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Normal to not get hard if she's bad in bed?

Reddit View
December 5, 2019

Just trying to get a check here.

Been on a few dates with this girl. Tried having sex this time and last. We are on completely different speeds and I cannot stay hard for the life of me. Like she'll go down on me and I'll lose the erection. It's just so fucking boring bland, unexciting, horrible blowjob. Like I'd rather just do it myself. I try to get into it, and grab her hair and treat her like a submissive, which she claims she likes to be, but she just has no idea how to be sexy and it honestly feels like work, like I'm babysitting. I just lose all interest.

Is this a me thing or a her thing?


Post Information
Title Normal to not get hard if she's bad in bed?
Author Suspicious-Shape
Upvotes 68
Comments 75
Date 05 December 2019 06:19 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–]ThinSpiritual108 points109 points  (4 children) | Copy

Attraction cannot be negotiated.

You're not attracted.

[–]johnexperience19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. OP if that chick was Scarlett Johannson or other one from your fantasies, you would come without taking your pants. Don’t just fuck her to express how masculine you are, fuck her because you desire her and it wouldn’t be so damn hard. Don’t waste your time and hers.

[–]RPOpenUp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actually with this mindset IT would be damn hard

[–]Suspicious-Shape0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good stuff, thanks.

[–]frognads50 points51 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some girls just suck at sex dude. Game other girls

[–]Kobinks79 points80 points  (2 children) | Copy

You have a brain, use it...

Normal to not get hard if she's bad in bed?

Just think about that sentence for a second.

We are on completely different speeds and I cannot stay hard for the life of me.

Again... think about your own words.

It's blatantly obvious that you've answered your own question...

Either try to get her to up her game or next her, no point having shit sex.

[–]Suspicious-Shape8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]AdmCP15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you need some feedback that this is a thing.

I had all scenarios. A girl which I had the best sex ever because it was absolutely effortless, intense and we were just at the same pace.

And another one which was just horrible, stressed, way too fast and unpersonal for me. Felt forced and no fire at all.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy


[–]throwawway20911 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

some men just never make a women cum either ahhh

[–]robetyarg9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

I had a girl who I fucked a few times. I'm gonna be honest. Tits were nice. Pussy nice and clean. But, face was busted. So it was hard for me to fuck her and I only did it when I was extraordinarily horny and I didn't have any other girls at the moment. Well we started to fuck more frequently and with that I just kept noticing how unattractive she was to me. The end point being that I faked an orgasm to just stop the fucking. I couldn't cum.

It's happened to you, it's happened to me. I dunno if that makes it normal, but logically, if you aren't having good sex with her you probably aren't attracted to her. Kinda hard to keep a woody if you're not into the girl and the sex.

Either let her know what you think, offer advice, etc. or just next her. Some girls just don't know what the fuck to do.

[–]Axehead886 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Could have just flipped her over.

[–]TFWnoLTR4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Or turned the lights off

[–]Axehead886 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

They still make paper grocery bags...

[–]KarmicPrism4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

And blindfolds.

[–]robetyarg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounded like a goose being strangled when she moaned. No thanks.

[–]JurJur5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pass her to the team

[–]lemonchris18 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

normal... sucks but it happens to everyone.. unless the dude is just as boring as her. See it as a good thing that you actually have standards for your excitement haha

[–]HumbleTrees4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get this too bro. You're going to click better with some people. Others try too hard or too little and it kills the naturalness of the mood. Game other women.

[–]rashnull4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

These are the plates you use when you’ve had a dry spell

[–]Don_Draper273 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

It happens. It's silly to assume that you're going to be 100% compatible with all girls you get in bed.

You want quality plates that align with your sexual preferences, don't you?

Then why are you settling for mediocrity?

[–]Suspicious-Shape2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Indeed. Thanks. She is physically attractive, but that’s not enough.

[–]Don_Draper273 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Unfortunately not. Put more attention in some long term planning. Figure out what kind of lifestyle you want to have. Me personally I want to have 3-5 quality plates that are "fuck yes" about me, always shift their schedules for me, and our sexual experiences are compatible. This is going to take a shit ton of high attraction, SMV, time, and patience, but by having this goal in mind, it helps me filter out non-compatible girls much quicker.

Again, don't settle for mediocrity.

[–]Suspicious-Shape1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amen. Don’t settle for mediocrity. Should be a fucking morning mantra, I love it.

[–]RPthrowaway1232 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I dated a girl like this once. It was awful. I honestly thought it might be a "me problem" until I got a proper blowjob from a girl that knew her shit. That girl was so good she actually made me cum twice in like 15 minutes, which had never happened before and I also didn't think I could do lol.

[–]ReasonableFirmFair2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many are right in that attraction cant be negotiated. you either like what you like or don't.

if you watch porn, i'd highly recommend scaling back. the more hardcore stuff i got into, the less exctiing normal girls off the street were. but again they would be trying to live up to "my expectations". now im sure you can find girls comfrotable enough to be exciting, but this tip may help for more frequent enounters

[–]Joey_Lopez2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like your standards have gone up. Just get a girl thats hotter and actually likes sex. You be surprised by how many girls just lie there not knowing what to do.

[–][deleted]  (5 children) | Copy


[–]Suspicious-Shape3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

True. Basically tried. She’s dead quiet, for example. Told her good sex is about communicating, and I can’t tell if she likes what’s happening if she makes no noise (and I mean 0 no exaggeration). She said she’s quiet.

And how do you tell someone, hey you have no idea how to hive head. I’ve tried in the moment — deeper, slower, look at me, spit, etc.. - but her efforts are so pathetic I just lose interest. I think she wants to try, I can tell she likes me very very much, but she just has no natural talent here.

[–]Pooddit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Idk some women will be purposefully bad to make you feel like there is something wrong with you because they are discontent with you or want to tear you down into a no sex beta provider so they can keep you around for resources and fuck their "young" "gay" "just nice" "coworkers."

[–]KarmicPrism0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is kinda extreme suspicious shit

[–]Lindapod-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe you just suck?

[–]KarmicPrism-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think so too

[–]Cheeseydick69694 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Probably just her. If you watch a porn and especially if you notice this with other girls then do a "reset" just search"no fap reset"

[–]RPNorvell[M] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't want to fuck her don't fuck her. Did you miss class the day they handed out common sense?

[–]KarmicPrism2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

First of... I'd make that hoe into a pornstar in 10 minutes. LEAD AND TEACH YOUR SUBMISSIVES IN BED.


How hot is she? If she's hot bro ( maybe even a 6+).... My dick is on autopilot.

If she's a 4-5 my dick is kinda like "really my bro? I guess we doing this but we have to have a serious talk later".

If she's a 1-4.... I have to let my balls take over and be the trip sitter for my dick.

See my dick and my balls are real good buddies but they have completely diferent taste in women.

My dick is like a fine gentleman at a evening ball, while my balls are this testosterone fuled couple of dirty pervert twins on meth with a kink fetish who can fuck a dirty fat trucker hooker or a toothless grandmother.

Regardless im gonna be hard if I put my balls in to it.

I hope you're not fucking an ugly bitch without having the balls to go at it. I would destroy that bitch u couldn't get hard for in half a blink of a one eyed lizard on speed.

But we're all diferent. NOW...... if she smells like literal shit and her pussy smells like it's rotting..... I may have a hard time getting hard though, I'll probably be flying at half mast.

But not cuz she's bad in bed, I'll be double good for both of us. But maybe I'm just a testosterone fuled pussy junkie.

[–]Suspicious-Shape0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She is definitely good looking. But I guess that isn’t enough anymore. I’m just so turned off by how bad she is. Like I get amazed while fucking and start to think about it, how this is even possible. I start to think about the many great lays I’ve had. Is this in my head or is this actually bad? Then I’m thinking. Then I’m soft and checked out.

[–]KarmicPrism4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nigga lead that hoe. Flip her around, slap her, pull her hair harder, fuck her doggy and tie her hands behind her back with your belt. Tell her what you want. Use her like a rag doll. Mouthfuck her. Eat her out and spit in her pussy. She's ripe for the teaching. Tell her how you want your balls and asshole to be licked. Tell her how much force your want the suction to be. Throat fuck her. Drink some alcohol if you're a boring fuck to bring your wild side out. Nigga you're a man a wild motherfucker, a Mongol warrior! Go rape and pillage. Who are you when you can't even get your dick hard for a hot girl? Keep meeting to fuck her as training until you get your shit together.

(disclaimer for the idiots I don't mean rape a girl against her will).

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

You barely make your bed in the morning there is no way you will make someone a porn star. ahha good try thou

[–]KarmicPrism-1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy

You make your bed in the morning. Looser. Bro get down and dirty. You're a fucking noob

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

I do make my bed

[–]KarmicPrism-1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy

Come over tomorrow at 5am, and make mine as well.

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

no, do your own bed you lazy fuck

[–]KarmicPrism0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

What if i I like the way you smell?

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I use soap. you should try it

[–]KarmicPrism0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I've tried soap, but I can't get the smell of your sweet maidy azz scent out my nose..specially cuz you're making beds. Come by 4 am then.

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

u are worthless lol

[–]mabden1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You are not leading.

[–]KarmicPrism1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

THISSSS!! If she's relatively good looking (hell even if she's not), I'd turn that boring bitch into a sloppy blowjob dick twerking pornstar in 20 minutes.

[–]Aokp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its normal bro

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

How old are both of you?

[–]Suspicious-Shape0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m 26, she’s 24

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There could be a lot of reasons for her not being into sex: low libido, low self-esteem, out of touch with her sexuality, lack of attraction, shyness, etc.

It seems like she's willing, so it's possible to train her, since she's still fairly young. However, that would mean you're investing time, and energy into her. On the plus side, it could give you experience leading, and controlling girls, which may also help you figure out what you want from girls in your life.

In terms of not getting hard, it could be that you like the feeling of being desired, and perhaps you're not getting that from her. If she's lacking enthusiasm, then perhaps it's better not to move further with it, part ways, and focus on other girls.

Your life, your call.

[–]DeficientDeity0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She isn't hot enough

[–]Iluvalmonds830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmmm, sexual technique can be learned if the person’s willing to be lead and taught, and you’re a communicative teacher and know how to lead her. If you think she’s worth putting in that effort, work on it by giving her cues(such as verbal instruction or using your hands to put her in positions) on what she needs to do to please you. Set the speed and level of passion by modeling it during sex so she can follow. We are not mind readers.

[–]the-red_woman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pornsick dick and brain

[–]connecticut066110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like you have unrealistic and delusional expectations. You sound pornsick. REAL women especially REAL younger women do not (and should not) act like porn stars. The blow job was boring?? If she’s a younger woman, it would only be normal for her to be sexually inexperienced, and that’s okay. Sexual attraction definitely needs to be there, but please do not waste anymore of this girls time.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Train the bitch.

[–]BurnoTaurus-1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy

You arent taking the lead. She wants to please you, but doesnt know how. She is a woman, a lesser creature. It is your job to guide her so she can be the slut you want her to be, which is also the slut she wants to be. Girls dont enjoy giving bad head, but they will enjoy giving bad head if the guy receiving it doesnt let them know, or acts like its good.

[–]KarmicPrism0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Best fucking thing said all post.

[–]throwawway2091-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

A lesser creature? last time I checked that creature pushed her out of her vagina.

[–]BurnoTaurus0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Fag alert

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

says you

[–]BurnoTaurus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah no shit. Did it take looking at my username above my comment for you to figure that out?

[–]throwawway20910 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

says you

[–]Jeannolapino-4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do you have it with other girls too or only with her? Do you have delayed orgasms? Do you have difficulties skipping a meal?

You also could be leptine resistent.

[–]Suspicious-Shape0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I broke up with my LTR 2 weeks ago. This is first fuck out of relationship. Had no problem with LTR but she was a freak and knew how to fuck, and that’s what I like and am used to.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is pretty pertinent information. Are you sure you're completely over the LTR? A dick sometimes knows how you feel better than you do.

I had a pretty fucked breakup like 6 months ago and my dick honestly hasn't worked right since. I've had tests etc done and at this point it has to be a psychological issue. I've always had an up and down libido but when it was up it was right up and now performance has to be the worst it's ever been.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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