Asking for advice and another look at my situation

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December 13, 2019

Tried posting on MRP and was told this was a better place.

—— EDIT for stats. 6’0 / 175# / 10% BF / 5x5 - 175 squat, 125 bench, 95 press, 200 Deadlift, 100 row (few months break on legs due to injury)

Thank you all for the comments. Some of them were very helpful and hit hard. I’m working on responding and figuring out what to do next.


Hey guys,

I have been lurking MRP, TRP and MGTOW for about 2 years. I discovered MRP after dealing with a slow sex life and starfish/uninterest from the wife, which started after the birth of our 2nd child. I read as much as I could (MMSLP, NMMNG, RM, etc/forums), began lifting more and internalized all of the RP concepts. After about 6 months of lifting and taking care of my own shit, gaming, a some dread, things turned around. Sex picked up and she was following my lead at every step.

We’ve (me-34/her-32)been married for about 6 years now and have 2 kids (2/4). Both of us work FT jobs at large companies. My job is much higher stress with a lot of travel and late nights working from home. My wife is very submissive and expects me to take on all of the decisions, which is where I failed when things started to slow down a couple of years ago. I’ve always taken the lead in the relationship (planning, making big decisions) but I needed to turn it up. Also, she has been in LTRs for most of her life. No indications that she goes out of her way to flirt, talk to guys, or try to make me jealous.

Last week, I found text messages on her phone between her and a coworker, who works in another city. Apparently, they had been texting for about a month or so. It started casually then progressed into personal stuff. (Side note, my wife got some bad news around the same time about potentially not being able to have another kid/which we were talking about). Sometimes about work but other times about what they were doing (running errands) and everyday stuff. There was a lot of lovey dovey shit between them, such as ‘there is so much going on in our lives, I’m happy I can talk to you’. Guy seems like a fucking goober from texts/pics (has a wife and kid). At the end, they were planning on meeting up at a work event (daytime/weekend) where booze would be served. They arranged to go together and also commented about how ‘things could get interesting with us drinking together’. I don’t think anything went on before from the context, but they were planning on having something ‘accidentally’ happen from what I can tell.

I confronted her right away. She started bawling, said that nothing happened and that it was so stupid. She said she was sorry. I was shocked and just asked why, to which she said ‘I think I was looking for attention, someone to talk to’ and ‘I think this baby thing really fucked me up’. I left the house and didn’t come back for several hours. Later that night I told her that if it weren’t for the kids, I would not have come back at all and it would be completely over between us (which is deadass true).

I am now trying to figure things out. First, I am a good looking guy and would have options should I choose to pursue them. Also, I take care of the house, the kids, the money, the ‘dream’. Like wtf else can I do?

Where did I slip? I spend a lot of time working (regular job and side business). I probably do not spend enough quality time with the family but always work and research in my ‘free’ time. I thought being at home in the same room was being there for my family. They should see how hard I’m working for them (realize the stupidity of the now). I stopped gaming my wife but saw her as a partner in all that we were going to accomplish over the next 5 years. Looking back, I see that she was not as into the planning or the grind it would take for both of us.

I’m trying to figure out where I went wrong. Sex was good, with regular initiations on both sides. My SMV didn’t drop, my intensity and drive were the same, and I felt like I was GMOW with family right behind me. Should I have paid more attention to the wife with more beta cuddles and time-suck conversations?

Probably more info I can add but see that this is really long. Just looking for another read as I’m so lost right now.

Post Information
Title Asking for advice and another look at my situation
Author lostcars112233
Upvotes 7
Comments 27
Date 13 December 2019 03:36 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betadread gamelong term relationshipsexual market valueliftthe red pillMGTOWNMMNG

[–]tspitsatgp11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

A classic love story. A classic case study.

A bored/attention deprived wife gets exciting new validating attention, a sex deprived beta husband gets sex.

Rinse repeat.

Funny how as soon as anymore kids are off the table some of them start exploring their options.

I wonder what that says about her view of you? Good Dad? Good provider? Betabux?

Trust is a helluva drug and the come down sucks.

Get to work on you, this isn’t about her anymore.

[–]lostcars112233[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Agree with your second paragraph. Guy has new baby and probably not getting laid.

I thought I knew her view of me, but now I don’t. I can remember missing comfort tests that I completely disengaged from as I thought she needed to get over her shit.

I am probably viewed as a good dad/provider but a betabux husband that yielded frame to her too much recently. I was hyper focused on my work and monetary goals that I didn’t pay enough attention to her. I also expected her to pick up slack with house/kids.

Trust hangover is in full force and it fucking sucks.

[–]BecomeBetterVersion1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I thought I knew her view of me, but now I don’t.

You have validation issues. You worked hard to improve yourself and looked for your wife to affirm that you’re a higher SMV. A lot of times this can seep out of us without us even realizing it, but make no mistake: she senses it clearly. To you, you were improving but to her, that improvement was accompanied by “Look Mommy! Aren’t I being a good boy?”

Also, your wife’s response to finding out she can’t have more kids is classic AWALT. She was getting her “feelz” from the growing family but once that ended, she realized that her level of satisfaction was low with her relationship with you. So she’s tantruming by exploring her options with a beta orbiter.

I would just continue working on you for now and making sure that you know how to run game on other women WITHOUT needing their positive responses to validate who you are.

[–]JCX_Pulse9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

In my opinion the issue here is the busted trust. You had yourself a unicorn and you, being good looking and successful, didn’t think this would ever happen to you.

Truth fuckin hurts. Get off MGTOW also.

Realistically, in order for things to ever “be the same” you’re going to have to have a short memory, but is that fair to you? What if they meet up at work? Even if it’s innocent you’ll never know.

Things like this start slow. She has kids, wants validation that she’s still hot, finds some asshole that sucks her asshole and pumps her full of beta orbiter vibes, and boom you’re here.

In this no win situation I would have to say cut ties. I just don’t see you ever going back to how things were.

Edit: typo

[–]lostcars112233[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Things will never be the same. It’s not something I’m going to forgot, nor let myself forget. This is a life disruption, no going back from here.

As others have mentioned, and I (think) is making most sense, this guy is an orbiter and found an relationship entry while my wife was distraught and I was out of town.

Thank you for your comment.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

You seem boring, and I bet your wife would agree. The problem is you're not giving her any feels. In this post you basically describe yourself as a decent looking beta bux, it's sad. She doesn't care that you take care of the house and bills or whatever. There are tons of other guys with jobs that can pay for shit. All she cares about is how you make her feel, and you're probably not making her feel much of anything at all. When was the last time you made her feel excited or anxious or anything else?

I don't know what to tell you about the cheating thing. It's obvious she is willing to lie to your face and go behind your back to bang a guy she is really attracted to. It's up to you if you want to keep trusting a person like that.

[–]AlohaMaui8085 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't think she's "attracted" I think she's looking for the feelz like you said in the beginning, plus a little bit for the validation that the attention brings. OP needs to implement SGM as it's obvious he hasn't... for starters

[–]BarracudaRP6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think she's "attracted"

I strongly disagree. See, OP's post got me excited, I'm not joking. Because of this:

‘things could get interesting with us drinking together’

When that phrase shows up in my text conversation (regardless who said it), it means I'm about to get my hands on some new ass. It means I'm going to be peeling her panties off and seeing the things she's supposed to keep secret for her husband.

I'm rooting for this other guy, he is making a wet spot in Mrs Lostcars panties. Which reminds me, I need to go send some texts myself.

[–]lostcars112233[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe I am boring, a boring that comes from head down and focused on work. I’m going to think about this.

At some point along the way, I stopping giving her the feelz. This is the main thing I’m taking away from these comments. I didn’t work on kino (outside of the ass grab in passing), kissing, push/pull, excitement.

Trust with her is broken. The kids are my main concern with the situation and don’t want them to go through a divorce just yet. I do realize it may come to that though.

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get the divorce and work on yourself for a while. You kids will be fine as long as you LEAD them.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Both of these are on point for you, OP. I seriously suggest you read them.

Also, quit the shit and post your stats.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lookup Grigori Rasputin. It's not always about looks. By all accounts this dude was ugly, yet he banged nearly everyone of importance in Russia. Looks, game, status. It is a tripod. If you have only one or two of these things you aren't stable. You have looks. You have status/money. You are lacking game ie: feelz. That's what she was getting from this other dude.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Rasputin was apparently a tripod himself.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not a tripod, but certainly so versed in game that he was able to do what he could do. Just like a really good looking dude without game or status can pull in girls or an ugly rich billionaire that can get women. Those are the extremes of each “leg”. If you have all three you are set.

I’m not personally a fan, but Leonardo DiCaprio would be a good example. Good looking, game, and status. His weakness is probably muscle. If he could rip off his shirt in movies and have women gasp he would be maximizing all three, but he is pretty close in all of them. He does pretty good already though and doesn’t date women over 25 that are all model caliber women.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have disney oneitis bro. Your in love with the fairytale ending.

I came here from similar origins and sometimes I now fantasise about if it had of gone further I'd be a free man.

Think about that.

Stay plan = go plan. Your only barrier is your attachment to the Disney dream

[–]0io-Tsundere1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She's craving attention and validation and this co-worker guy is providing a lot of it along with some danger and romance. Maybe you're still too safe and boring. Maybe she's just lonely and this married guy is good at getting her hot and bothered.

Maybe you just went from starfish uninterested sex to boring married sex. Need to step it up to make it a lot more exciting for her. Obviously she's not getting enough danger and excitement at home and feels cheating would give her some thrills that she's lacking. The co-worker guy seemed like a no-risk way for her to get some on the side.

From how you describe it, it doesn't sound like she had any plans to run off with him and divorce you or anything, just plans to hook up and have illicit drunk cheating sex.

Maybe you can dress her up in fetish gear and drag her off to some Bondage club night and fuck her with 50 strangers watching or something to satisfy her desire to please other people... who knows. I suppose you could cut her loose, too, but it seems like a shame if she's just sexually bored and you already have young kids.

She's probably a lot kinkier than she lets on, maybe take advantage of her submissive side more before somebody else does. Got any kinky sex ideas you've been wanting to try with her and haven't? Now's your chance. If you end up getting divorced anyway and it never works out, at least you did everything you ever wanted to with her.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

He's probably got some hysterical bonding sex coming his way. Good time to use her as a rock to and push boundaries.

[–]HeckleandChide1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound boring.

[–]tap09885341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

One thing I've realized recently is that, although women crave to be with a man on mission, that quest needs to be fun, exciting, interesting for her to stay faithful. You may be planning a great future and working towards it diligently now but, women typically can't delay gratification that far ahead so, you need to take care of her now, so you guys actually get to the promised land, together. Think oasis in the desert on a long caravan trip.

Also, it sounds like she doesn't feel like she contributing much to your common goals. This disaffection also has the potential to scuttle your ship, captain. She lives on approval and being a valuable part of the "team", even if you are doing the heavy lifting (Jordan) and she's taking awkward free throws and grabbing a few rebounds (Bill Cartwright).

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read as much as I could (MMSLP, NMMNG, RM, etc/

I almost stopped here. You should be through the entire sidebar 2-3 times . You are not doing the required work.

Later that night I told her that if it weren’t for the kids, I would not have come back at all and it would be completely over between us

So, you showed your hand dumbass

Your wife had an emotional affair, possibly physical

You may have been going a little Rambo, but it’s hard to tell from the limited information you gave.

So, get to work. Do the required readings, lift.

What are your lifts, weight/height?

You need to decide whether this is acceptable and whether you can live with knowing she was about to fuck this guy or possibly did (you’ll never know). Until then get to fucking work pussy.

[–]RedPillGlasses1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Calm down faggot.

She had an emotional affair, my gf does that all the time and I could literally give two fucks.

Let the beta orbiter jerk off to her “things could get interesting”, you just keep smashing the pussy hard and you’ll be fine.

[–]fannyfire5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like she was down to fuck and got caught before it happened. If your girlfriend is doing shit like this to you on a regular basis you aren’t getting the message.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I understand and respect when people come over here, having fucked up their lives, and only discovering RP after the fact, then trying to sort themselves out.

But when people come here, saying they've been "RP" or "reading RP" or "RP aware", or "lurking RP" or any of that weasel shit for months, then they fuck up against all the RP principles, then they come asking for direction..

I can't help but not be respectful of that. You've already proven that you don't follow guidelines and advice. What use is giving you anymore.

I confronted her right away.

I am now trying to figure things out

This is where you fucked up. This is not the right order. And because of this, you've really fucked up your life even more.

Here is why: you got yourself into a catch 22.

  • On the one hand, no woman, ever, will respect a man who keeps her after she went so much out of line. The shit tests will continue and get worse. Probably after a period of reprieve, may be she'll hysterically bond, may be she'll bend to some made up rules and hoops you'll put her through, whatever, but now she knows she can cross red lines and still keep you. Subconsciously, a woman cannot respect this whatsoever - they are incapable of doing so. Biologically women crave a strong alpha male. And something like this doesn't happen to an alpha male.
  • On the other hand, you want to stay for your kids, and keep things together.

The little plausible deniability you could have had by working on yourself and upping your game has vanished.

Now you know, and she knows that you knew. She cries, you play the tough guy who makes her jump through imaginary hoops to get to you, but she lost all respect.

In short, you're fucked.

A man's natural biological prime directive is to enjoy his life as much as possible, not to get tied down to a single woman and to frankly, fuck as many women as possible.

A woman's natural biological prime directive is to get the best genes possible and tie down support (i.e. a man, a beta man) to care for her.

A man gives up a lot by giving up this directive. A woman who doesn't understand this sacrifice is not worth sacrificing it for.

Much worse, a woman who betrays that sacrifice by herself going behind the man, is a woman who's acting like the man in the relationship. She's literally cucking you.\

All in the name of "kids".

Get back your prime directive, go enjoy life as much as possible, don't get tied down and fuck as many women as possible.

Your kids will be fine, see them regularly and make sure you give them enough direction in life and enough of a role a model.

A role model who doesn't get cucked by a cheating whore. OR else they won't understand how not to get into your cucked situation.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have to end this, my perspective is get out before you come home one day and find her in bed with the gardener. A shoulder to cry on will turn into a dick to ride on. Don't fuck around with this,plan your exit and stop blaming yourself for focussing on your life's mission.

[–]umizumiz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why would she cry if nothing happened?

Think about it.

Would you flip out and cry and beg over a false accusation?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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