Found out fiancé was raped years ago

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trp1223
November 26, 2019
8 upvotes
askMRP

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Title Found out fiancé was raped years ago
Author trp1223
Upvotes 8
Comments 48
Date 26 November 2019 07:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297157
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e22zyu/found_out_fiancé_was_raped_years_ago/
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[–]floatingsidewalk12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

The rape itself is a terrible thing, sad to even read this happens to people, yet it is all too common.

What really matters at this point is not the rape, but rather how she is moving forward and dealing with the future. I've had a slightly different version of this situation. It will pop up later in life.

The questions I would consider are:

  1. Are you okay being married to a rape victim? (this is first question for a reason).
  2. Is this something that she has accepted and moved forward on? (E. G., how is she dealing with the guilt, shame, and fear related to this?)
  3. What happens when you have a daughter? How will you address her anxiety at that time?
  4. When the flashbacks happen, will you have established the frame, knowledge and temperament to be helpful?

Perhaps, the upside of bad experiences is that they can train our minds to recognize that which is better.

Wish you the best buddy!

[–]GandMeChattri5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not married, but one of my previous ex's was raped by someone who was doing it on purpose to hurt her and supposedly he did it multiple times. He even physically harmed her and many more shitty things.

I personally didn't have a problem with her getting raped, but what I had a problem with, was the fact that she never fully recovered from her mental scars.

She used to have episodes where she became mentally unstable. It would last 3-4 hours, every couple of days. Got absolute worst on her birthday (the day she got raped).

I gave her a lot of time, and when I saw it kept on happening, I bailed.

I have a limited life. I don't have time, nor qualifications to be someone's doctor. She was seeing a psychologist since 5 years, and if they couldn't solve her mental issues, I sure as hell couldn't.

OP, you should see how her being raped so many years ago affects her now. If it does.... bail. If it doesn't, you can rethink.

Being raped was probably not her fault, but if someone can not move on from a shitty situation then the onus falls upon themselves.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t get married for religious reasons.

[–]0io-Tsundere11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy

I knew two gf's/plates who had been raped, one at knifepoint on a date long before I met her and one by a stranger with a gun in a parking lot after I had known her for a couple of years. They were both OK telling me all the details about it. The one who was date-raped always carried a Sig Sauer 9mm in her purse in case anything like that ever happened again. Both of them were pretty wild extroverted "party girl" types before and after they got raped. I'd be more worried about your fiancee's reluctance to tell you all about it, especially if it happened 6 years ago. It's good that she trusts you enough to tell you about it, but bad that she's not willing to go into details because it sounds like she's not fully recovered from it.

I'd be a little concerned that there's more to the story than she's letting on and there's a reason she's not comfortable telling you everything.

I think you're only as doomed as any modern man who decides to get married in Western society. In general it's a bad idea for men.

[–]creating_my_life12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m 30, she’s 27. We’ve been together for almost two years and engaged for six months.

What a great deal for her. What a shit deal for you.

[–]RedPillAtNight2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had a very long relationship with someone who was raped. Guy pulled gun on her at night on a beach on campus and at that point, you do what he wants. She did her therapy about it and it was no issue for us in any way. Sex life was enthusiastic and constant. If you’ve never had an issue to this point, I would not worry about it.

[–]amalgamator4 points5 points  (14 children) | Copy

Why get married again?

[–]trp1223 1 points [recovered]  (13 children) | Copy

Children, mainly. Byproduct of my Christian beliefs.

I know divorce is likely at some point. Frankly, I don’t care - I’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. She’s also agreed to a prenup.

[–]teaandtalk8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you marrying someone with whom you think divorce is likely?

[–]creating_my_life18 points19 points  (7 children) | Copy

you deserve every moment of the shitty life you're actively chasing.

I'm an older dude in my mid 50s, and I'm so damn jealous of all the young men being handed all this wisdom on a silver platter.

To just throw it all away is fucking stupid. But, hey, society needs losers, too.

[–]KoolAidMan79804 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The expression youth is wasted on the young is apt here.

[–]jacques_cousteau0072 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Lol even though you’re right, this is the MARRIED red pill sub that you’re posting on

Know your audience

[–]creating_my_life5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

He's not married yet. All he has to do is man up and tell her, "Nah, I'm out." That's it.

There's no extra dynamics of being married, kids, intertwined finances, divorce rape, etc. ALL he has to do is walk away.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lol, this reveal is part of the trap. Can you imagine the pressure his BP conditioning will feel when she starts telling everybody he canceled the wedding because she had been raped...

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Can you imagine that being the reason he ever does anything she does not like?

She left him because he couldn't put up with it

She left him because she couldn't come to terms with it

She's scared for her childrens lives because he reminded her of the man who did it.

It's the most socially acceptable cudgel to do whatever you want. One cannot have that threatpoint changing their behaviour

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She only has the power over him that he grants her.

“know yourself and you will win all battles”
― Sun Tzu

[–]RStonePT[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Marred Red Pill is for guys who got married before taking the pill, or within LTR's.

This place is not, nor will ever bee pro-Marriage. It's anti divorce rape

[–]EasyDaysHardNights0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

At this point, I'm less concerned about your fiance and more about you. This whole comment tells me you really haven't thought this through.

​

Children, mainly.

Your fiance's ability to have children isn't special. There's over 874 million other women on the planet between the ages of 20 and 35 (Legal and Fertile). I'm sure one of them can help you with that.

​

Byproduct of my Christian beliefs.

There seems to be simplistic view of your religious beliefs here. Are we talking about the command to "Be Fruitful and multiply"? If so, then how do you rationalize the fact that Jesus never had kids and Paul said it is better to remain celibate?

How does celibacy and for that matter castration and infertility, come in? And to my previous point ... there's no-one saying some other woman may not be able to fill that role just as well and come with less concerns for you. I'd love to see /u/Red-Curious or /u/RocknRollChuck weigh in here but I think it would be helpful for you to review your beliefs on this subject before you go compounding a decision like marrying a woman who appears to be raped with the choice of whether or not to have children. Those are two separate decisions that do not require you be talking about the same woman.

​

I know divorce is likely at some point.

How do you know that? I've been married over 20 years. Very little of my life has gone how i expected it to since I gave my wedding vows. We've had a lot of crap happen in life but we've worked through it. That's the whole point of the Dread Levels. You first work through things with your wife ... THEN you move toward divorce. You do not assume that divorce is the likely outcome. You accept that it is a possibility and move forward on your mission regardless. All that happens after the marriage agreement which includes your sexual relationship ... has broken down. You're going into this thing ASSUMING it will fall apart ... which implies a very low commitment bar on your part to your marriage. That is a very concerning thing and could very well make it a foregone conclusion. Are you looking to make divorce a self-fulfilling prophecy?

​

Frankly, I don’t care - I’ll deal with the consequences when it happens.

Again, more lack of commitment and lazy thinking. Marriage is not something to be rushed into and the many consequences that come with it, should not be ignored or handled casually. They should be dealt with in advance. If you have children with her, as you indicate you intend to ... they will be significantly impacted by a divorce. Think about that for a second, you're going into a relationship with a woman with the intent of producing children who you know would be negatively affected by divorce and your acting casually about it? How does that makes sense?

​

She’s also agreed to a prenup.

This is really a comment for /u/Red-Curious to weigh in on more than anything. My sense is that pre-nups offer strong guidance but are not an airtight insurance policy. Your casual commentary as if that document covers you, indicates a further lack of clarity in your thinking. How have you structured your life so that you create a greater chance of custody for your kids? Will you be an integral part of their night-time routine?

What I see here is someone who's gotten his dick wet and is providing a crap ton of justifications for keeping that relationship going so he doesn't have to do the work of finding someone else who may suit him better. The sheer irony of that fact is that she's at The Wall looking to lock someone down and your SMV hasn't even peaked yet, which means by default she's getting the best she can get ... and you're settling.

Of course, with the thinking I see above ... maybe she's the smart one in the relationship and you really ARE trading up. In which case ... go for it dude. It's all downhill from here.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If this is truly about his "Christian beliefs," then he should know that sex before marriage is fornication according to the Bible. So his beliefs about what a Christian "should be" do not line up with what the Bible calls Christians to be and do.

If I say any more than that here I will be moralizing. But the fact is that you can't call yourself a Christian and yet act like the world (Matthew 7:20-23).

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Byproduct of my Christian beliefs.

Do you work on Sunday? If we went down the list of scriptures requirements, how many do you 'forget' to follow?

Ask yourself, why is THIS one sacrosanct to you, to the point where you seem willing to absolve yourself of your own judgement because of it?

[–]RPeed1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think you might have swallowed the TRP bible whole my dude. As well whatever other good books.

​

she sounds like an actual rape victim.

Even the hint that an "actual rape" is somehow less plausible (but more audit able) than an imaginary sky god is both hilarious and retarded.

​

I am not religious but I am told there is a proposal for vetting the plausibility of rape claims is in the Torah (source - btw 10/10 read). The implication being that "rape":

  1. Actually happens;
  2. Sometimes doesn't happen;
  3. People have been trying to unpick this since long before internet retards started blaming a shadowy "matriarchy" for their problems.

Using your "Red Pill awareness" and leveraging "my friend who is a therapist" to determine whether this is an "actual rape" does not seem particularly relevant to moving forward with your life and will do nothing to cure your autism, which (IMO) is the root cause of everything posted to askMRP.

The battle cry should not be "its all your fault" but rather "You are profoundly autistic".

​

I know divorce is likely at some point.

I am not a statistics/data guy but I am told that 80% of divorces are caused by 20% of people i.e. that a small proportion of people divorce but those that do, have a higher likelihood of doing so again.

​

So while, in a cherry picked sample group, "the majority of marriages" might end in divorce, the vast majority of people married in:

  • The World;
  • The USA;
  • Your demographic.

Will NOT in fact be divorced within their lifetime (possible source or maybe it was this).

​

Look at MRP: the majority of guys here, at the end of the road, are not divorced.

​

The majority of guys, in the world, throughout history, some intelligent men surely included, certainly men who have been divorced before, get married.

​

Consider that you might not have been handed down secret knowledge from an underground cabal and that you are still, and have always been, a retard.

​

Anyhoo, you like her, sex is good, the only thing relevant to this is Rian Stone's "boundaries over vetting" concept.

​

Personal thoughts/advice would be:

  • You will never, ever, be happy if you marry (or divorce) because someone else told you to - ref "religious reasons"
  • Get married if you feel like it, irrespective of any external factors, and sort out the mess later.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am not a statistics/data guy but I am told that 80% of divorces are caused by 20% of people

That falls in line with The Pareto Principle, which states that, for many events, roughly 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes.

[–]teaandtalk0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

But now I’m worried it’s only a matter of time before it does affect our relationship

I think that's not necessarily true, but it's also important to note that 2 years is still the 'honeymoon phase'. How long until you get married?

[–]RStonePT[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The official MRP advice is to not get married. It's not worth it.

As for a relationship with her? It's not your fault, and not your responsability. If she has triggers, they WILL be used at some point to manipulate you into accommodating them even though it's not with malicious intent.

Are we doomed?

Considering you talk about your identity within a relationship (we) I'd say you are...

Our sex life is great and have never had one issue.

So long as that holds this is a non issue. It's up to you whether you think the risk is worth it

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nothing better than wifing up damaged goods.

She did you a favor.

Eject.

[–]waitshhhhhh-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing better than wifing up damaged goods.

She did you a favor.

Eject.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Just show your gf this thread OP. She’ll make the decision for you.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What experience do you have in the matter?

I have had sex with a woman who was raped. 0/10 would not do again.

I currently have sex with a woman who enjoys rape fantasies. 10/10 would recommend.

Maybe you are OK with starfish bullshit sex, but some of us men are not, and that requires an un-damaged woman.

Dont like my answer?

Dont really care snowflake.

[–]RStonePT[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only warning. Keep your need to white knight a women you've never met out of the sub

[–]Nodeal_reddit-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Raped as in forcibly raped, or raped as in “had too much to drink and wasn’t in a state to make good decisions” raped?

[–]waitshhhhhh-18 points-17 points  (10 children) | Copy

Why the fuck do you feel the need to come on here and ask a bunch of internet randos about the most personal, violating thing that’s ever happened to your gf?

Christ, what a fucking betrayal.

Hopefully she finds this and runs while she still can.

[–]0io-Tsundere5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Posting anonymously on the internet is a big betrayal. There's 7 billion people in the world, half of them are female, all we have to do is figure out which of the 3.5 billion women is his fiancee and then her reputation is ruined. You're pretty on-the-ball. Should go work for the FBI or something.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Look in the mirror - the answer is the same as the reasons why you spend countless hours posting stupid fuckwit threads on Reddit about NFL.

[–]waitshhhhhh0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, having convos about football is exactly the same as puking about my gfs most vulnerable moment.

Good job, internet detective!

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The less you speak, the less retarded you sound.

[–]RStonePT[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, thats 2



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