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My (45m) wife (40f) suddenly wants to get a divorce after 16 years.

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November 20, 2019
22 upvotes

Hi, first time poster here. A friend told me about “red pill” and told me to post here. Here goes nothing.

My wife of 16 years wants a divorce all of the sudden and is refusing counseling. I am looking at the browsing history on my WiFi devices and she is visiting lawyers websites and apartment websites. She’s told me several times she wants to get a divorce and is starving me off all contact. No touching, no kissing, barely any texting. And no sex, of course.

This all sprung up out of nowhere about 1 month ago. Throughout the years we would get into heated arguments on the weekends when we would drink too much, and we are both prescribed adderal. So the arguments would turn into verbal fights. Typically, it would be about sex. She has never wanted to initiate sex, never has. It’s always been me to initiate but she has always seemed to enjoy it, I believe?!

Anyways, she’s telling me there’s been too much damage over the years. I’ve admitted to her that there has certainly been problems and we will stop drinking. I haven’t had a drink in 3 weeks and don’t intend to. She is not budging and still refuses to go to counseling with me.

My heart aches incredibly, I have a child in the house with this woman. I do not want to see our family get split apart in the span of a last-second decision from my wife. It’s been 16 years and she’s had a complete change of heart in a matter of a month and, again, is searching for divorce attorneys and new housing, and will not go to counseling.

I’ve tried everything. Please, what do I do from here?

Thank you.


Post Information
Title My (45m) wife (40f) suddenly wants to get a divorce after 16 years.
Author My_Newest_Acc
Upvotes 22
Comments 94
Date 20 November 2019 02:25 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/295895
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/dyv817/my_45m_wife_40f_suddenly_wants_to_get_a_divorce/
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Comments

[–]The_LitzRed Beret59 points60 points  (26 children) | Copy

Good news and bad news.

Bad news first. She has checked out, ages ago. She just verbalised it a month ago. She has been on the edge for ages. She probably entered the Eat Pray Love stage of her life or she is interested in someone else. She just needs the fantasy of Jeff in accounting, he doesn't even have to know of her existence for her to think she can move on.

Now the good news. You stopped drinking. Don't ever underestimate the importance of this. You can pull yourself together and turn YOUR life around. Note I emphasized your life. Whether or not she is part of it or not is moot.

You are here now. Everything you need is here, just use the tools and improve yourself.

Don't make her your sole reason for exhistance. No person should ever have that power over you.

[–]redismyfuture8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't make her your sole reason for existence.

I hope he sticks around. Mostly for when he discovers Awalt and the anger phase kicks in. It's going to be a massive bomb.

[–]kendallb1832 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What is the eat pray love part of life?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

They want a more fulfilling life and need to go on a spiritual journey to reconnect to their true self.

Instead of spending a summer in Tuscany or the south of France like in the movies they actually end up going nowhere.

Expect an increase in wine consumption and art supplies.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

And a fat CS payment to support that lifestyle.

[–]Lambda_Rail1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's a book/movie.

[–]RedPillGlasses2 points3 points  (20 children) | Copy

Agreed. She wants new dick. It’s not you.

Eat Pray Love = mid life crisis for women

There’s a whole bunch of shit you did to help her along this path, but you probably don’t have the balls to face it.

What’s your body fat? Use whatever method you want, but if you’re over 25%, then she is leaving you to fuck somebody who isn’t a lazy alcoholic fattie.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red9 points10 points  (19 children) | Copy

She wants new dick.

I am so sick of this.

They dont always need/want new dick. They might just want to work on themselves, god forbid a woman do that.

I have been single. It was fine. I didnt break up with one pussy, just to hop into another.

I wanted my fucking space. When I was done ruminating I found new pussy to fill.

Believe it or not, some men are so worthless they will force a woman into celibacy from all dick until the thought of dick doesnt gross them out any longer.

[–]arm_candy8 points9 points  (6 children) | Copy

They might just want to work on themselves, god forbid a woman do that.

I love that the voice of reason is the guy who self-identifies as MGTOW.

This place is thick with retards who soothe their egos by convincing themselves that AWALT when it’s really just APALT. They come here as losers who can’t manage their own lives and a couple weeks later they are 100% convinced that women are literally mental children.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

I hate labels and this is why.

No label can describe what I am. I am the sum of my own experience, truths, lies, pain and happy.

Red. Blue. Black. MTGOW.

I have parts of all inside me. There are areas from each to take and discard.

Just dont call me small.

Ill cry.

[–]black_jack_davy3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whoa, we got Saruman of Many Colours over here.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When more than likely the woman they have at home is more man than they’ll ever be.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

literally mental children

Women are the oldest teenagers in the home, and are rules by their feelz.

Basic MRP faggot

But yeah. I love 90% of what red says.

[–]arm_candy8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women are the oldest teenagers in the home, and are rules by their feelz.

So are guys. The vast, vast majority of people, male and female, are essentially stumbling through life by accident and operating by feelz.

Taking action that isn’t 100% emotion driven is a learned skill. It’s not something that men innately know, or they wouldn’t end up here.

Basic MRP faggot

It’s ego soothing for guys who don’t have a real sense of self worth. It’s a lot easier to convince yourself that women are garbage than to convince yourself that you’re actually high value. Harder still to actually be high value.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Easier to convince yourself that women are garbage.

Agreed. It’s that black pill retarded mindset.

[–]RStonePT3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Is my mom one of your plates?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What makes you think you are not my child?

[–]RStonePT4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Because receeding hairlines are genetic. Sorry

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Dick.

LOL

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Personal foul. 15 yard penalty there.

[–]RedPillGlasses5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

god forbid a woman do that

What kind of feminist bullshit is this?

they might just want to work on themselves

Yeah, no shit. But she’s divorcing him and has zero interest in counseling. You don’t need to get divorced to “work on yourself”.

Don’t forget your AI today, because you sound like a bitch.

Edit: Why does everything you write turn into a humble brag? “I found a new pussy to fill.” Good job dude, you went on Tinder, we’re so proud.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It was Bumble. Keep up.

Also, glasses only help a blind person see while they are wearing them.

They do nothing to fix the actual problem.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bumble is better, good place to find side bitches.

[–]itsmacyesitsmac-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

found the incel

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly, she just needs the idea of a better life without her husband.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wait .. isn't that exactly what you did? 10 days and then Mandy and now fitchick? Weren't you fucking Mandy during that whole time anyway?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. Wife moved out.

+2 months I was balls deep in first Tinder Chick

+1 month from that, +3 months total I met Mandy

+1 month I went 1:1 with Mandy (+Shelly, but she didnt know)

+6 months I dropped Shelly

June 2019 I dropped Mandy, was single. Needed to clear my head.

June 2019, banged a few THOTS

Middle July - Middle Aug, approx 30 days had zero sex, nothing, not even a kiss. Wanted to see. Believe I talked about it in OYS.

Early Aug 2019 I met Fitchick and we started dating

+2 weeks I went 1:1 with Fitchick.

I didnt bang Fitchick until 6th date, about 2 weeks after we met.

[–]tempotissues26 points27 points  (4 children) | Copy

Sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar

Sidebar

Oh and LIFT

[–]phuk-nugget0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Can I get to the sidebar on mobile?

[–]tempotissues2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes download the reddit boost app

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Or Sync Pro

[–]tspitsatgp24 points25 points  (6 children) | Copy

The first question you want to ask yourself is.. how did I truly feel about my wife and marriage 2 months ago, before everything turned to shit?

You see, right now, you are probably caught up in being worried about:

  • the impact to your child
  • the hit to your ego about your marriage failure
  • anxiety about starting again
  • fear of being alone and meeting someone new
  • 16 years of marriage thrown away
  • etc

All of these things have something in common, but it isn’t a genuine desire to be in a relationship with your wife. You want to fight to save your marriage because of all these things, and these things probably amplify your feelings for her right now. Which is why you need to look back to before the shit hit the fan. Because maybe it isn’t worth saving from a 1:1 relationship perspective.

Get to reading the sidebar, don’t try to talk your wife out of it, visit lawyers, get your exit plan ready and start lifting.

There are guys who have turned it around from this point but they did it by focusing on making themselves awesome, not by talking at their wife until they are blue in the face, and then wasting time cruising Tinder and Gaming subreddits.

Also, you haven’t told us just how much of a loser you are yet. Don’t leave important details out, it wastes everyone’s time.

[–]hack3geRed Beret10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

This will be the most underrated comment of all time here.

Most men don’t have the ability to flip that switch - my wife was talking to a lawyer and house shopping and she changed her mind when I said fuck it and burned the whole thing including myself to the ground but honestly I should have walked at that point.

I am not sure if it’s this specific scenario or just when a man gets so far past his wife that it’s inevitable that he leaves or fucks other people.

Either way her wanting to leave and using that to leverage a good divorce deal is a gift from a woman you should never turn down.

[–]RatedCommentBot-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for flagging an underrated comment.

Unfortunately, on this occasion your concern was unnecessary and the comment was rated accurately.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando17 points18 points  (9 children) | Copy

Over the past 16 years, you have done nothing. You have made no good decisions. You have failed to lead yourself. You have failed to lead your family. You are an alcoholic and drug dependent. Because of this, your wife is also an alcoholic and drug dependent. At some stage in the last year or two, she decided that she has had enough of the life you have created for you and her and she wants out.

Why do you think that is?

Take a long look in the mirror. What do you see?

Do you see a man who has his shit together?

Do you see a man who is in top physical shape?

Do you see a man who controls his emotions?

Do you see a man who has a large social circle?

Do you see a man who leads his family - nurturing, protecting, educating?

Do you see a man who has interesting hobbies?

Do you see a man who has a vision for his life and a mission that he follows with 100% conviction?

A man who women crave to be with and other men envy?

Or, do you see...

A man who is all over the place?

A man who is out of shape?

A man who is controlled by his emotions?

A man who leads his family to alcholism and drug dependency?

A man with no social life, no hobbies, no goals, no ambition and no drive?

A man who no woman wants to be with - including his own wife - and no man wants to emulate?

I’ve admitted to her that there has certainly been problems and we will stop drinking. I’ve tried everything.

You haven't tried anything. You don't even realise what the problem is. It's not just the drinking - it's much bigger than that. She knows it, we know it, you don't.

Please, what do I do from here?

That depends on you - what do you want to do? What are you willing to do to get it? How much are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want? Do you even really know what it is that you want?

[–]JudgeDoom691 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you see a man who has his shit together?

Do you see a man who is in top physical shape?

Do you see a man who controls his emotions?

Do you see a man who has a large social circle?

Do you see a man who leads his family - nurturing, protecting, educating?

Do you see a man who has interesting hobbies?

Do you see a man who has a vision for his life and a mission that he follows with 100% conviction?

A man who women crave to be with and other men envy?

Well shit, add "style" and "hygiene" and this comment is a complete RP cheatsheet

[–]SepeanRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You read the sidebar and do what it says. Most guys save their marriage that way, those that don’t typically choose to leave it because they find out how to handle girls and find their wife isn’t worth staying with.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry bro - but if you accept right now. RIGHT NOW. That this is lost and just STFU about everything you might be able to save what's left of your dignity, maybe keep your child in your life, but not your marriage.

A friend told me about “red pill”

And which one of you fuckers talked about fight club and actually called it by it's name without at the very least giving this man a copy of NMMNG first?

OP - start here.

[–]gvntr6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Alcohol. That's the keyword in your post.

Actually the problem is alcoholism.

You can lift to your heart's content and do all the other sidebar stuff but until you get a grip on the alcoholism it will avail you nothing.

It's the baseline problem for many guys in MRP.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Alcohol isn't the baseline problem - it's just another symptom.

[–]gvntr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Alcohol is not the problem here, alcoholism is. Very bad odds.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not to say this is your wife but ... Ive known 3 situations with guys where there wife wanted out - quickly and with no counseling (dinking around) - it had to do with another guy.

Actually one of them was my wifes co-worker; makes me chuckle a bit ... married 15+ years 2 kids, chick wants out Now ... gets out (she was banging another dude - she thought those 2 would live happily ever after; next thing you know shes pregnant and the new boy friend is gone).

Listen to the posts here - lots of great info and help

You said you tried everything ... as SB3 pointed out; have you looked at the man in the mirror and forced yourself to keep looking?

[–]scarmine3419 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

First off- stop believing that it “just sprung up a month ago”, she’s been thinking of this off an on for years.

Second off- sorry bro, it’s not looking good for you.

The good news is that you have the option of meeting someone 25 years younger than you and having a whole additional family - whereas she doesn’t.

She’s being selfish and childish- like most women that don’t have a strong husband will do. She is breaking up the family, essentially showing your kid that you are worthless.

I don’t have any positive advice for you other than go see your own divorce lawyer fucking yesterday. There are many actions and other behaviours you can take/change that severely impact how the legal separation goes- including whether or not you’ll have any access to the kid. She will be able to take your child away from you forever if you don’t get on this right fucking now- and even still it may be too late.

Do that first, man, and God’s speed.

[–]redwall922 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A friend told me about “red pill” and told me to post here.

May the offender come forth ... that justice may be done up him!

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go and read everything written about divorce by /u/Red-Curious/

He is a divorce lawyer. He knows what he's talking about.

Start consulting lawyers where you are. This is not a sudden decision on her part. She has given this a lot of thought already. You are behind. You are in for a world of hurt if you go into denial mode or "I can fix this!" mode.

Forget counseling. What will happen in counseling: she is just going through the motions so she can say she "tried everything". She and the counselor cooperatively lay out all the many different ways that you suck. Then they think of hoops for you to jump through. When you jump through that hoop, the marriage is fixed, right? Victory? Nope. They come up with another hoop! They counselor laughs all the way to the bank. You end up divorced anyway.

[–]Gtrplyr38384 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is done. Sorry. Been there and done that. Work on yourself and forget about her or any other women until you feel good about yourself. But absolutely forget about trying to reconcile with your wife. At best, you will delay the inevitable and will be harder later.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

No one wants a divorce all of a sudden. This shit doesnt spring up out of the blue.

You have been asleep at the wheel for years, not listening to her, your kids (if you have them) and your balls.

Why the fuck several brothers are wasting their time with someone who clearly doesnt listen IRL is beyond me. You dont listen IRL, you will not listen to us here.

Fuck off.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She has never wanted to initiate sex, never has. It’s always been me to initiate but she has always seemed to enjoy it, I believe?!

Ok, now I know you haven’t read the sidebar

Do the work. You are acting pathetic.

1) She’s checked way the fuck out

2). You are making it worse by practically begging

Your only response should be “the door is right there” And start to move on. Also, there’s a good chance she’s fucking someone else or has one lined up.

[–]Nodeal_reddit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No woman just leaves. She has plans and options all lined up. Most likely she is already fucking some other dude. Accept it, keep your cool, and prepare for your next life.

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can tell you've come straight from r/relationships...

What you describe is typical and you shouldnt expect anything else. All women are like that. AWALT.

READ THE SIDEBAR. RP will do you a lot of good, but not to save your marriage (although that can be a result of your work here) but to improve yourself. You probably don't even think you need improving or "fixing", but believe me, YOU DO!

Read the sidebar (read the books suggested in the sidebar) and do some work on this. You will dramatically change your life!

Go! Get to work mother fucker!

[–]PaPaKAPture0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sidebar. It is your new Bible. Go through it, then go through it again. Then one more time for good measure.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First aid for you:

Read, and seek to understand, the "Divorce 180" rules. You're breaking most of them now.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy wow. Friend, you don’t come vomit here without reading the sidebar. You sound like you are drowning in a kiddie pool

This didn’t come out of nowhere. Your wife has been sick of your shit for years and has probably been telling you as much, but you never changed.

Now she’s made up he’ll mind to divorce you and you are starting to get an idea of how much of a lazy captain you’ve been. I’d consider this one a loss and move on.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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