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Caught STD. What to tell wife?

Reddit View
December 9, 2019

Throwaway account, but lurked here for some time. You guys are the only community whose opinion I trust to ask this.

44M, married to 43F, two kids (8f, 10f)

Bit of a dead bedroom. Following TRP guidelines, lifting, etc., for past 6-12 months.Dread level 3 or 4 (mini event last month where she said she was worried I'd leave).

Anyway, impatient fuck that I am, couldn't wait for self improvement and increasing dread slowly. Instead saw a prostitute who gave me genital herpes via unprotected oral (moral: ALWAYS wrap it, lads...)

Now, what to do with the wife? We don't use condoms, so if I say nothing she'll contract it eventually then shit will hit fan. Better to fess up now, I reckon, and save her the pain of infection. Any advice on how to break it to her?

I know the stay plan is the go plan, and all that, and was (before this) mentally preparing myself for what divorce worst case might look like. But now it's potentially around the corner, and at her instigation, I'm shit scared. Made me realise that I really do love her, and my kids.

Feel like shit. Life suddenly unraveling. Please help.

Update 1: Jan 2020

So, I'm the dumb fuck who posted the above a month ago (TL;DR, I caught an STD from a hooker), and I thought I'd stop by to give you guys an update and another laugh. Before that, some opening comments:

To those who thought I was trolling: I really wish I were. But no; it was a real post. I'm usually an intelligent, sensible guy with a responsible job, but you wouldn't know it, would you?

To those who merely mocked or laughed: yes, I know I fucked up. But before you laugh too hard, think about this: 70-90% of ALL women, not just hookers, have oral herpes. In theory, having oral herpes yourself prevents transmission to your dick, but, as I found out, theory isn't perfect. So if you EVER get a bare blowjob from anyone else, as I'm sure many of you have, you risk putting yourself in a similar position.

To those who actually took my post seriously, and especially those who DM'd me with advice - thank you. I was in a pretty dark place for a few days, and you helped me, even if I didn't respond to your comments. You make this place worthwhile, and you're worth a thousand of the other sanctimonious fuckers around here. Thank you.

So, what did I do?

First, I got tested. PCR test said it was HSV1, which is a mercy; in theory, that should mean fewer recurrences compared with the other strain, HSV2, and a reduced risk of passing it back to the wife. (But then, as I say, if theory were correct, I probably shouldn't have got it in the first place.) [Anyway, Lesson 1 for me: Always wrap it...]

Second, I spoke to my pastor. My mind was quite messed up for a few days, and I didn't feel like I had other male friends in whom I could confide. He helped me clarify my thoughts and realize that life would go on, whatever happened. [Lesson 2: I should take Athol Kay's points about male confidant's more seriously...]

Third, I spoke to a divorce attorney. I was scared both by the fear of divorce and the prospect of not being in control of events. Having an initial phone call calmed me down and made me realize that, though I didn't want a divorce, it wouldn't be the end of the world and would still have access to my kids, etc. [Lesson 3: Facing my fears really is the best way to kill them...]

Fourth, I told my wife: that I'd paid for a blowjob and contracted herpes as a result. She was not too impressed, obviously, but was surprisingly understanding - said that she had known something was wrong, but thought I was preparing to leave her, and was actually quite relieved that I wasn't about to do so. It didn't make for the best Christmas, obviously, but she made it clear that she wanted to stay, and wanted us both to work on our sex life so that I didn't feel the need to stray again. She also said that she was surprised that I had the balls - not only to pay for sex, but also to then tell her.

Did I need to tell her? Perhaps not. The fact that it was HSV1 could conceivably have meant that I gave it to myself, or she to me, despite her not giving me a blowjob for nearly a year. However, on top of my feelings of guilt, I would have felt like an utterly cowardly shit if I had kept quiet and passed the STD to her, and she happened to be one of the small % that had particularly bad symptoms. I don't want to be that kind of man. As it is, she now knows there is a risk of transmission but has already instigated sex twice in the past week (which I realize may be more from lack of security than from genuine desire, and which most counselors would say is a bad idea right now, but whatever...)

So, where do we go from here? I'm still trying to work that out. My relationship with my wife has obviously changed, though I don't think it's entirely for the worse. MRP is indeed RP on hard mode; I just lost a life, but haven't quite figured out where the respawn point is.

Post Information
Title Caught STD. What to tell wife?
Author RecoveringOxfordBlue
Upvotes 25
Comments 117
Date 09 December 2019 07:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
dread gameliftthe red pill

[–]RStonePT[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Ignore reports

I always love this. The instant something is bad for whamen the fucking trads come out. Guys, this is for male sexual strategy. While it would be nice for everyone to come out a winner, sometimes to win, they gotta lose.

Nut up. If you want a norman rockwell fantasy, head to the order of men facebook group and bitch about how your wife won't hug you

[–]tspitsatgp63 points64 points  (3 children) | Copy

Get your Go plan ready, tell her, and then deal with the fall out. Do not give her the STD. You fucked up, time to own it.

Hopefully this serves as a lesson to all you rambos out there. Wrap it, wrap it, wrap it... until you have verified (through a doctors test - multiple over a period of time in reality) your plate or girl is safe. No hole is safe, no hole is worth it.

Lol, especially with a fucking prostitute. God damn.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wrap it, wrap it, wrap it... until you have verified (through a doctors test - multiple over a period of time in reality) your plate or girl is safe. No hole is safe, no hole is worth it.

Not to mention, babies are sexually transmitted also.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm stealing this acronym.

[–]lancer7464720 points21 points  (5 children) | Copy

The moral high ground being taken in the comments is surprising.

Although your probably not raw dogging hookers surely some of you are spinning plates and could be at risk of a similar scenario?

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

The only problem I see is that this will just add to his already low value.

Plenty of men have fucked hookers and been caught out. How big a deal it becomes depends a lot on the man in question.

[–]part_wolf6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP is a moron precisely because he's raw dogging hookers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[–]escapethesolarsystem1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Raw dogging hookers is another level over spinning plates. Personally, I also don't spin plates when in an LTR, that's really low-class behavior, honestly. Obviously some people here disagree.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando34 points35 points  (3 children) | Copy

'Honey. I have some good news and some bad news - which do you want to hear first?"

"The bad news"

"OK.. I got an STD from a hooker"

"WHAT THE FUCK?" (sobs uncontrollably)

"What's the good news?"

"I don't have AIDS".

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

This sounds like a Geico commercial.

[–]nantucketghost43 points44 points  (16 children) | Copy

You saw a prostitute so you already knew the writing was on the wall. Now it's just up to you to see who you want to file for divorce first. Either you tell her and she does, or you file for divorce and tell her it's not working and you've already made your mind up.

You tell her and she files you can damn be sure everyone you know is going to find out. Or you can file and walk away quietly and move onto the next chapter.

Either way it is done. Even if you were able to repair what tatters are left, it's a long shot and one that neither one of you is committed to doing at this point.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s not necessarily done. It was 1) oral and 2) with a hooker. No emotions involved. Up to him what he wants though... seems like he made that decision when he got the BJ.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (7 children) | Copy

Fuck I thought I went Rambo. You went and burned the whole fucking country down (and now your dick is going to burn).

Only thing you can do - own it like a man. Sit your wife down and tell her “you know, I fucked up and got a blowjob from a prostitute. You know those Valtrex commercials? The ones about herpes? Yeah that’s me now.”

She’ll be devastated of course but your frame should be one of two things:

1) I fucked up because i see my marriage as failed already and will move to divorce


2) I fucked up and want the marriage to continue but am ok with it not.

Also - that was really dumb. Maybe dumbest move of the year we have seen on askMRP or MRP... and there’s been a lot of dumb.

[–]Bitr0t17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Tell the truth. Be prepared for the fallout. Accept your fate like a man.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Accept your fate like a man.

I don't know about you, but I don't believe in fate. I'll make my own way in the world and control my own destiny.

[–]Popeman797 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. We are men.

Cunning, weaselly strategies are for the opposite sex.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nope. We bastardize female strategies and use them to our advantage. Then we band together here tell ourselves we’re men. ‘Cause we have peepees. Paging u/RStonePT

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

And anyone who doesn't use the bastardized strategies are faggots.

[–]RFBComp8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Am I the only one that thinks he shouldn’t tell her (at first)? What good will that do? Hurt her and still cause divorce, a vicious one at that. I say you separate and tell her you want to see other people. In the break if you really want to try to make it work you can tell her after. Say you want to be honest and caught it while you were apart. She might even respect you for being up front.

[–]IATAsshole17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

Be prepared for her to file for divorce. Have a solid exit strategy in place then tell her.

You dun fucked up but you don’t need us to tell you that. We all fuck up, yours was a massive one you’re gonna have to live with the rest of your life.

Interested in how shit goes down, post an update when it’s done

[–]RedPillGlasses3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ha fuck that. $10 she won’t file a divorce.

Mine didn’t.

[–]IATAsshole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You got genital herpes from a whore and you’re still married, how?

[–]blissfullyaware006 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to go against the grain here and say you don't have to tell her, or at least not yet, but you've got to follow some basic steps. First if all, avoid fucking her until you know what you have. If you got it from oral it's highly likely it's HSV-1, but was it only oral or did you fuck the escort too? Condoms aren't 100% against HSV during sex.

If it is HSV-1, there's a good chance you may never have an outbreak again. Go get tested and force your Dr to run the simplex test (because most won't). The reason they won't is that something like 80% of the population has HSV-1, so many have it and will never show symptoms. Do you ever get cold sores? Did you know it's possible to touch your mouth and then jerk off and give yourself HSV-1 on your dick? If you do get them, just fucking tell her that you gave it to yourself jerking off after eating popcorn lol.

Given the statistics, it's HIGHLY likely one of you already has HSV-1, even if you've never shown symptoms. You can easily show her research that it's been dormant in one of you for years. Use a family member that has it and say "see your mother gets them, you've probably been a carrier your whole life!"

Now if its hsv2 you're a little more fucked. Let it run its course and get valtrex handy for the next outbreak. You'll likely never be able to explain this one away, but maybe you'll be lucky enough that you won't break out often.

You should also come up with a reason why you need condoms for a while. Say you have eczema on your dick or something. Ride it out until the outbreaks slow down, don't fuck when you're having one. Never.

Also note that HSV materializes during stress. Lots of stressed out people in their 30s and 40s getting shingles now (HSV-3) which used to only show up in the 50+ group.

Keep us posted.

[–]binrobinro11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Maybe you actually got herpes from your wife.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thinking the same fucking thing -

Imagine if he grew a set and played chicken ?

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Now there is an interesting take.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here we all contemplate this whole conundrum of what if’s.

Is it HSV 1 and there are sores at the mouth or HSV 2 and the sores at the genitals ?

Don’t fucking tell me, Harry Potter waived his cock and poof.....

This “fear” bullshit is honestly taking its toll- on all theses newbies, and it’s sidebar shit. WISNIFG. NMMNG fundamentals that they are not realizing, fuck all the other books.

Tell me, how on earth can he be sure 100% it went cock to mouth ? Especially when the UV exposure kills 10-1 ?

This is the same as “divorce rape” what if’s, when a trip to an attorney quells fear.

Test again, be sure. Then get to the bottom of it

[–]OptimusRP5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

And I thought I was having a bad day...

[–]RingoLaBrea5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP has provided this community a wonderful Christmas gift. Listen up, homos - no matter how pathetic your current situation, at least you’re not this chump.

You’ve robbed yourself of STFU. All that’s left is salvage. Don’t focus on the mistake, rather what drove you to it. You need to have a conversation with your wife about your dissatisfaction. BUT THATS IT. Do not go into details about your sick dick, or you will be rightfully berated into a shade of perma-blue.

Stay focused on logistics; change. Sounds like she won’t be surprised. Shoot for legal separation, time apart. While apart you give her safe distance and can rework your cock shock into a narrative that simply involves a ONS during the separation period. Maybe, maybe she can process that from a distance. This is also to spare your children the shame of the pathetic truth. Reconciliation after a separation period is the only possible course that gives your children any hope Dad can fix himself and regain control of his life and family.

Do not give in to despair, or alcohol. I mean, you really fucked your life. But at least you’re not busted for child porn or something. You’ll either recover or reboot. You can still lift and get strong, regardless of your polluted penis. Sure gonna limit fuckables, though. That limiting is what suggests trying separation over straight divorce. Ain’t gonna be a fuck circus out there for you to look forward to.

I had another post where I shat all over you as the ghost of Christmas future. But, I just feel too sorry for you to pile on.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm not touching this or OP's dick with a 10 foot pole.

Good luck on your journey, OP.

[–]part_wolf7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

My suggestion for flair is “Herpes happens”

[–]webgar8053 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

HSV-1 or HSV-2?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Plot twist ... he got the herpes from his wife

[–]HumbleTrees7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

My take on this, tell her it's not working and you're filing for divorce. By not telling her you've been with a hooker, you stand in a better position legally through the divorce hearings. If it comes out in the hearings that you've been unfaithful, she would have an easier time if taking more than she would otherwise.

It's that, or risk her forgiving you which is fucking low odds and you'll have a horrible marriage forever onwards anyway. Also, if this is a dead bedroom, Whyte you worried about her getting it?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

Maybe you got it from your wife?

[–]Mukato2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's my take as well. Getting HSV-2 from one blow job? not likely.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah, how could he be sure it was from the pro?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, how could he be sure it was from the pro?

Wife doesn't fuck (him).

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]fannyfire10 points11 points  (13 children) | Copy

I hope none of the endorsed people on this sub waste their time with your ass. You say you’re at dread level 3-4 yet you cheated. Last time I checked there was no part about cheating in DL 3 or 4. You cucked yourself good by fucking someone who is actually worth more than you. You should figure out your fucking life. Hopefully you’re a good lesson to the other lazy faggots lurking in this sub.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy

Dread Level -1: Paying for sex because you can’t get it for free.

[–]Jussie_Mullet4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol...marriage/ LTR is hardly free....way more costly than whores

[–]tap09885342 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Someone needs to write an article on inverse dread. Paying for it when you can't get it....(strippers, hookers, cam girls) is like a public confession of undesirability.

Girls are filled with scorn, repellency, and disgust for this behaviour in a special way, because it is like raising a white flag of low value.

[–]RedPillGlasses7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not ideal, but he wanted a blow job from strange, so he did it.

Always good to get what you want.

[–]fannyfire3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

He could have at least splurged on a quality escort instead of some $2 snatch.

[–]blissfullyaware002 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What is this bullshit? This is the red pill not Dear Abby. So he strayed from your dread code. Who cares. Lots of MRP dudes spin plates. He came here for advice, and last time I checked the Red Pill was explicitly amoral.

[–]fannyfire7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

DL 10 explicitly states that you can fuck other girls. He didn’t stray from the dread code. Read it again. He jumped over steps that would have made him a high value man. He resorted to prostitution because he was a LAZY faggot. Prostitutes are NOT plates. No one gives a shit about him fucking a prostitute for moral reasons. The issue is that he did not follow the process and is now complaining that it didn’t work. It didn’t work because he was an impatient faggot who wanted to do things his way and as a result he got his own special prize.

[–]blissfullyaware001 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ya I'll give you that. You're right. The Levels of Dread is one of my favorite MRP posts of all time, I just feel for the dude because HSV from oral is extremely unlucky lol.

[–]fannyfire1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha yeah it is. Shit happens though.

[–]RedPillGlasses-5 points-4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Nah, he just needs to give her the herpes and then continue what he’s doing.

If she stays, he has ALL the fucking power.

Ask me how I know.

[–]fannyfire3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You’re right. He should just keep fucking around so we have new material to point and laugh at.

[–]RedPillGlasses4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

He does sound kind of faggy at the end.

OP you need a healthy ass dose of narcissism.

Why were you going to get blowjobs from hookers? Because she wasn’t fucking you. Boom, zero guilt.

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nope he was getting BJs from hookers because he’s a giant faggot.

Don’t make excuses for his sorry ass - he hasn’t done shit for work because if he had he wouldn’t have to pay some dirty whore to get it.

[–]learning00073 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go to the doc and get valtrex. Taken daily, reduces the chances of spreading it to a very low level.

[–]BillyRedRocks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

> Made me realise that I really do love her, and my kids.

Do you? Or is it just the fear talking. Cause if it's the fear talking you can just stop fucking her and divorce her and nobody will have to know anything.

+ we know you never got genuine desire out of a hotter younger tighter, because you're paying for hookers. Could hotter, younger, tighter make all your lovey dovey feelings evaporate? So many questions to answer, so much work to be done. Try collecting your balls and thinking before spilling your heart out and begging forgiveness.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

And, you are absolutely sure you have an STD ? Now fucking doubt in your mind ?

Tested twice ?

So many of you are in fear of making decisions, then suffering the consequences.

No pussy from momma ? So then prostitution ? Sidebar >>>> lift >>>>

[–]so_woke_da_wookie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hopefully u/InChargeMan and u/SBIII will comment. I like laughing uncontrollably in public.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

🤦🏼‍♂️ god I hope you’re just a troll.

This is not even a case of giving kids dynamite.

Wait did I miss that chapter in the BPP book about getting raw dog blow jobs from hookers? Which dread level is that?

[–]Aechzen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Now, what to do with the wife? We don't use condoms, so if I say nothing she'll contract it eventually then shit will hit fan. Better to fess up now, I reckon, and save her the pain of infection. Any advice on how to break it to her?

HSV is not such a big deal. See a doctor, go on Valtrax. There's better than 50-50 that your wife is already carrying HSV, and it won't make a difference.

By the way, condoms do not 100% prevent transmission of HSV. It's skin-to-skin transmission, meaning if it's anywhere near your junk that's not covered by the condom you're still passing it skin-to-skin.

Up to you whether you want to tell your wife. You can lie about where you got it. Herpes goes dormant, and then flares up, and it's not impossible that your theory that you got if from the pro is wrong; you could have had it a long time ago, and had a new flare up.

If you're hardly fucking your wife anyway, you can go on Valtrax until your flare-up dies down, and then go back to the once-in-a-while fucking your wife.

My only judgment for you is that you were paying for sex with a hooker. Practice your game, flirt with some women, go on some dates, and bang regular women. It's fun, and cheaper, and apparently less risky.

[–]Lolarougey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Take lysine.

[–]UltimateCrypto0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So, did you give your wife std’s or did she give them to you?

[–]bsbailey660 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Be honest and confess. Be humble and admit you screwed up royally and ask for forgiveness. Offer accountability and counseling to get through it. Tell her you want to stay married and work it out.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope you’re not recommending marriage counseling.

Marriage counseling doesn’t solve shit. Being authentic and owning your own shit does.

[–]Nodeal_reddit0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Holy shit. I literally didn’t know this was a thing. Can oral herpes (cold sore) be transmitted to the genitals, or are they two different things?

[–]77ovoxo776 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

HSV 1 (oral herpes) can be transmitted to genitals and HSV 2 (genital herpes) can be transmitted to the mouth. A standard 10 panel STI test will test for both HSV 1 and 2, so if OP's results are positive only for HSV 1, he contracted a cold sore on his junk from the hooker. But given the number of diseased cocks that have likely been in the hooker's mouth, it's not unthinkable that she would have contracted genital herpes in her mouth, and passed it to OP's junk.

Many STIs are easily transmitted through unprotected oral, including herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and even HPV.

[–]jacksarmy-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You could tell her your sick of the dead bedroom and are going to seek professional services, then in a few weeks tell her you got the STD, at least it will come across as honest from the start

[–]SoloQueueXL-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ll keep it simple, cut all sex till you get the STD cured? It’s not rocket science if it’s a dead bedroom it’s easier to get away with.

[–]RedPillGlasses4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

It’s not rocket science

There is no cure for herpes

[–]Aechzen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Valtrax both shortens the breakout period and reduces chances of new outbreaks.

There's no cure for lots of chronic conditions, but medical interventions make them better.

[–]77ovoxo77-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

You may have already exposed her to HSV 2. Own your shit and tell her the truth. Or, you can be a pussy and use an anonymous service to break the news to her.

[–]learning0007-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anyone else here think this post is a hoax

[–]helaughsinhidden-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Any advice on how to break it to her?

Use as few words as possible while still conveying the truth. Skip all blaming, excuses, reasoning, explanations, etc. I wouldn't even tell her it was from oral and absolutely not that it was a whore. This isn't a guarantee that the marriage is over, but it's a guarantee you aren't going to be able to hide your feelings like a little bitch anymore. Time to tell her it's FMOFU and accept me as I am, blisters and all.

[–]bsbailey66-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

He said he loves his wife and kids and it appears he doesn’t want to lose them. He does need to own up and take responsibility, but if he wants to save his marriage he’ll need some help. Whether a friend or professional.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

While I don’t have HSV-2, i do get those stupid ass canker sores which are not an STD. Lysine is an amino and helps massively with them. Seems winter months they are worse, likely immune related. 1000mg of the supplement daily is what I take.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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