TheRedArchive needs help
With 700,000+ posts and 16,000,000+ comments archived, and new Red Pill content being added every week, keeping TheRedArchive alive and discoverable to everyone is starting to become very costly. As a 20-year-old student who just moved out and is living independently for the first time, keeping TheRedArchive alive is beginning to cost me much more than I thought.

Therefore, if you appreciate the website, have gained a lot of knowledge and insight from it, and want to show your appreciation, you can do so by donating any amount that you want via the options below. The money will be used on the expensive monthly host bill and any future maintenance of the website.
Thank you, and I wish you all a successful 2021 and a good luck with achieving your goals and dreams!

Best, /u/dream-hunter

Bad social skills, low self-esteem, passive. What can I do?

Reddit View
November 19, 2019
115 upvotes

Good hygiene, good looking, I've been lifting for 7 years and have a lean and muscular physique.

It's difficult for me to make friends. I'm quiet especially in groups and with people who do not show interest towards me. I am scared to talk and be ignored or be judged and made fun of

It's difficult for me to be comfortable in my skin and have fun.

How can I improve? Are there any good resources that will give me good advice to change?


Post Information
Title Bad social skills, low self-esteem, passive. What can I do?
Author lesstalkmoaction
Upvotes 115
Comments 60
Date 19 November 2019 04:14 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/295867
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dymioa/bad_social_skills_low_selfesteem_passive_what_can/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
lift
Comments

[–]TRPCops[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (13 children) | Copy

You posted an identical thread and abandoned it yesterday. Do the same here and receive a 30d ban

[–]Endorsed ContributorFereallyRed62 points63 points  (3 children) | Copy

Improve by talking to people. The only way to get social skills is to be social.

[–]thrwy7547919 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

Adding to this, if you're having trouble figuring out social issues, check out SucceedSocially.

I would also suggest getting practice screwing up your social interactions on purpose to get comfortable with the fact that you'll still be okay despite the temporary awkwardness.

[–]Ryzasu4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

SucceedSocially.

Wtf this is perfect!

[–]ma-agentz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s literally gold !

[–]JeffersonFugbaum79 points80 points  (3 children) | Copy

You do a lot for the wrong reasons. I know what you talking about because I have been there before. Think about this: who is the person you will be close to up until your death? It's you! You have to accept and love yourself. You shouldn't care if anybody else does. If you can achieve this everybody else will notice but it's no longer important to you.

[–]SoulRedemption47 points48 points  (2 children) | Copy

Adding to this, that feeling you get in the stomach when you think you will fuck up or say something embarassing when you open your mouth, only way to get rid of it, is to open your mouth.

You may fuck up, you may not.

You may say something, you may not.

Both are bound to happrn at one point or the other. But we cant be perfect, else we will never learn.

You may already being judged for staying quiet, might as well be judged for not staying quiet

[–]Altin_Beg9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is gold right here

[–]cdan945 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is very well put, indeed. The world is what you see it as. And everything you never think it can be.

[–]EXandRR24 points25 points  (2 children) | Copy

Meditate.

Play the "Hello" game with everyone you encounter on a daily basis.
Just say a friendly hello to a stranger without expecting a reply, give yourself one point every time you do.

You'll start to notice people will say hello back and are actually a lot nicer then we lead ourselves to believe.

Build this up to hello, how are you etc.

for social situations I find it best to "strike first" engaging the group and everyone in it off the bat and establishing your self from the get go. (Say hello to everyone in the group - Shake new peoples hands etc)

A useful tip I've found is to maintain the same energy throughout an interaction.

If you've introduced yourself firmly when you first arrive, you'll feel more comfortable interjecting in conversation as you've already established yourself as having confident social skills. Other than that, keep a relaxed body language, smile and chuckle at things people say. Try to take a genuine interest in each other person and take the opportunity to learn something about them.

1 on 1 conversations should be about 50/50 so try match the amount of time the other person is speaking.

[–]Joshd_472 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel this hello practice allowed me to say it to women then eventually approach women

[–]HotHead1210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah i have started practicing this and i can only say that i have positive results and that fear stoped me before because i would make a stupid scenario of the worst possible outcome

[–]Blackhawk247914 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

You’ve done the hard bit - get out of your head and stop overthinking everything.

Bottom line is, nobody cares about you and what you do, everyone is too wrapped up in themselves.

[–]UriahTheChosen5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. What does it matter what others say or think about you if you know who you are OP?

[–]jjj257610 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy

What books have you read in the Sidebar?

Carnegie or Pook?

[–]manu_gd11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Perfect is boriiing!

[–]Greaterbird5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reminds me of what the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" says about that - people that go out of their way to appear flawless are Teflon men. Humans stick to each other's rough edges.

[–]legend5030 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My eyes are double crossed. Literally... What books and where on the sidebar are them? Is it not loading for me or what?

[–]jjj25765 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

The Book of Pook— A pretty basic RP text. From a former PUA who emphasizes the importance of actualizing your own value.

How to Win Friends and Influence People— Solid book on rhetoric. People cream their pants for this shit in the office. Too many hypothetical examples, but still a solid text.

Check the MRP sidebar too. The books are there, you just have to teach yourself to be more resourceful.

[–]Domebeers9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

" It's difficult for me to be comfortable in my skin and have fun. "

You have to be honest with yourself as to why. And then examine that reason, spin it around in your head and look at it from all angles, and I bet you will come to the realization that, in the grand scheme of things, it's a silly reason, a crutch your mind is using as an excuse to avoid failure.

And then examine what failure is, and you will probably find that fear of failure is a silly thing in and of itself, that the universe itself fails an uncountable amount of times every day, and liberate yourself from your mind prison.

in english: Dude, it's not that big a deal. Just go talk. Nobody is going to remember it anyways, and the worse thing that can happen is they tell you to fuck off.

[–]loophole2929 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. You give too many fucks.

[–]Neyjuve7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Some people were neglicted or abused by their parents. Those guys got reinforced in their brain from an early age they have to shut up, what they say don't matter. Then they repeat this pattern in their adult life. They shut up, have fear talking to people, because those experiences shaped their perceptions of self value.

[–]Standgrounding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

Besides a psychotherapist is there a recovery group on Reddit or TRP.red?

[–]genital-love6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

watch good standup comics, read good books. this shit's ez

[–]ASAP_IKER6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Feel the fear and do it anyway is a really good book. It changed my life and the way I perceive my fears.

[–]legend5036 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I would say become a part time bartender. Earn money and practice talking to people while you're doing it.

And guard your attitude with your life.

Redpill is both magical and horrific.

You don't want to end up being the male equivalent of a feminist.

Do something that scares you everyday.

My thing was eye contact. Meet it and hold a relaxed gaze. Do it

[–]ExternalCake2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

And guard your attitude with your life.

What does this mean?

[–]legend5038 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't let shitty women's behavior turn you into a bitter and hateful man.

Don't let rejection make you scared.

Don't let bad sexual experiences keep you from having sex.

Motivation is like a shower. You need it everyday and you need to develop discipline if you ever want to have a chance of a good girl these days. The competition is getting better and so should you. Social media has changed the game completely. We are spoiled with unobtainable options that we think we can have and end up crushed when we don't.

Stay focused on what you want and why you want it and guard your attitude.

[–]Radinax4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Meditate, you need to control your mind

[–]LeBroney2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You cannot directly control your mind, but you can observe it, gain distance from your thoughts, and then act in spite of it.

[–]f43a970 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is really ironic

[–]ProFriendZoner4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Develop Good Social Skills, Raise your self esteem, and become active.

[–]Day50CannibalsAteUs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only way to get better at something is to do it, reflect on what you did well and what you can do better.

[–]tee00052 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

On facebook there is an events section. I choose something free I've never tried. So this year I've been to an exhibitions, comedy shows and jam session things at a theatre. I don't mind going alone. I've made friends on occasions and learnt a ton too. Lately I frequented coffee shops searching for the best coffee in the city. I've also been trying different cocktails in the evenings so going to new bars and asking questions and talking to people. On all these occasions I'm chatting to people and developing my social skills so that it becomes second nature. There's so many interesting things to do and learn. Always warm up by greeting security people, cashiers, car guards and waiters etc

[–]cluelessguitarist2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dont take drugs, you dont need to, read fiction books written by men, especially from old authors, reading fiction will improve your social skills and thats a fact, also do difficult stuff, try some martial arts such as muay thai or bjj,erestling,boxing. You can be a big swole guy from lifting and still be a pansy , learning to take and give punches will toughen you up.

[–]Greaterbird2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just like the gym. You only grow the muscles you train. If you want to get better at doing a thing, go do the thing.

Want to get better at starting conversations random strangers on the street? Go out and fail until you start to succeed. They'll forget about you in 24 hours.

[–]MultiMidsets1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Raise your esteem bu hitting the gym and make yourself feel worthy... love yourself a lot

[–]CasualPlay3r1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop beliving you are all those negative things.

Its all in the mind, conscious and subconscious, i have been there man.

You are what you think you are, you develop your frame of mind and being based on your beliefs.

Believe in yourself, you owe it to yourself

[–]dgd_mobius_centurion1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good hygiene, good looking, I've been lifting for 7 years and have a lean and muscular physique.

It's difficult for me to be comfortable in my skin and have fun.

Pick one, OP.

Also, continue to hang with people and groups and jump in whether you have something to say. That means being knowledgeable. That mean do a lot of reading.

If and when someone talks to you, keep the train going.

with people who do not show interest towards me

Leave them behind. Period.

[–]ForeverImproving2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Try MDMA, you'll break every barrier that you struggle with and will know how it feels, later it will be easy

[–]asskisser0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You remember how it was but you can’t replicate that smooth flow without the drug can you? I can’t.

[–]ForeverImproving0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Of course you can't replicate the same feeling but it will give you an idea of unbreakable confidence and high social skills.

[–]asskisser0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s so god damn interesting. It really made me god-like. And not once overconfident yet, always just right.

What the hell do you think it does in the end to your brain? In order to give you that flow? I think it just makes me full of love and acceptance.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Sweetdreams180 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or maybe you just surrended

[–]kclanton800 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do the thing and you shall have the power. Keep putting yourself in those situations until you improve. There is no other way around it

[–]MagnumBurrito0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you have hobbies? Fun things you plan for yourself and a friend?

Start doing those and you'll have interesting things to talk about.

[–]Beardtista0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

jocko willink formal navy seal and podcaster (among other things) said it best, "want to be tough? Then be tougher. want to be faster? Run faster. Want to be more social? Then be more social."

Easier to say than do but it works.

[–]dadfrombrad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Show girls love

[–]JoeBuckYourslf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What’s your mission, dawg?

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good hygiene

I'm always disturbed when people list "I shower" as the first in their list of great features.

ult for me to make friends. I'm quiet especially in groups and with people who do not show interest towards me. I am scared to talk and be ignored or be judged and made fun of

Ok, you're socially weak.

You need to do more, try more, risk more, talk more.... and you need to accept that it's all practice, that you'll make mistakes and that you'll improve and things will get better.

Easiest/best way is to get on your mission to doing something/anything that you want to do and that aligns with your values. Alternative way is just to try and talk more and do more in social groups. Think "how can I make this more fun?" and then do/say that.

It's difficult for me to be comfortable in my skin and have fun.

Self defeating. You're not trying so you're not succeeding leading to not trying.

Learn to do more and care less, and you do this by forcing yourself to do and say more and weather the consequences.

[–]Diche_Bach0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Get a brain scan. No I'm serious. Based on my own experiences, I'm convinced that a non-trivial fraction of behavioral health matters (as well as criminality) are a result of undiagnosed brain tumors. Sometimes these things are in a person's head their entire life; a tiny defect in a small number of neurons from early in fetal development, could be totally benign and tiny. But it nonetheless evokes immune responses. A cyst develops around it and just keeps slowly growing. Sometimes they grow fast enough that they are detected early in life but sometimes they are not. The slow gradual effect of that enlarging cyst is to efface brain matter in all the surrounding regions and cause subtle, progressive changes in neurological function.

[–]asskisser-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

What could he find out?

[–]Diche_Bach0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That he has a brain tumor.

[–]Sweetdreams180 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

From my experience there is a bigger chance that who gives these kind of advice has something wrong in their head

[–]Diche_Bach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or had. Just because your paranoid, doesn't mean someone on the Internet might not be offering some useful advice based on their own experience ;)

[–]f43a97-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop masturbating

[–]SeducingPotato-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

!Remindme

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

drop a picture of your physique or shut the fuck up.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter