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Wife spent $9k behind my back

by shouldidrawtheline | December 14, 2019 | askMRP

19 upvotes

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This evening my wife gave me a letter telling me she has spent $9k for an online class to help her communicate with me. I’m considering divorce. I was not considering divorce before I got the letter. We are far from poor but she has just completed a masters program that I paid for and only works part time. I work a lot. She’s not a good communicator. She did this behind my back. And took out a credit card just to do it. We have two small children. I’m very frugal and this is against what I stand for from the stand point of doing it behind my back and the cost. Thoughts?

Update: Thanks for all your responses. I’m obviously ashamed she wasn’t able to speak with me about this before doing it and there is work to be done there. It’s also by most definitions a scam as it’s an 8 course with some follow up. She’s done a couple weeks and I do have to say I’m impressed by her expression of commitment to me, it’s something that I’ve always seen in her though. I’m not sure if we should call AMEX and dispute the transaction, any thoughts there would be appreciated. One thing that’s always bothered me in her and I relationship is that she feels she has to be the ‘safety net’ when I try take the family in certain direction. Little things like pushing nap time to big things like buying a farm and building a tiny house. She’s got a great family but mom is more the earner and she’s been with some leech guys. She really expressed how I’ve only shown her that I can be trusted and she does, but it’s a change of mindset for her. She offered unprompted to follow me on several things that I had been letting lie. Thanks again for everyone response and word of caution to other posters lots of comments are attacking and extrapolate far beyond reasonable, sometimes they hit truth sometimes they don’t read and make your own decisions just like everything in life.


Post Information
Title Wife spent $9k behind my back
Author shouldidrawtheline
Upvotes 19
Comments 154
Date 14 December 2019 12:50 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/299207
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/eact23/wife_spent_9k_behind_my_back/
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Comments

[–]InChargeManRed Beret38 points39 points  (2 children) | Copy

She’s not a good communicator.

I disagree, she communicated about 9000 things to you just today.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No kidding, she just gave you 9000 reasons to begin preparing for a divorce.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're married to a woman who doesn't speak?

You lucky bastard.

[–]fannyfire3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy

[–]JCX_Pulse51 points52 points  (11 children) | Copy

Looks like you’re new here, and you sound like an authoritarian dick.

You’re reaction to her spending the money is 0-1000 because you’ve taken it as a personal slight against you, even though she did this to try and make you happy.

You’re not poor and still pissed...about the money.

She lives in fear of you. You’ve provided no comfort during your marriage only discipline. Have you read TWOTSM? Do you understand how women operate? We have no idea.

Instead of flying off the handle, which I have a feeling you do often, why don’t you look at yourself. Why the fuck are you so angry? It’s not about the money. You feel disrespected, or that it’s your money not hers and she doesn’t deserve to spend it, or that she didn’t have the right to do this without your permission. If this was a purse or pair of shoes, sure, be pissed. Is it a regular thing? Sounds like it’s not.

Take a look at yourself and where you’re falling short because by the sound of things your wife is afraid of you and she knew you’d be pissed when you found out. But she told you anyway, the safest way she could, even though you may have never known because she opened a new credit card to do it. Yes, she may have been scammed, or it’s just an over priced course, but she still came clean.

I’m not defending her actions but you sure as shit aren’t innocent either.

[–]escapethesolarsystem15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, on exactly on point.

This evening my wife gave me a letter telling me she has spent $9k for an online class to help her communicate with me.

Honestly, it does sound like this women is scared shitless of OP. He must one a hell of a tyrant.

[–]wkndatbernardus3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Can't believe you're defending his leech of a wife. $9k for a communication class?!? Did she get to communicate with dead people or something? Paging Napoleon Bonaparte.

[–]JCX_Pulse1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As I stated in my original comment, I’m not defending her. What I’m looking at is OPs anger issues. He seems to get angry often, whether it’s $9 or $9000. I also agreed with others who said she got scammed.

That being said, she doesn’t seem to have a history of indiscriminate spending so divorcing over this seems a bit ridiculous. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants to do and it won’t matter to me either way, but if he ever wants to be in a healthy relationship he should read between the lines of this situation.

[–]Rock_Granite12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

Disagree. There is no situation or behavior of his that makes it OK for her to open a credit card behind his back to spend 9 fucking grand. She's not worthy of trust regardless of how well or how poorly he runs the house

[–]HeckleandChide20 points21 points  (0 children) | Copy

Of course it's not ok. However, she made a terrible decision because she's got a terrible shithead of a "leader." Women with shitty husbands make shitty decisions. He needs to own his shit.

[–]JCX_Pulse6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think the way the money was spent is also part of the story. Like I said, if she had spent it on shoes, that’s blatantly ridiculous, but she really spent it on the marriage which shows a lot less irresponsibility. I’m not sure why she isn’t worthy of trust here, she didn’t cheat, it’s only money. Yea it’s annoying but it’s not like he’s broke.

[–]red-iron-man2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rock_Granite is absolutely correct. This is a huge expense and I'd consider this financial betrayal. Anyone trying to explain it otherwise is a weak faggot. OP I don't care why she did it. Whether or not she's fucking chad behind your back, or spending the families money behind your back its betrayal.

[–]AnyHead2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

“you’ve taken it as a personal slight against you, even though she did this to try and make you happy.”

Eh... that’s pretty generous. If she knows as much as he told us (“I am very frugal and this goes against what I stand for in multiple ways”) then it reads much closer to some kind of cry for help or shit test

[–]JCX_Pulse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes true, I’m reaching a little trying to read between the lines.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She isn’t afraid of me, she’s afraid of losing me. This was very stupid of her. Now we deal with it

[–]hack3geRed Beret9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

My wife makes more than me and she asks me if it’s okay to spend money on things but this one time she went behind my back and spent 500$ on stripping lessons for our anniversary - I was pissed and thought about divorcing her.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

there are reddit burns and then there are reddit infernos

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Really?

[–]ImNotSlash7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

/u/RedRanger207 was on it, you're autistic af. Embrace it.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hahahaha

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The worst part is I knew when I posted that he was going to respond exactly like that - it’s literally impossible for these faggots to hide just how fucking retarded they are.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret33 points34 points  (16 children) | Copy

She dropped 9grand to talk to you.

Are you that hard to talk to ?

If the test of your marriage isn't a shit show of you being a fat asshole and her not wanting to be near you ... Maybe this would be her fault.

If she had gotten herself a 200 dollar pair of shoes that may be her fault.

This ?

This is a cry for help

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

It’s a scream, but I’m not down with this it’s over the line

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s a scream

Then quit planning your next move, AND LISTEN.

[–]RoccoPinkman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Leave her then

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Seeing a prostitute is a cry for sex, doesn’t mean a wife is cool with it

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t get herpes.

[–]redconsequence0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. I snorted out my coffee.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

So you're equating yourself to a sex denying wife.

Cool.

You show her !

I don't care what you do with this. I'm just telling you the problem here is likely all you

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

That’s why I’m here. I’m working on what’s going to happen for me

[–]teaandtalk0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So far you haven't really acknowledged any wrongdoing on your part at all. All of your comments are basically short, snarky rejoinders that don't actually help the situation at all. If you're unwilling to self-reflect, you're just going to keep fucking things up.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I’m answering logically. I do need more own my shit, this is very true

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great fog.

Troll on

[–]teaandtalk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Look, you did it again.

[–]Whammywham0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

It’s so cute that anyone actually believes that’s where the 9 grand went.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Where do you think it went

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Chad, her "communication coach"

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Meh. What's that change

[–]RisingUpAgain10 points11 points  (14 children) | Copy

“She is not a good communicator,”

Expand on this, would ya?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -2 points-1 points  (13 children) | Copy

I can be intimidating. She clams up. I ask yes no questions she doesn’t answer succinctly. She’s very expressive of emotions she’s a very kind person. In business settings she comes off as disingenuous because she is so saccharine. I like her positive spirit but in the business of running the home she is not frugal with time or money

[–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (3 children) | Copy

She clams up. I ask yes no questions she doesn’t answer succinctly. She’s very expressive of emotions

Ohhh. So she’s a woman. Stop treating her like a man dumbass.

[–]RisingUpAgain31 points32 points  (1 child) | Copy

My guess is he’s been beating her down for years for failing to live up to his expectations and this was some desperate attempt to show him that she will “do better,” or something along those lines

[–]eddielovett11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can relate to this. Did it for years. That’s what happens when you grow up believing in gender equality.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good advice

[–]Grimsterr18 points19 points  (4 children) | Copy

I can be intimidating.

I hear this a lot, people tell me I'm "no one they'd want to fuck with" and what not all the time. You know who the two people on earth who do not think I'm intimidating? My wife and my son. If your wife finds you "intimidating" you're doing something wrong. A rock isn't intimidating, a solid oak tree is not intimidating.

[–]RiderHood6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, it sounds like you’re the shitty communicator and this is a wake up call.

[–]testy684 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are so intimidating that she will spend $9000 and then send you the bill so you can pay it? That sounds real intimidating....

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Hahaha.

Did she learn the letter writing in the how to communicate better class?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I can tell the person organizing the $9k class edited the letter, I feel it’s a scam.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ll give you a strongly worded letter to send her for the discount price of $4500.

What’s with all this letter writing bull shit?

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The irony that she gave him a letter about having already spent 9G's on a class about how to communicate.

[–]tspitsatgp17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sound like a shit leader of your family.

The problem is you and your temper.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Those are things I’ll always be able to improve on

[–]HeckleandChide11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

Unless your wife is mentally ill, then you are a shitty leader and probably an autistic asshole who expresses emotions poorly. Bad relationship with your dad and/or your mom? Pretty robotic? My guess is yes, given how you write.

She's a grown woman. She's smart enough to be in a masters program. You have separate finances. You are clearly tight with money and it's an issue with you. She took out a cc in her name to "pay" for it. All of that points to someone so desperate to make shit work that they took an absolute last-ditch attempt.

This wasn't on fucking diamonds or a trip to Europe for strange cock. This was a class to help her communicate with you and you are so god-damned autistic with such paper-thin frame that you take it as an affront to your ego. You are like Data in Star Trek with your panties in a bunch because you can't understand how she would do this because you have zero ability to understand that she isn't you.

JUST HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?

You are the problem here. You are a shit leader. You are a shit communicator. Read TWOTSM. The book is probably going to spin your robot brain into panic mode but read that shit right now.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I realize I’ve only got control over my actions. I’m not sure you’re message takes that into account. I do understand how she did this. My frame, fitness, communication are not perfect. Not every mistake of my wife is a reflection of me. I’ve read twotsm, we’re all trying to be better,

[–]teaandtalk2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

What is going on with her that she thought this was a good idea? Do you guys talk about your marriage? Does she have orgasms? Why is she working part time and is that going to continue?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy

She’s scared of losing me says. We talk about our marriage. I’m hard on her about money. She just graduated an advanced practice program and has been having a hard time finding the perfect gig. I’m part of the reason she doesn’t work more as I want her with our boys. She has a few orgasms a week. We fuck most days.

[–]teaandtalk11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy

Is she having a hard time finding 'the perfect gig' because you expect her to be at home with the kids part time? It can be incredibly difficult to find part-time professional work. She likely feels like you're holding the degree you paid for over her head, while being unable to contribute because you want her at home. You can't complain about spending money on a degree that she's not using, while still expecting her to stay home with the kids.

Do you talk to each other about your marriage, or do you talk AT her about marriage? Do you listen to her feelings and consider her when making decisions?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

You’re right about her feelings on the degree. I throughly discuss every decision with her which is why this hurts

[–]teaandtalk0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

So you're saying that I'm correct when I say this:

"She likely feels like you're holding the degree you paid for over her head, while being unable to contribute because you want her at home."

?

If so, what are you going to do to fix it? You really can't have it both ways, you can't bitch about her spending money but also not let her work.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I’ve told her not to worry about looking for work it’s more important to be with kids

[–]teaandtalk0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Buuuuut you're also still bitching at her about money. Actions outweigh words.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Are you suggesting I make a budget? Control what she spends? What actions are you suggesting? I’ve always left her in charge of her own money. I’ve put my credit card on file so she can buy what she needs

[–]teaandtalk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not about any individual actions - none of us can tell you this. It is about you really reflecting about what's happened, and why, and working out how to move forward in a way that works for both of you.

What do you want? It sounds like you want a stay-at-home wife, who doesn't spend too much money. If that's your wish, you need to communicate it, AND you need to lead. That means not whinging about money you spent on her education, but also working with her so she doesn't feel like she needs to spend $9000 to improve your marriage. Maybe a rule about needing to discuss any expenditures greater than $100.

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Repeat after me: "I cannot control my wife's spending."

Why don't you put together a financial plan that works for the both of you? Perhaps you could sit her down and say, "we need a plan to make sure our finances are in good shape." Maybe present it to her so she understands everything you've considered and why it makes sense for the both of you. If it were me, I would wrap things up by saying, "I'm going to adhere to this plan. I need you to do the same."

If your wife is worth her salt, she'll ask reasonable questions and maybe even make some suggestions around things you haven't considered. She'll make an effort to get on board and maybe even improve the plan. If she goes into hysterics or tries to appeal to your emotion, then she's probably taking you for a ride and would rather just keep you around as a work horse.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Incredibly obvious OP is a slavedriver who communicates with his wife like she's a man. She is desperate and terrified in all their interactions, and therefore was vulnerable and taken advantage of by whatever scam course she signed up for.

Case closed

[–]Blueorb1235 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

A divorce is going to cost you significantly more than $9,000!

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Tinder is right swipe only.

No communication skills required.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’m not clear on what your message is

[–]ImNotSlash11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

You are a shitty communicator

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Shit I can be dense as fuck but it’s pretty clear what his message is.

Are you sure you’re just not autistic?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Feeling like it right now

[–]Thomaskingo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Looking at her actions, then what is evident is, that she doesn't understand you, and she desperately wants to understand you. This is your fault.

[–]RedPillAtNight1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Tell her to get to work and pay it off herself. It would be different if you discussed it before hand. The behind the back stuff will sink your ship, Captain.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for your comment, we have talked about a lot of other financial plans in the immediate future we are potentially going to build a house and I would like her to be able to continue to stay home with the boys that is why this is such a blow because although she can work and pay it off it delays things and with having small children the time is precious

[–]RedPillAtNight0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I made my comment because I dated a gal who had (when she was married) secretly run up some credit card debt with out her husband knowing. When he found out he made her get a job and pay it off. She didn’t do that again.

You’ll have to decide if the delay in having kids is worth it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

there are always several layers to behaviour. spending 9k on something she knows will piss you off - she wants you to go nuclear and kill the relationship so she can have an alibi for a pity party over a relationship she no longer wanted. the fact that its a communication course is to justify why she wants to get rid of you - too much ego and narcissism, not enough stoic STFUism.

[–]JoeBuckYourslf3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Feels like a troll, new account and all.

/yawn

Isn’t there a way to put a comment karma/new account creation minimum? Don’t some political subs do that? Can’t remember.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wish I were a troll

[–]Hedser912 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

9k? Fuck me i need to get into the "communication" business. 9k of your money behind your back? I think that is kind of stealing. Hard to give advice from my poorly informed position, the least you could do is communicate with her about it since she is a master communicator now..

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

It’s a lot of money

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

ABSOLUTELY FIRST MOVE: Get her to cancel the class and get full refund. "Honey, if you want a marriage, you must cancel immediately and obtain a full refund, I'll see you for dinner tonight" ... exit to the gym, don't wait for a reply, don't discuss, don't explain, justify, rationalize, get angry, blame, raise your voice, or even walk quickly to the door. Just be calm and confident she will do exactly as told or die trying. If she does, you may have something to work with. If not, her unwillingness to follow your lead will cauterize the wound she inflicted and give you some proper resolve while making your next steps clear.

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best comment on the thread.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds smart

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You better grow some balls and separate finances ASAP before she bankrupts you

She is out of her hamster to spend to communicate.

Next do not pass go Lawyer up. .

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s my thoughts trying to think it over fully

[–]teaandtalk1 point2 points  (17 children) | Copy

Divorce might be a big jump considering your children, but financial betrayal of this magnitude is pretty awful. Has she ever done this sort of thing before?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

She has a history of not being awesome with money, not terrible but not awesome. She doe have some impulse naturally but I just usually let it go.

[–]NoCoast821 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She has a history of not being awesome with money,

If you had a history of being awesome at anything she wouldn't of taken this kind of risk to lose that awesomeness.

So you are level $9000 un-awesome

You understand that right?

Edit because I don't think you will get it: this is bad, like really bad. So how fat are you?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

The difference in getting to awesome is how to handle these things

[–]razenha1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

Your wife likely got scammed. Before throwing her under the bus ask yourself if it's a pattern. Is she willing to live of a predetermined monthly budget and be transparent for now on?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -3 points-2 points  (12 children) | Copy

How can I continue to be married to someone who thinks it’s ok to spend a good portion of an average yearly income behind my back?

[–]marv86kw2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy

Its her income right? Or am I mistaken?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

All debts and income are shared legally when married

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for clarifying; I assumed you were being an arrogant, condescending prick to your wife, but apparently you’re that way with everyone.

[–]learning0007-4 points-3 points  (8 children) | Copy

You're mistaken, did you actually read the post

[–]marv86kw3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

I read it but thr finance at home situation honestly wasn't clear, plus I'm not from the US so I'm unfamiliar with the intricacies of joint income etc. Where I live finances are separate.

[–]learning0007-2 points-1 points  (6 children) | Copy

How about the past where she doesn't work and took out a credit card to pay for it without her husband knowing

[–]marv86kw2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Of course when an egg hits the ground, it makes a mess. Who dropped the egg?

Id be happy with 9k spent on something that might make my wife happy, rather than something that will get me upset like her cheating.

Change rhe price or what was purchased, in the end its just financial damage. Don't be a scrooge.

Part of having strong frame is dealing with shit like this. Telling her off and being a dick is weak frame. Crying over spilled milk as they say.

[–]learning0007-2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

Part of having a strong frame is being a leader and controlling the finances. And they didn't have 9k to spend, she put it on a credit card. She also didn't discuss it with him before she did it. I now realize you're a beta fag who didn't read the original post. Go lick your wife's nut sack and live happily ever after

[–]marv86kw2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Change the 9k from frivolous spending to medical emergency. Does the wife become too high maintenance to keep and its better to just get rid of her? That's the Fram he's operating in, and it seems your hung up on her being wrong. It doesn't matter. What matters is how he handles it, ie not like a fucking idiot.

Nah, I read everything. Same old weak frame shit you find here, except op is a special kind of retard. Not sure where you disagree here, but seems you got your own issues. Focus less on me and more on OP, or yourself.

[–]learning00070 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It wasn't a medical emergency, but nice try. I've got an idea, go tell your wife to open up all the credit cards she wants and. spend whatever she feels like, and not to worry about it because she's happy. According to you, thats strong frame

[–]aceinthehole0010 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

start buying lots of bitcoin

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A practical man

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Was it your idea to pay for the degree? Was it your idea to work so much? Was it your idea to have her spend as much time with the kids as possible?

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Degree no all others yes

[–]part_wolf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So it wasn’t your idea, but you agreed to pay for her degree and now you resent her for that choice? You’ve put her into a position where she can’t earn money, and you resent that spending choice because she didn’t come to you for permission first? You work too much and she’s wasting your hard earned money, and the first solution that comes to mind is for you to divorce her?

I have no idea what your mission is or what you want to get out of your marriage. I’m guessing that neither you nor your wife knows what each of you want out of your marriage either. You strike me as someone who lacks a mission or cohesive vision.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My ex-wife did something similar running up $12k debt without me knowing. It was one of the reasons I divorced her.

It indicates a lack of respect. However, as others have said, it is a failure of not being the leader. That is something I have improved on in my current relationship.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She’s done a couple weeks and I do have to say I’m impressed by her expression of commitment to me, it’s something that I’ve always seen in her though. I’m not sure if we should call AMEX and dispute the transaction, any thoughts there would be appreciated.

Nope, what's done is done. Let it be a $9,000 wake-up call. Read WOTSM.

[–]shouldidrawtheline[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I’m absolutely on the fence about this. I totally see your point

[–]bsutansaltTRP Founding Father0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If thinking divorce, then you need to first spend 6 months developing a "gambling habit" to explain where all the money went. Call it an ULPT, sure, but it's something worth considering.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

$9k for an online class on communication? lmaooo thats hilarious

[–]Whammywham-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Riiight. Watch her panic when you ask to see her credit card statement.



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