How did you deal with ugly duckling syndrome and fear of sexuality?

Reddit View
December 5, 2019
98 upvotes

I'm going to be honest as I can be. These last months it's like I've hit a second puberty. I don't lift but I do boxing. I'm starting to get a pretty attractive body. But that's not what is making the difference.

It's my face. I started getting buzzcuts, and growing stubble and since then I get many looks or some smiles here and then.

Basically I'm good looking. I was never ugly, but for many many years I didn't look like a man, which is fine if you are a teen, but if you are 20 and people think you are 16 it's bad.

Turns out, I just needed to shave my head to look amazing and my age. I see guys mateguarding, or girls holding eye contact for longer than it should be. And this is alien for a guy who never saw himself as sexy.

Now, I humbly ask you, if you went through this sudden change, how long did it take you before your self worth stabilized? Because as much as I see girls interested, I still think she might just be friendly and I never approach with sexual intent.

Robert Glover described me in his book: a guy afraid of his sexuality.

I know all the theory, I read the sidebar, many books, watched AMS. I actually went out of my comfort zone to improve my life, and I feel incredibly happy compared to last year.

I'm not afraid of scary looking bigger men, I'm not scared of fights, etc. But I'm scared of my sexuality, because I don't want my feelings to be hurt.

As much as this sounds Disney like, I think I may have some emotional trauma I'm not aware of. Thanks for your time.


Post Information
Title How did you deal with ugly duckling syndrome and fear of sexuality?
Author SleazeballG
Upvotes 98
Comments 26
Date 05 December 2019 11:46 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/297907
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e6g3np/how_did_you_deal_with_ugly_duckling_syndrome_and/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
lift
Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen102 points103 points  (2 children) | Copy

The problem is your bitch as brain. It's trying to keep you in your comfort zone because that's where it can predict best how it can keep you safe from harm.

You can only overcome this by ignoring it no matter what the fuck it is telling you. It will come up with all kinds of shits, like i.e. looking for excuses to not go an a date (weather sucks, am exhausted & get up early, she's too ugly/good looking, etc. pp.)

When you started boxing, I bet you were anxious as fuck as well in the beginning. How did you overcome it? Exactly.

[–]AdmCP21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think you have to learn to eat shit and enjoy it, simply because its your shit.

Try, fail, accept your mistake, be proud of failure and continue. Be it a date, sex life, business or whatever.

You'll earn the most respect for persistency and for staying proud in failure.

[–]coloredzebra20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

As Patrice O'Neal said

Most dudes are just too afraid to bomb

[–]kclanton8020 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

It will only happen through experience. Stop reading and watching videos.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

This happened to me coming out of HS. Lots of kids roasted me for not really talking to girls, seeming awkward around them, "not being good-looking."

Grew out a beard in college, aged a bit, massively approached... it still took a couple years to fully believe in my new self. Identities can't change overnight, but if you put in the work, you can change them.

[–]Don_Draper2712 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

The sweet spot is improving your SMV, learning and studying, and practicing. You need to find your fusion of all 3 to really start seeing results.

IOI's are cool but don't you want to plate a stripper? Don't you want to get head from a HB9 while driving along the coast?

"Looking good" is good but compared to the dudes who go through the rejections and actions to obtain what they want you're still beneath them.

Stop being a bitch and figure out how to start taking action.

[–]Protest_the_caravan15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

I can relate to you. For a long time I thought I was not good enough, or not good looking enough or whatever - basically the same demons of inferiority plagued me as you.

Right now I am in a situations where my efforts of transformation are showing results: my lifting shows muscle growth, my focus on rhetoric is providing me that certain edge with people, and all in all my confidence rises. It is a beautiful feeling, especially if one has felt inferior all the time before.

How you feel now is normal. The constant feeling of dread, inferiority, or "unsexyness" however is not normal and very detrimental to confidence and mental health. so, to make a long story short: enjoy this newfound confidence. That is your new normal if you keep at it. in the end it is all a question of mental attitude, and right now you are in the process to switch your perspective or mental attitude.

Keep at it. Continue to get out of your comfort zone. I mean, you found yourself, so a rejection of a girl surely will not hurt your feelings that bad.

[–]Sacredbonezll3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

what have youve done to improve your rhetoric? links books ,subreddits..ect

[–]Protest_the_caravan3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I talk to a lot of people on a daily basis. Also I do some public speaking related stuff in my free time. Its basically the same as cold approaching. Practice, practice, practice.

Have you read the sidebar and related stuff yet? That stuff is mainly about you, and not women.

[–]Kardiell7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

What is AMS?

[–]SleazeballG[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alpha male strategies on youtube

[–]dirsa11224 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Put things in perspective. You won't get the top women anyway. The ones you can get don't matter that much, no need to get hurt about anything.

[–]Whycantwealltwerk4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the book of pook particularly the parts about sexuality. There’s a PDF let me know if you need it. I just overcame the same thing and I’ve got pussy from girls I’ve known for awhile.

Also if you’re hanging with or will be around girls take a few drinks. Don’t depend on this but it’ll help you see girls dgaf and they WANT you to sexualize them.

Was gonna make a post about this.

[–]BallinPoint4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to the club I guess. I feel the same way. I think ultimately you just need to get hurt. You need to understand deeply that getting hurt won't kill you. It won't subtract from your life. No amount of external validation will ever fix this. You have to fix this yourself. Just like getting compliments on how good you look won't make you lose fat, getting laid, looking good or being attractive won't make you feel any better about your sexuality. We have to make sacrifices. We need to stop being scared of ourselves and start being scared of the life we may never live unless we allow ourselves to be vulnerable where it hits the hardest.

[–]vondoom9002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How to confirm? It'll balance out when you bang someone you once deemed high value. After that you'll realise but you may get sloppy with diet as you'll get comfortable in that position eventually too.

[–]mraees931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It will take a while, for me personally it took about 2 years. I grew up obese then lost weight, it's taken me a while to accept that i am at least average.

I do boxing as well, the sparring (maybe at 40-50%) or real bouts will help with your confidence and mental strength. You will develop a champion mindset. Now i just approach women and big groups of like maybe 5 or 6 who give ioi's and dont think twice.

[–]geo_gan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep same. The best looking girl in the world could walk over and tell me she thinks I’m gorgeous and I wouldn’t believe her and I’d just do nothing & walk away. Many have over the years but I never escalated or did anything. In my mind I just thought, no you’re completely wrong, I am ugly fuck, you just don’t know it yet. As a result I live alone most of my life.

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop jerking off entirely.

Eventually you'll get so horny that your caveman "go fuck"-ness will exceed your emotional hangups.

[–]fartt1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the bigger question is why is you name sleazeball? lol

[–]AccomplishedEase0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

well you are a man. so thanks to your gender you are able to create reality for yourself (women just flow) so create what you want? you wanna be that sexual mothafuckka? be it. and when going for eye contact in public or interacting with girls focus on your breath first so your brain has no time to talk to you mine would still say "be sexual be manly be this be that" and what others see? that you are just stucked in your head.

[–][deleted]  (2 children) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]TheShitening0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Kek, manlet

[–]wawakaka0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you need to work on your self esteem...many self help book on amazon or the local library.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]huey7640 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You forgot this /s



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2021. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter