I’m so uncertain about everything, I met a girl I really like but I’m not sure she’s interested anymore

Ren_san · 2019-09-07T14:55:13+00:00

She is an adult and so are you. There is no shame in going on the date even if you think she is interested in someone else (you don’t know anything, your evidence is meaningless, and you can’t read her mind.) If she is losing interest, she may cancel or stop making new dates. If so, move on. If she is constantly texting while you’re on dates and that doesn’t work for you, tell her. Or if dating her isn’t fun anymore, stop.

Bottom line, you do what makes you happy, what is fun for you, and let her worry about her own interest level. If she stops replying or stops making dates, that is what will tell you she’s not interested, not a text from someone else about you, where that person obviously knows she’s dating you. (If she had any interest at all in dating that person she probably wouldn’t be talking about your dates with them, but that’s not the point.)

Your insecurities are making you think you have to bail first, but that’s just nonsense. If you’re not a match, that’s not an insult or a stain on your pride. There are billions of people in the world, and finding a good match means auditioning a lot of bad matches. So as long as you like her, keep making and going on dates. When dating her stops being fun, stop doing it.

Rad1Red · 2019-09-07T16:40:29+00:00

So, to be clear.

Passive-aggressive stuff like "I'm just another guy to you" will not work. At this early point, you may well be, that doesn't mean you have to stay that way.

Pressuring her to tell you "what she wants" will not work. Perhaps she knows, perhaps she doesn't, perhaps she has an idea and is waiting to see what you're like (I initially wrote "what you're made of", but then remembered this is exredpill and that may be interpreted as a call to show her how "alpha" you are, bleargh).

Show her what YOU want. Tell her that YOU are in love and looking for commitment and let her decide her own actions. Having a man who's in love and determined about being with you can be very sexy.

-AlwaysBored- · 2019-09-07T18:10:39+00:00

If a guy is texting her it doesn't mean he's intrested in her. That is some red pill thinking. Have you forgot about the existance of friends?

Rad1Red · 2019-09-07T16:30:58+00:00

She would very much tell a friend about her date with you, especially if she liked you and found you interesting! I find that to be a good sign.

Starting uni, a graduate program or a job will indeed take up a lot of one's mental energy. I can totally see that as a good reason why she isn't texting as much.

I can't tell you how he feels about her, but that's irrelevant to your relationship with her if you do get together. Other men will be around, we don't live under a rock after all. Just think of them as background noise.

At this point, I don't see any red flags from what you're saying. Relax. Just enjoy dating her.

While you're feeling at ease and maybe a bit buzzed on a date, do mention that you like her very much and that you're looking for a steady, committed relationship. Be firm about it, but the thing is to let her know where you stand without making her feel pressured, so make it clear that you're cool with letting the relationship develop organically if she isn't sure what she wants at this point.

My husband let me know that he was looking for something serious since the beginning of our relationship. He told me he thought I was the one for him, but didn't pressure me to behave a certain way, didn't act jealous or "take charge of me" or anything (stuff like that will likely make her run for the hills...).

He just spoke of being committed to me in front of others, joked that his heart was taken and this and that, included me in his plans etc.

I'm not sure how that would have worked if I was just looking to date casually, but I was also looking for something serious, so it worked for us.

Of course, if things drag on for months without any serious commitment and you find yourself waiting too long, you should have a chat and let her know that you personally are really not looking to date casually for much longer. If she's still undecided and still wants to be casual, then perhaps she's not for you.

But that's not for now, it's for further down the line (since I know from personal experience how aspies operate, I'll give you a clearer timeline that may help - I'm thinking some time after Easter, next Spring, if nothing has been clarified in between).

Whatever happens, you will hopefully have enjoyed your time with her and grown as a person. But let's hope she says yes and you can give us good news. :)

ThorGrayV · 2019-09-07T19:00:15+00:00

It may be she’s more interested in him because he’s proactive and not making her chase him

If you’re expecting women to do the heavy lifting in the beginning of dating you can expect them to lose interest when a more sincere and proactive gentleman comes along who is not intoxicated by game theories and believes in chivalry

All that aside - after two dates and before exclusivity she’s well within her rights to be exercising her options - especially if women have a so called expiration date for marriage ...

PurpleAriadne · 2019-09-07T14:05:10+00:00

Don't cancel. Go with a clear, open heart. Feel the moment and see how she responds. Is she distracted? Does she seem genuinely happy to see you?

If she isn't then she may be interested in someone else but that doesn't mean you have to give up. Tell her how you've developed a crush on her and you would like to get to know her more. Don't pressure her but just have a good time with her. She probably isn't sure how she feels either. You both need time together to figure that out. Focus on having a great day and then having an honest conversation.

If she is more interested in someone else let her know how you feel. She can call you when she figures out he's not great or if you don't want her to call at all. It's your choice just be clear in communication with how you feel and what you want. Chances are if you let her go she will come back if she really likes you.

Good luck!

boardgaming234 · 2019-09-07T20:08:13+00:00

That’s right, you’re uncertain. Because we, as humans, know nothing. We can’t read each other’s minds. If you start feeling unsure, she’s definitely going to feel unsure. If you feel sure about her, she might be sure about you. That’s just how it works. Give it a go, the worst that can happen is she stops interacting.

Rad1Red · 2019-09-08T19:47:39+00:00

So how did your date go? :)

Talkytalktalk · 2019-09-16T14:08:28+00:00

if she's interested in the other guy she totally WOULD tell how m about the date,to see his reaction and infer interest level.

Drummerboy860 · 2019-09-07T13:50:54+00:00

Due to smartphones, the problem these days is competition. Women have a very, very large pool to pick from, and at any time have at least 20 eager guys all dying for a date with her.

If she’s losing interest this quickly, just move on. Cancel your date tomorrow, since you won’t be in a good and positive mindset around her, which would only serve to turn her off more, and give things some space.

If she’s really into you, she’ll make it very clear.

Title	I’m so uncertain about everything, I met a girl I really like but I’m not sure she’s interested anymore
Author	ihaveasmallpeniss
Upvotes	9
Comments	17
Date	September 7, 2019 1:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/d0vzop/im_so_uncertain_about_everything_i_met_a_girl_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-so-uncertain-about-everything-i-met-a-girl-i.299610 https://theredarchive.com/post/299610