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Repost from marriedredpill: Wife doesn't seem to love me anymore. We have a 1yo child. Can it be repaired? Is it even worth repairing at this point?

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December 6, 2019
11 upvotes

Following the suggestion of another redditor, who's advice I greatly appreciated, I'm reposting my desperate plea on this sub.

So here's another "woe is me" sob story about a broken man. I'm sure some of the responses will be brutal, but here we go.

Married for 7 years. Together for 10 years. 1 year old baby. We've always had a tumultuous relationship in which she has a short temper and exaggerates her outrage and I have to be the pacifist but sometimes lose my cool because of how extreme her mood swings can get. She seems to have some characteristics of borderline personality disorder, but thankfully not the full spectrum. Almost every argument leaves me on the receiving end. In some arguments, she's thrown things and broken stuff. Aside from all of this, it's somehow been a good relationship and she's actually a good person the rest of the time.

Now this is where things get bad....

Once my wife got pregnant, we stopped having sex completely. In fact, no sexual activity at all. Some of this is explained by the fact that my wife is from Asia, and she's quite traditional in some ways. She's also a prude, so that is factored in as well. After the baby was born, my wife had some physical complications which required a few immediate medical procedures. It was very concerning but successful in the end. That left us a little worried and we decided to hold off on sex for a little while just to ease our minds. As the months passed and we were busy taking care of the baby, my wife told me that she had lost all physical desires. She didn't want sex, didn't want to kiss, hug, or hold hands. She asked if this was okay with me, and I said I can wait. I didn't want to make her feel guilty, even though she was causing this rift. We finally had sex after over a year and a half from the start of her pregnancy. Needless to say, it was less than stellar and she was relieved for it to be over. Since then, it's been zero activity or interest, and it's increasingly feeling like a loveless relationship. She doesn't want to initiate any physical contact with me. If I try to kiss her, she squirms away or gives me a dry peck. She's even asked me many times if we should just be friends (remember, she's Asian and very open and blunt with her thoughts; that doesn't make it right though). Nowadays, all she says to me are points of dictation and criticism. She never compliments me, no warmth or kindness to speak of. I am an eternally flawed man in her eyes, and my words cannot be given serious consideration by her. We're at the point where she will not respect me as a person, and I don't know how to fix that. And it's not like there's something exceptionally wrong with me. I still look young for my mid 30s, stay in shape, don't drink or smoke, no real vices to speak of, straight arrow, I have a decent job that pays the bills and puts food on the table, no debt, and I'm an overall nice person that's easy to get along with. Even my wife's friends say I'm a catch (and it annoys her to hear it). In the end, it just makes this whole thing all the more frustrating.

So somebody please help out this fool. Is it her fault for treating me like shit? Am I an idiot for ending up with a browbeating shrew of a wife? Should I make it work? Should I make her make it work? Should I just fucking escape? I don't know....


Post Information
Title Repost from marriedredpill: Wife doesn't seem to love me anymore. We have a 1yo child. Can it be repaired? Is it even worth repairing at this point?
Author redpillthrowaway2115
Upvotes 11
Comments 31
Date 06 December 2019 04:45 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/298067
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e71655/repost_from_marriedredpill_wife_doesnt_seem_to/
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Comments

[–]UnbreakableFrame11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

First of all, no one here is going to tell you whether or not you "should" make it work. Step one to unfucking your life will be learning to make decisions like this without looking for Mommy or the Internet's approval.

You need to start lifting as soon as possible and the first book I recommend is No More Mister Nice Guy. Eventually, you will want to read every book on the sidebar.

I read your whole post without actually learning anything about you. I know significantly more about your wife, but she's not the one asking for actionable advice, now is she? Stop being a victim. You will have to post more about yourself to get any kind of help.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret21 points22 points  (21 children) | Copy

This is a fantastic example of the type of men that walk in here. OP did a good job of explaining his story, and is very typical. Can we keep it as an example? OP, this isn't really for you. It's for all the guys who come in here seeking the same knowledge. Hence, my long reply you don't really deserve.

I'm going to break down your life for you. You likely have never had someone do this before for you, and it will hurt. You will also likely read all of this and think that I don't know what I'm talking about. You will attempt to make excuses and say, "But he doesn't understand". You will also think I'm an asshole. Be aware - I'm going to be an asshole by design, because you've likely never had someone be so blunt with you to the point that it hurts. That's OK. We were all in this boat once. Some of us sank. Some of us did not. You, if you don't heed my words, will sink and be miserable for the rest of your life - with or without this woman. So bud, strap in, listen up, put your ego away for the next few minutes and pretend that I know everything about you.

*hint* - I do know every thing about you. Because I was once you, well, sort of. You're a bigger faggot than I ever was, but I digress. How do I know everything about you? Because I'm fucking man, and all those things you wrote about being emotionally lonely I've felt too.

1 year old baby.

Most men become faggots when babies are born. We think we need to provide extra comfort, be amenable to our wives demands, and do whatever she asks and needs because she is the mother of our child. We want to do everything we can to make her life easy - because that's what a "good man" does. We sacrifice our own happiness most in this time to appease our wife's emotions because that's what we've always been told to do... and pregnancy/children ramp up this false mental model to an unhealthy degree.

Happy wife, happy life, right?

Wrong faggot.

Some of this is explained by the fact that my wife is from Asia, and she's quite traditional in some ways. She's also a prude, so that is factored in as well.

You have a good thing here that your wife is traditional. But, it's also pretty bad for you because you're not a traditional man. You're not a strong, confident, ball-busting, take-no-shit leader. Women who grow up with traditional ideals desire a STRONG and DOMINANT man in their lives. You are a pussy.

Of course she is a prude. Traditional women desire to be feminine and soft. Asian women (by a stretch of massive generalities) are viewed in the west as some of the softest, genuine, caring women to be found. It's not far from the truth because they have not yet been influenced by 2nd and 3rd wave feminism that most women in the west have been. But if you're not up to the task of being a STRONG man of high value, they will bitch, complain, and be a prude. Ask anyone here how they know. They'll tell you.

I guarantee you that if the 6'3, 215lb, 9% BF dude named Chad McThundercock who can pick up 450lbs off the floor that she saw last week in the grocery store buying grocerices for her faggot husband decided that she was going to be his for the afternoon, he would game her just a little and her little pussy tinglez would light on fire for his giant biceps and rock hard cock. He'd scoop her up, take her back to your house where he would carry her up the stairs, throw her on YOUR bed and rip her panties off and her pussy would be trailing juices as long as the Nile river and as wet as Niagra Falls while he shoved his seemingly massive cock inside her tight little hole. He would dominate her by slamming her face down on the bed and fucking her sweet little tang. She would moan and say things you've never heard before as he pounded her cunt from behind and she would never think twice about what she was doing to ruin your sweet little marriage that you think you have. He would flip her over, shoot a massive load of hot cum all over her face and she would take her index finger across her forehead splattered with his cum and wipe it all over her lips. After which, she would take that same finger, put it in her mouth and mutter the words, "Oh my god, Chad, you taste so good."

That's what women really want when they fuck a man. And it can happen to you.

Don't believe me? Fine. But your little asian unicorn is not special and is dying for a big strong man to take charge.

I have to be the pacifist but sometimes lose my cool because of how extreme her mood swings can get.

You're a classic Mr. Nice Guy who is full of covert contracts that say something like, "If I do the dishes, do a little extra laundry, have a good job, and take care of my wife and children, my wife will really want to fuck me and fuck me good! Oh, she says I need to do more stuff around the house? I'll show her! I'll definitely be getting some of that sweet little ass tonight!"

And inevitably, she doesn't fuck you. Because you have placated to all her whims and stupid requests and trying to be nice it has 100% made you less valuable to her. Why? Because if any man worth a fuck would listen to a tiny little asian woman and do everything she said, he definitely isn't attractive enough to tell that woman - No, I'm not doing that just for a little piece of ass and a lackluster handjob. Go fuck yourself, I'm just going to go call Ms. Cumslut down the street instead.

But, you can't do that becuase you're not capable of attracting any woman - much less your own fucking wife.

You need to read NMMNG (on the sidebar) like fucking yesterday. Start reading it today.

She seems to have some characteristics of borderline personality disorder, but thankfully not the full spectrum.

Hate to break it to you dude, but this isn't true. This is an excuse you're telling yourself because your wife just simply isn't attracted to you. I have a good post for you to read about this. Replace "Depressive" with "NPD/BPD/whatever" and this is your wife.

..... CONTINUED IN COMMENTS, PART 1 of 2.....

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret24 points25 points  (20 children) | Copy

.... Continued, Part 2 of 2...

Almost every argument leaves me on the receiving end. In some arguments, she's thrown things and broken stuff. Aside from all of this, it's somehow been a good relationship and she's actually a good person the rest of the time.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Man... do you realize that you've just basically said, "She's a great person... except when she breaks shit, throws it around the room, and makes me feel like shit all of the time I might slightly disagree with her!"

This is some seriously faggot stuff right here, bro. You're once again using your ego to hamster away the fact that this woman is balls to the wall out of control at times, yet you're a pacifist who won't stand up to her. She has you by the balls and she knows it. A man that would stand up for himself and say, "Look this isn't working for me. Your behavior is not acceptable" would never, ever have a woman doing this kind of stuff.

But you're a faggot, and it makes that all OK.

Newsflash: That's not OK dude. She is not a good person because of YOU. This is YOUR fault for not being the man you know you can be.

That left us a little worried and we decided to hold off on sex for a little while just to ease our minds.

We? Bullshit. SHE decided to hold off on sex and you, in your infinite Nice Guy behavior, decided to go along with it. You didn't want to stop having sex, she did. Will you accept that truth?

You're a weak man that allowed his wife to control his own sexual life.

As the months passed and we were busy taking care of the baby, my wife told me that she had lost all physical desires. She didn't want sex, didn't want to kiss, hug, or hold hands.

Your wife is not attracted to you and she is a rape victim. Read that post a bunch of times, this is your life. She doesn't want to have sex with a man she isn't attracted to, and would rather have NO sex at all than feel like she is being emotionaly raped each time she fucks you. It drains her to fuck you. She hates it. She is not attracted to you.

She asked if this was okay with me, and I said I can wait.

No, it wasn't OK with you. Instead you thought that by agreeing with her not to have sex, it would rekindle some long lost passion for sex and you'd be nicely awaiting her to figure something out. Maybe her libido would return. Maybe she'd start to see you're a great guy. Maybe, maybe, maybe, blah blah blah. How did that work out for you?

It didn't. You're still sexless, and it WAS NOT OK with you to not have sex. You were afraid of speaking your true desires from fear of her wrath.

Then you had sex, and:

Needless to say, it was less than stellar and she was relieved for it to be over.

She is not attracted to you.

If I try to kiss her, she squirms away or gives me a dry peck.

She is not attracted to you.

She's even asked me many times if we should just be friends

She is not attracted to you.

She never compliments me, no warmth or kindness to speak of.

She is not attracted to you. Women who are attracted to men give compliments to them all the time because they want them in their lives. You hold no such value for her.

We're at the point where she will not respect me as a person, and I don't know how to fix that.

You fix this by not being a faggot. You read the MRP sidebar, STFU and lift.

I am an eternally flawed man in her eyes, and my words cannot be given serious consideration by her.

Because you are a faggot and unattractive.

And it's not like there's something exceptionally wrong with me.

Yes, there is man. You're a weak man who can't even stand up for his own personal desires, thoughts, passions, and drive. You are living a shell of a life, and that is exceptionally wrong. You may have a good job, but what else do you have to show for your life?

What makes you exceptionally NOT normal?

Women don't want to fuck normal. They want to fuck excitement, mystery, strength, variety, emotions, and direction. That's what gets their juices flowing. Not some sad sack of a man with no direction in life and is passionless.

Even my wife's friends say I'm a catch (and it annoys her to hear it).

I love this one. Women are hypergamous, and one way that they keep other women from competing with them is to tell each other LIES. You're not a catch dude, not by a long shot. Women tell other women these kinds of things because they don't want to compete against them in the sexual marketplace. If she's off the market, less competition for them.

Your wife is annoyed because she knows how deep of a faggot you are and that she has to eventually give you a taste of that sweet little validation pussy to keep you around on the sex IV drip.

Is it her fault for treating me like shit?

No. It's your fault.

Am I an idiot for ending up with a browbeating shrew of a wife?

No, you've just allowed it all to happen. You're not an idiot. You're like 80% of men in this world that have been sold the Disney fantasy relationship guide as a young man and believed it all. Shock to the system bud - it's not true, any of it.

You need to read The Rationale Male to unfuck your mind from this.

And lastly:

Should I make it work? .... Should I just escape?

The only thing that you can make work IS YOU. It all begins and ends with you.

Start today with this guide. Go buy all the books, a gym membership, and look at Stronglifts 5x5 routine.

The only thing you need to be concerned about right now is making yourself work. You're a broken man. You have never had the tools necesary to navigate this world as it is today. You're lost, but we're here for you, dude. We won't hold your hand and walk you through it because this is a process that ONLY YOU can do. You need a mind revolution. The only way to get that is to sit down,read until your eyes bleed, lift some heavy shit and STFU.

Also, start posting in OYS thread. My thoughts about why you should that here.

You have a long road ahead of you. But if you stick with the program, do the work, you will be able to save yourself.

Here at MRP we save the man, not the marriage.

Perhaps after you save yourself you'll decide if your marriage is worth it.

Best of luck, faggot.

[–]Whatev227 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

OP: you just got spoon fed a treasure trove. You have no idea

[–]JoeBuckYourslf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh my god, It’s Jason Bourne!

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

If he doesn't delete his account after this and starts posting in OYS, he has a chance.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

I honestly hope he doesn't. Man is lost, found this place, and doesn't know how lucky he really is.

[–]redpillthrowaway2115[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Still around. Saving my post so I can reflect back on it and keep following the steps.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why the fuck aren't you in OYS thread over on /u/marriedredpill then? You lazy fuck.... "still around"..... doing what? Mentally masturbating some more?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

10 bucks says this account is deleted or OP is MIA before monday.

[–]redpillthrowaway2115[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not dead yet. Gotta follow the steps and apply them.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like losing bets like this, good to see you are sticking around brother.

[–]Vegasman200024 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I could post the gif of Citizen Kane clapping here I would

[–]learning00073 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome reply, hope he listens. Thanks for writing that

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Could summed it up as "OP is a bitch. Wife has to deal with a weak bitch of a man. Sucks for you op."

[–]mrbadassmotherfucker3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I've got little time to spare every day... But I MAKE time to read posts like this. Well done HoA. Well written bro.

[–]Balls_Wellington_Main Event + Coronavirus3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is one of the best comments I've read on MRP. Maybe the best.

[–]OptimusRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

(Stands and applauds)

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

“Pay this man his money”.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

In the poker game of life, women are the rake.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

aka the house

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Funny story, the first true RP dude I ever met in my life was my frat big bro at age 18. Swole motherfucker that lifted like a beast and did competitions - he asked me on the regular to stick needles in his ass. We watched this movie for an entire summer drinking Keystone lights.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I used to play a lot, always loved it for some reason.

[–]MightBeNiceGuy4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds a LOT like my situation about 5 years ago. I also have a prude, cold, asian wife. Sex and all affection/love/caring fell off a cliff after our first kid, similar to your situation.

One thing you have going for you is that you found MRP now, before years of resentment set it, and your kid is still a baby. I wish I had been so lucky. Start reading TODAY. Start with NMMNG and then I would suggest MMSLP (this was really eye-opening to me), and then skip to "Saving a Low Sex Marriage" by bluepillprofessor. Then the rest of the books in the sidebar. You need to stop appearing needy and disappointed immediately. Start going to the gym (it doesn't matter that you think you're in shape -- you're doing it for you to build muscle and confidence).

She's not going to leave you with a 1yo. Also culturally she will do anything to avoid the shame of divorce. You need to use the tools that you'll learn here and in the books to indirectly communicate to her that her behavior is not acceptable. Don't make my mistake and continue to be nicer and nicer, placating her bitchiness, hoping she'll return the favor. She wont.

[–]redpillthrowaway2115[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are the perfect beta provider.

Read NMMNG asap and get your ass in the gym.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Can we just be friends ?”

You stopped acting like you wanted to fuck me. Therefore you are friend zoned.

“Once my wife got pregnant we stopped having sex completely”

Because you wouldn’t initiate ? She was unattractive ?

You are delusional with all this shit. She would continue fucking and fucking the hell out of you, if you were attractive and added some comfort.

The procedures are humiliating and down right invasive. It’s your job to provide the confidence and comfort that she needs that she has not become a cyborg.

Do you lift ? Do you have a beer belly ? Do you look in the mirror and take pride in yourself ?

There is a sidebar of books >>>>>. Don’t mind fuck them do death, just get started reading.

Lift. Lift.

OYS. MRP.

You victim puke is over

[–]RP_PO4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

“She’s even asked me if we should just be friends”

This stood out most to me. She friend zoned you. Read that again: she friend zoned you. Long ago, when the sex went away. Then she went overt, and actually said the words to you. Women hate going overt, but she is that over you that she felt she had to.

You’re in good company here. You’re a faggot fuck, and I suggest you go monk mode. Get angry, and let it drive you. Life is too short and easily lost to spend it the way you are. No currency is more precious than time and you are wasting yours on a woman who throws shit at you and wont let you touch her (you’re a fag, so why would she).

[–]OptimusRP2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude, welcome to MRP! If you fix yourself first you have a chance of fixing your marriage. It will take a lot of work on your part, and there is no guarantee your wife will respond to the new and improved you. That's her choice. You can't control her. You can only control yourself. So what are YOU going to do?

[–]redpillthrowaway2115[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm going to change myself.

[–]OptimusRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you posting in MRP OYS? You won't see me in there for a few weeks because I got temporarily banned for acting like a faggot.



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