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Advice on creating a submissive wife in the bedroom

by buckeyeboy1977 | November 17, 2019 | askMRP


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Swallowed pill almost 2 years ago and it has been going well for the last six months. Sex about once a week and I am fine with that as we are super busy during the week with kids sports and activities (3 boys). Genuine desire to fuck me has returned and she now has orgasms from PIV sex which had never happened in all 15 years of our marriage. I have been working on getting her to be more submissive in the bedroom. Doing things like light spanking, grab and pulling her hair, fucking her face when she gjves me a bj, holding her down a bit when fucking her hard. I have also tied her up and blindfolded her as a natural progression. This is where I fuck up I think. I have invested in some toys (under bed restraints, blindfold,flogger, paddle, vibrator). It seems to really turn her on in the beginning but then she loses interest and wants untied or gets scared that I will do something to her she won’t like. I just can’t seem to get her to fully submit. She loved being blindfolded and restrained but I cant seem to keep that excitement going once she is in place. Any tips or strategies I should try to build up the anticipation and fantasy in her mind? To build up her trust?

Post Information
Title Advice on creating a submissive wife in the bedroom
Author buckeyeboy1977
Upvotes 17
Comments 33
Date 17 November 2019 04:53 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/295588
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dxoyue/advice_on_creating_a_submissive_wife_in_the/
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[–]mrbadassmotherfucker14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

Sounds like she's up for it. Just keep it up and show how much you enjoy it. I know others here might mention that you shouldn't give a shit if she's enjoying it or not, but I get it. Seeing her enjoy it gives you more pleasure too... Which is the whole point. Don't do anything just for her sake... Do it for you.

Anyway... You build up her trust by her not being dead at the end of the session, right?

[–]turbospeedsc5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree aftercare is a very important part of the session, wife used to do the same thing as yours, but once is started to cuddle and caress her after strong sessions things started to flow better.

Try to do some some foreplay and spanking session without sex, and so the aftercare you will see a change in her trust after that.

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The problem is she has to enjoy it or she will blurt out the safe word. If I don’t stop at that point then any trust built up is gone.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Look up the concept of "subspace". That's where girls go when they get their senses overwhelmed to the point where pain becomes pleasure, they are pliant and totally in your control.

To get there, though, you need to be a competent Dom. She had to trust you're not going to hurt her, you're going to take care of all her needs, you're responsible for her safety, the scene, the progression, the maintenance of her subspace trip, the psychological and physical dominance, the come down, and the aftercare.

It's a huge responsibility to Dom someone.

This tells me that she doesn't think you're there yet.

Put in the work. Set up the scene. Play the character without breaking. Provide the experience. Watch her reactions to calibrate.

Most of all, it's NOT ABOUT YOU in the beginning stages. Don't try fuck her unless violating her is in the fantasy. Don't mindlessly face fuck her with the intention of coming in her throat.

The experience is the destination, not your orgasm. It's work.

Finally, a stoplight system that lets a girl call "yellow" or "mercy" provides a blow off valve without shutting the entire boiler down.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a huge responsibility to Dom someone.

Perfectly said.

Most of all, it's NOT ABOUT YOU in the beginning

Doubt OP gets this.

[–]Imaginary_Historian2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If it's all about her, that sounds like she's topping from the bottom. It doesn't sound like being a real DOM at all. This is one thing I don't like about BDSM, as in some cases it's just pretend domination instead of reality.

To me, what's hot is when I tie my girl to the bed and I do whatever I want. No safe word, no song and dance, just my pure enjoyment and her enjoyment arises naturally from that.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You missed the most important part....

Most of all, it's NOT ABOUT YOU in the beginning stages.

She's not being bratty or topping from the bottom, she doesn't trust her partner.

Just like a new relationship, or meeting a new plate, or breaking in a new car engine, or starting a new job, or pretty much anything, you have to display competence before you're able to get any further.

You're making the same mistake OP is.... halfassing it on the front end.

Whn it comes down to it it's all just window dressing. Playing a role.

Would you pull a girl from a bar and just go all caveman on her like you say? No safeword, no trust, no warning? Getting arrested and put on the sex offender registry will cramp your style.

Don't autist out here. Of course everything is a calibration.

You're not helping.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're not pushing her hard enough or far enough. If she gets excited at being tied up and blindfolded, then loses interest and wants to be untied, then there's not enough excitement after she's tied up.

Be more dominant. Push yourself and her further.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

My guess is OP knows nothing about how to be dominant other than fucking hard. It requires creativity, immersion and safety.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No time for that shit - he's 'super busy'.

[–]TRT_Maybe_Deca1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It requires creativity, immersion and safety.

Immersion is the big one, for both of them. Neither of them are in immersed in it... he is faking it till he makes it, and she is trying to play along.

This is my major hangups as well

This bedroom dynamic has a lot of parallels to mrp life, fake it till you make it works... until it doesn't.

If he was strong and confident she would feel safe

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

she loses interest and wants untied or gets scared that I will do something to her she won’t like.

From what I read here, you're just not providing her a safe place. She doesn't feel safe with you, and likely judged. Also performance anxiety if I had to bet. Right now it sounds like she's performing sex acts and you haven't yet entered into the mental aspect of this.

She will only submit to a man worth submitting to that she feels safe and taken fully care of with.

I had to build that safe place long before we ever got into our D/s relationship. Now it's currents run throughout our relationship 24/7. My wife never safewords because I am her safe place. She has safeworded only once, but I expected it and pushed her to.

[–]RedPillGlasses3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re over thinking this way too much. She’s orgasming for a way she hasn’t in 15 fucking years.

You’re riding the good sex train, just enjoy it and stop going Rambo

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

loses interest and wants to be untied or gets scared

What are you doing to create trust? Have you established safe words? Do you untie her right away if she signals for that? Have you talked through scenarios ahead of time to ensure you are both crystal clear on boundaries?

Edit: spelling autocorrect

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

We do have a safe word. She has used it once and I stopped immediately. She used it cause she wanted to touch me while I fucked her and I said “No. Your not allowed to touch me yet. Once I untie you then you can touch me again” so she used the safe word and I untied her. It’s like she just can’t fully submit yet.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good for you on stopping when she used the safe word but It doesn't seem to me that you are actually owning your dominance and she's not clear on expectations.

A safe word is not something she would normally call out because she's bored. It's used because you are pushing her beyond pre-established boundaries. SHE gets to define those boundaries and you damn well have better had a conversation about those in advance ... but once those are set, you do your thing. This includes you denying her what she wants as long as you are within boundaries. THAT is a form of dominance.

A woman is responsive sexually. If she's not acting submissive it's because you aren't taking a dominant role in your interactions. It's possible that she was attempting to use the safe word to get you to be more dominant, to get that "No" from you, but that's an inappropriate approach. It invalidates the safe word for it's need for safety. In which case YOU weren't delivering the FEELZ she wanted and yes, she got bored. She just used the safe word to stop play because you weren't giving her the dominant masculine frame she craved. If that's what she wanted she could protest in other ways. Struggle against the bindings. Beg.

I've heard it described well as a paint by numbers picture. She lays out the lines and colors. You get to do the painting. Mostly inside the lines. Sometimes outside the lines but that's when she gets to decide to use the safe word or not. Occasionally pushing the lines is what creates the FEELZ. Backing off when necessary. Pushing beyond as trust is earned and you are in a place where it makes sense to do that.

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the reply. I have some work to do..

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn that sounds faggoty. "No" works just fine.

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In retrospect that does sound pretty gay.

[–]ibelieveican19821 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

You left out some important details. Post stats, lifting nos, BF%. Are you a man worth submitting to?

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

41yo 5’9 162lbs 10% bf 205 bench 145 ohp 385 deadlift 255 squat (reset due to bad form)

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stats aren't bad. You're in shape to be fair. Good work. How about frame and game?

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Your lifts are weak and you are probably small though aesthetic - bulk some it will do you good and maybe she will submit because of how small she feels.

I was basically in your spot 9 months ago and I got up to 195lbs with a bench just shy of 300 and a deadlift over 500. Wife went from sex 2-3 times a week to 2-3 times a day and is insatiable during ovulation - nothing else changed during that time.

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Probably true. I have started my bulk cycle now that winter is upon us where I live. I have had trouble in the past bulking up because of my metabolism. The goal is to add 5 more pounds and hit the 4,3,2 plates on my lifts.

When my wife ovulates we have long sessions and I pop a V and can go on forever. She loves it.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It’s definitely true - the funny thing is when I was the same stats the moms in my social circle would get their panties in a twist and give me attention but now at 195 it’s the hot 20 somethings that go out of their way to talk to me.

It’s a different world being big - at like 190-200 10% you would be a fucking beast.

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Any tips on how to clean bulk? Its hard for me to add weight to my body because of my metabolism. I do CrossFit 2-3 times a week then weight lift 2-3 times. Maybe I should cut out an extra day of CrossFit and add an extra day of lifting?

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ummmm maybe you should try eating more faggot?

Eat clean, train dirty bitch.

[–]Hugenstein410 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Don't abuse her trust. Build it up.

Also she might be into it more or less from time to time. She might not want the whole tied up thing every time.

[–]buckeyeboy1977[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I only tie her up every few months. Maybe I’m not doing it enough? When I do I really don’t have any kind of plan. I think I need to work on that.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you dont have a plan or at least rough outline of a few options at least in your head how are you going to lead?

I'm not saying plan it out all the time - there are times for that - but you should know what the fuck you are doing.

It's not about the frequency. It's about the effectiveness.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you dominant in your interactions with her outside the bedroom? From how you describe your wife’s actions, it seems like you’re not. For her to be submissive in bed you need to be dominant outside of the bedroom also. Work on your frame and dominance. This will help create the trust she needs to submit. She’s bored in bed because she needs more dominance from you. She’s not going to submit if you’re being a pansy.

[–]whammyfeet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The best way to create a submissive wife is to ask yourself why a woman would want to submit to you. Then do something about it.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She’s a reflection of you. Barely interested in bondage. Gets bored after being tied up for awhile. That just means you skipped progression and haven’t read her body signals. She’s just not into it in the way that you are into it.

Want to have a wife that is into whatever you like? Get better in bed s be a Man if Value.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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