6’ at 195; back squat 325x3x3 12/9/19. Bjj blue belt (currently practicing), judo black belt, dabbled in muay thai and jkd for about a year each.
Read NMMNG, SGM, Models, book of pook, way of the superior man, 48 laws of power, TRM.
Having some inner conflict about moving forward with Ltr and need some internet advice from random men to help me sort through it.
Ltr for the most part is great. Submissive and more sex than I can handle. She is however high anxiety about my past and dreads herself. For example she thinks that she’s not the one for me or my type bc I have dated short brunettes and she’s got lighter hair and is about 5’7”. She tells me that she is bothered by negs I made at the beginning of the relationship or girls I dated before her and I ever dated (basically my sexual past). It’s been 2 years.
When we last discussed this I asked her if she would be happy with someone else. She said yes, maybe bc when she’s not with me she’s dealing with all these negative thoughts but when we’re together she never thinks about this stuff (red flag??). Self-sabotage? she asking me to kill the puppy?
I’ve tried providing extra comfort but it hasn’t helped so am at a loss. I think this stems from her sexual inexperience as I took her virginity 2.5 years ago (I’m 31 and she’s 26). I can empathize with her bc I felt the same way when I was w the oneitis who led me here (she was a ho and only my 4th). I also think she’s trapped in the Disney narrative for romantic relationships.
It seems like the relationship is coming to a close if she can’t come to terms w the past. I would like to stay with her but I’m also cool being single. It is tiring dealing w the same issues over and over. Pretty much the only problem we have. She’s told me she’s tried all sorts of things to get over my past but to no help.
I want a family at some point and I think she would be great as a partner and mother as our values align on most things. I’d appreciate any insight bc I can’t tell if I am lacking somewhere or there is a hole in my frame when dealing w this. I feel bad about the dread she’s dealing with?? Can I help her? Is her dreading herself a bad thing ?
EDIT: Being able to talk through this and get an outside perspective from older and more experienced men has given me much insight. Thank you all and I appreciate the time you’ve taken to help me with this.