I'm sure you're already aware that women aren't capable of loving men, at least not in the way that men would generally like to be loved, so I won't get into the details of that just now. Suffice to say, men love idealistically, women love opportunistically - if one can even call either of those things "love".
So I've been with my current girlfriend for about 18 months now, and I've got hardly any complaints so far. Besides some minor AWALT stuff, she's a logical, reasonable and a surprisingly honest and self-aware person. Although there are some things I keep to myself (like what I'm about to go into here), I'm generally not afraid to let her into my mind. She generally lets me into her mind as well (although I'm sure there's plenty she keeps to herself), which makes her an interesting person in my eyes. She's a great woman, and I really like her as a sex partner, friend and person.
The thing is though, her love/infatuation/interest in me is clearly opportunistic. Not in a toxic way, where she's after my resources, tries to lock me down into a shitty marriage contract, tries to lay claim to my time or anything of that sort. But it's opportunistic in the sense that she "likes the way I make her feel". She says she's "hooked on me", and while I do take that as a compliment, I also know it's an expression of the emotional roller coaster ride I'm currently able to take her on. And a big part of the reason why I'm able to do that, is that I resist her in the sense that I guard my time and my space as a hawk. So I know there's this part of her that sees me as a "challenge", and that it turns her on. Alas, these are passing emotions in all probability.
I really don't want to be an inconsiderate asshole that expects everything to be on my terms, but at the same time I'm afraid that if I drop my frame (which isn't a game, it's just my values and what I want) she'll like me less, be less "hooked on me". So every know and then it happens that I put my own values aside to please her, basically I'll cave because she's being all nice and calm and rational about her needs (not entitled or anything like that). Here are some examples:
- We went from 'FWB' to 'boyfriend/girlfriend' because she wanted to. That's not really a big deal, cause I don't have any moral/philosophical issues with putting such a 'mild' label on it. Plus she satisfies me sexually, so I'm ok with monogamy. But I was basically MGTOW at the time (without calling it that), so there were some moving of goalposts there.
- I bought her a bracelet for her last birthday, because that's what she wanted. Nothing expensive, and she was very grateful for it. But I CAN'T FUCKING STAND JEWELLERY. To me, nothing says "I'm buying your affection" like jewellery. And I know all women are whores when you really go down that rabbit hole, but jewellery is just such a blatant display of exactly that. Which is why I don't like it, and would prefer not to put jewellery on her.
- Christmas is coming up, so I asked her what she wants for Christmas. I was hoping that maybe she'd like some books, or perhaps tickets for a concert or something like that. But no. Now she wants a necklace. Again, nothing expensive, but still FUCKING JEWELLERY. And she knows very well what I think of jewellery, so it's almost like she wants to break my balls, like she wants to shit test me, and see how much of a puppy dog I can be for her.
- I'm having discussions about marriage with her. Again, she isn't being entitled about it, and it isn't an 'ultimatum' (at least not outspokenly so), but it's clear that she wants to marry me at some point in the future. And marriage is 100% against my values. In this day and age, I think it's a degrading institution towards men, and I lose a bit of respect for any man who decides to wife someone up. Even so, I've sort of told her that as long as there's no legal contract, and as long as it doesn't necessarily mean we'll live together, then sure, maybe if we've been together for 4-5 years we can buy each other rings, and call each other "husband and wife". So again, I'm moving goalposts here, and letting go of my own convictions to please her.
So how do I come to terms with the fact that my girlfriend doesn't actually love me for who I am and how I think, but rather for whatever "feelings of accomplishment as a real woman" I can give to her? I'm thinking maybe we're on equal terms here, and that maybe I love her opportunistically as well. But I don't know if that's just the rationalisation hamster in my brain. I mean, I don't really "love" either, not like I used to when I was younger. I don't know if that's because I'm older now, or because I've been red pilled since then. Probably a mix of both. But I definitely do like her. A lot.
And I guess like I said, in the sense that I still "love", my love could be seen as 'opportunistic' as well. I mean, she does bring me a certain peace of mind, and she's great company. And I probably wouldn't feel the same way about her if the sex wasn't great. And she does take very good care of me in so many ways. So there's an opportunistic element to my side of the story here as well. Is that where I come to terms with this? That at the end of the day, I'm no better myself? But then again, I'm not the one looking for commitment here, I'm not the one playing the "how much do you love me?" - game. So in that sense, I guess I'm being idealistic, whereas she's not.
I would really appreciate some perspective on this from those of you who could find the time and effort to read this long-ass post.
Just wanted to thank you for all your wonderful replies (each and everyone of you). I needed some resistance, and bit of a reality check, and you've certainly given me a lot of food for thought here.