Unemployed for 4 months and it got me depressed and lose confidence

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November 29, 2019
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Post Information
Title Unemployed for 4 months and it got me depressed and lose confidence
Author tokyotundra
Upvotes 71
Comments 47
Date 29 November 2019 05:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297089
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e3hi91/unemployed_for_4_months_and_it_got_me_depressed/
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Comments

[–]alexanderthegroovy48 points49 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hey man, take a breath.

I'm in a similar boat, been looking for the past month. Had some interviews but nothing solid yet. This shit takes time. I know it's frustrating.

As a man our identity is tied heavily to our occupation. We want to be useful. We want purpose. We want to get shit done.

Being in a negative mindset will make the job search even more difficult. Sometimes it helps to take a step back. Connect with the things that make you enjoy life. Ask yourself what kind of opportunities would excite you? What companies would you want to work with?

You're going through a rough time now, but you'll get through it. Good luck.

[–]thrwy7547914 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

This shit takes time.

Adding to this, focus on the process, not the outcome. For instance, focus on sending out X resumes per week, and not on the number of responses you're getting.

It's exhausting, yes, but as Churchill said: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He didn't have anything setup incase something went wrong. Enjoyed the fruits of his labor rather than planning. Now the shits hit the fan & he can't adapt & he taking it too hard.

  • Take it slow. You're going to have to let the extracurriculars slide. Otherwise you're going to be overwhelmed.

[–]good-afternoon19 points20 points  (9 children) | Copy

Why'd you quit

You need to send out hundreds of applications. After undergrad I sent out over 800 just to get a dozen or so interview and a few offers. Got one very good one out of it.

[–]BurnieSlander6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

I disagree with the shotgun approach.

Find 3 companies you would really enjoy working for and apply. Be creative- don’t just send out standardized CV’s. If possible try to “accidentally” bump into someone that works there. Most people get jobs because they know someone who knows someone.

Treat job hunting same as you would game. Be outcome independent. Every failure gets you one move closer to success

[–]good-afternoon19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, every failure is another day without pay. You need to be extremely agressively in the job hunt. Having some level of creativity and applying to lots of places isn't mutually exclusive. And many places today don't even accept cover letters so theres not too much customization you can do

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Find 3 companies you would really enjoy working for and apply. Be creative- don’t just send out standardized CV’s. If possible try to “accidentally” bump into someone that works there. Most people get jobs because they know someone who knows someone.

Ok boomer

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I see you commenting this on a lot of posts. Try thinking for yourself instead of just spewing the latest meme. You sound like a tween girl

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

It's true though, i expect 18 y.o.s to be telling me this soon, job hunting has become more and more cancer over time, to act like your methods will work for op is foolish. The only intergenerational advice that applies in the job hunt is to lift (take care of your health)

[–]BurnieSlander-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

You’re right. Incorporating actual face to face conversations into job hunting is stupid. What was I thinking

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

it's not that, it's the assumptions that:

1: he's looking for a job that one can easily bump into someone over (unlikely to be a job that will lead to high income after a decade)

2: that spending time on any single company is an efficient approach beyond having interned there beforehand

3: that he didnt already leverage his references

I would've killed to be born in an older generation so that my machining jobs wouldnt be looked down upon if i ever wanted promotions or to go into management. Likewise, for a manufacturing job being a sustainable career choice. Likewise, that a referral would actually go further than simply getting an interview which will likely consist of a whole day of challenging problems with a low success rate

All of these assumptions are of a different generation. Hell, it's probably presumptious for us to even say face to face contact is good given how much the next generation is gonna have to mask their personalities during interviews to appeal to a broader portion of a hiring committee

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

TLDR

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lulw ok boomer omegacringe kappa

[–]DiskKiller29 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I voluntarily took a longer sabbatical without pay from my current employer. I wanted to travel a bit etc., and did, but it was tighter than expected with money and I also started to notice a strange lack of confidence in myself as things didn’t work out as planned.

I eventually discovered that a big salary, high status and “career success” had been major building blocks of my self-esteem - something I hadn’t realized before. And when my self-worth went down, I wasn’t carrying myself that well either, which in turn made strangers treat me with less respect than I was used to.

Fortunately I managed to wrestle back my self-control. Meditation was a major discovery for me - I started doing daily 10 min sessions of Headspace app before going to bed and that helped a lot. I started to regain my composure and found a way to “observe” my emotions and distance myself from the darker thoughts. I heartily recommend that - you don’t even need to purchase the full version of the app. The ten free breathing exercises are just fine. Try it!

(What didn’t help at all, on the other hand, was talking about my depreciating self-worth with my girlfriend. There was absolutely zero support or empathy of any kind, quite the opposite - I could feel her losing interest in me. Don’t show weakness. AWALT etc. Don’t repeat my mistakes - if a girl asks you how you’re doing, “Fantastic!” and “Living the dream!” are the only allowed answers. Talk to a guy if you really need to. Also, stay physically active! Looking good does wonders to your self-worth.)

[–]NabroleonBonaparte11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

One thing to keep in mind is the end of the year is the worst time to look for a job as companies are finishing up their budget. After the new year, things change drastically as companies now have a new budget to put towards hiring. So it’s really a matter of patience for you.

Obviously keep applying but also use the time you’re not filling out apps to go hard in the gym and to also learn a new skill. This way you’ll be fit and your new skill will be something you can use to explain your unemployment during interviews and possibly negotiate a higher salary. Constantly improving is the best way to build confidence.

[–]I_LOVE_CHIPS6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fiscal year =/= calendar year.

[–]creating_my_life7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

true, but no professional company onboards a new employee in November or December. virtually everything is put on hold until January. Sure, there are exceptions. But generally HR holds off on new hires because nobody is around to train them.

[–]cat_magnet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As a business owner I can chirp in and say we hold off hiring from November until January. The end of the fiscal year really has no bearing on our hiring.

[–]bumbuff2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cash can be a source of stress. If you can keep frame - or if you need a place to learn - become a sport official. Particularly football or hockey.

It's a source of income and it's where I first learned how to keep frame. And it's an easy short term solution.

Long term solution I would give my resume to an employment agent. The ones that don't make any money unless you get a job.

I don't look for jobs anymore, the guy I have used in the past keeps pestering me saying he could have better jobs for me but I currently like where I am at.

[–]Livecrazyjoe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was on unemployment for months. Job hunting is hard. My best advice is go to job fairs. Join facebook groups for your career. I landed a job using these methods. Dont just put online applications and wait for a response. Go to the business and bug to talk to someone. Even if they tell you to fill out an online app try to talk to someone.

[–]muricanwerewolf12 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve been there dude. Drove a truck while I looked for a job, only to end up back at the job that laid me off in the first place haha. Not only that, but during that time my old man was slowly dying from cancer. My life was pretty much intolerable, so I made a plan. I went full monk mode. Kept my close relationships, but focused 100% on what I had to do. If I wasn’t working to keep my head above water, I was applying to jobs, staying available for my dad, and working on my rental house. As soon as the old man died (it seems shitty to say but it was inevitable) I was able to find the time and energy to work out, eat like a madman and get big.

Staying on mission and disregarding my sexual needs (I still got laid occasionally, very occasionally but I never worked for it) allowed me to focus on building a new foundation of self esteem. It’s allowed me to be viewed in a new light by acquaintances, it’s kind of shocking how woman who knew me before now have a new level of interest.

Ultimately, the trick was thinking long term. I knew every step I took was going to make my life better in 2-3 years. I’m still keeping that mindset even as I’ve put myself out there again, looking for a better job, saving money for investments and keeping that dedication for the gym. Honestly, now that I think about it, the gym might have been my lifeline. No matter how much I felt like I was pounding my head against the wall in other areas of my life I could count on every time I put on my shorts it was a step towards becoming something greater.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

Job hunt is basically the same as dating nowadays. You failed to prioritize your health over the hunt itself, and the results are the same as if you prioritized women over your health when dating

[–]j-mac-rock0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Can I get a clarification on this analysis?

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

name one aspect of dating besides fucking, and I'll be able to directly relate it to a function of the job hunt that is modern and widespread

[–]j-mac-rock0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The chase and the possibility potential outcome of feeling loved and having a purpose that fills the heart

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The chase

practicing interview questions, going to interviews, making calls, talking to companies, getting accepted/denied

possibility potential outcome of feeling loved

you spend 8 hours a day with people, you better believe you want their admiration & companionship even if you don't wana admit it. This can be sussed out when interviewing, or in the absence of love, then this can be felt when being rejected

having a purpose that fills the heart

going after a job listing or a career pathway in general that promotes mastery, autonomy, and ones moral compass

[–]Merica9111 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s because you’re operating on scarcity.

People, girls, employers etc can all smell it. Rule #1 when in search in the job market- you have to make it why YOU would join forces with whatever company, not the other way around.

You can’t make it like you’re just gonna take anything that sticks to the wall. You have to create worth. You need to get to the point where you’re wanted and you’re not wanting. It’s a catch 22 and you gotta balance one way or another.

Same with girls. It’s always comical, when you’re in a relationship, it seems like pretty much every girl would want to get with you and you know that would throw your whole relationship into a end, so you stay faithful but you’re also super confidence because you have nothing to lose because at the end of the day you have a girl to go home to.... and that why other girls want that. They want what they can’t have.

So what I suggest when it comes to your job search. Fake it to you make it. Walk in there as they need to impress you and not the other way around (don’t try to impress them. Your Resume should have done that)

Abundance, abundance on top of abundance. On your off time watch 1000s of helpful YouTube video. Do the “off” time and don’t let “off” time do you

[–]tokyotundra[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

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[–]LazerSpin1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, why are you spending time on anything OTHER THAN FINDING A NEW JOB?

Playtime’s over mother fucker. You gotta get that bread. Politely cut all your plates unless you have one that’s easy sex. Tell ‘em you gotta focus on your job and then get searching. Expand uour radius and move of you gotta.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you can’t get a job for 4 months it means you aren’t searching hard enough. No need to make up excuses.

[–]zeekt128 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

I disagree.

The hiring process for many companies are long and extensive. It depends obviously, if you get lucky and the time is right, you can have only one interview and hired fairly quickly. But most positions are highly competitive and employers take their time with the process.

It can take a month to get to the final stage of the interview only to find out you didnt get the job.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

1 month =\ months

[–]creating_my_life1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Had to quit my job couple of months ago due to circumstances that were out of my control.

Right at the very first sentence you're not being honest with yourself. I'm calling bullshit.

it's almost 4 months since I've had a job and this is making me depressed and lose my cool more often.

"only" 4 months. Also depends if you're looking for a $18/hr warehouse job, or a $150k/yr technical job. You don't give us much guidance here.

Here's the thing: You can't control what happens to you, but you CAN control how you react to it. Don't lose your cool.

I was one of the dudes who had a decent job, couple of girls around and plenty of admiration and respect from friends circle

Don't define yourself through your job.

I have nothing but getting a job on my mind at this moment.

That's fine. However, you know that a full-time job hunt is basically 1-3 hours a day AT MOST, right? Use this time to your advantage. Don't waste the other 21 hours a day.

Basically, I'm losing my cool and frame around everyone.

That's entirely on you and has NOTHING to do with your employment status. Man the fuck up.

How can I keep negative things away and breathe fresh air of confidence in my life?

Revert back to the basics. Are you financially secure? Living at home? Have some savings? Whatever? You know you have a roof over your head and food for the next 6 months, right?

Take utmost care of your health. Cut back on drinking to almost nothing. Cut back on escapement vices, such as pot or porn or video games or anything. Wake up at the same time every morning. Shower, get dressed. Getting a job IS your job, so treat it that way.

Now use the extra time you have each day to improve yourself. Work on your personal to-do list. Get in better shape. Help out your friends and family. Learn a new skill. Look, all this is entirely on you.

Don't slide back into the "woe is me look what happened to me" victim mentality. It won't get you anywhere. Look at this as an opportunity, and take advantage of it.

[–]tokyotundra[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

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[–]Snowaey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know what to tell you but to keep looking, you'll eventually find one, stay strong brother.

[–]madfrombrad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ask your doctor about SSRIs. Say you also have ADHD and try to get a prescription for some kind of stimulant. It sounds like you have low dopamine levels and possibly epinephrine.

[–]Nitzy830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly keep going. I was in the same situation and even though it's hard to stay positive you do end up catching a break. Stay blessed and press on. The universe will work to present you something.

[–]Iluvalmonds830 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That must be stressful and frustrating; I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I think for those who assign their purpose/some of their value into their career, this is frightening territory to be in. Take a step back from anyone/thing that’s stressing you out right now.

My husband was in a similar boat last year. Sudden directional changes in a company he thought he’d be a lifer with basically initiated an eventual shutdown of his entire department. He got out due to the extreme stress it was causing him, something I encouraged him to do. Was jobless for 6 months, I could also see he was depressed and would go through short slumps where he wasn’t doing much of anything, but there were a couple things he would did during this time aside from aggressively cold-applying for jobs:

-he got his resume professionally reworked -he went from casual lifter at the gym to hitting it everyday -he gave himself purpose; getting back to working on things on his to do list, helping out his buddies with projects -he networked with guys who worked in his field and got leads to apply to other places(which landed him his job)

Have a strategy on how you’re going to get back on track. Execute it, have faith in yourself, be patient. Even if you have to accept a temp job, that’s better than nothing and will give you some cash flow while you’re still finding your next job. Best of luck OP

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[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]kollegah13370 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

after hardship comes ease

[–]Scorsone0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get a part-time job to be around people while still actively searching for another full-time position.

[–]empatheticapathetic-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a job then. I’m in the same boat and I get it.

[–]crew6dawg0-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's going to be hard to deal with women or anything for that matter until you get a new job. You've got your priorities straight - getting a job is the most important thing right now, everything else is second. Not to humble brag but I've got quite a few job offers lately, and it's because I've been applying to all over the entire U.S. and I have a solid resume and cover letter. Focus on improving your resume and cover letter, and have someone else critique it for you.

No matter how tough it gets, remember that you aren't in some third world country starving to death, or some Afghan kid getting blown up by a landmine. Yeah you're in a pinch right now, but it can always be a lot worse.

[–]kclanton80-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gym gym gym gym gym gym gym gym. Semen retention. done

[–]linkofinsanity19-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just a suggestion for something that might help. Get a part time job doing anything that you're willing to, even if that means making and delivering pizzas for Pizza Hut (because fuck McDonald's). It will at least give you some income, but more importantly it'll give you at least a little bit of purpose and take a lot of this pressure off of you and allow you to be in a better mindset to find a job. Yeah, it'll take some time from job search, but your improved mental state will likely be better for finding you a job.

[–]jebessa1-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t give up...i love you and i have faith in you. You will be fine once you understand life can change in unexpected ways one you take control of your mind and body. Emotions can be your enemy or your allies.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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