- Age 41, Height 6'3", Weight 215 lbs, BF 23% (Navy)
- Wife 41, Married 18 years, Together 22, Kids 12 and 9.
- LP 315x5, BP 205x5, BOR 145x5, DL 140x5, OHP 125x5,
- Finished Reading: NMMNG, Currently Reading: WISNIFG
- 4 weeks RP, DL1, Week 4/4
I've spent the last 18 years pursuing my wife for shitty starfish sex. Since taking the pill I have stopped initiating completely. I will no longer settle for that. She has initiated a couple of times and I have provided duty sex, but wasn't really into it. I'm just not attracted to her anymore.
My T level is 471 but my doc will not help me raise it. I bought a bottle of "Invictus Alpha Boost" from Amazon to try and raise my levels naturally. I've only been taking it for 3 days and haven't noticed a change in libido.
I have given up porn and stopped jerking off. I am in monk mode. I go to work, go to the gym, spend time with my kids, get shit done around the house, and go out with my friends. I haven't been neglecting my wife. I've taken her on three dates in the last 4 weeks. I've been holding her hand and giving her hugs/kisses. I just don't want to have sex with her. The last time this came up I told her I needed some time to focus on myself and asked her to be patient with me.
I had planned to initiate over the weekend even if I didn't really feel like fucking her. On Saturday morning I playfully asked if she was smooth "down there". She said, "No". I said, "You should make an appointment at the wax place today," and she immediately said, "No" again. I made a face like "suit yourself" and walked away.
Anyway, here is our text conversation from this morning:
Her: "You don't touch me, kiss me, have sex with me, or tell me you love me, and you don't know when you'll want to."
(20 minutes later)
(30 minutes later)
Her: "You can't think of anything to say to me? At all????"
Me: "You need to be patient with me."
Her: "Patient? While you figure out if you can stomach touching me or providing any affection at all? I thought being patient was just related to you deciding when and if you're going to have sex with me again. Are you telling me I need to be patient for any form of affection?"
(2 minutes later)
Her: "Perhaps later you can help me reconcile what you're doing about this in the midst of you having all these adventures without me and enjoying your time with your friends. Maybe you can help my brain understand that."
(2 minutes later)
Her: "Fine. Since you can't argue with my feelings just know that I feel invisible, rejected, and heartbroken. I'm going to stop texting now."
(1 hour later)
Her: "Do you love me more than obligatory love?"
Me: "We can talk about this tonight babe."
Her: "Whatever. Fit me into your schedule."
I was tempted to DEER and remind her that I have touched/kissed her recently, but I caught myself. I'm not going to defend myself, especially over text.
I am at a loss here. I don't want to have sex with her unless I genuinely want to, but I also don't want her to feel "heartbroken". I want to be honest with myself and with her, but I also do not want to be a dick or continue to hurt her. What is the best way to handle this?