Friend of mine asks LTR to hang out one-on-one

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December 8, 2019
57 upvotes

A friend of mine asked my LTR to hang out one-on-one to go to an event in our city. She turned him down and told me the next day. My reaction was amusedly asking her "Did he really think you'd go on a date with him?"

Now the question is: Should I tell my friend not to ask my ltr to hang out one-on-one? I want to avoid mate guarding, because I think it is weak shit. But I also disliked the behavior of my friend.

Edit: Thanks for your feedback. After some consideration, I won't confront my friend because mateguarding doesn't make sense. But I also won't cut contact with him, because I see some good character traits in him (ambitious in university, trying to improve himself etc.), have alot of common interests and like hanging out with him. If anything suspicious will happen in the future, I'll need to cut him out though.


Post Information
Title Friend of mine asks LTR to hang out one-on-one
Author braxtonbarr33
Upvotes 57
Comments 87
Date 08 December 2019 05:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/298357
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e7wcpn/friend_of_mine_asks_ltr_to_hang_out_oneonone/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
mate guardinglong term relationship
Comments

[–]Pdubzilla-150 points151 points  (43 children) | Copy

Sounds like a shitty friend. Why didn't he ask you both?

[–]braxtonbarr33[S] 34 points35 points  (42 children) | Copy

He asked me first, but I had to turn him down, bc I had to work that day.

[–]jajahhssgxka72 points73 points  (18 children) | Copy

Yeah if you guys are homies maybe he really thinks your gf is his homie.

How's he act around her? Awkward? Weird at all? Or is he comfortable because her opinion of him doesn't matter?

[–]sjswander9452 points53 points  (13 children) | Copy

Bullshit. No1 is homies with their friemds gf. Sure they can be friends but to do shit together w out him he’s got an angle.

[–]jajahhssgxka11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy

I understand skepticism on men and women being friends and strictly friends as there is almost always sexual tension that the man decides not to act upon, but it happens.

Odd though he doesn't have any other guy friends to hang out with.

This whole situation is odd tbh as if he were a good friend maybe he was just trying to help his gf have some fun, but there's obviously a chance he was trying to fuck.

It really depends on the way he acts around her in general.

If the guys are like best friends I could see this situation being fine, but of course it's up to op to determine if his friend is a real friend or if he has alternate intentions

[–]sjswander947 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy

1st of all he should extend the invitation to all his other friends first. If he wanted to get to know his buddy’s ltr A simple one on one conversation out in a group event is perfectly normal and fine. If a friend of mine extended an invitation to hang with my girl 1 in 1 that’s wierd

[–]jajahhssgxka1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah I agree with this for the most part.

I really can't stand hanging out with some of my male friends though because they are sort of useless and soy so I hang out with females in general and while it causes some problems in terms of communication differences and them getting offended for some things I say it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing more than just sitting on my phone and watching my friends play 2k waiting for my turn.

Now this is only me and my personal self, but possibly OPs friend is trying to just become better and communicating with females and this might be a great way to do it. While practicing on OPs LTR isn't really a good idea it might be a totally harmless idea that his friend had. Now while I agree 100000% that 99.8% of BP dudes don't have this idea in mind and probably never even think about the differences of communication or even attempt to get better at it, there's a slight chance that he was just trying to improve his social skills.

OP should have a conversation with his friend and see what his intentions were. OP should be able to determine if his friend is lying or making shit up or deflecting the question.

This all has to do with how autistic/bluepilled/redpilled this guy is.

OP is the only one with that info and that info might not even be full especially if he didn't know him since childhood.

If OPs friend is about the same attractiveness or more, or more alpga/dominate there's a good chance he was trying to fuck, and there's a small chance he was just trying to increase solidarity.

Idk but there's a huge chance he was trying to fuck her, and there's a slim chance he was just being cool and a good friend or trying to improve himself without ill intention.

I am not being super cynical right now though as I'm trying to view this from the outside and there's a totally real possibility that he was trying to fuck. But why ruin a friendship over a girl idk

[–]sjswander942 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I just can’t relate at all

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

"But why ruin a friendship over a girl idk"

Because he went behind his friend's back to hang out with his LTR one on one...To an event. Most likely where alcohol is involved.

Check yourself.

[–]jajahhssgxka0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm talking about the other guy dumby

[–]mustardplug10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Correct

[–]jajahhssgxka-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

I just know that I myself personally care more about the girls that are dating my friends as it's a way to build solidarity and possibly meet new people and the girl is attached to you in a way that's semi significant so you'll see each other decently often.

If OPs friend was trying to fuck it should be pretty clear to him, if not he should know.

[–]sjswander940 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t seem like he’s trying since he asked OP first.However, Female male relationships for the most part aren’t platonic. Unless it’s in a group setting where those types of relationships are usually formed. I’ve gotten to know my friends ltrs perfectly fine that way, sometimes one on one convos take place. It’s not normal to hang out with a girl 1 kn 1 with certain exceptions like sisters cousins if your a beta orbiter ect... It doesn’t click, men usually (and rightfully so) seek actual companionship/friendship from other male friends. IMO that’s not normal for your friends to hangout with your girlfriend 1 on 1.

[–]YouWannaPutMoneyOnIt-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m amog and I’m friends with homies girl- I probably wouldn’t fuck her so it’s easier on my part, and she probably would branch swing, but only in this situation I feel like

[–]BREWcoin2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

To be really cynical, the guy may have known OP would be out of town and was angling for alone time.

[–]jajahhssgxka1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's always possible, if he is low tier friend that's a high possibility.

If he is high quality there's a chance he just wanted to hang out and become better friends (especially if he thinks their relationship is serious) as building friendship with her will in turn make him better in OPs eyes.

OP should be able to decipher this depending on how his friend acts around her and other in general. If they are not that good of friends I could see this as a huge red flag, but if he is one of his best male friends I'd give him a chance to explain himself and not immediately roast him with "you really thought xxx would go out with you?" or some shit as that to me kind of shows some degree of childness

[–]sjswander940 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Enough with this “building solidarity” nonsense. No1 hangs out with a girl platonically unless it’s work related or a family member. You get to know your buddy’s gf in group settings 99.99% of the time. It is not normal for this to take place. If a friend of mine asked my girl to chill bc I wasn’t available there must be a hidden agenda. Stop spewing this shit. Honestly in what world does getting to know a friends ltr 1on1 seem normal and “build solidarity. Who the fuck cares about building solidarity that’s queer shit. Men become friends with there buddies girlfriend over time in group functions ,double dates, nights out at a bar or club ect...

[–]bzzrak2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

he really thinks your gf is his homie.

she could be if e.g. she and the friend met each other before op and her started dating.

[–]boredathome1937 points38 points  (18 children) | Copy

I don't know you guys or your relationship but is it possible that he really just wanted to hang out as friends?

He wanted you there but you had to work so why should everyone else stay home?

If he really hit on your girl that would be enough for me to end the friendship.

[–]good-afternoon2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

What was the event?

[–]phellySL0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good question..

[–]braxtonbarr33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

an art exhibition during the day

[–]1MrTheFalcon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your friend may have no ulterior motives, but even in the best case scenario, alone time builds intimacy. If he is ignorant of that, then he is dangerous. You should keep him at arms length from your women. Just don't be too casual about hanging out with no structure.

Source: When I was younger, and shittier, I used to get close to my friends girlfriends because It was no risk for me. I often found myself in awkward positions when things went bad in the relationship. Ie. her crying to me about it. And a couple times I ended-up betraying my friends. Something I never set out to do. I'm not proud of it, but maybe that story can save you some pain.

[–]2ComplexProjection92 points93 points  (5 children) | Copy

The fact he asked you first is an important piece of information your OP is missing. If he considers you as a friend, maybe he wants to know your LTR better. Thus when you were not available for this event he asked your GF. Unless you see him hit on your GF, this event alone is not a sign that something’s wrong.

Good reaction on her part tho

[–]psychotropy26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Good reaction on her part tho" My thoughts exactly. The fact she even told him that's what happened is a sure sign she's invested in OP. The friend definitely violated bro code though. It'd never occur to me to ask my friend's woman/girlfriend to go out with me one-on-one.

[–]DerpJungler12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

My best mate's LTR once asked me to grab a coffee while my mate was at uni.

I had some free time before hitting the gym and agreed. We hang out like buddies. It was like a "bro" relationship between us. I'd never touch my mate's girl and he trusts me.

I guess it depends on how good the friendship is for OP. But some dudes are snakes tbh. We've all seen beta orbiters etc. doing their bits. Maybe we've been there ourselves.

[–]chocolatex4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same when my boi started dating this girl and she went out of her way to get lunch w me and our other friends. She wanted to make an effort to get to know his friends. They been strong for 6+ years. Sounds like OP's buddy just needs a +1 to the event and wanted to go w his friend.

[–]recursoinominado9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, i would totally hang out with my homies GF as friends, not having any intention of fucking her.

[–]sjswander941 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I still think it’s strange. I would never consider asking my friends gf to hangout. I get he asked him 1st but there are other ways to get to know her not 1 on 1.

[–]Enlightened_Chimp21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd never ask any of my friends LTRs to hang one on one. That's not cool.

[–]askmrcia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I haven't either. The only way I can see this working is if OP's friend was going to ask someone else to tag along eventually.

I can't see me asking my friend's girl out even if I asked him first. Chances are I'm bringing someone else along

[–]tom-anonymous17 points18 points  (5 children) | Copy

This happened to me once.

I ended up casually bringing it up when we went out for a beer. I told the guy "I heard you asked my wife to go out and do this with you. You are friends with me - you are not friends with my wife. Do we have an understanding?".

Some would call this mate guarding. I call this firmly letting another guy know he crossed a boundary.

[–]psychotropy6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Definitely setting a boundary. I'm curious, what was his response?

[–]Rage81508 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude stole his wife and road off into the sunset.

[–]11-Eleven-110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He broke the no mate guarding rule and thus lost his mate to the man he was guarding her from. Classic beta mistake. Gets em everytime.

[–]tom-anonymous2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

He got really nervous that I called him out on it and started DEERING. I just kept it short and to the point by telling him this won't happen again.

[–]psychotropy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

...good.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy

[deleted]

[–]Pokeylaw11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a very true statement here, there 2 sides to every story. It's OP job to weed out the lies so that he can make a proper decision

[–]abomba246 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Unless you can recall more times he's pulled shit like this I'm guessing his EQ is just in the dumpster. Either way LTR acted well so I wouldn't worry too much, just maybe extra attention to this sap in the future

[–]ArnoldT10005 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s weird and I wouldn’t tolerate it

[–]Cheeseydick69695 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

No such thing as male and female friends where the man doesn't think about bending the female over and plowing her brains out with his cock. Unless she's a 300lb walrus in which case she would be the one wanting to fuck the male.

You handled it well with the "did he really think you would go on a date with him part."

Tbh homie that fool ain't a homie no more

[–]psychotropy3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree to an extent. My wife an I have our friend group. One of my friend's wife has these amazing tits. I know for a fact I couldn't just hang with her alone because I'd be thinking about them titties the whole time, she'd know it, & it'll be weird/awkward for a little while. Maybe that's my own lecherousness, or it's the fact I'm a man and she's got hot tits. Point is, OP's friend is a man too. Unless he loves penis, 9/10 he'll shoot his shot. Good on OP's girl though. Sounds like a solid chick.

[–]kollegah13374 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a reason for me, to confront my so called "friend".

By confront I mean ask indirectly as if I don't know and get him to reveal his real intention behind that.

[–]theeverydayhustle4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck him. Before TRP I believed in unspoken bro code, but some mother fucker still snatched my LTR away and made her gaslight me af before blocking me. Honestly you're better off without him because statistically I would say there's a higher chance of him trying to get into her panties as compared to trying to be genuine friends. Cut contact w him, no need to mate guard, but I would say what you said to your LTR was decent. (newbie here but honest feelings)

[–]PhaedrusHunt6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

There are friends and then there are friends.

I have maybe two friends I would be cool with this situation. Maybe two.

How many have you got? Is he one of them?

[–]zlodej872 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn’t react at all. I think your amused comment was unnecessary (emotional reaction to some extent), because it couldn’t have brought you any good. To me it sounds too close to saying “You wouldn’t go out with him anyway, would you?”. I would act indifferent and show her I don’t really care whether she goes or not. She will probably find an excuse not to go anyway.

Given it’s first time he did something like that, I wouldn’t say anything to him, because it’s insecure and you don’t want to give him power to ever mention that to her. If that repeats (especially she ends going out with him this time), I would neg him with saying something like “dude i think you should get yourself a girlfriend to go out with you”.

[–]throwawaybpdnpd2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t tell your “friend” anything, stop hanging out with him

Unless you were invited too

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Should I tell my friend not to ask my ltr to hang out one-on-one?

No, you don't need to mate guard. Your woman did exactly what you want your women to do... she mate guarded herself, and told you right away what happened.

The only thing you need to do is give her some pets for being a good girl.

[–]braxtonbarr33[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's what I missed in my interaction with her. I should have made it more clear to her, that I am very satisfied with her behavior.

Something I got to work on in the future: reward and therefor reinforce good behavior

[–]Imuststoprejoining1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Are you sure this isn't just your girl shit testing you?

[–]braxtonbarr33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

nope, real situation. I saw texts

[–]ItzFizzy11 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Does your friend have a lot of other friends? You mentioned he asked you and you turned him down, maybe he is lonely?

Either he’s a lonely guy who’s looking for human connection or he’s trying to fuck ur girl.

[–]braxtonbarr33[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He really could be kinda lonely. He's rather new to this town and most of the guys he knows are smokers who aren't reliable to plan anything with.

[–]ItzFizzy10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s just how I see it, it really isn’t hard to tell between a guy who’s lonely, and a guy who wants some pussy

[–]purplestuff111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly this is one of those situations that you really need to know the whole context. Like I have two very close friends who are a couple. I hang out with both of them together and individually since they like and talk about different things and I like both their individual and group selves. Now if it was someone I didn't know too well then absolutely not but I wouldn't call someone like that a friend. It's a title to be earned. So ask yourself what advice you'd give to someone else in your shoes and do that.

[–]ThirtyLimes1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't bring it up. The thing with mate guarding is that it's a no-win situation. There's no case where bringing it up helps you:

1) Your friend is lower SMV. Your LTR would never be interested. Mate guarding would be weird (needless).

2) Your friend is similar or higher SMV. Your LTR is attracted to him, so she turns him down because spending time with him would feel like cheating. Mate guarding would be weird (excessive, you've already won).

3) Your friend is similar or higher SMV. Your LTR is attracted to him and likes the possibility of an affair, so she goes. Mate guarding would be weird (pointless, because you've already lost and you should be leaving her as opposed to guarding her).

Don't mate guard. Figure out which situation you're in and act appropriately.

[–]braxtonbarr33[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thanks for the rundown why mateguarding is unnecessary

[–]HurricaneHugues2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm sure this isn't the first time he's done something questionable. Think back. It doesn't have to be related to your girl. He must've done some fuck shit to you already.

[–]ThreeEyez3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Drop the friend.

[–]Irtotallynotrobot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. Stop hanging out with him, make plans with your friend gorup and cut him out. That was as disrespectful as it gets.

[–]Inyox1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well man every person and relationship is different, but in my group of friends it’s pretty normal to hang out one-on-one with each other girlfriends, we are not some desperate guys that want to hit on anything that moves, we are all really good friends. This has being my experience, I’m not saying it’s the same with your friend just don’t get over dramatic over this, my ex girlfriend used to go out all the time one-on-one with one of my best friends, and I used to go out one-on-one with his ex girlfriend, but you know your situation and relationship better than I do

[–]thesaoexpress0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He was never your friend

[–]YouWannaPutMoneyOnIt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What friend?

Edit: Okay in retrospect this seems a lot less harmful than I thought lol

I hang with homie and his girl, I hang with homie, I hang with girl- granted I was down for girl in the beginning and wasn’t hanging with homie as much, but then realized this a real homie so I changed up- I probably wouldn’t fuck his girl if she was single fr if that matters, but I don’t really see this specifically as a problem. Granted, it’s a weird dynamic tho, I wouldn’t necessarily be cool with my girl hanging with other dudes one on one regardless of who it is- they can, idc, but I’m backing off commitments if they do 👌🏽

[–]66pisstrooperorder660 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a dog friend I’d just cut him off ghost him and just stop communicating with him

[–]1Red_Pill_Brotherhood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No way to know for sure but he'd most likely like to fuck your LTR. You know your friend best, but I'd reduce/cut contact.

[–]AncientDragons-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve hung out with my friends’ girlfriends occasionally one on one and my girlfriends and partners have done the same. Occasionally that should be no big deal, as long as it’s strictly friend-level. We’re not living in the fucking Handmaid’s Tale. If they’re real friends they won’t fuck with you like that. If you don’t trust them then get some real pals, dude.

[–]Snowaey-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Holy shit, I would fucking swing if one of my alleged friends would try to pull some shit like that.

He should AT LEAST ask you for permission if he's an actual friend.

If they hang out one-on-one u have no idea what they're doing, even though they might claim it's just as friends.

Your LTR showed some good qualities in this situation though, reward her for it.

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Whats ltr?

[–]Vypered0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Long Term Relationship



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