intensity. LISS doesn’t really cause a huge spike in cortisol unless taken to the point of glycogen depletion (60+ minutes). On the other hand, fasted exercise and morning exercise (both commonly recommended) both increase cortisol. None of this really matters though because your cortisol dips when you stop exercising and the problems with elevated cortisol are mostly relevant for chronically elevated levels.

I dismiss broscience for health choices because we have actual science. If there were reputable, deep studies into “red pill truths”, I’d trust those over random shit here, too. Indeed, everything I read here I take with a grain of salt because so much of it is bullshit, which is why we see veterans give wildly different advice and interpretations at times

As for your lower ab fat, I’d guess that you weren’t actually at 8%. Buy maybe you were. When did you start TRT? That also has an effect on where you store fat. Could be lots of factors here. Glad you’re happy with your results regardless.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had a dexa scan - showed that I was 8.2% with the majority in my abdomen area.

I started TRT after I got lean the second time during a bulk so it was unrelated but yes TRT does change fat storage patterns and even discourages the body from storing fat.

I’ve seen cardio trap time and time again - more than enough to know that it’s not coincidence. You do enough cardio and eat right you will lose weight but you also fuck your self losing that muscle because muscle is a bitch to keep on.

Better plan is to lift like a beast and use diet to cut fat and find a hobby that keeps you active. I’ll never do cardio again in my life.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You acknowledged her feelz, and then STFUed. Good job. It's not about the nail.

Now get back to the gym, game your wife, be positive, and shut your mouth more.

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good job.

But watch your back because the shit tests are coming. You decided to people today (or whenever this happened) and you did a good job.

Don't go Rambo. You think you're done being angry, but you're not, not yet. But you will get through that too if you can just keep doing the work. If you need a fella to talk with, I'm here.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks brother.

[–]Coslin1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sir, I like the way you think and the way you handled this situation.

[–]OptimusRP[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Still much to learn but I am encouraged.

[–]naroadi2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Glad to see an update on that post, usually people dont come back after the initial post and we assume the worst. Great work, keep it up, dont go into rambo mode.

[–]BarracudaRP3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of good comments already, including some tough feedback for OP. It's very early to be calling out any wins but I want to highlight a couple of good things we can learn here:

she said "I don't know! I just feel like you are judging me. I feel like you think I'm a loser!" I could have sworn I heard a hamster wheel.

Correct! I think the hamstering is something like this: "An external force is causing me to feel insecure, because I'm getting warning signs that my lack of effort is not enough to placate my husband. It used to be enough, but now I feel shame, so he must be the source of that shame. He is bad for shaming me." My bet is that she'll say she "liked you better when you were nice" within a week. That's not a bad thing, so don't tell her she's wrong when she says it.

I just ... STFU, thinking of all the times I had told her she needed to see a therapist

After a few minutes of silence, I shit you not, the most amazing thing happened.

Behold, the magical powers of Shutting The Fuck Up! I'm highlighting this in OPs post because he HAD THE WEAK THOUGHTS to remind her, "I told ya so honey, you need therapy." (Whether she actually needs therapy for her insecurities, or just needs to lose 50 pounds and get dicked down - that's a separate argument). Regardless, OP didn't give in to the temptation to speak at all, and silence works wonders for power dynamics.

[–]vabab82 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am going to use you as a text book example of what good looks like. I am so proud of you. I am saving your post lest I forget your wisdom.

[–]OptimusRP[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Aw, you're sweet...

[–]vabab80 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So a little unclear about fogging. Can you please explain?

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sidebar. WISNIFG.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She was having a hard time getting to the top of the trail and needed to stop and catch her breath several times. I was very patient and made sure she was was drinking enough water before we continued on.

...when mine went to the doctor for this (same symptoms), it was fucking very serious. Cadio doesn't cure all.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

She was having a hard time getting to the top of the trail and needed to stop and catch her breath several times.

Aww, I wonder how hard she would have been breathing had you taken her behind a tree and fucked her instead of running your pie hole.....

Fuck man.

[–]LucyDD690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Im getting moist bro pls staaahp

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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