Reposting in a more PPD-friendly format:

There have been various posts and comments where it's claimed that men and their use of porn has led to a rise in their demand for women to perform acts seen in more extreme porn.

Things like choking, slapping, hard spanking, spitting, being pinned down etc are often cited as things that are imposed on reluctant women by their porn-obsessed partners.

While I don't for a second doubt that this occurs (and it's shitty when it does), the implication that women are never the instigators or enthusiastic participants in this behavior does not match with my experience. I'd be willing to guess many men have similar stories.

In my case, despite having consumed some crazy porn over decades, I’ve always been pretty content what would be considered “vanilla”sex as long as it's enthusiastic. Yes, I do get off on some more rough / dirty stuff too (if the mood is right for both parties), but it is never ever a "demand" of mine.

Still, I can't help but have noticed that nearly half of the women I've been with have encouraged or even pushed for these very behaviors all on their own.

Unsurprisingly, this freaky side usually gets revealed after a certain amount of sexual trust has been established, and It’s never me pushing for it.

This usually begins with things getting a just a little more intense (say, light hair pulling, flipping her over, etc). With many girls, they send clear signals about how much they love this (moaning / squealing / etc) and begin wanting (and asking for) more.

One act that's often cited as particularly degrading (rough, gag inducing blowjobs) are surprisingly popular. And, lest you say they are faking liking it for my benefit, well - unless they are sneaking some lube into the mix, how wet they get during the experience speaks for itself.

So, my contention is that there is a bit of a Bradley Effect going on here. That is, women who would like this stuff would not be likely to share their desires outside of the safe space of a non-judgmental partner for fear of being judged or being seen as promoting behavior that others disapprove of.