Do MRP members advocate for decades long monogamous LTRs/Marriages or it just the case that everyone on here found TRP too late and were already trapped?

mrpmonk · 2019-12-13T02:45:07+00:00

Slow down dude. You are 24 years old. 3 years is not near long enough to vet a woman for marriage with children.

Secondly don’t think life with kids is all sunshine and rainbows. Nobody really ever tells you this but it is way more fucking work then you can possibly imagine to be a good father. You will feel emotions stronger than anything you thought possible for your kids, but you will work constantly for these brief moments of extreme happiness.

Thirdly never fucking think, type, write, or say the words “she’s made it clear” ever again.

And as far as her loving you the way you want that will never happen. Especially once you have kids. You will become an afterthought until the kids are all older than 4, which is perfectly fine motherhood is actually pretty taxing on women. Don’t be a needy bitch during that time.

HornsOfApathy · 2019-12-13T02:45:40+00:00

You'll get varying responses, but overwhelmingly the answer will be that marriage 2.0 is a broken institution that holds no real benefit for men and all the advantage to women.

With that said, theres also a debate that marriage provides the highest form of security to women (especially in marriage 2.0) that could provide the deepest levels of satisfying their dual mating strategy.

Still, would you want to play Russian roulette with 3 rounds in the revolver? Or even if you can become "RP as fuck" would you want to play with one round in there instead?

Why not just a paperless "marriage"? She can still be wife and you can still be husband.

Sepean · 2019-12-13T06:29:28+00:00

1) Do MRP members advocate for decades long monogamous LTRs/Marriages or it just the case that everyone on here found TRP too late and were already trapped?

Go 20 years back in time and give me RP knowledge, I’d still want kids, and to raise them in a nuclear family. So no, it is not just about being trapped.

2) Is my best option to just keep the relationship going but reduce the effort I put into it while I read and work my ass off in other areas of my life for the next 6-12 months and then re-evaluate?

Put the effort into you, not the relationship. Then when you’re not just “RP aware” but actually have done the work and become alpha, evaluate what you want. Maybe that is 5-10 years of spinning plates before settling down, maybe that is staying with this girl (who will be treating you much better), maybe that is an LTR with a much higher quality girl. Your options will change dramatically and that will change your outlook - so don’t do anything that locks you down until then.

Smuggler-Tuek · 2019-12-13T06:09:27+00:00

Really hard to say. My marriage is going a lot better now than it ever was but all marriages really are Russian roulette. The wife has so much power it’s scary. Having kids makes it worth it but don’t ever confuse it for a fairy tale. Marriage is the price you pay so you can have kids (usually). If I had to do it over again I probably would do it still but that is 110% out of love for my children.

RPWolf · 2019-12-13T13:19:00+00:00

Marriage today is a sham and completely unnecessary. There is no benefit in it for men at all. I will use myself and my friends as an example. My wife and I have 4 couples we have been friends with for over 20 years. I found out yesterday the final one who was still together out of all of us are getting a divorce. That is 4 couples in less than 3 years who got divorced. All of them were at or near the 10-year mark. My wife and I are the only ones still together and truthfully if it wasn't for RP 3 years ago we were 6 months tops away from the same place. My sister

has been divorced twice and my brother once. Shit, my parents' marriage was even their second for both of them and this was in the early 70s!! As I got older I knew they loved each other but they were just roommates and they both had resentment. See the pattern here. Its a sham.

I have 3 boys and one of them just turned 18 and I will never tell them to get married. There is no reason. At the end of the day, everyone wants to leave a legacy and not die alone. Guess what, you can't take it with you and most people die in a hospital. Not to be a total downer but do your thing and fuck what people try to pressure you to do. It's all manipulation to fill their own needs.

mrpmonk · 2019-12-13T02:49:27+00:00

Answering #2: if you think you need to work on yourself, then put in the effort, move your ass and make it happen. Because you do NEED it.

For #1: you gotta read rational male by Ranto Tomassi so you understand the deeper meaning. In a nut shell, have options first, marry the best option, keep having options, then never be a faggot.

BarracudaRP · 2019-12-13T12:02:14+00:00

At 24, I was a completely different human than I was at 30. My values and goals continue to change, some of them drastically, as I get closer to 40.

I did a lot of things right in my early 20s (more than most), but I still look back on that guy and lovingly tell him he was a fucking moron - and I'm not just talking about RP awareness.

One of the only things that has not changed is my deep desire for freedom, adundance in all areas of my life. Done correctly, I would have vetted a woman well into my thirties before I contemplated marriage, and then it would have only been because she drives my mission forward. That said, I still would never get married again or recommend marriage to men.

What's your mission? How does SHE add to that, for your benefit? If these answers aren't obvious, then neither are your reasons for getting married.

cholomite · 2019-12-13T03:05:49+00:00

I'm not married, and I think the ideal is a girl that will stick by you even if she knows you will never marry her. Make sure she is willing to do that before you commit to her.

Work_ln_Progress · 2019-12-13T13:27:23+00:00

[deleted]

InChargeMan · 2019-12-13T13:56:15+00:00

Don't buy a house together or have kids before you are married. That is retard level.

With that being said, I love being married, I love my wife, I love the family we have created. I wouldn't want it any different than it is right now. That doesn't mean it was always perfect, it took some time to get here, but for me the end result is awesome. Don't let the bad experiences of others keep you for pursuing your goals, but use them as guidance. By knowing MRP you are now way ahead of the curve.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2019-12-13T02:50:11+00:00

Married 7 years together 13. Married at mid 20s for her. If I knew then what i knew now I wouldn’t of married BUT my wife is awesome. So I got hella lucky. She’s a 10 even at 31 and im insanely picky. It can turn real bad for men. Marriage is not advantageous to men at all but if you have the right one or mold the right one it can work. Problem is men do not vet women anymore so they play themselves.

Oh, DO NOT BUY A HOUSE TO SOMEONE YOU ARENT MARRIED WITH.

Also, you’re too young. Don’t marry till 30+

fannyfire · 2019-12-13T14:42:14+00:00

27, married since 2015.

Marriage can work if you OYS and if your woman wants to be lead by a man. I was and am still a drunk captain but I got lucky finding TRP before a few decades past me by.

My wife is very conservative god fearing woman. She believes that the wife is supposed to serve the husband and that the husband is supposed to lead the family. If your LTR doesn’t want you to lead the family because she has been corrupted by feminism then your relationship was over before it started. There can only be one leader in the house and it has to be the man.

SteelSharpensSteel · 2019-12-13T15:21:34+00:00

Meh, I'm a big fan of reaping what you sow, and making informed decisions.

You want kids? Despite all the talk about having a woman living together and having kids but not getting married, generally speaking, for most women they're going to want to get married (to lock down the long term resources) for if and when you have kids.

Right now, you're not into a place to make informed decisions. Oh sure, you think you are. But did you read the sidebar. Do you understand the risks and what a bad deal it is. Do you understand that the poor decisions you make now (sowing) will backfire on you in years to come (reaping). Similarly, do you understand that the good decisions you make now will bring you a feast in years to come. Are you lifting, in shape, fit? Jacked, juicy, and tan? Got abundance in your life?

Couple of additional comments.

She's going to lock you down by moving in together/buying your first place together (aww, how quaint). There's a reason why that is a Iron Rule of Tomassi. Don't move in together unless there is a ring on her finger (and seriously, don't use this comment as a excuse to do that).

This:

But I'm also not filled with confidence that what I hope these relationships could be is even possible. I'm not sure if a woman will ever love me the way I want to be loved

Is little bitch thinking. Don't be a little bitch.

I for one consider MRP to be a toolbox. Take what tool works. Discard what you don't want to use.

Your brain is also on heroin with this girl when you first met her. Crack cocaine. After 3 years the heroin wears off. Then you see what she's made out of.

Vet this girl, but have boundaries at the same time.

I once made a list of items from the Mystery Method that was a good starting point for a LTR. One thing I didn't consider, which should be added after I looked at some stuff on TRP, is: "If you were to get divorced, what would that look like." Would she go crazy. Or does she have the demeanor that she would be peaceable in the divorce. That's also hard to determine.

Your option 2 is probably your best bet. Get your job, fitness and shit in order before you make those decisions. Wait a few years before getting married.

I accept all Amazon gift cards for my comments.

Captain_pants4 · 2019-12-13T16:55:07+00:00

You have to completely remove sex from your mind and ask yourself, “Do I really like this woman? Do I like to talk with her and spend time with her? Are there emotional issues, or other red flags. Is she a responsible partner?”

All of these things will be all you’re left with after a few years...

HeckleandChide · 2019-12-13T04:05:20+00:00

Married for 15 years, a bunch of kids. My wife is a SAHM who is a fitness trainer on the side. She's honestly a HB9 for her age, I'm a recovering not-as-fat faggot.

The short answer is that marriage, in my opinion, can be a significant value-add if you have excellent mate selection and you are the man you should be. In other words, for the vast majority of marriages, it's a fucking awful idea.

The long answer is that I was accidentally somewhat alpha (D1 athlete) and married very young to a very low N count girl who fell into fitness and somehow tolerated me descending into being a fat bitch for years. I got extremely lucky in that she had excellent role models for parents and believes strongly in traditional values like a submissive wife, dad leading the home, etc. After I got my shit straightened out, I can confidently say that she adds a significant amount of value to my mission.

Plus she sent me this today.

arm_candy · 2019-12-13T04:22:49+00:00

keep the relationship going but reduce the effort I put into it while I read and work my ass off for the next 6-12 months

What does this mean? Working your ass off and doing the bare minimum seem pretty much polar opposites. I’m legitimately curious how you see these playing out together. This sounds like you checking out of your relationship and essentially going Rambo.

ArborioRice · 2019-12-13T19:08:14+00:00

I can see married life laid out before me.

As can anyone if they just let the momentum of "what you're supposed to do" keep them going in that direction. The question then becomes: do YOU want married life? Never discount the power of the momentum of all these major life events GF-->engagement-->marriage-->house-->kids. You need to do serious soul searching to decide if you want any of those, in any order. And marriage is an accessory; if you don't want kids it's 100% unnecessary and useless. If you do want kids, pick the woman who is willing to have your kids with or without a ring, then decide. Nothing gets better with marriage, btw. NOTHING.

We're looking at buying our first place and she's made it clear that she wants marriage and 2-3 kids with me.

Don't buy a place together, period. If you don't intend for her to be the mother of your children do not cohabitate.
What she wants should have zero bearing on you; what you want for yourself is all that matters. She's not special, if she wants to draw lines in the sand and you don't want to nor are ready...she's free to go. You can find another woman easily, this is not a problem if you're working on yourself to be a RP alpha/chad/whatever. DO NOT ALLOW HER TO PRESSURE YOU INTO ANYTHING. The second she starts making noise about a ring or anything else, be prepared to next her.

I'm 35 with an infant; had I known at 24 what I know now I would have lived dirt cheap, developed my career (which I did), saved aggressively but traveled extensively. Maybe I'd have a gf to come with, maybe not. I don't regret settling down and I've always wanted a family but I'd redo my 20s totally differently and YOLO much more than I did instead of continually searching for a wife.

Otherwise, take the time to figure out your life goals and start living your life in congruence with those goals. If house/wife/kids are part of that, great. If not now or not at all...great. If your current GF is part of that, great. If not, plenty more women around. And if you do want kids, select your woman for maternity; innate maternity, not "oh she'll be a good mother someday i think" or she says shit like "oh maybe I want kids someday for reasons".

Women come and go, honestly they don't matter at all at your age; make yourself awesome and live the life you want to live for a while, then pick a girl if she's quality and aligns with what you want out of life.

RingoLaBrea · 2019-12-13T20:40:03+00:00

No marriage before 30. Stay free, work on you see how she aligns, and whether she’ll add value to your mission. If part of your mission is to grow a family, great, but there’s plenty of time for that in your 30’s when you’re more firmly situated in your career, strength, and frame.

Age is a modifier to degree and application of red tenants. A womans behaviors from 20-30, 30-40, 40-50 and 50-60 require adjustments to expectations and response. As you build frame in your 20’s, you’ll be better equipped to steer the ship in your 30’s and beyond. Be thankful you have this community to learn from, and the time to perfect your application of it’s fundamental truths. There will always be factors and variables which may still work against your best efforts, but here provides you the best possible chance to grow towards effortless application.

A word of caution - stay steadfast in your vetting, do not overlook red flags due to sunk cost fallacy. 5 years out, if flags wave, save yourself.

In short, use this time on you. While she may not understand it (and will almost certainly resist), it will ultimately be better for her.

RStonePT · 2019-12-13T15:40:06+00:00

Who cares? I will say for sure that 'trapped' is never used in any guy who gets it in here
it's YOUR FUCKING JOB to find your best option. the rest of hte guys here are about sorting out the 'how'

AnyHead · 2019-12-13T16:07:36+00:00

How old is your LTR? What is your/her career trajectory? I'm curious about her biological clock and where you are both at with your education, career, finances, etc. If she's younger than you, there's no need to rush regardless of what she's "made clear," especially if one of you is in grad school, deep in student debt, a candidate for job relocation, or something else like that.

My personal answers (expect a wide range of responses) would be:

The latter for me. I "did the right thing" after knocking up a 6mo. girlfriend who I was highly compatible with. Never thought twice, just didn't want a baby mama, child support, "who's name goes on the birth certificate?" drama, etc. Knew nothing about TRP, "Marriage 2.0," any of it. Don't personally advocate for marriage but do appreciate the value of a consistent interpersonal point of reference over a long period of time.
This is a weird question. Do you like the girl? What does you putting effort into a LTR have to do with the question of whether or not to draw up a legal contract and get the state involved? What would be the goal of reading and working your ass off for the next 6-12 months? To read more people telling you not to get married? To increase SMV, frame and dread to the point where your LTR quits bugging you about marriage and is just happy that you stick around?

You say you value relationships but also look to be playing an odd hostage negotiator role, which doesn't seem like the greatest of starts to a lifelong relationship. My 2 cents would be to put in as much effort as you normally would. Give it enough time to see for yourself whether she can "love you the way you want to be loved." If all you get over that time are more ultimatums that make you anxious, would you really need to "re-evaluate"?

Work_ln_Progress · 2019-12-13T18:54:24+00:00

There is no official stance on marriage here, but as you can see there is a wide variety of opinions. Ya gotta get your own answer. Anything meaningful in life has an inherent risk/reward, and I find value with my marriage and kids despite the problems and work. Just be glad you have your eyes open far more than most your age. Also, get your head out of your ass about buying a house with her.

tightsleeves · 2019-12-13T22:51:06+00:00

Having kids is the weirdest fucking paradox ever. I love them to death and would sacrafice my life for them.... And at the same time I would be fine if i never had them...

It's a hard job and if you don't step up your wife will take extra pressure and it won't go well for you.

It's a job that never ends. Late weekends don't exist anymore because they are going to wake up at 7am with 100% energy...

yarmysmardarm · 2019-12-15T02:18:21+00:00

My musician friend, who is much better at putting thoughts to words than Ill ever be said, “fatherhood is like life on steroids. It makes everything ‘more.’ Joy is more joyful, dread is more dreadful.”

I found MRP after feeling trapped. I no longer feel trapped. I have depression so sometimes my “Life is good” gauge is a little off, but when the cloud isn’t over me, really my life has never been so good. I certainly didn’t think it would be this good still married to her. Gratitude for all things man. Life can be great if you don’t let it get bad.

RedPillGlasses · 2019-12-13T13:48:24+00:00

Wow pretty good question

2019-12-13T22:25:46+00:00

Don’t get married at 24. Don’t even think about marriage at 24.

Don’t get married.

nantucketghost · 2019-12-13T02:34:45+00:00

Married, love being married. Those that have trouble are the ones that were too beta before marriage. If you're not, you'll have smooth sailing.

tap0988534 · 2019-12-13T14:35:16+00:00

I happen to think part of a man's mission should include many children. Women are limited in their capacity for children, so I think 6 wives is a reasonable target for an exceptionally high valued man. Modelling after holy Roman emperor Charlemagne, he spent his life dedicated to excellent work, set up the European duchy system for governing, and became the most effective and innovative ruler the world had ever seen, overshadowing Augustus, and Marcus Aurelius.

Ignore the costs of government marriage, or think of it as a tax on a high valued life. A man should have many fine children. If you are successful, and honest about what you want, the money won't matter anyway.

The woman can never be the goal. They are accessories to a fine life. Find something you are passionate about that can be used to create wealth. Be as attractive as you can. Have many fine children with many beautiful women like Charlemagne and focus on achieving excellence, not the costs.

Do MRP members advocate for decades long monogamous LTRs/Marriages or it just the case that everyone on here found TRP too late and were already trapped?

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Title	Do MRP members advocate for decades long monogamous LTRs/Marriages or it just the case that everyone on here found TRP too late and were already trapped?
Author	Work_ln_Progress
Upvotes	25
Comments	108
Date	December 13, 2019 2:28 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/e9xpj9/do_mrp_members_advocate_for_decades_long/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/do-mrp-members-advocate-for-decades-long.299095 https://theredarchive.com/post/299095