Tried posting on MRP and was told this was a better place.
—— EDIT for stats. 6’0 / 175# / 10% BF / 5x5 - 175 squat, 125 bench, 95 press, 200 Deadlift, 100 row (few months break on legs due to injury)
Thank you all for the comments. Some of them were very helpful and hit hard. I’m working on responding and figuring out what to do next.
I have been lurking MRP, TRP and MGTOW for about 2 years. I discovered MRP after dealing with a slow sex life and starfish/uninterest from the wife, which started after the birth of our 2nd child. I read as much as I could (MMSLP, NMMNG, RM, etc/forums), began lifting more and internalized all of the RP concepts. After about 6 months of lifting and taking care of my own shit, gaming, a some dread, things turned around. Sex picked up and she was following my lead at every step.
We’ve (me-34/her-32)been married for about 6 years now and have 2 kids (2/4). Both of us work FT jobs at large companies. My job is much higher stress with a lot of travel and late nights working from home. My wife is very submissive and expects me to take on all of the decisions, which is where I failed when things started to slow down a couple of years ago. I’ve always taken the lead in the relationship (planning, making big decisions) but I needed to turn it up. Also, she has been in LTRs for most of her life. No indications that she goes out of her way to flirt, talk to guys, or try to make me jealous.
Last week, I found text messages on her phone between her and a coworker, who works in another city. Apparently, they had been texting for about a month or so. It started casually then progressed into personal stuff. (Side note, my wife got some bad news around the same time about potentially not being able to have another kid/which we were talking about). Sometimes about work but other times about what they were doing (running errands) and everyday stuff. There was a lot of lovey dovey shit between them, such as ‘there is so much going on in our lives, I’m happy I can talk to you’. Guy seems like a fucking goober from texts/pics (has a wife and kid). At the end, they were planning on meeting up at a work event (daytime/weekend) where booze would be served. They arranged to go together and also commented about how ‘things could get interesting with us drinking together’. I don’t think anything went on before from the context, but they were planning on having something ‘accidentally’ happen from what I can tell.
I confronted her right away. She started bawling, said that nothing happened and that it was so stupid. She said she was sorry. I was shocked and just asked why, to which she said ‘I think I was looking for attention, someone to talk to’ and ‘I think this baby thing really fucked me up’. I left the house and didn’t come back for several hours. Later that night I told her that if it weren’t for the kids, I would not have come back at all and it would be completely over between us (which is deadass true).
I am now trying to figure things out. First, I am a good looking guy and would have options should I choose to pursue them. Also, I take care of the house, the kids, the money, the ‘dream’. Like wtf else can I do?
Where did I slip? I spend a lot of time working (regular job and side business). I probably do not spend enough quality time with the family but always work and research in my ‘free’ time. I thought being at home in the same room was being there for my family. They should see how hard I’m working for them (realize the stupidity of the now). I stopped gaming my wife but saw her as a partner in all that we were going to accomplish over the next 5 years. Looking back, I see that she was not as into the planning or the grind it would take for both of us.
I’m trying to figure out where I went wrong. Sex was good, with regular initiations on both sides. My SMV didn’t drop, my intensity and drive were the same, and I felt like I was GMOW with family right behind me. Should I have paid more attention to the wife with more beta cuddles and time-suck conversations?
Probably more info I can add but see that this is really long. Just looking for another read as I’m so lost right now.