LTR is friends with a co-worker who has high SMV. How to handle jealousy

DullIntroduction · 2019-12-02T13:15:10+00:00

You made the right move by avoiding mateguarding. Don't overthink it, keep applying dread appropriately.

If she keeps pushing it, which is unlikely, enforce boundaries.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-12-02T16:11:23+00:00

Here’s the thing mate. You can do everything perfectly. Lift, focus on yourself, have a good career, maintain frame, etc but hypergamy is hypergamy and it will mean nothing if she meets a significantly better option

In that case there is nothing you can do BUT prize yourself and realize if she moves on then fuck that bitch you’ll be better off. As others said use this as motivation to continue building yourself and don’t appear jealous in any way as this will just add gasoline to any spark.

Some may disagree but I’d also do some research on the guy. Is he single? Are him and your gf hanging out socially outside of work? Do they text? If you’re the hot guy in the office you’ll make a lot of men nervous that doesn’t mean you intend to fuck all of them.

God speed brother

kclanton80 · 2019-12-02T14:56:29+00:00

Give the guy enough rope to hang himself. Right now his shit doesn't stink in her eyes but how long will that last? You truly don't know.

Who knows if the guy is even interested in your girl anyway? there is absolutely nothing you can do and it's foolish to keep letting your mind run wild. Fear is false evidence appearing real. Stop being fearful.

this guy could leave for another job in 2 weeks or do something that makes him an asshole in her eyes. assuming that eventually they will fall madly in love and fuck is ridiculous. Worry about that when and if it happens, until then just keep playing it cool.

Sadman1482 · 2019-12-02T14:01:30+00:00

If he wants her she is his . Don’t act jealous and needy to push her closer and brace yourself for the possibility

fashfront · 2019-12-02T13:59:11+00:00

Don’t overthink it, recognize that it is a shittest sometimes and respond appropriately. Not a big deal

BusterVadge · 2019-12-02T15:55:35+00:00

In addition to all of the great advice here, you should ask the guys in the mrp subreddit. They deal specifically with LTR issues.

PhaedrusHunt · 2019-12-02T17:17:35+00:00

Man she's got you hamstering. It's okay it happens to the best of us especially in an LTR.

You don't know anything about this guy but I'm kind of in a similar boat and I can tell you it's not always fun. I'm 6'4", in good shape, blessed with good looks, all that. So I do get a lot of female attention and I appreciate it and like it just like anyone else would, but I DON'T like it when women are fawning over me right in front of their husband or boyfriend. I've been put in that situation and I'm just not the type of dude to hit on a woman right in front of her man or to try and take another guy's chick.

Even coming into my bjj gym one day-- I'm a contractor so sometimes I wear coveralls, so I'm wearing these pinstripe coveralls, I got cowboy boots on, my hair is kind of long, I'm wearing aviators-- I've got my own look, but I'm just walking into my goddamn gym to get some rounds in. And this girl that's sitting there-- her boyfriend trains too, and he's right there-- just says, "Wow, hot carpenter."

So guess what? Now THIS guy hates me and wants to kick my ass. I could give two shits about his girl, but he doesn't care, he's just mad because she thinks I'm attractive and she's apparently too stupid to keep her mouth shut.

The point is, my man, this guy has nothing to do with it. They're always going to be people that can edge us out physically one way or another. Every fighter eventually gets defeated, every record eventually gets broken.

You can't beat this guy head to head, but he's probably not trying to compete with you He's probably not interested in your girl.

The main thing for you to do is to just be secure in yourself and the other aspects of your life that you can control.

juliank47 · 2019-12-02T15:38:48+00:00

Having a couple of plates to choose from would be your best bet, but if not, the best thing to do is to NEVER ever let her know that you know he has higher SMV than you. Act as if you are 10x the man he is.

iSwallowedTRP · 2019-12-02T16:34:33+00:00

Some cringe worthy comments in here.

Sounds like you’re handling it well. You’re asking in this sub so I’m assuming you’re either lacking abundance or pedstalizing your girl.

Next time she mentions the guy, just agree and amplify whatever she says or disagree and amplify. If next time it’s some extreme shit she pulls (cause it usually gets worse before better) ghost her out.

And the golden nugget here is, you gotta be okay with the thought that she could bang him. It’s a fucked up thought, but that’s how you’ll keep her.

For the sake of her being an LTR, pay attention to if she puts herself in compromising positions with him, alone. She might wanna fuck him, but if she starts getting into one-on-one situations with him, I’d brace for the exit door approaching.

warburgio · 2019-12-02T14:51:16+00:00

better reaction would be - a bit higher him and ur head would be on perfect level for polite conversations or why am i sopending my time with a midget? i need to find myself a giant woman to ride shopping on. amplifyyy this shit

futianze · 2019-12-02T16:09:55+00:00

Focus on other shit in your life. If she cheats, she cheats.

Start creating more abundance in your life because it seems like there isn't enough atm. I respect your post as you are trying to learn, but stop worrying. You're feeding her exactly what she wants. Give her something equivalent to worry about.

Somewhere down the line, casually mention going out for drinks with her work friends. See how she responds to that suggestion. If it's like, "Oh, [Dude] isn't going to be there so I don't want to go." Then that's a little bit more concerning, although they could still just be friends. See how she responds when you both are in the same room. Don't be scared. Confidently confront this.

You can also be keenly aware of her behavior around this concern without being insecure, creepy, or weak. If she starts to deliberately block your view while she's texting. If she's got a smile on her face while she's texting, but never really tells you what it's about. If she's constantly bringing him up with no relation to the current context. If she starts wanting to go out alone. If she's continually being more of a bitch than usual. These are all textbook "I'm ready to branch swing" moves.

Main thing is, don't take one of these things as "Omg, she cheated!!"

fuddubandha · 2019-12-02T13:14:52+00:00

It was your turn

Manny1400 · 2019-12-02T16:52:15+00:00

She has eyes for Captain Britain, and you need to respond with dread protocols and find yourself other women

Does she live with you? End that right now--no guy should be living with a woman he isn't married to. It allows her to control him, snoop, limit his options, etc.

She has a new job and she is on the prowl. Distance yourself from her emotionally and physically. Set aside weekends for other girls and keep your mouth shut. Do not discuss this other dude. Don't even say shit--just be vague

2019-12-02T17:34:49+00:00

So this is pretty simple -- there will always be someone with a higher SMV than you. and if your partner has significant (a) frequency and (b) proximity with one of them, you likely lose.

that's true for him as well. if he ever slouches on his game or a buffer dude with more charisma comes into the scene then yes he would lose her as well.

you're all taking turns.

and I got to add this though some people may disagree: none of this is your fault. you can only read and work out and improve yourself at a certain pace. it may not be the pace needed to keep her in this situation. but you can be proud because you have done You to the best of your ability.

And...maybe he has some issue that will eventually come out and she'll want you more. but if so, in my experience some other 6'7" dude will come along at some point it's just a matter of time.

at present, I think you're reading the writing on the wall with solid 20/20 vision.

404ThotNotFound · 2019-12-02T14:16:50+00:00

[deleted]

30dirtyfingers · 2019-12-02T13:44:23+00:00

Agree and amplify.

Or, fuck other girls on the side so that when she cheats, its not as hard hitting because u did it as well.

If your not gonna cheat, at least give her reason to doubt your faithfullness.

Irtotallynotrobot · 2019-12-02T19:47:51+00:00

She'll fear more losing what she already has than gaining anything she perceives as better. Dread.

For your peace of mind, turn up things with the other women but don't make a show of it. That's for your headspace.

throwitdownman · 2019-12-02T16:28:27+00:00

You HAVE to dread in an LTR. One party always applies dread, the other engages in self-loathing and tries to ‘chase’ the other. You have to become the type who applies dread, not the buttercup who gets dread applied onto.

Men in general uphold values like respect, or treating others how you want to be treated. In an LTR you have to purposely be slightly manipulative and improve yourself WITHOUT your LTR, so she sees your status going up. For example, you’re feeling the way you feel not because of this one man, but because you feel she has access to MEN like him - you see her status rising and it’s giving you fear. Start reading and applying dread. Though this one might be already over, you can take the lessons for your next LTR.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2019-12-02T15:33:01+00:00

Congratulations, your LTR successfully dread gamed you. And you fell for it like a chump,

This is because your frame is weak and you like indulging in self-loathing and self-doubt.

Stop being a chump.

The issue isn't that some other people are getting opportunities that you want.

The issue is that you're not doing the things that you want to do. Focus on the opportunities you personally want.

2019-12-02T21:52:13+00:00

If you did that to her (jealousy shit test) she wouldn't hesitate to let you know how she feels about it. Women can give it, but can't take it.

johnexperience · 2019-12-02T17:21:16+00:00

For the love of god DO NOT Mateguard

bradtwo · 2019-12-02T19:40:04+00:00

Don't shit where you eat. The chances you building and maintaining a proper relationship after you banged will be very marginal. Think of the fallout when/if it doesn't work out.

But if you must know.

Show a loss of interest in her. This should cue her into chasing you further.

AlleyFrog96 · 2019-12-02T22:02:58+00:00

Normally people would say it becomes a problem when she STOPS mentioning him. But don’t let what a woman chooses to do with her vagina determine your self worth. At the end of the day she’s a grown ass woman who knows exactly what the fuck she’s doing.

Remember these 3 guys: 1. We don’t owe women shit, 2. make women work for the things they want just like how we have to work for the things we want and 3. Hold women accountable for their actions

whammyface · 2019-12-02T22:41:51+00:00

By not being scared to lose her.

oooKenshiooo · 2019-12-02T23:16:08+00:00

A quality LTR woman would handle the situation differently.

In a quality LTR you are both aware of the fact, that you may find other people attractive, even more attractive occasionally, than your partner.

However, if she met someone who sparks her interest, a quality LTR would just be honest about it, it may be an interesting conversation and that's probably about it. She would be highly aware of what is happening, be respectful about it and make extra sure to stay out of any situations that might just give off the slightest whiff of indiscretion.

monsieurhire2 · 2019-12-02T23:59:09+00:00

It sounds like you handled the shit-test fine.

One thing to consider that I didn't see mentioned in the top comments thus far:

You mentioned that you "get attention from other women" and she "knows it."

To what extent might this be contributing to causing her behavior? I mean, it's one thing to be attracted to other people, it's another thing to mention it to one's lover / sex partner. It could be that you casually mentioned something, or maybe to instill a bit of dread, or maybe she saw something, got jealous, and then sat on it without saying anything for fear of coming across like a "Stage 5 clinger." And now, she's offering up a bit of tit-for-tat.... except if you take the bait, YOU will be the needy one... On the other hand, if you act like you don't care, then maybe she'll think she's expendable.

I'm not sure there is anything you can do at this point, except keep a calm, emotionally detached eye on the situation.

It's one thing for her to mention him. It's another thing if they are hanging out together after work at a bar, or going on work trips together where there are opportunities to cheat.

In this day and age, though, cheating is expedited by technology, so if people want to cheat, they will. What hurts most people, is KNOWING that the cheating is happening, as well as the fear and anxiety that they will be publicly humiliated if their peers find out. So when people cheat, they also sometimes do it with the double intent of the pleasure, but also to hurt their partner, even if it negatively affects their social reputation.

Finally, so what if he's 6 foot 7? That's not an automatic improvement. If guys are too tall, they look like freaks, or are viewed as freaks. I remember once a guy who was in that situation. He was a good looking guy with prospects, but he was simply too tall for the group he was in, and none of the girls were interested. Of course, this could have changed in a year or so, but at the time, his height and manliness worked against him.

fuddubandha · 2019-12-03T00:26:33+00:00

Dump her before she dumps you.

H_Crush · 2019-12-03T09:50:42+00:00

Not in an LTR atm, but I was in one I liked but ended because of moving cities. After the vetting process, I like to be in a relationshiop where the woman has a degree of respect for me where she wouldn't show me pictures with other guys and her or talk about them in a way that could make me jelaous. Now, that doesn't work always: sometimes is just the woman you chose and often times you lost frame, got complacent or just don't know what kind of woman you want and you are not the kind of man (didn't grow up with observing a certain mentality from your father for example or adopt the same mentality through whatever means) to keep the woman you think you want in check.

NoVirtueSignal · 2019-12-02T18:10:37+00:00

Just invite him Over and spit roast LTR one cock in mouth and one in ass. You might enjoy the thought of your Mrs being fucked cuckold style or learn to enjoy it so you don’t get jealous lol

nexther · 2019-12-02T17:04:43+00:00

By upping dread. Never be afraid to lose her... if you are, then you’ll lose her because neediness can be felt a mile away.

Find yourself a back up girl or two. Just in case.

lolomotif12 · 2019-12-02T17:44:15+00:00

Have confidence in yourself and fuck her brains out every night like your life depends on it. Take care of yourself, lift, groom, dress and smell nice. Keep your SMV high. When she shows you a picture just acknowledge his height and say something like "yeah, he really is tall" and dont be bothered by it, just carry on with your mission. Learn how to fight, study a martial art. Believe it when I say knowing how to fight will raise your SMV even higher than someone who is bigger and taller than you because she will know you can kick ass regardless of someones size. Other than that, just focus on yourself and remember shes not yours it's just your turn.

longjeep2005 · 2019-12-02T18:07:23+00:00

Her mentioning him to you the way she did is her saying, “there’s this guy, I want to fuck him, and I’m going to if I get the chance.” Quite frankly, it seems extremely disrespectful towards you and I would break it off with her. She’s already gone anyways. Don’t get down on yourself though, continue to be the best you possible

mrrooftops · 2019-12-02T18:24:00+00:00

The funny thing is, Cap'n Britain probably isn't that attracted to her. He's an upper class Brit and, well, she's just a screeching American.

sharkymcstevenson69 · 2019-12-02T21:20:22+00:00

Most of these comments are incredibly cringe. Dude, that’s blatant disrespect and I’d do yourself a favor and dump the bitch with no explanation and let her stew in her idiotic choices.

Why you’re in a LTR is another question. I highly doubt this chick has a single redeeming quality to her other than the fact that you get dependable pussy now and then. Well guess what, you don’t need to limit yourself to one woman to have that. Find a plate that respects you more and worships your dick. The dynamic of your relationship is fucked.

dump her, lift, spin plates, and continue doing so forever or until you decide to procreate.

unnatural_by_nature · 2019-12-02T14:37:20+00:00

[deleted]

Pegando-Culo69 · 2019-12-02T17:25:58+00:00

If there’s “no red flags” and she’s “submissive” then you have nothing to worry about. Just learn how to identify red flag behaviors and don’t act jealous.

Tousen71 · 2019-12-02T22:20:36+00:00

This is a real conundrum.

I’ve got a buddy who has a higher SMV than me and I wouldn’t bring a girl I was interested in (that I hadn’t fucked yet) around him because she’d likely be attracted to him. Whether he pursued it or not, it’s just not a smart move before an attachment has been built imo.

Hypergamy is real. Don’t mate guard for sure, but understand that if he’s more charming and smoother than you, your girl will likely be affected by it (whether she chooses to act on it or not).

Seems like you’ve got her in your frame though so I wouldn’t think too much on it unless she keeps bringing him up.

Lateralanouncer · 2019-12-02T23:21:27+00:00

I would suggest you Be prepared and ready to upgrade. If you get angry hit the gym. If your jealous hit the gym. This will give you natural dread. (being in a ltr is hard work). From my experience woman naturally fall for the bosses as we tell them what todo while taking a natural leadership roll with staff. In a woman’s mind they are investing in the man and develop feels.

trele_morele · 2019-12-02T23:53:28+00:00

If you're worried about losimg your LTR then you simply don't have enough things going on in your life. You should be making her dread at every step instead getting your own ass dreaded silly boy

vullnet123 · 2019-12-03T00:40:59+00:00

After my last relationship, I won't tolerate any hanging out with any "male friends". In this day and age that is nigh impossible, but I know better than to think any male friend is truly platonic. This pretty much eliminates 99.99% of women for an LTR, but so be it.

RRBeachFG2 · 2019-12-03T02:58:35+00:00

U could read the side bar, that prob has some good advice for someone in your shoes.

Haytch1234 · 2019-12-04T03:13:52+00:00

Get her to invite him out one night. With you and get.

Get to know him and talj to him like you are best mates.

Showing her you arent threatened will work on your favour

BloodSurgery · 2019-12-02T13:21:22+00:00

soft next

indianajonesindiana · 2019-12-02T17:56:12+00:00

Find a way to get in the same room with her and him and AMOG the sh*t out of him. A-lot of these pretty boy types that women fawn over are actually gigantic betas. If I'm dating a woman and some guy like this hits the scene and try everything in my power to get invited to or be a-part of some event they'll be at together and then I go, covertly, on a seek and destroy mission. Nothing gets your gf more worked up, in a good way, than AMOGing a guy whom she is comparing your SMV to.

eddielovett · 2019-12-02T19:16:21+00:00

If you care about her this much start a business and hire her to work for you. If you can’t then just hope for the best I guess and try not to let your jealousy show.

I don’t get the whole mate guarding thing. My wife is hot so why would I want her in physical proximity to men who want to fuck her? I see it more as setting clear and strict boundaries and being protective.

People are individuals. Some men are simply possessive it’s a character trait. There are plenty of women who like to be told what to do and bossed around. They want structure and concrete rules. It’s up to you to design her life in a way that suits you. This is only true if you’re both in love and in it for the long haul. If it’s more casual then I would not recommend any of this.

mksu711 · 2019-12-02T19:48:48+00:00

What's the consensus on calling her out on her stupid behavior? She shouldn't be talking about other guys to her bf, right?

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2019-12-02T19:37:05+00:00

Don’t over think it. If he does dig her out it’s just gonna be a one time thing. There is no way a petite woman can take huge cock on the regular.

Jugurthajones87 · 2019-12-02T19:39:17+00:00

Speaking as a good looking guy who works out and is 6’7, here’s a thought: maybe he’s a decent guy who isn’t interested in other guys’ women, maybe he doesn’t go around snapping his fingers and having women jump on his cock, and maybe your gf is attracted but nothing will come of it because she’s a good person and knows that workplace romances are a bad idea, not to mention the fact that she has a great bf as it is?

Nah. Hypergamy says you’re screwed.

Ivabighairy1 · 2019-12-02T18:44:32+00:00

This is where “she’s not yours, it’s just your turn “ comes in.

319Skew · 2019-12-02T21:49:32+00:00

It's just your turn OP. NO LTR lasts forever.

Metalcrazyx · 2019-12-02T18:26:21+00:00

She is just a random female, who cares? Fuck others

dadfrombrad · 2019-12-02T18:34:22+00:00

ruin his life

Title	LTR is friends with a co-worker who has high SMV. How to handle jealousy
Author	pollenao
Upvotes	139
Comments	138
Date	02 December 2019 12:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	askTRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/297479
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e4yotl/ltr_is_friends_with_a_coworker_who_has_high_smv/

LTR is friends with a co-worker who has high SMV. How to handle jealousy

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