Should i just let it be? Or try to help my dad.

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November 29, 2019
24 upvotes

Lately ive been noticing that i have a blue pilled dad. My step mom seems to be the one running this house.(I'm 16 but please take me serioysly. I want to help)

It was better before they got married. when they did they combined their loans becouse she seemed to be in trouble. (I didn't know this before this week. I thought my dad would be smart enough not to do that).

He doesn't have any hobbies that i know of. Before he did (cars, MTB, wind surfing etc). He also pretty much never spends anytime with us kids(4 of us). Less than an hour a week mostly. All time goes to work 8hr day and spending time with her. He did spend time with us before they got together and even when he was with my real mom.

She on the other hand is not working right now. She is full time studying towards shit that doesn't pay that well. But she is not up to lower her standard of living. Basically my dad is the only one with money. But she is the one who decides where "their" money it's spent.

He has seemed to be intrested in lifting, but that never got off. (Me at 16 starting to get bigger.) I'm only saying this becouse it's like she doesn't want my dad to lift. Cardio they both do daily. And she talks about being "healthy"(i can talk more about her health shit if u want to)

Today i noticed that she didn't like my dads hair when it's cut. (It's longer than hers ffs) i guess a sutble way of getting him not to look good to anyone else.

Oh and when you ask about anything at the dinner table it is always her opinions that matters. My dad doesn't even say what he thinks most of the time. One on one my dad is fine.

He was in work stress for a long time before he changed it up a little. What ive heard it's been alot better for atleast a year or two now.

So ive been thinking that if i just get him to workout with me he will have support and hopefully no excuses. (And ill get some time with my dad). Also i can then bring this up slowly.

If i just say it in he's face. he will just get angry and close off. Probably just say were all against her. When she's around i obviosly can't talk.

So i just want your guys opinions about what could i do to help him get better or completly out of this. Or just to actually realize this is even what's happening.


Post Information
Title Should i just let it be? Or try to help my dad.
Author Kapetsu
Upvotes 24
Comments 34
Date 29 November 2019 06:41 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297102
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e3isg4/should_i_just_let_it_be_or_try_to_help_my_dad/
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Comments

[–]como1017 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're correct that you can't be direct with him. It will make him mad. You have good instincts for someone your age. This is a problem a lot of RP men struggle with. Sometimes it's with friends. Sometimes it's family. It comes up on this thread often. It's hard when you care about the person. You have to understand that you can't change people. They have to be motivated to change themselves. And while that's a sad reality, you have to be okay with that. Lead by example. And feel free to invite him to the gym. He will probably say no, but maybe you can subtly nudge him towards a more positive lifestyle if you can get him to agree to be involved in your hobbies. If being around him and your stepmother effects your well being, start thinking about moving out when you turn 18.

[–]Kapetsu4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm definetly moving out when 18. It's the sutble things you pick up from other people. My both sisters have noticed these way before me. It's most likely becouse i think they are normal. Living here.

[–]RedPillGlasses8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

My younger brother is a blue pill fag. I bought him the rational male for his birthday. No idea if he read it, can’t force a horse to drink.

[–]UnbreakableFrame12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Be very careful. You still have to live with this woman for 2 years and she has a lot of power to make your life hell in the mean time. If she even remotely catches wind that you are trying to take some of her power back, she will seriously make you miserable.

[–]Kapetsu8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haven't even though of that. Ill keep that in mind.

[–]Rock_Granite2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, and if your dad has to make a choice between your opinion and her opinion, he will have to side with his wife and not you. It's just the way marriage works. The parents always have to stick together.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

I like your idea of getting him to lift with you. At this stage it is about the only thing you can do for him.

Many men need help, but are too blind to see. We have to let guys go, we can't help everyone.

[–]Kapetsu4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lifting together seems to be a good idea to try.

I guess ill just have to cope with my dad being one too.

[–]omasque3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell him you need help with your form and worry about injuring yourself or getting trapped under a bar if you’re lifting alone. Tell him you want to get bigger to increase your confidence not just with women but in general because it helps you navigate the world. Be vulnerable and give him the advice you want to but frame it in a way that you’re saying it about yourself, and he will draw that parallels himself.

[–]0io-Tsundere9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you could get him to start lifting that's probably the single best thing you could do. Maybe you could talk him into going to the gym with you. In general it's hard to get parents to take advice from their kids seriously, so it's probably an uphill battle.

[–]Kapetsu7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

So the best thing seems to be that i continue improving myself and ask if he wants to join me for a workout.

[–]psychoduckly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Then, never initiate the conversations that you plan. Let him do that.

[–]creating_my_life4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

start with self-help and life skills books and concepts that aren't specific to dating. A great book is "When I say No I feel guilty". Also look into "No More Mr. Nice Guy." You should read them for yourself, too.

Use examples in your own dating life and interactions with women that lay out a positive relationship with yourself and how you prioritize your own needs over your relationship needs. Maybe he will indirectly get the hint.

You can't dive right in and talk about his relationship. You have to talk around the issue. You can't show him the door, because he doesn't even know a door exists yet.

[–]Kapetsu1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thx. I will add them to my book list.

Yeah i don't see talking about his relationships working.

[–]jjj25762 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Parents talk sometimes. They get weird and confide in their kids— it’s rare, but it’s happened to me a few times.

Those conversations are extremely rare, but they happen. If your dad ever confides in you, best you can do is recognize the opportunity and seize it by giving him a copy of NMMNG. You can’t swallow the pill for him, but you can show him the rabbit hole.

You can’t force him to go to the gym with you, but it’s a rad offer that he hopefully takes up. Kuddos, dude. Hit the Sidebar books on the MRP subreddit and get the head start that I missed.

[–]Kapetsu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think i've had those conversations with him sometimes. It just needs to be the right time.

I'll read it myself first then think about it.

I'm just gonna keep the gym opportunity there until he comes.

[–]athrowaway-90013 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sadly for your dad he is just the provider (really betabux) while your stepmom is riding on that.

You can try to advice him when your stepmom isn't around and introduce TRP to him slowly, nothing too much. The only way he gets out of this is him waking up and doing things for himself (and hopefully you and your siblings).

Your stepmom wants to maintain him at the current level that he is at so that she can better manage him. She knows (whether it be conscious or unconscious) that if he picks up lifting, he will be a lot harder to maintain and women will want him more.

Focus on yourself and do what you can that is well within your means meanwhile. If you can, look to pick up a summer job, or find something you love to do and what you think will translate into your future. You are starting off on a great foot just acknowledging TRP at such a young age.

Otherwise, keep up your lifts and continue your knowledge.

[–]Kapetsu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Him waking up seems a stretch.

If she is actually doing this consciosly im impressed

[–]canooboy3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Kudos to you for having a good grasp of RP principles, and posting such a well thought out and worded report/question.

Nicely done.

Caution is definitely in order when dealing with your step monster, but maybe asking your dad to help you with decisions in your own life can help him establish a bit more leadership in the family.

I'm thinking maybe asking him (with his wife around and listening) for his help deciding what gym is best, or new hobby you should try, or what car he might think would be a good first car... Aim to ask guy stuff, and ask even if you already know the answer.

Good luck

[–]Kapetsu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've definetly felt losing frame when conflicting her before.

Gonna have to work on that.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Focus on your goals and make your plans for the future. Your father won't listen to you or get red pilled by you because that's not your job; it's a reversal of the relationship. All you can do is get yourself set up for success as an adult and eject when you can.

[–]Kapetsu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Improving is definetly my main focus right now and he just maybe will pick up on it. But probably not.

[–]gixxerthouguy2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

As everyone has said, encourage your dad to go lift with you. But take this opportunity to watch and learn what NOT to do for the rest of your life. You'll find it hard to keep your mouth shut - but just do it. At least you can go into adulthood with your eyes fully open. No excuses for you young man!

[–]Kapetsu1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I sure do have many examples of what not to do all around me allready. But no one intresting never had a normal life.

[–]gixxerthouguy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agreed! I could tell you some stories haha! Good luck young man - always put yourself first. Always lift, and always have a mission. It's more than just getting laid.

[–]Kapetsu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck to you aswell.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lead by example without any expectations for others to follow. This is the 1000 ft toe rope. You are improving. If he does, great. If not, that’s on him. He is blissfully unaware. In a blue pill coma. You getting your shit together and being a better man than he was at your age, as well as a better man than he is now will create the competition anxiety that we need sometimes to get a kick in the ass to improve.

Also, He is with a woman he assumes he wants to spend forever with. He assumes he has won and his work is over. As long as he keeps her happy and around, he can kick back and relax. The classic blue pill. However, this allows her to dictate the frame of the relationship, in which he is so obviously operating in.

There is a rule, to never try and “unplug your friends from the matrix”, because it only ends in one of two ways:

  1. That friend disagrees with the material, and resents you for it. Or
  2. He reads it but nothing changes.

Either way, that friend will view you differently because he is not ready to unplug and to receive this information with an open mind, but he also lacks the desperation to fix his lot in life. You want it, not him. He is not there, and presenting this information will conflict with his life-long blue pill conditioning, and ego investments. He will also forever view you differently and it will seriously effect or even absolve the relationship. Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. You want him to improve more than he does, which is why you want to help. Do not try to unplug your dad. Do not talk about fight club. It can only damage he your relationship and expose your secrets for success.

The better option is to stfu, lead by example, and to constantly improve in all areas of your life, as you become a young man into adulthood. If you dad has any balls whatsoever, he will take note, and will feel slight competition anxiety in the sense that he is not performing at his best and is being exposed as weak and lazy (ego). Stfu, sidebar, 48 Laws of Power, lead by example, and if he catches on, great. If not, he is his own man. And in this world, you’ll learn more and more with time - it is every man for himself. You can only control yourself. Look after you without any expectations of others behaviour.

[–]Kapetsu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Basically best chance to get him to think about himself is just me to show a good example. Seems easy enough.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

See the comments in this thread before you proceed.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fucking A - internet where were you when I was 16? You’ve got the world by its balls with this knowledge and understanding.

Lifting together great start. It’s a harmless invitation. If you live with them I’d put a weight set in at home and start by asking him for a spot (covert contract your dad into lifting).

One other thought - Rollo explains that his original intent of “the rational male” book was to have hard copy books so that it could be passed from one man to another. Give the old man a hard copy book of the rational male.

[–]Kapetsu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The internet is fucking great. But sometimes it just gets overwhelming on what should spend my time on.

I'll think about the book later. Right now it wouldn't work the way i want to.

[–]RedZen10330 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was your father from July 18 to June 19. Second marriage lasted 11 months. I took my boys 13-14 yrs and told them that we were never going back. We have never been happier. In the begin I would get mad at the boys if they showed they didn't like the new arrangement/marriage. So tread lightly and take care of yourself first. I recommend telling him you understand things are different but can we have a little balance. Tell him you miss the one on one time you shared and just want a to spend a little quality time. So you would like to lift with him. Then the lifting is your time together. He can sell it to your step-mom that he is doing for you. Meanwhile he will feel better about himself and its gives you guys time to talk. My boys straight out told me my ex was trying to change me but that was after i saw the light and they felt safe speaking about it.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Tell him your observations and that she is taking advantage of him.

Grow some balls and stick up for yourself and siblings. It’s your fucking life.

Don’t be a pussy.

[–]Kapetsu1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The great manipulators make it seem like it wasn't their decision. It was them deciding together.

Basically i know what you mean but it ain't gonna work that easy.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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