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The marriage martyr, is it weakness under a guise of strength.

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December 3, 2019
10 upvotes

So I think I already know the answer I'm going to get as far as this goes. I guess in all reality this is the first time I've truly delved into what it is to be red pilled. Becoming the architect of your own destiny and living up to your full potential.

I want to see I'm looking for some insight and advice. When I got married to my wife I had just gotten back from Afghanistan oh, I was in the Marine Corps and I was young and dumb. In all honesty I don't really believe that I wanted to get married in the first place. However being a man of my word I tried to make the best of the situation. Don't get me wrong I did love my wife but I just don't believe that I should have gotten married at 21. I'm 27 now and out of my marriage I have a awesome son and another on the way.

I'm a firm believer and putting my son before me and ensuring that he is a happy healthy well-rounded young man. My wife and I separated about a year ago for about 6 months and during that she repeatedly brought my son around men that I would call scumbags and I don't use that term lightly. I pretty much made a choice knowing that in my state since she was not an unfit mother that there was no chance that I would be able to get custody of my son. So I made the choice to suck it up forget about myself in my own happiness and make amends.

The reason for the separation was repeated infidelity on my wife's part. And you can call me a cuck because in all honesty maybe I am. Maybe I am being a cuck and setting a bad example for my son by staying with a woman that does not respect me and has cheated.

I have noticed however that my wife and I are two truly different people. I being more conservative and wanting to continually improve myself through physical exercise and My Life by chasing a career as a HVAC / R technician which in my area makes pretty good money and has plenty of opportunity for self-employment and growth. She has repeatedly told me that she is okay with mediocrity and I am not.

My questions to you gentlemen are these.

  1. Do you think I took the correct route and stayed in a broken marriage to protect my son or should I set a good example by removing myself from this situation.

  2. In your opinion is it possible for a person to make up for infidelity and change their ways. Or os the old adage once a cheater always a cheater usually the case.

  3. Am I a selfish husband for being upset that my wife refuses to take personal responsibility for her health and in turn our future quality of life.


Post Information
Title The marriage martyr, is it weakness under a guise of strength.
Author crumpleduppapertowel
Upvotes 10
Comments 18
Date 03 December 2019 02:20 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297634
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e5hrmw/the_marriage_martyr_is_it_weakness_under_a_guise/
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Comments

[–]The_LitzRed Beret25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy

Many men relish the task of being a martyr. The worse things get the more they pride themselves in it and keep telling themselves it is for the greater good.

This is BS. It is usually a weak beta trait. There is mention of it in more than one sidebar book.

Onto your dilemma. Brother, I seriously doubt that those are your kids. She sounds capable of telling you it is yours when it isn't.

First step is paternity tests. Take it from there.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

First step is paternity tests. Take it from there.

Came here to say this

[–]JudgeDoom696 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

doubt that those are your kids

Even if they turn out to be his kids, he'll be a much better father removed from that shit-show of a marriage.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Repeated infidelities? Are you just stupid or a huge pussy? If you want to set a good example for your son, show him you don't let whores walk all over you.

[–]OptimusRP4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm new here but I don't see how you can be RP and tolerate infidelity from a woman. Figure out if you're the father of this new baby, get a divorce and start improving yourself.

[–]fannyfire4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s honorable to protect your son but not in the way you’re doing it. You are inadvertently teaching your son that when a man goes off to fight in a war that it’s okay for his wife to freely give her snatch away. It’s remarkable that you can even consider staying with a woman whom which you know isn’t loyal and has zero respect for you or your son for that matter. Would you fight alongside on the battlefield with a man who worked with the enemy? I doubt it. Why then, would you live with a traitor? Why would you not (metaphorically) hang them from their neck?

You need to kill this puppy.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.02 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My questions to you gentlemen are these.

Do you think I took the correct route and stayed in a broken marriage to protect my son or should I set a good example by removing myself from this situation.

In your opinion is it possible for a person to make up for infidelity and change their ways. Or os the old adage once a cheater always a cheater usually the case.

Am I a selfish husband for being upset that my wife refuses to take personal responsibility for her health and in turn our future quality of life.

Let me preface my reply with this. You already know the answers to these questions, stop lying to yourself. I will answer these in order.

  1. No, you didn't take the correct route at all. Your son isn't protected, your son will now witness what a shitty marriage looks like and think this is the norm and how men should act. Sorry to break the news to you but leaving at this point isn't the correct route either now to set a good example. The only way you set a good example is by fixing your fucked up self. Acta, Non-Verba. DO. THE. WORK. Lead by example.
  2. Let's rephrase this. Can a woman make up for cheating? Well, a woman can never cheat again. However, men and women process and handle cheating differently. You will never truly trust her again. No matter how good it gets, there will always be a tiny voice in the back of your head, IF YOU ARE LUCKY. Most likely it will turn to outright resentment. The mere fact that your wife has cheated on you multiple times means that you don't even have the fucking spine to end it, let alone the fortitude to go take your balls off your wife's nightstand where she keeps them in a jar.
  3. Are you a selfish husband? No, you are a drunk captain looking for the easy button. But let's answer the question. If you get nothing else from this post, learn this. You cannot change anyone but yourself. Read that again because once you realize this you become a much more free person. All you can do is re-read #1. LEAD BY EXAMPLE. If you become a high value person and a person worth following your wife will want to keep you around or she won't and maybe, just maybe by then you would have lifted enough to be able to twist the lid off the jar your wife keeps your balls in.

Edit: The_Litz is right, those kids have the milk man's eyes. Get that shit tested.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

First, thank you for your service.

  1. No, dipshit. Stop trying to be Mr. White Knight. You’re setting a bad example for your kids (if they’re even yours) and telling them that it’s ok to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

  2. Doesn’t matter, focus on yourself and your mission.

  3. Doesn’t matter, focus on yourself and your mission. She sounds like a fucking idiot, honestly

It’s time to get to work.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

  1. You know the answer already.
  2. You do you, I'd burn that shit down for cheating
  3. Yes

Overall - you suck and you're a fucking liar. You lie to yourself, your son, and your wife. And now you're teaching the same traits to your son - if you don't think he's see that than you're delusional as well.

[–]ImNotSlash0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

/u/crumpleduppapertowel, if these are your kids they're young enough to build a solid foundation. The older they get, the harder it becomes. If you wait to change, you see them doing all the stupid shit you used to do. And there won't be a damn thing you can do about it. What's more important?

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need one of those red alert parties from the military movies.

  1. You're dumb
  2. You're dumber.
  3. Omg you might as well be a navy puke.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You married someone you shouldn't have. Strike one.

You took her back when she cheated on you. Strike two.

You want us to justify your next decision.

Own your life.

[–]CrazyLegs780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your mind is in the completely wrong place. I can tell by the way you describe yourself and your situation that you are full of insecurities. Probably why you joined the corps in the first place. Ask me how i know...

1) Why is your marriage broken? Are you going by the societal definition of marriage? Have you given any thought to what you want out of a relationship outside of the Disney construct? Remove your emotions here and determine how to make this situation benefit YOU the most. Does she manage the house and responsibilities with the kids while you're doing what you need to do? Why not keep her around for now while you become the fucking man, like a nanny or something. Fuck her when you want to, or don't, but start emotionally separating yourself. If it is bad enough to leave now, then you must.

2) Red pill is amoral. All people are amoral when they can get away with it. Soak this shit in to every pore of your body, this is at the very core of everything we practice here. If you have never established boundaries or fold every time a line is crossed, then why would this bitch change? Have you ever set any boundaries for your self? Goals? Maybe you should start here.

3) Yes you're selfish and you damned well have to be! Who else is going to handle your shit? You have to TAKE what you want from life, you still waiting on someone to give it to you? If her health and quality of life is that important to you, then you better speak the fuck up hold your ground.

You have a metric fuck ton of work to do getting the right perspective to succeed here.

[–]Aditya77-scorpio0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why did you get her pregnant again??

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stupidity

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wasn't him...

[–]tspitsatgp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In response to your subject, yes it is weakness under the guise of strength.

I realise now after being a martyr on this topic for a while that all my reasons for not ending the marriage were tied up in ego relating to the outside image of my marriage, the fear of telling the children, and a fear of fundamental change to my life map.

At the end of the day, if you’ve done the work to unfuck yourself, you ultimately have to decide if your relationship is one that you would want to be in, if it were just you two without any external factors.

If the answer isn’t yes, then it’s time to move on.

Side note on infidelity: once you have done the work on yourself you will probably reach the conclusion that infidelity is critic and disqualifying boundary for many reasons.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“Hey son, Daddy’s got gonorrhea...”



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