659,329 posts

LTR dreads herself about my sexual past

by Whotheprize | December 11, 2019 | askMRP

18 upvotes

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6’ at 195; back squat 325x3x3 12/9/19. Bjj blue belt (currently practicing), judo black belt, dabbled in muay thai and jkd for about a year each.

Read NMMNG, SGM, Models, book of pook, way of the superior man, 48 laws of power, TRM.

Having some inner conflict about moving forward with Ltr and need some internet advice from random men to help me sort through it.

Ltr for the most part is great. Submissive and more sex than I can handle. She is however high anxiety about my past and dreads herself. For example she thinks that she’s not the one for me or my type bc I have dated short brunettes and she’s got lighter hair and is about 5’7”. She tells me that she is bothered by negs I made at the beginning of the relationship or girls I dated before her and I ever dated (basically my sexual past). It’s been 2 years.

When we last discussed this I asked her if she would be happy with someone else. She said yes, maybe bc when she’s not with me she’s dealing with all these negative thoughts but when we’re together she never thinks about this stuff (red flag??). Self-sabotage? she asking me to kill the puppy?

I’ve tried providing extra comfort but it hasn’t helped so am at a loss. I think this stems from her sexual inexperience as I took her virginity 2.5 years ago (I’m 31 and she’s 26). I can empathize with her bc I felt the same way when I was w the oneitis who led me here (she was a ho and only my 4th). I also think she’s trapped in the Disney narrative for romantic relationships.

It seems like the relationship is coming to a close if she can’t come to terms w the past. I would like to stay with her but I’m also cool being single. It is tiring dealing w the same issues over and over. Pretty much the only problem we have. She’s told me she’s tried all sorts of things to get over my past but to no help.

I want a family at some point and I think she would be great as a partner and mother as our values align on most things. I’d appreciate any insight bc I can’t tell if I am lacking somewhere or there is a hole in my frame when dealing w this. I feel bad about the dread she’s dealing with?? Can I help her? Is her dreading herself a bad thing ?

EDIT: Being able to talk through this and get an outside perspective from older and more experienced men has given me much insight. Thank you all and I appreciate the time you’ve taken to help me with this.


Post Information
Title LTR dreads herself about my sexual past
Author Whotheprize
Upvotes 18
Comments 38
Date 11 December 2019 04:23 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/298809
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e9977t/ltr_dreads_herself_about_my_sexual_past/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (1 child) | Copy

Aside from her mouth noises, are there any issues with her actions?

You are in her head and that is where you don't want to be.

You talk to much and take her far too serious. Why not agree and amplify or something better than running your dick sucker while simultaneously DEERing your ass off? You are giving her attention for bad behavior by treating her mouth noises as valuable information you need to take action on to "fix". Stop that shit.

Ignore what they say, watch what they do.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree with you. She hasn’t done anything to make me think she’s not happy or make me suspicious. I noticed I was reinforcing this behavior I’m gonna put a stop to it.

[–]redwall9228 points29 points  (4 children) | Copy

It is tiring dealing w the same issues over and over.

Here's the one statement that's about you.

You posted lifts. What you read ... yeah ... that's you. Well done. Keep going.

But that one statement ....

It is tiring dealing w the same issues over and over.

That is the you in the here and now.

Well that and the -

I feel bad about the dread she’s dealing with

Stop trying to fix her feels. No wonder you're God damn tired. You're trying to fix a woman's feels. It's like you're trapped in some Disney narrative for romantic relationships.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children) | Copy

I can’t believe I haven’t realized this. Thank you.

[–]second-last-mohican12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

This. Sometimes girls just want to vent and not have things fixed. Just accept it and carry on. Just tune out when she goes on about it, also actions vs words, she knows where the door is.. yet she is still with you.

My ex did the same but hardly ever.. she also had a mini freakout and said we needed to break up, I said if that's what you want.. then went and made dinner, 10 mins later she came and said I'm not allowed to let her break up with me.. she was emotional and freaked out about the future etc. I said ok, gave her a hug.. told her to go watch a chick flick. And then carried on. Chicks are crazy

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not about the nail.

[–]Freckas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How does a female fix their feels. 100% ownership, recognize their own insecurity, etc. I’m sorry to reply to your comment. My question is there a companion or compatible book for women that is not propaganda? A belief system that is practical with out alienating the Man. Im really sorry again for over stepping and thank you.

[–]part_wolf11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Repeat after me: "there's nothing I can do about her hamster."

If you don't like the headspace she's in, you have a few options. You can withdraw attention and ignore the attitude, and perhaps the problem will resolve itself - but perhaps not. You can simply tell her what you do or don't want; "I want the person I'm with to feel confident in our relationship" or "I care about you, but I don't want to be your therapist" and then SHUT THE FUCK UP and see if she responds in line with your priorities - but perhaps she won't. You can tell her that it's not working out.

What exactly do you want?

Edit: dread is not a bad thing, as long as you're building the hamster maze properly.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

That’s the question I think I really need to sort through. On one hand I have an ltr I can see a potential future with and on the other I’m feeling good and think would do well being single.

I gotta do some self reflection and find out what I really want. I think I’m being indecisive. Thank you

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It sounds like you've got a certain degree of outcome independence, which will serve you well. Figuring out your mission is the next natural step for you to move beyond the basics (passing congruence tests, dread, attractiveness, enforcing boundaries, et cetera). Once your mission becomes clear and you start grinding away at it, you'll have far less doubt as to whether you want her to be a part of it or not.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m working on it. I can definitely see my lack of a mission creating these ripple effects.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you have a better sexual history than her and somehow that is her problem?

Build your slut faggot.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

You have passive dread. Why are you entertaining a conversation on this? You need to read practical psychology on the sidebar. Basically, by you continually being drawn into her frame on this issue, you are in the process of betaization. I’m not going to go into the full process or explanation- you need to do the required reading.

In short, you are fucking this up badly. Passive dread is good if you balance it with a little comfort. The fact that you don’t know that speaks volumes

[–]hack3geRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty much - was about to post this but you beat me to it. She’s just doing what women do - trying to put him back in his box so she can settle down, be comfortable, pop out a few kids, realize she’s not attracted to him, fuck chad and divorce rape him.

I’m not sure how many times guys need to be told to watch her actions - my wife says she loves me in one breath, calls me an asshole in the next, tells me she needs me to just treat her right and then gets off on being treated like my fuck toy.

I’d be bat shit crazy if I listened to a word she said.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I thought that was happening. It’s on my reading list. Will make it a priority.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the process of betaization

Patrice O Neal has a funny skit about fishing that relates to this. "Motherfucker how you gonna catch fish when you don't even have a boat?"

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

When I met my wife, she was blonde. I told her on the first night that I preferred brunettes. The next time I met her, she was brunette. Hair dye is cheap and easy.

As for your sexual past, you shouldn't discuss it. Draw a line and tell her to get over it. If she can't, then move on. This is not your problem to deal with, so don't provide any comfort or attention if she kicks off about it again. As far as your concerned, it's done and if she wants to keep chasing ghosts, she can do it on her own.

One thing worth bearing in mind is that she is sensing the oncoming of The Wall... if she was actually a virgin before she met you (highly unlikely, but I digress), she knows that the clock's ticking if she is to find the 'right man' to settle down with. Her sexual powers are waning fast and if she doesn't use them now, she may regret it.

Of course, that man might be you, but if she's not been on the Cock Carousel, then how can she know for sure? Maybe there's better out there or maybe she just wants a few yards of Chad's cock before she lets you become her Beta Bucks.

Just sayin' dude.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

told her on the first night I prefer brunettes

Such an easy simple neg, just pick whatever color they’re NOT. Nice.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is precisely one of the negs I used on her that she can’t get over. I told her I usually go after short brunettes and it’s stuck...

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe you shouldn’t be a 7, and dating a 3. Don’t believe the hype, big is NOT beautiful.

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Incredible insight, as per usual. One cannot out-run, out-smart, or out-think hypergamy.

[–]RStonePT6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was curious how much text was going to follow that non-question that you should not care about.

I'm surprised how concise it is. Not short enough, as 0 words would have been perfect, but it's not bad

[–]RedPillGlasses2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

All right man, the MRP crowd is having a hard time with one, and it’s because it’s out of our normal jurisdiction of “I’m fat boring and stupid, why doesn’t my wife love me??? Please help!”

These are comfort tests, like any other. You’re trying to intellectually explain to a emotionally based creature the “reasons why I love you”.

She speaks French, and you’re trying to talk Asian to her.

Let’s assume you’re as much of a Chad as you say. That being said, how do you give her the happy warm safe secure feelz?

By being MORE beta.

I know, I know, betas are fags. But when is the last time you bought her roses? Just because? Or posted some sappy Facebook meme about her? Or told her friends how RIDICULOUSLY happy you are that you found a woman like her?

She is lacking in comfort feelz, and she perceives you to be MUCH higher SMV than her, probably due to her being a one n-count and you’re at ten, or whatever the fuck. Which is exacerbating her lack of comfort feelz.

Anyway, google “nice shit to show your girlfriend you love her” and pick 2-3 to do.

Should you do that? Fuck if I know. But will gay-ass romantic shit make her feel more secure in her relationship with you? Yes, absolutely.

[–]Whotheprize[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I haven’t done much of that romantic stuff to give her those feelings of security. So I can see how this could be an accurate analysis. In fact, I thought this to be the case. she has always told me she was a words person so I bumped up the comfort I gave verbally. Clearly it didn’t work and I’m an idiot for not noticing. Now let’s rewind back to actions over words. The ineffective result is what’s telling.

The crazy part is that she is hot and gets a lot of male attention so she also has a large ego. She has even said to me that there are guys obsessed with her and the one person she wants to be is not.

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

How old are you two?

[–]Whotheprize[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

We meet when I was 28 and she was 24. I turn 31 in a week and she’s 26. So the wall is closing in.

Edit: the wall closing in for her whereas I’m stepping into the spring of my prime.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So she’s young and dumb. Got it.

I think you’re wasting your time.

How many women ACTUALLY go through life only fucking ONE GUY???

You get married, have a couple kids, she’s 35, you’re 41.

You blow out your ankle and catch the flu, she (briefly) loses attraction bam she’s choking down on Chad’s dick and her friends are 100% behind her.

[–]RedPillGlasses2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

One of the less faggoty askMRP’s we’ve seen

[–]tightsleeves0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife was the same.. until i started telling her how much I liked how she looked when XXX, how sexy she looked when XXX, how i want to spank her XXXX whens she XXXXX

You said you read SGM, have you implemented all areas of it?

That is assuming you like all these things about her

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife was similar in the early dating stage. I was what she considered out of her league. She was perfect (for me) but just lacked confidence. Yet she would always ask me: Why are you with me? Is it just for the sex? etc etc.

It's amazing what some new clothes, spa, and being told she is smart and beautiful does for someone's ego. It may not be completely true but I feel as if I was able to bring her up to my level.

My only suggestion after all that is to make sure you are being the guy she wants you to be (going places, etc) and to also be sure to let her know how much you are happy with her and having her there. That last part may not sound very redpill to the hardliners here, but if they've actually read Athol Kay, they should know there is a time you need to help the female ego out too (in long term relationships that is, not the short term ones).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she is covertly controlling you by playing on your feelings, she is trying to provoke guilt. truly she wants someone who is fearless; who cares if she is scared of your past (she doesnt, infact she secretly admires it), but she wants to know if you are. and if you scared/feel guilty about your past then that means she should be too. either you stop biting on the guilt doll and leave her be to get over it or you let her play on your honour until she gets rid of you for mister dependable.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honey, if you are jealous about the women I've slept with, then I totally understand. In fact, let's call them up, invite them to dinner, pop some bottles, then we can all come back to our place to talk about this like adults and then after we explain it, you and I can both sleep with them if it makes you feel better.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

wtf girl is a virgin at 23, you live in the deep south?

[–]Whotheprize[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Midwestern w conservative and religious background.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Quit your bs. Nothing you wrote amounts to anything but male hamster garbage directed by today’s society of narcissism

If you want real change and to help yourself, lift, STFU and read the books >>>>

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Start forcing her into the threesomes.

Tell her it will help get her n-count higher. Tell her if she really loved you, she would make another bitch choke on your dick. Tell her that banging drunk college girls from the club is a relationship goal for both of you to achieve together.

I’m only half-joking faggot.

If she sticks with you through this, THEN you can tell me you have a submissive girl on your hands.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was like uhhh he’s nowhere near this step.

[–]mrpthrowa-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There are a lot of autistic humble brag posts on this sub lately.



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